Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don’t Remarry And Men Do

Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don't Remarry And Men Do

According to a survey of 5000 members of MillionareMatch.com, 83% of divorced men would consider marriage in the next five years, while only 32% of divorced women would do the same.

That’s a huge disparity, and while the gap is a little surprising, the findings are not.

The article on MarketWatch does a pretty good job of explaining why. Here’s the paragraph that hit home for me:

“Why are wealthy divorced women more likely to decide to remain single? “It’s much harder for divorced males to be alone than females,” says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. Unlike men, she says, “a woman’s ego cannot bear to tolerate a man using her for her money. She needs to know she is loved—rich or poor—flaws and all.”

Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them.

As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I’ve seen this up close, and think that this is a genuine obstacle for women to overcome. I’ve written a lot about gender, money, and equality, and believe that the entire point of having money is that it gives you the freedom to marry for love rather than security. This is what wealthy men do. Male millionaires (smartly) don’t seek out female millionaires because, to them, it doesn’t matter what she makes. All that matters is how she makes him feel: appreciated, accepted, adored.

Female millionaires – despite being equal to their male counterparts – have a huge block against dating a man with less money. Where men take delight in picking up dinners and vacations for their lower-earning spouses, women become resentful that their spouses can’t carry their weight. Which is pretty silly when you are a millionaire with the means to do whatever you want. Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them. Until they do, they’re going to remain single, surrounded by money, surrounded by friends, but without a significant other to share the ride.

Like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

My 67-year-old mom – who I recently visited with my family – has absolutely no desire to date, despite the profession of her son. She likes her friends, her card games, her home improvement projects, her grandkids, her dinner parties, her travel, etc. Of course she does. But, in a rare moment of candor, she confesses to me that she’s lonely, and I continue to wonder why she chooses solitude over partnership. To her – like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

Yet to 83% of divorced millionaire men, the risk IS worth it. Which is why those men don’t stay on the market very long. So while I really don’t judge anybody’s life choices – whatever makes you happy – I do find it curious that men are so much more willing to spend their money on partners and take the risk of getting hurt.

Your thoughts below are greatly appreciated.

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Comments:

  1. 91
    Stephen

    Those 32% of wealthy middle aged women are in my observation increasingly sought out by younger and wealthier men today. Men who want someone to provide for them and dont want all the legal problems created by the family law system that differentiates their wealth into a single unit. That way, if it ends badly then there is less financial loss to be made.

  2. 92
    Fred

    Here is a difficult truth not mentioned here.  One of the big reasons women with money remain single rather than remarry is because no one knows more than a woman how easy it is to be gullible and lose everything you have ever earned to a predator of the opposite sex than a woman, as they are the masters of this game.  It should also be mentioned that women with money have often inherited it or swindled it through marriage from an older man, so they know that they cannot easily earn it back again as the older they get, the less they have to trade.

    1. 92.1
      BuffaloGal

      “Trade”? One trades objects and money, not human beings. Men objectifying and dehumanizing women. No wonder this is your “truth.”

    2. 92.2
      Susan

      This is so offensive I don’t know where to begin, but it does remind me why I will remain single.  I married a man 2 years younger than me and he was in debt because of poor money management.  I helped him pay off his debt.  We worked together, built a business where I qualified the business for much of the work (I had the requisite degrees and titles),  had significant success, and then he felt entitled to spend our money on boats and women and drugs while I covered for him in the business and took care of our children.  I finally left when I tired of doing everything, and felt my safety at risk (seems his entitlement translated into a bad temper).  We split assets and I received no alimony, only child support based on the fact that I was caring for the children more than 80 percent of the time.  Eight years later I remain happily single, while he has decide to stop paying child support because he feels entitled to spend his money as he wants to and that is evidently not on our children.  I’m not angry.  I am a decent money manager and investor and I assumed that he would eventually stop paying for the children.

      What I have learned over the years is that money messes men up more than women.  Men often feel “entitled” with money.  Women tend to feel secure.   I’ve dated men with money and while I like them, there is an implicit and often spoken  understanding that the woman “takes care” of the man emotionally and physically, while the man provides for the woman financially.  I prefer a more egalitarian relationship.  Haven’t found it yet, but for now I am content raising my teenagers and working on small projects.  I believe I will eventually get back in the dating game again, but I guess now I have to worry that I’ve become of those old hags that has nothing left to “trade”.   🙂

      1. 92.2.1
        BuffaloGal

        If I could, I’d give you a hug and a pat on the back, a ray of sunshine for your pocket, and a vial of unlimited perseverance. It’s tough being an entrepreneur, a solitary journey. Toxic baggage has gotta go. Chin up, never look back, and onwards-upwards. There is no direction but forwards.

