Do You Find that You’re “Better” in “Real Life” than You Are Online?

woman wearing yellow blouse

Do you find that you’re “better” in “real life” than you are online?

If you feel you’re “better” in “real life”, in what ways are you better?

What changes, if any, have you made online to try to make up for the discrepancy?

To get great tips to make your online profile reflect the “real life” you and find out whether I think you should be “better” in “real life” or online, you can check out my CD set Finding the One Online.

Join our conversation (16 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    Nah, I think I am pretty impressive online as well. LOL. 😀

  2. 2

    I kinda feel like i come across better online than in real life. I suppose that’s rather insecure to say, but true. I’m good at getting the first date but not so much after that. Anyone else?

    Maybe that’s the next question. 😛

  3. 3

    I had an experience recently that is the opposite of what you are asking. I was actually more interested in the guy from his profile, than the person he really was in real life. He presented himself to be a man of extreme integrity, he then proceeded to forget the time we were supposed to meet, 3 out of 5 of our dates. He also said he would get back to me several times about future dates, then called or e-mailed the day before we were supposed to get together. This all had the effect of making me feel unimportant, or maybe that he was “just not that into me”. I finally ended it with the explanation that I didn’t feel we were communicating that well. He was surprised, I think, but I really didn’t know any other way to interpret his actions. I felt that someone with as much integrity as he claimed to have, would have acted differently. The hard thing was that I really liked him and would have continued if he had been what I think more considerate. He also asked that I call him in between dates, which I really wasn’t comfortable with yet, but did, several times. None of the pictures posted on his site were less than 2 years old, and some were more than twenty? I don’t know about others, but I’m really not interested in a persons history, until and unless I get to know them. What do you all think?

  4. 4

    I have to agree with Ben above, I feel that I come across better online then in real life, In person I tend to be shy and reserved, online I find myself being more open, because I feel the pressure to impress isn’t there. I can voice my opinion, say my thoughts and if one doesn’t like oh well move on.

    I do try to get to know someone first thou on-line before we actually set up a meeting, that works for some and others it doesn’t. Many feel they can’t express themselves. I have also in my experiences found that on-line I can at times really click with someone, yet in person it doesn’t always transfer over.

  5. 5

    I found that most guys came across way better online than in real life. I basically stopped getting excited about dates when I realized that almost everyone could sound cool and fun on their profiles and in emails but it’s much harder to pull off in person. That’s also why I pretty much stopped putting in much effort before the first in person meeting–I prefer to meet the person and see if there’s anything worth pursuing before investing much in the way of time/excitement. I believe this is a fairly unusual approach with all the talk on this site of exchanging phone numbers and chatting a while before meeting.

  6. 6

    I’ve been told, “you’re even cuter than your picture,” (this was by a portrait artist. But I have no idea if I’m, “better.” I like my profiles and am genuine and honest in them. Actually I get feedback from time to time that my profile(s) are a good read in a, “sea of mediocrity.”

    In person I can run the gamut. I do get the feeling men want a woman to “fall” for them on the first date which has never been my style, so I think that is why I am not out more than once with many. Not that I’ve shed any tears over it. Definitely I’m engaged and appreciative but honestly, the man is still a stranger to me. I have no idea what to do about that. Men seem to base decisions on how into THEM they think I might be (insecurity?) rather than if the experience was fun enough to repeat, and play it by ear.

    Some of my best times have been with men I met skiing daily or working outdoors on a crew or some such. Where we are shoulder-to-shoulder and meet that way, without all the build-up. You learn a lot about a person when you are around them daily, and suddenly you learn they are not only cute, but polite, funny and intelligent. Then you get the hots for them…not before. Structured dating is hard on a girl. A friend I was hiking with last week said, “what ever just happened to meeting at a bonfire and making out?” Really.


  7. 7

    I am definitely better in person. I am usually told that I am prettier than my pics–I think animation has a lot to do with attractiveness. Plus in person, you get to show your humor, kindness, capacity for listening. Can’t do that on-line. It is show, don’t tell.

