Are the People That You Want To Meet Online More Physically Attractive Than You Are?


Are the people that you want to meet online more physically attractive than you are?

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  1. 41

    @ moonsical:

    I agree with you–I see many couples where the man has not kept himself up the way his partner has yet he runs his mouth off, saying things like, “I should be dating supermodels,” or “I should have a hot woman on my arm.” I call it According to Jim syndrome (hot wife with dumpy, overweight guy).

    Regarding dating younger men: as a woman of 47, I find men in the 35-45 range have little interest in me (they are either happily married with small children, divorced and looking for 20-somethings, or single and looking for 20-somethings). In spite of the lack of common ground, men younger than 35 are much more willing to date me. I’ve had some fun relationships with guys in their late 20’s, who are much less hung up on the age difference than their brothers who are 10 years older.

  2. 42

    I never cared much about looks, its inside that counts, and the way they treat me, BUT recently I dated a guy with a smokin hot body, and now I melt just thinking about a great bod.

  3. 43

    to Andy on post #37,

    Some of those fat, bald, men, have fat, check books, that, make them look very, attractive to women. Women with long necks, and small waists, stay married to fat, men, mostly, because, they live a nice, cozy, life, and have all the material things they need.(some have boyfriends on the side)

  4. 44

    to moon on post #39,

    I’ve been told that, women, through out most of Europe, date younger men. Supposedly, a very common practice.

  5. 45

    Alas, if I were only interested in *dating*…not mating for life. Yes, the younger men are very fun, energetic and enjoyable. But so far, that is where it ends…we have been at different stages in life.


  6. 46

    Some are and some aren’t. But men (and women) are a package. No man has ever looked the same to me after I got to know him. If I get to like him and he turns me on, he becomes so devastatingly handsome I’m shocked. If we don’t connect, he appears a bit cracked around the edges to me, even if he could be a model.

  7. 47

    Karl R, I find it somewhat ironic that you turn down women with “abyssmal” spelling…

  8. 48

    to Dana on post #46

    Women all over say what you said. Men are different, we admire a womans figure all the time, through anger, frustration, laughs, no laughs, etc…..

  9. 49

    Interesting.   I am frequently told I am very attractive, have great hair, and look about 10-12 years younger than I am.   But I’m 54, and when I’ve tried online dating sites, most of the guys that respond to me are retired age.   I’m still going strong, I run a business and have a great income.     I’m also about 30 lbs overweight, which will keep some men from asking me out regardless of my IQ or face.
    Men my age who are at a comparable social/income/educational level can afford those -15 year women – they are looking for second trophy wives.   I have nothing to offer them, apparently.

  10. 50
    Karl R

    GeekGoddess said: (#50)
    “Men my age who are at a comparable social/income/educational level can afford those -15 year women — they are looking for second trophy wives.   I have nothing to offer them, apparently.”

    Why are you  limiting your search to  men your age who are at a comparable social/income/educational level?

    Why do you need a man with a comparable income? You have “a great income.” Do you need a second income to maintain your lifestyle? It sounds like you could support a stay-at-home spouse if you chose, or one who earned significantly less than you.

    Why do you need a man with a comparable educational level? Of all the conversations I’ve had with my current girlfriend (or previous girlfriends) less than 5% involved topics where either one of us have any formal education.  More often  we’re discussing topics of interest which we pursue as a hobby.

    Why do you need a man who has a comparable social level? One of the directors at my office (who is about 40) grew up snaring and skinning  rabbits for food, milking cows, and doing numerous other activities that would seem more appropriate to an earlier century. He’s quite capable of fitting in with coworkers who grew up in households with parents who were academics or professionals.

    Why do you need a man who is your age? My girlfriend is 16 years older than me. By the time I reach your age, she will be retired. (She will also presumably be my wife long before then.) I realize it would be convenient if we were substantially closer in age, but it’s hardly a dealbreaker.

    It sounds like you’re focused on traits that you don’t need in a partner. More importantly, I don’t even get the impression that you’ve considered why you want those traits in a partner.

  11. 51

    I know a guy who is skinny and weak, yet he is always attracted to athletic women who often have broader shoulders than he does.   He is routinely disappointed when those women don’t go for him.