      2. 92.2.2
        David

        @Susan… You really a tough woman and i do admire you with all you did go through with Him and you still standing on your feet..well… We men are like that approximately 40% or 50% Men are what you described. Some are not really mature and you don’t have to be old to be mature because maturity is the state of the Mind.. Most men are not grown up enough to handle what come their way because most of them are still kids.. I really don’t know what transpired but if a man could decide to spend Money on Drugs and other women but not his wife, then he has a problem and has nothing to offer his Kids… No moral or Values, nothing to offer the Societies. I Respect what you did and how you handle things your own way.. You are one of those one in a Life time Kind of Women… You gonna get there someday and that Man gonna find you and Cherish you all hi9s Life… You not too Old and there can never be too old or old Hag but he gonna come like soon and sweep you off your feet..

         

  3. 93
    Ron

    Most  american  women  are  very  horrible  to  marry  anyway  since  they  will  never  be  marriage  material  at  all.

    1. 93.1
      BuffaloGal

      What is “marriage material”? Disempowered and ignorant enough to be your punching bag?

      1. 93.1.1
        Jennybird

        Bazinga! Good one.

      2. 93.1.2
        Ron

        To BuffaloGal, what makes you think that many of us men are bad by the way when there are many of us that really would know how to treat a good woman with a lot of love and respect since there are many of us good men out there. What is the matter with you?  I can certainly see that you have real problems with men since at one time you were most likely treated wrong by one already unfortunately. No wonder why you’re still single.

        1. BuffaloGal

          Thanks for your insight. And what a blessing that there are good people out there in the world. Yes, I was abused. Yes, it affects my decisions and perceptions. Once bitten, twice shy. I am not passively single because of an ascorbic personality grown on the decay of a relationship gone afoul. I am single because I chose to be, because for me to be healthy, I will not let anyone abuse or take advantage of me again. Instead, I learned that I do not need another person to be happy. I am whole as a person independently of whether I am in a relationship or not. Now I am the boss of me. Quite frankly, no man much impresses me as I now impress myself.

  4. 94
    BuffaloGal

    “Wealthy divorced women stay single.”

    Some thoughts:

    1. Women marry up. She achieved a certain standard of living. She put up with financial and other abuse as the lower earning spouse. He demanded that her world revolve around him. She was forced to neglect herself to please him, try to keep marriage intact, lest she lose everything. He took too much license, believed money entitled him to carte blanche. Post-divorce: She survived hell. For the first time she has freedom and power, peace and sanity, space to be safe and heal. Now it’s all about her. She does what she wants, when she wants. For the first time, she has discovered the pleasure of being selfish. No more naive fairy tales. But life has taught her a lesson: peace and sanity and self-determination has a price: loneliness. A man would ruin it. Men want submissive women – especially men whose money goes to their head (take your pick) – she’d rather die than go back to that. She’d rather be happily single than live under the roof of a tyrant.

    2.  Everything about women is by nature more personal, more vulnerable, more tender, closers to the heart. Men should protect and cherish and not betray that. But they don’t because it’s too easy to be egocentric, and naive young women don’t know what a predator is – they leave themselves open to abuse. Everything about men is by nature exploitive and physical and outwardly directed.  Those traits are somewhat in conflict with a woman’s nature, work against her needs. Once a woman has learned her lesson, she sees that money fulfills her need to feel safe and secure and cared for, or empowers her to take care of her own needs (minus the abuse and betrayal). Money is a better partner than a man.

    3. If she has money, the world is full of men who will gladly use and abuse her, pretend for the sake of her money. Why bother?

    4. Women are smarter than men. Once burned, we aren’t driven into foolishness by the tool in our pants, as men are. We recognize patterns, listen to our hearts and brains, and don’t repeat painful mistakes. Men treat women like a disposable commodity without much guilt, but seasoned women hold their true friends (and life lessons) close.