  8. 8

    I think I am better in real life then online. I have been told that I am very funny when I IM.
    I feel my personality comes across even better meeting in person.

  9. 9

    I’d have to say I’m not better in “real life” as I’m not out enough in places that are rich with men. I work in education, am involved in my church, am addicted to nearly anything related to Jane Austen, and take dance classes. I’m not into the bar & club scene (my smoke allergy makes it pretty close to impossible). Which of my interests is filled with single adult men? Pretty much none of them, which is why I use online dating sites.

  10. 10

    I am pretty sure that I am much better in person than online. To be honest, I am not the greatest at making the most unique and eye-catching profile online. Good thing at this particular point in time I am not trying to heavily impress anyone. I have too much going on to even consider dating.

  11. 11

    From others’ responses, I think that I misunderstood the question. I definitely meet more people online than I do in real life. But in terms of what happens when I actually meet a person on a date, I’m usually the one who end up breaking things off. In contrast, if we’re still in the e-mailing phase, it’s more likely that the guy will be the one to drop the ball.

    I’ve gotten compliments on my profile (and when guys meet me they say I look like or better than my photos, so there’s truth in advertising). Perhaps where my online “game” needs work is in the e-mailing, though I have no problems writing with articulate fellows who actually write about something in their e-mails with me. I do have a hard time writing with the guys who are grammatically correct but can’t think of what to actually write to a girl. Part of me feels as though these guys wouldn’t be that interesting on a date anyway, but another part of me realizes that not everyone has the same strengths and many people are better in person. Oh well.

  12. 12

    It’s so much easier to be “spontaneously” funny in your email profile after hours of thinking how to word yourself attractively.

    I have been complimented on looking better than my pictures in person. I find with trying to date someone long term, real life gets in the way. I have a teenager at home and two “Demon Spawn” chihuahuas. It takes someone truly ready for a committment to take me on. It’s really hard to mesh someone into your life when you’re comfortable and happy with the way your life is at the moment. True compatibility if the key and very rare.

  13. 13
    Karl R

    I do much better meeting people in real life than on-line.

    One of my assets in person is my self-confidence. Like the attributes Jane (#7) mentioned, “It is show, don’t tell.”

    In addition, in person it’s far easier for me to pick up on subtle visual clues which indicate if a woman has the kind of personality traits that I like. A picture doesn’t convey nearly as much information, and neither does the written word.


    Moonsical said: (#6)
    “Men seem to base decisions on how into THEM they think I might be (insecurity?) rather than if the experience was fun enough to repeat, and play it by ear.”

    As Evan keeps saying, men are very good at living in the moment. I can enjoy myself on a date, even if I’m not into the woman I’m with. If I’m not interested in you, I won’t ask you out again. Furthermore, unless you’re interested in me, I’m just wasting my time and money continuing to date you.

  14. 14

    I am definitely much more engaging in person. I haven’t made an effort to make up for the delta; although I’ve dated on-line for few years I firmly believe that is not where I will meet the one.

  15. 15

    Almost all men I have met from online have had the same comment…they seem to think I appear much better in person and that my pics don’t do me justice. Now, maybe they are just trying to sweet talk me and get down my pants, but I have heard it repeatedly. The truth? I am not photogenic. I try to post updated pics, that compliment me (of course), but some people do not photograph well. If you are teetering on photos, welllll you really need to see them in person. And, NEVER fall in love with an online image- EVER!! Cuz all people are different in person and not at all the fantasy version you created in your head!!

  16. 16

    I’ve also found that many men come off a lot better through emails than in person. It is really easy to get sucked in, and continue the emails for even months, and then be in for a big disappointment.

    As a woman of 44 years, I will come off better in person than online. It doesn’t even matter about my profile or photos at this point. Most men won’t even bother to look because they screen out my age in their searches.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *