Are Asians The “Most Desired” Racial Group In America?


Last week, we asked “Is Race Just A State of Mind In Online Dating?” This week, we find out how online dating would look if there “weren’t so many white people” inundating the market.

OKCupid analyzed 82 million messages sent by members of their free online dating site to form their conclusions, focusing on their four largest single-race groups: whites, asians, blacks, and latinos.

According to their data: “white people actually prefer themselves the least, but right now there’s just so many of them. It’s interesting to think what things would be like if the shoe was on the other foot; if another race outnumbered whites 19:1.”

Read the article here, and don’t forget to check out the interactive visualization charts. In your experiences, do you agree that race affects both quantity and quality of messages? Please share your comments below.

Join our conversation (82 Comments).
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  1. 21

    @ Sherrell #19,

    Yes, thank you!  I’m considered not to be desirable because I’m more than just curvy but not exactly as large as some.   However, I’m hardly desperate. I own a house, am raising three good kids, working on a master’s degree, earned my bachelor’s with honors, and have a good career.   I’m not stupid or lazy.   But I’ve long since stopped caring if men perceive me that way.   It’s not my problem.  

  2. 22

    @ Starthrower good for you!!!   Having a full active   enjoyable life is good for women of all sizes.   That keeps  them from focusing so much on a particular guy or not having a man in their life and its what attracts many.

  3. 23

    I don’t think Black and latina men prefer plus size women.   They just don’t like skinny women where as white men may.   They prefer a Beyonce, Jlo, Kim Kardashian type.  More curves and not a size 2,

    FYI, “skinny” is a pejorative term just like “fat” is.   For some people, thinness is their natural and healthy condition.   It does’t mean they are anorexic or unfeminine.

  4. 24

    Starthrower, you weren’t aware that African-American and latino men don’t have the weight hangups that white men do? It’s definitely true. Generally.

  5. 25

    @Liz #24…
    I think it’s a big myth that black men are okay with women being fat. As the previous poster said, they want curves, so a pear or hourglass shape on a SMALLER woman is sought after but most black men are not cool with people being really heavy. So many people have jumped to the conclusion that talks about booties means that black men like fat women.   They don’t.   They want a tiny waist, a round bottom, and a big chest is optional;   I hate that a few glimpses of pop culture have given people that impression about the black community and black beauty standards.

    So yes, Beyonce is a yes, Queen Latifah and Mo’nique are regularly and cruelly mocked for their size by black men(visit some blogs or forums with a lot of black male members).   One term used to describe that ideal is “skinny thick.”   You’d better be a size 8 or smaller with nice curves if you want to be popular. Now it is true that maybe for a lot of black men, a size 2 is too small, but that stops being true as you move up the socioeconomic ladder (people do after all get indoctrinated by their surroundings and what the norm is for them-in the same vein, you’ll find a lot of educated, professional black women dieting down to the new smaller ideal as well).   

    They DO seem to be okay with larger women of other races, in my experience, but a lot of the men that you see with larger white or non-black Latino women, for example, would NOT pick a heavyset black woman.   

    For some, not all, the whiteness of trumps the weight. (not that everyone is fetishizing white women but for some that’s the ONLY attribute that matters).

    I’m not surprised Starthrower gets hit on by black men, but I’d be shocked if those same black men   hit on black women her size.

  6. 26

    Uh oh Nicole… you went there!   🙂

  7. 27

    @SS #26, well I hope it doesn’t ruffle any feathers but I’ve just heard or read too many conversations where non-black women marvel over how black men don’t care about their size, and it’s weird that they always assume that it’s b/c the men prefer that.   I mean, given their exalted status as the beauty standard and the degree to which that standard has permeated cultures all over the world, it’s odd that they associate the attention with figures and not their skin.   A lot of those men will compromise on a LOT of things that they’d normally insist upon if you have the right skin color.   But in my experience, few people seem to be aware of the colorism issues that plague people of color of just about every race.

    As I said, they need to pay attention to how those men talk about black women who are plus sized.   It’s not pretty.   

    It’s also just a form of confirmation bias b/c if I jumped to conclusions based on the kind of men who approach, compliment, and contact me(and stated them here-X type of men just love Y), I could come up with something that sounds equally silly (and I would be promptly told so by many commenters) because if would fly in the face of what they know to be true or have experienced.

    It’s like that experiment that was done with black dolls and little black girls.   I almost feel that to demonstrate it properly, you’d need to have a bunch of pictures of women of different races and sizes and see how black men ranked them.   I think the results would surprise everyone.