    1. 94.1
      David

      @Buffalogal.. I do Understand you have been through a lot and you have probably tasted the rot of a Man and it brings out the anger in you but you have to Understand that there are a lot of Good men out there who also had the same rot put on them by women out there too… This whole problem is not only created by Men but Women too so we should not put the whole blame on men alone. There is nothing wrong with a woman been Submissive but there is something wrong with a Man abusing a Submissive woman.. Life is about working together and making things work.. no one is perfect and we have to take their imperfection and make it ours that is why they said two head better than one.. There is nothing happy about been single because Love is a Beautiful thing, When you in Love you not gonna thinking about the Flaws or who is at fault or not.. Love is meant to be share and it really don’t matter who Love the other most as long as True Love is Involved.. Its Gonna work out fine. Men and Women   are the same thing.. they both are prey to to the other but one thing you got to know is keep the Hopes up and real  Love Gonna find you.. There is no Doubt about that because there are real Good men out there and they are looking for real Good women too.. You are an Amazing woman but you have to get over the past and wait for that Man who gonna sweep you off your feet with so much Love.. Money is Good but it should not be the first priority… Make Love the first and other things gonna come cropping in.. Women are Smart so men are smart too.. goes both way non is smarter than the other even though we were all Born by a woman.. we should always give them Love.. every women should be taken as our Mother, Sister, Wife and Lover.. we should always protect them and Love them as well.. Every men should be looked at as our Fathers because without a man or a woman… Life not Complete.. Believe me, its not and we all know it in our heart… Let all the Hurt Go and stand tall.. You definitely must be one of those women that are really rare to find.. Its all gonna be fine.. Just believe..

  5. 95
    John A

    Are you over it or not?

    4 pages worth of college term paper length replies sound a whole lot like some folks need to work a 4th-step -“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of … [wait for it] …ourselves” …just saying.

    The nice part of not being the guilty party in my divorce is I don’t have to try to tell you my entire story or try embellish it just a smidgen, either.

    Free at last! Free at last… thank God almighty, I’m free at last!

    I went my ‘own way’ and don’t have to join a group like MGTOW (no really there is such a group – Men Going Their Way)to do so either.

    I finally, somewhere along the line of life’s road, learned to like myself. I may be in my 40’s nowadays, but hey, this isn’t so bad. I just take care of the next thing in front of me, and that’s it.

    When we’re young, some of us think we actually want a ‘complication’ to come along and make our life more exciting.

    No thank you.

    I can practice a, random as possible, act of charity every now and again… because I decided too… Not  because I was scolded and derided for yet another detail I overlooked.

    Hey I’m college educated and financially secure… and male, and… no thank you. I’m happy as a ‘party of one’. Suites me just fine. So I don’t fit the stereotype or straw-man this article seems to be building. …and that’s great! If something doesn’t apply, water off a ducks back.

    I got my degree in one involving the hard sciences and mathematics, and appreciate the scientific method, and outliers, and I don’t tend to pigeonhole entire genders, or races, or colors…

    Have I ever played the fool… at least sometime in my life? Absolutely. Haven’t we all? But I think it’s healthy and liberating to own my own choices that I participated in making in the first place. Trying to externalize the locus of blame… to a gender or even just my ex… or just let go of it all, actually.

    Ya.

    Way better, given my blood-pressure.

     

    1. 95.1
      BuffaloGal

      The man who criticizes long replies writes…a long and complicated reply. Birds of a feather…

  6. 96
    constantine

    Okay so my aunt is a filthy rich women. Met a poor man and married him. He was younger and much more attractive. They got married. He uses her money. That’s fine because after all they are sharing a life and love each other. But this is where your wrong. These men often times will cheat…why? Simply because they find her unattractive. So why commit to begin with seriously. This is what I call the ultimate useage of a person.

    fyi. Do wealthy men that marry models often have their heart broken because their beautiful much more younger and attractive wife cheated? Does she feel the need to cheat even? And would he feel anything if she did? Cause at the end of the day he has her. Idk how men think about this. In these circumstances does the infedielty run higher for the men

    1. 96.1
      BuffaloGal

      That’s pretty even-handed and fair.