  12. 52

    @38 In Betweener
    “Is beauty not in the eye of the beholder?”

    NO NO NO – Can someone put a sticky up or something ?

    Men are very consistent on what they consider attractive

    Worse, you will be compared to the average 25 year old
    Anyone still think  they are a 7 ?
    Most women making comments here are going to be a 5 at best.
    But hey – thats average. Most people are average

    Also lets ignore womens ratings of male attractiveness. If they think he is a 5, that means he is probably a 7 in reality. However women do have some consistency on  which men are considered ‘hot’

    And lastly, why on earth should men look as  attractive as women ? Wealth, status, intelligence, sense of humour must be factored in as these are extremely attractive to women. If a man has any of these qualities, the women will have to be much more attractive to be “equal”

    As George Clooney said – strange, I didn’t find women attracted to me when I was a struggling actor, waiting tables  !

  13. 53

    Zac #53

    We all looked better when we were 25, both male and female.  There may be an “accepted” standard of beauty, but other things fall into play when you actually meet and get to know someone.  A man in his 50’s is very unlikely to date a 25 year old, so what’s the point of comparing a woman in his targeted age range with a woman so much younger? And are you actually saying that women can’t be as intelligent, funny, or financially secure as men, so they need to be better looking to compensate?  

  14. 54

    @ Karl #16 – you probably realize by now that “abyssmal spelling and grammar” is an oxymoron 😉 Sorry, I’d ignore this if it came from anyone else, but you, my friend, are being held to a higher standard 😀 Wait, I see that Joe @ #47 already beat me to this…
    You’re dead on in #51 though – I’ve met amazing people that had no education past high school, were out of my age group (both too old or too young), etc. These days, I’ll give anyone a shot if they sound interesting enough in their initial email, because I’ve found I may be pleasantly surprised. Education-wise, I meet a lot of people in my generation and older that grew up in economically disadvantaged families, married early, and had kids early, and so didn’t get a chance to go to, or finish, college. They’re highly intelligent people nonetheless.
    On the subject – I’ll pass over a man that is severely overweight, as it creates certain lifestyle limitations. Other than that, anything goes. From my experience, a guy can be really, I mean really bad-looking, but, if he has a personality that fits mine, is smart, funny, fun to be with, then after a few dates I’ll stop paying attention to his looks. He will look attractive to me. Heck, given enough personality and humor, he’ll look like a perfect ten to me. I just went out with a guy where, over the duration of our date, my view of his looks went from “WTH is this?” to “wow, he looks great!” Likewise, a guy can be smoking hot, but if he doesn’t have enough brains or personality to go with that, he’ll end up being physically unattractive to me.
    Caveat #1 – I’ve met physically unattractive guys that have issues related to how they look. Meaning that, while I see them as a person, they see me as “a hot piece of ass” i.e. a status symbol. That is a deal-breaker – I don’t want to be objectified, not even as a “hot piece of ass”.
    Caveat #2 – I do realize that men are wired differently than women and to them, looks are pretty high on the list, so I try to look nice and keep in shape. Can’t change their nature.

  15. 55

    @ Ruby #54

    Of course women can be intelligent, financially secure etc. But men put little value on those things, and indeed in some cases these things can have NEGATIVE value for men.
    Men are attracted to women that look fertile. Doesn’t matter how old they are.
    Men still have more options because even considering this they are far less picky than women.

    I guarantee that most women commenting here would not even consider a man on average earnings. They have written off half of  all men before they even consider the other factors.
    I suggest you read the comments from women throughout these blog posts. The constant complaint of insufficient decent men.
    Not too many complaints from the men though are there ?

  16. 56

    Zaq #56

    Has it occurred to you that men have more options because of what you refer to as the fertility aspect? It is much more socially acceptable for older men to date much younger women; not so for older women. I don’t think that some women are more focused on a man’s earnings simply because they are shallow, but because women still tend to make less money than men, but have greater responsibilities in terms of child care. Maybe men are less picky because society allows them to be. But if, as you say, men are so focused on looks, then aren’t they the ones who are actually too picky and shallow? Shouldn’t they be more focused on qualities like intelligence and character?  
    I also think that men can be very frustrated with dating, as it sounds like you are. They just don’t tend to complain about it the way that women do.