  8. 28

    Nicole, no feather-ruffling from me… don’t know about others though!
    I’m a black woman, so, I get ya.   I’ve heard directly from some of these men how much they’re tired of seeing “fat black women” and my larger black female friends struggle for attention. Now, I can’t say these particular men are then chasing larger white women, but I agree that there is a disconnect between what people often believe that black men like (larger women) and the women that those black men actually pursue.
    And actually, I was a size 2 for the majority of my life… and I only had ONE black man ever say that was too small for him… my attention from black men certainly did not suffer because I was a tiny girl… which tells me that while black men might not be as closed off to larger-sized women as white or Asian men, black men aren’t that far off in their preferences either… and when exceptions are made in regards to size, those exceptions are not necessarily applied to women across the board… otherwise, I’d say we’d see a lot more larger black women paired up with black men. It’s almost a running joke with some people that if you’re a larger white woman, your best bet is to give up on white men and date black men exclusively.
    I’m ALL for people finding love wherever they can, so if larger white women find their bliss with black men, good for them. Honestly, good for them. But I do like, Nicole, that you brought attention to the bigger picture as well and pointed out the inherent contradiction in the idea that black men are forgiving of size. Maybe so, but it definitely helps if the woman is of a much lighter hue.

  9. 29

    Interesting!!, I’ve always thought Americans had a thing for Asian people!!…think they find us cute!! ha ha. I’m a half Asian, half white girl (look more Asian but am very pale skinned) and LOVE it!!. But I have noticed that I’m strongly attracted to white men, my ideal man would be white. Don’t know what it is but at the same time I LOVE my friends who consist of all nationalities and beleive we are all 100% equal, still when it comes to……I prefer them!!. The heart wants what the heart wants I always say. Any white man who wants me I play hard to get.

    1. 29.1
      Big iron


      Asian women are specially engineered in a hereditary sence. But it will only kick in for a man with the right presentation.   Cultural literacy


  10. 30
    A 20-Something Girl

    You know why Asian men aren’t desirable?
    Because of spectral mother-in-laws. Asian tiger mum in laws are just not what you want. At all. Those with sons are liable to be extremely possessive too. And it’s still common in asian culture for a daughter in law (or girlfriend, at least) to be deferential to her boyfriend’s parents, and she’s expected to care for them after marriage. And god forbid you should disagree with how your mother in law does things.
    Why would any woman want that?

    1. 30.1

      @A 20-Something Girl
      hmm…Not all asian men have tiger moms, in fact I know a lot of asian men’s parents who are very supportive of their son to date (regardless of race, although they prefer an asian lady).   Don’t think of the downside of a whole group because of your experiences…everyone’s different.   Asian men are struggling right now the most to be noticed here in the States…negativity doesn’t help things…no offense.

    2. 30.2

      I’m Hispanic been married 3x before 21 first wife Puerto Rican (too aversive) didn’t last second wife Indian (I married the family) third wife chinese so far 3 kids all in college with awesome grades and. Very family oriented at 48 I still find my wife sexy and new and that is what men seek in Asians

  11. 31

    This whole conversation is kind of silly, or at least only applies if the majority of people involved in the conversation are white.   
    While white people are still the majority population in the U.S. (for now), it’s interesting how often they assume that their beauty standards dictate what the rest of us find attractive.   Not all people (or men) think that pale skin, flat bottoms, blond hair, or blue eyes are the best attributes a person can have.
    So if you poll a lot of white men, esp. in California, you’ll get a lot who enamored with Asian women. And a lot who prefer the Hollywood ideal in white women. Poll them in Chicago, probably not so much, and if you ask people in general why they prefer Asian the answers wind up being icky and venture into the offensive.   
    If you really just see people as people, you don’t lump all people of one race into certain boxes, b/c they don’t look alike or have the same qualities. None of the “reasons” that people claim to like X kind of women (if you aren’t part of that same ethnic or racial groups) are really complients b/c they strip those women of their individuality and make a lot of assumptions that really do not apply to the majority of women.   
    And if this was even remotely true, Asian men should have the same amount of success and admirers as their female counterparts.   They have the same skin color, hair, eyes.   I think it’s ridiculous to act like those things are so amazing on women but make men ugly.

    1. 31.1

      I know what you mean, and you’re right a lot of asian guys are short. The asian guy has to be at least average height or taller to attract women. The only exception is if he is a celebrity or if he is wealthy. I noticed also, a lot of asian women who like asian men are into asian culture. Not many non asian women will go out of their way to be into asian culture to attract asian guys. Guys who like asian women don’t care.

    2. 31.2

      Nicole no one is coming from a place where white beauty is the ideal.   No one here. I didn’t find that at all in the article.

      It’s just talking about the idea that Asian women are highly sought after these days.

      No one is making any kind of judgment about it or why it is so.

      Yes, we all know people are individuals in a group, just because people are of the same race does not mean they are the same on the inside, blah blah blah. We know this.

      1. 31.2.1

        And by the way, I say this as a middle aged white woman.

    3. 31.3

      as an Japanese men, i not attracted to non-asian females at all.. also studies in oxford says only 0,5 or 1% of asian men prefer outside their own race. so i think its kind of stereotype if asian men prefer white female, where this stereotype come from ??

  12. 32

    White men and asian women are the perfect pairing.  

    1. 32.1

      It’s also considered the most accepting and racist (to some).