  7. 97
    James

    Well since many women nowadays are very greedy and selfish as well as being very spoiled which tells the whole story right there since they will only want the best of all and will never settle for less.  Very money hungry women are everywhere nowadays unfortunately since it is always about them all the time.  Since many of these women that are making a six figure income now most of them will never get married at all and the ones that were married at one time before will never get married again since they like dating all kinds of different men all the time that have money especially if he is very wealthy as well.  These type of women are a complete turn off altogether and so very pathetic as well the way i see it since they really have the worse personality and such a very bad attitude problem too unfortunately. Wow, it is so very sad how the women of today have really changed since the old days when most of them back then were very normal compared to now which most of these women are just down right horrible since they really have no respect for us men anymore either since they really think they’re the greatest thing walking the face of this earth which really makes them even more sad.  It is very obvious why many of us good men are still single today since they’re very much to blame.

  8. 98
    Serena

    One issue I have experienced is where my income is significantly more, I would be thrilled to have my guy join me on vacations etc, with him paying what he can and me picking up the rest. He is uncomfortable with that approach, which means either I vacation without him, or we go together on trips of quite limited options. Sure, it’s easy to say a couple can have fun together anywhere, but I find myself resentful not to be enjoying what I have worked very hard to afford. I view this as a difference between men and women which creates a real challenge when the income tables are turned. Maybe this is a generaluzation more applicable to men over 50.

  9. 99
    Carol

    I am not a millionaire but, I came from a family with money. However, I live comfortably and have made in without any help for years. After my second divorce, I met someone and we were in a relationship for three years. He was always borrowing money from me and would pay me back and then borrow more. He ended up owing me more than he payed me back. I have found myself dating men who made a lot less money than I did and they didn’t stay around long. I seem to attract financially needy men which are many out there looking for someone to support them. Not worth it if they meet someone and start cheating on you behind your back and use you. Men have a much different agenda than women have. Younger women are looking for security while younger men are looking for someone to use financially. Too many women out there to stay in one relationship. I know of a friend who is retired from the federal government making close to $100,000 and retired with over a $5,000 pension and a very nice house. She married a man who is on disability and an alcoholic and is a womanizer. She has caught him on several dating sites and his high school sweet heart even contacted him by phone! She knows about his cheating habits. But, she chooses to tolerate him and his drinking and cheating habits. She filed for bankruptcy last year because of him! She is broke now and it is only a matter of time before he skips on her.

  10. 100
    Sara

    I echo the sentiments of many of the higher income women here who have dated online.  I am a very successful, attractive, educated executive who has raised my 2 kids on my own since their dad died 7 years ago.  Started dating about 4 years ago.  Most men didn’t want me because I was too old at 44.  I would get 60 year men.  They didn’t want me because I was widowed and as one guy said to me before we’d even met “if your kids are home full time how will we have sex?”.  They didn’t want me because I was a high income earner but I felt I needed to put my income as many men automatically felt that I was looking for a father and provider since I no longer has a husband.  I was open to men making much less than me but not so much less I’d need to support them.  My success was intimidating to them.  It was disheartening to say the least.

    When I went back on line, I changed my martial status to divorced and listed how old my kids were (teens) and the response rate was completely different.  I had more dates I could handle.  Yet, I seemed to attract the wealthier men who weren’t intimidated by my income, success or life situation.  They were always told before we met that my marital status was a lie and the reason why and it was never an issue.  I am currently with a man who makes more money than most people will see in their lifetimes and he certainly wasn’t looking for someone to take care of.  He wanted an equal (not financially as that’s out of the reach of 99% of the population), but an equal of intellect, adventurous spirit.  Someone who would appreciate him for who he is, who understood him.  I pay about half the time by my own choosing.

    The point is, there are good people out there and true relationships can exist but it took a LONG time for me to find someone who could accept me as I am and who I wanted to be with long term.  It’s not a matter of dating up or down.  Find someone who you relate with on levels other than money.  In the end, that’s what’s important in being happy forever.

  11. 101
    Sara

    Oh, just want to add, since I think it’s relevant to what I just stated, the guy I’m dating now is less than 2 years older than me, so age-appropriate.  🙂

  12. 102
    Jen

    I have not remarried and found that most woman don’t because they enjoy their freedom. After twenty years with controlling narcissists, I finally get to make my own decisions.  Also, I’m a single mom and I want to show my daughter what a strong woman does. Millionaire men usually just want a doormat and a puppy dog and there are many gold diggers that will oblige, but give it time, they will be divorced again and their children’s inheritance taken by the gold digger that was broke and contributed nothing.  Only one that loses are the kids. Millionaire women are too wise for this. We protect our children.