  17. 57

    Zaq #56,
    I’m not sure how productive it is to insult all of the women on the blog or in the world either.  

    I mean, you’re on here so I’m guessing that you are looking for answers for your own problems or dating frustrations. It’s frequently mention on this blog that men need help but ask for help less often than women.   Hence, the seeming focus and large number of commenters who are women.   I would not infer that this blog is full of ugly losers looking for tricks to find and trap men.

    I’m not sure why the need to be so hostile and call all of the women who read the blog average/ugly (since you said that you bet that all of the women commenting were only 5’s at best) or shallow.

    I’d say that the whole money issue varies based on generation.   Not everyone here lists ages, but some of the female commenters sounds like older women (40’s and up) who have ben married and divorced once.  

    I just mention it to point out that fewer of them perhaps went into higher paying professions, more of them would have stayed home to raise children, and yes more of them are used to the model where women stay home, or if they work they make less.

    I think that there are other reasons that higher earning younger women look for similar earning men, but that reason isn’t always because they are shallow golddiggers.   Some of it comes from how you get treated by men who feel odd that you have more and are better educated.   So yes, we don’t get credit for being all of those things that you mention, and some people actively resent you for them.   So personal preferences aside, some people might find it easier to look for people who make similar money and have similar backgrounds.  

    And since people love to exclude people based on “lifestyle limitations” as Goldie put it, I’d say that I prefer someone who does not have to PAY my way but rather can afford to join me in the same things that I like.

    It’s probably not a fair assessment to make, because just like Goldie, I’m assuming that someone cannot do something that they may well be able to do.   It’s all a matter of priorities.   The rich guy may not want to spend his money on things that I like and the poor guy might make it a priority in his budget if it’s something he enjoys, just like the heavy guy might be into and good at the things that Goldie is assuming he can’t possibly physically do.

    Beauty and attraction are important, but it’s also subjective.   What is ugly to one person might be gorgeous to another, even if we have media that promotes only a handful of looks.

  18. 58


    I’m playing a bit of devil’s advocate here. But there are certain realities that we should be aware of. There are plenty of studies that have been done which you can find on the net, including youtube videos which explain what attracts men and women. It has absolutely nothing to do with societal values, and everything to do with evolutionary psychology.

    Doesn’t matter how much a woman earns, she still wants a man to earn as much or more. Does that make women shallow – not at all.
    Are men shallow to want younger women ? – definitely not.
    Its how they are wired, they can’t help it.

    The important thing is to acknowledge this truth and work with it.
    And this is what I dont get with comments made here.
    Most of the talk is about lowering your standards so that you have half a chance of forming a relationship.
    Surely the best way is to enhance those qualities that the opposite sex most values, so that you have better options.

    As encouragement, I will just add that as I pointed out on another blog here, I know  personally  plenty of  women who have married men much younger and in some cases DECADES younger than themselves.
    The one thing they had in common – physical attractiveness

  19. 59


    To say that most women are average is not an insult. Do you not agree that on a scale of 1 to 10, half are going to be under 5 ?
    When did “7” become average ?

    I will admit to some frustration that women feel the need to come up with some excuse as to why they need to disqualify the majority of men.
    They were born with the need to seek out strong healthy mates with proven ability to provide resources for the tribe and her family. Most men dont cut it. That’s how it worked 100,000 years ago. Thats how her brain works now.
    Men are attracted to beautiful women because we are. No excuse necessary

  20. 60

    “Surely the best way is to enhance those qualities that the opposite sex most values, so that you have better options.”

    But according  to you,  men value youth and fertility  –  qualities  that are  largely unattainable once they’re gone. The ways to enhance those qualities as they fade – or the appearance thereof –  are either drastic (surgical procedures, hormone treatments) or  largely  ineffective. (lotions, potions, pills and notions)

    In a world where the vast majority of men will never, ever  be “rich”, and the vast majority of women will never be storied beauties once  or 19 again, people manage to pair up more frequently than not. The vast majority of people are “reproductively successful.” People of either gender  actually  aren’t disqualifying  the vast majority of members of the opposite sex because they’re less than perfect, or pretty much everyone would be single and childless.

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