  13. 33

    I see maybe one out of every hundred couples if even that that are a white man and asian woman. Even less for white woman asian man. Just because there is several couples out there that are white and asian doesn’t mean its preferred.  
    I am Korean   ….but i have to say look around you and you’ll deff see more white and white couples !!! In my own opinion asian girls are not bad but I definitely prefer white girls for long term relationships. I have no ohysical attraction whatsoever to asian women because of the body type and face.a lot of korean guys get tired of korean girls princess attitudes..always in it for money..they do anything to marry into riches and they do plastic surgery constantly all over their face like its nothing. A lot of korean men these days are trying to meet white girls because they are all sooo tired of korean girls. Also, I like thin women but not that thin..I mean a women should look like a women and have curves in the correct places and not no curves at all. I have some friends, white friends who dated asian girls and eventually broke it off and never tried again and all of them have some kind of horror story about how their girlfriend tried to scratch their eyeballs out with their big fake nails…or broke into their appartment and smashed their tv. Not saying white girls are not lioe that sometimes..but I still find it easier to relate to them in almost every way. I also found when I went to taiwan..china…japan..that the girls all wear fake color contacts…hair extensions and wigs…huge fake eyelashes…a ton of makeup and put padded inserts in their bra. Seriously…look online and you can find shows that show asian girls before and after makeup.

  14. 34

    “And if this was even remotely true, Asian men should have the same amount of success and admirers as their female counterparts.   They have the same skin color, hair, eyes.   I think it’s ridiculous to act like those things are so amazing on women but make men ugly”
    Totally agree with Nichole
    In saying that , I’m a white girl that totally prefers Asian men in almost every single aspect.

  15. 35

    There was mention of asian men not being as desireable as other types of men but for me a plus size woman in my own rights as always found asian men and white men desirable with the way I was raised I was taught black men were off limits but I still had a slight atraction to them but not so much hispanic men but being who I am and a slight rebel i  dated multi culture and ended up retaining my main intrest in white guys and asain men  

    1. 35.1

      Like I mentioned, usually the desired mate is someone that looks really healthy…for some reason, asian men and black women seemed   to be promoted by the media as unhealthy.   We (as humans) are influenced by pop culture.   I know some ignorant, and racist white dudes (who I consider friends of mine).   I really can’t stand their stupid right wing comments about minorities, but even though they’re racist, they don’t hate (meaning they don’t like seeing anyone getting physically hurt).   There are a lot of people of all races who feel this way.   Most Americans in the U.S. still are not ready to accept equality for interracial dating/acceptance (even though we have a biracial President).   People get jealous too easily.   Remember the Cheerios Ad on youtube with the Biracial girl, and youtube had to disable the comments because of so many negative, threatening comments?

  16. 36

    White women more than any other race of women are obsessed with blacks. Most women and men prefer their own culture however white women seem to think jumping in bed with blacks is a status symbol, really weird in my opinion.

    1. 36.1

      No, it’s not a status symbol lol. I think you’re thinking of black celebrities like sports stars or musicians etc. You’re right there are a lot of white women with black men and there are a lot of white men with asian women. Black men and Asian women are very desirable because of their stereotypes which tends to be…well…sexy.

  17. 37

    In Europe, Asian men are starting to be the most desirable men especially with all that things coming from Japan or Korea.
    And tbh as a Finnish girl, i have a crush for a Vietnamese guy but im too shy to make the first move…

    1. 37.1

      No, I don’t think that’s true. Women like guys who are tall and you’re probably seeing some tall asian guys plus there are very few asian men in Europe which makes it seem like they can find dates but that doesn’t mean asian men are the most desirable race.

  18. 38

    I’m a white girl and only from my experience. I’m white but I’m Native America French Dutch European Hispanic
    I hate that I’m just considered just white because I have white skin.
    But back to the point
    from my family
    White americanmen yes
    Few but still white European yes
    Mexico central southern men no
    Asian no
    India no
    Middle Eastern no
    Black no by death
    I like all the board with the exception of black men (I’ve never had a huge drive to date a black guy and plus my family would kill me)
    I do get hit on by Black and Hispanics men more than white men but then again i think they just know what they like and just voice it. I feel white guys are super shy. I’m shy so it’s kinda hard to get out there .
    For the main subject recently I have found that Asian men have been on my radar more than normal. This might be off the subject alittle but I hate hate hate if I’m even near the same size as my guy so it’s hard. Then again that’s just my personal preference.

    1. 38.1

      I don’t think being shy has to do with their race, you’ve probably ran into guys who are super shy. That’s interesting you find asian guys attractive…usually they’re not.

    2. 38.2
      I love me

      Girl bye!!!!!

  19. 39

    I am a white female, and am very attracted to dark skinned, dark haired men. I also find Asian men very attractive. White men not as much. I have been married twice, one Swedish/Norweigen and the other Italian. I am not that attracted to American white men, because of their attitudes. They seem to think they are God’s gift. Even the overweight men act as if you are lucky to get them. I am not impressed.

  20. 40

    So far the non Asian men who contacted me, about 90% have this Asian fetish thing. It gets tiring after a while.

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