  13. 103
    Bill Malcom

    Most wealthy women got their money by marrying a man with money and then divorcing him and cleaning him out, or by having a sales ad marketing “job”, which is to say they were corporate prostitutes, racking up the big commissions by offering their bodies as a sales perk.  Both are to be avoided.  Divorced women with children are also to be avoided, since those children are going to have grandchildren, who will be the primary focus of her attention, and a sink for her time, and my money.  I have been with a few wimyn with children, and wonder why I am expected to contribute to their upkeep.  Wimyn with money have a staggering sense of entitlement and expect to be supported, to be entertained, and generally offer nothing in return.

    They are also bad news in that having gone through a divorce in order to obtain their money, they have a stable of divorce attorneys instantly available on speed dial.  Unfortunately, there are damn few “wealthy” middle aged women out there who came by their money honestly, and who are not predators or exploiters.

  14. 104
    Aaron

    At the end of the day, men marry for love; and women marry for security (money).  It has always been this way.  It only seems shallow now that we hunt for money instead of food.  Get over it.  If you want a smart and beautiful woman, you have got to be able to afford her.  End of story.

    If you want to know what women truly want, watch reality TV.  It, for the most part, sums it up.

    If you guys want true love, you may have to go gay.  I just work on making more money.  Money will cure an empty bed, but don’t ever be fooled that she is in your bed because of your sense of humor or love making skills.

    Love is for your parents and children.  With a woman, love is a four letter word.

  15. 105
    Wolfgang Sprung Jr.

    Of course wealthy divorced women don’t want to remarry. After they married a wealthy successful man and divorced him, took everything HE worked for, she got what she wanted. Marriage is a money making business for women.

     

  16. 106
    wonder

    This is a question about wealthy  divorced women choosing to stay single. To many women – it’s not about risk or reward but about reality – men value money and compare to other men, while women connect through their weaknesses. That is why it is better to have honest friends than a fake companion.

    Life is too short.

  17. 107
    Lissy London

    “Dr. Liana Leach of the Australian National University studied the anxiety levels of 1,910 couples over the course of their lives. She and her team found that men who were in bad relationships showed no change in their emotional well-being. Women who were in bad relationships, however, showed a deterioration in their overall well-being.
    Interestingly, men who were in healthy relationships showed an increase in their emotional well-being, but women who were in happy relationships had the same levels of well-being as they had when they were single.
    If being in a relationship doesn’t increase a woman’s emotional well-being any more than being single, why run the risk of entering a bad one? For the sake of our sanity, why not stay single?”
    https://www.elitedaily.com/women/some-women-better-single/1344931

    That pretty much sums up the argument.
    You will not find many women that say- “hey you look like husband number 5!”
    Because the last four benifited them in no way. Especially if not monetarily. Nor sexually.
    Women don’t need the connection that men do- especially after a divorce. They write men off for
    good reason. Men on the other hand never fully write women off no matter how horrible the divorce or how much money they had to pay to the ex.

    1. 107.1
      Yet Another Guy

      @Lissy London

      Women don’t need the connection that men do- especially after a divorce.

      That is complete and utter nonsense.  The number one complaint that hear from women in my age group is that divorced men are not interested in being part of a committed relationship.  All they want is sex.

       

    2. 107.2
      Buck25

      I suppose, if a woman wants to, she can find plenty of ways to rationalize the idea that she “doesn’t need a man”. Seems to be common wisdom (among women in this thread, anyway) that aside from money(and maybe sex, provided you think we’re even good for that much) “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, to quote one popular women’s T-shirt slogan. I can only guess that to most women, financial security trumps all, whether she got that through career or divorce settlement. Oh well, I guess you’re entitled to want to have “everything and nothing” if that’s your choice. Funny, but once I actually made a lot of money, I actually found it more enjoyable to give it away than have it; the fun part, actually, was in the challenge of earning it. But hey, what do I know; after all, I’m a man, so every woman here knows that the only brain I could possibly have is the one between my legs, right, ladies? Yeah, I’m just a stupid, useless old fossil, but you know, somehow I’m damn glad money hasn’t made me half as cynical as it’s apparently made you. Oh well, I believe everyone is entitled to go to hell in the hand basket of his or her own choosing, so by all means, rationalize away; apparently it just beats the hell out of contemplating reality.

  18. 108
    Mekka TT

    Men has two brains, the lower one tend to take over majority of the time.

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