Have You Ever Gone on an Amazing Date And Instantly Come Home to Write to Other People on Match.com?

Have you ever gone on an amazing date and instantly come home to write to other people on Match.com?

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  1. 1

    OMG, no. But I’ve had it done to me, and boy, does it sting. It’s like you were on two completely different dates. I realize my date may have not felt the same way about it, but I would at least wait a day or two then tell the other person that we had a great time but I’m still talking to other people.

    I’ve had guys tell me they’re taking their profiles down after a particularly wonderful evening, only to see them “online–chatting now” hours later when I logged on to send them a thank you email or (gush, yes, this is embarrassing) look at their pictures (not to spy on them).

    I realize it happens all the time, but it still feels rude to me. I can tell myself, “He’s writing to all those other girls he dated to tell them he’s off the marked now,” but I really know the truth: he’s just not that into me. Sigh.

  2. 2
    Karl R

    Only if I was already corresponding with that person already. I’ve never come home from a great date and e-mailed someone new.

  3. 3

    Ditto Karl’s response (#2).

  4. 4

    Hey there,

    Thanks for the b-day wishes! The Birthday Pizzeria I put together last night for my friends was well enjoyed.

    I found Evan’s question funny, almost like the last one, in that I have NEVER had an, “amazing date,” from an on-line connection. For me I they have been the product of knowing someone (in real life) over a bit of time and the building anticipation. Likewise they have also known me long enough (at least a few weeks) to have a clue as to my likes and preferences.

    Where is this fictional on-line world with all the hotties and amazing dates?

    With regard to, “amazing dates,” I certainly would not be looking for someone new after having had such; how absurd that sounds. If I’m satisfied, I’m holding pat.


  5. 5

    Oh, wow, I can’t believe the responses so far.

    Okay, I don’t use match.com, I use free sites (for my ethnicity), on some of which you get a notification in your e-mail that you have new messages on the site, and with at least one other you get your messages forwarded by the site directly to your e-mail address.

    Now, my computer is always on, and I check my e-mail compulsively, regardless of whatever activity may be going on. Checking my messages in any particular site’s mailbox feels like exactly the same thing to me. To take this personally would not be very prudent on the part of the men I date.

    Additionally, after one or two dates I can’t possibly decide to take my profile down for someone, nor do I expect this sort of premature fidelity from him. I just practice the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

    This question would be the same as, “After a good / great / wonderful date with someone, would you accept an offer to go on a date with someone else?” Well, certainly. You never know right off how any of these dates will eventually play out and whether they’ll lead to any meaningful relationships, so why limit yourself before you do know?

  6. 6

    Yes, I have done this and I am not proud. I have given it some thought and I think I have done this because I am afraid that the man I’ve just totally connected with will not pursue the relationship. I go online after a good date to reassure myself that, should the wonderful man of that particular evening not continue to call me – well there are other fish in the sea.
    Now, that being said – all that was when I was newly single. Now that it’s been a couple years and the excitement of dating again has worn a bit thin, I don’t do that anymore. If I meet someone I like, I go home and think about him. I don’t dive back into the dating pool.


  7. 7

    No, not immediately. But, I don’t leap into exclusive dating until I have a more reality based reason for it. I take the “at first” feelings cautiously. Experience has taught me that.

    Also, just for perspective, there is more than one reason to be on the Match site. I check out the profiles of my friends for feedback to them, I checkout the profiles of men they are interested in for feedback to them, I reread profiles of the men I am interested in including the one I may have just completed a date with.

  8. 8

    I do — and I don’t stop until the guy has asked me to be exclusive because as Evan has pointed out, for many people a “great date” or even two doesn’t mean anything.

  9. 9

    I think that it is unreasonable to expect anyone to be “Off the market” after one date. The only thing that online dating has done is expose this reality. Just because someone meets someone great and interesting, doesn’t mean they are instantly devoted! If you are going to play the game you have to keep a cool head, and understand that while online dating can offer you a lot of first dates, it doesn’t expedite the commitment part!

  10. 10

    I think that it is unreasonable to expect anyone to be “Off the market” after one date. The only thing that online dating has done is expose this reality. Just because someone meets someone great and interesting, doesn’t mean they are instantly devoted! If you are going to play the game you have to keep a cool head, and understand that while online dating can offer you a lot of first dates, it doesn’t expedite the commitment part! So sure, i would respond to an email – probably wouldn’t search for my next date, but no reason to stop engaging in conversation just because you met someone nice.

  11. 11

    No, if it is a wonderful date I would not come home and write to someone else…however…I learned from you Evan ..that men don’t put all their eggs in one basket. So I would still keep my options open until it is clear to me that this is heading in a serious direction. I would then without a doubt not correspond with anyone else. In fact I would write or tell them that I have met someone special.

  12. 12

    I’ve never come home from what I THOUGHT was a great date with a woman I met online and emailed anyone unless I had been corresponding with more than 1 woman at a time already. But 1 great date doesn’t mean anything except you had nice time that evening or day. It doesn’t mean “hi, nice to meet you we had a great time now I’m committed to you….lol

    One huge problem with ALL of the online sites is the invasion of privacy. It should be nobody’s business when I’m “online” or when the “last time I was online was” etc(within reason)…… On Yahoo I could be checking my regular email acct. and it’ll show that I’m “online” on the personals ! That sucks !!!

  13. 13

    I just want to clarify my previous e-mail. When I say that I don’t instantly start writing to other people on Match.com after a good date, I mean just that. I’m not making myself exclusive with that guy I went on the date with. If a new guy e-mails me, I’m not going to ignore him. Until the exclusivity talk comes up, I assume that we’re not exclusive. I was just saying that I’m not going to come home at midnight from an awesome date and check my Match.com account, or initiate e-mails with new folk, which are things that I have done when there’s been a poopy date.

    And as Jane said, I’ll also log on to Match for the reasons she said (help friends’ profiles, look at the guys their interested in, reread my date’s profile) which to me is not really what Evan was asking about either.

  14. 14

    hmmm..Yes I have. Partially because I go back and email or contact the person I had the date with. And then you never know who has emailed you while you were out.

  15. 15

    I haven’t used Match.com, but I have used other sites, both paid and free. And I have come home from a great date and checked my account online, but that depends on the time of day for the date (afternoon versus evening). For me, it is more of a measure to remind myself to keep options open and to not get too attached too soon. In addition, I stay consistent with the other people who I am communicating with.

  16. 16

    Oh, the people who are hurt by this: how do you know your date went online after parting with you unless you were doing the same thing?

  17. 17

    To clarify, though I wouldn’t run home and immediately start e-ing another man after (that fictional amazing date with the on-line hottie,) I wouldn’t totally cut all ties with the outside world, so to speak, on the eve of one great date. I didn’t think that was what Evan was getting at… I thought he was asking if, after the amazing date, one pushed the date feelings aside and went home to search for new men or communicate with other men that very evening. I’d more likely take a hot bath, reflect on said date and go to bed and resume my dating life the following day.

    But as I said, those amazing dates happen in “real life” and have actually been pre-I’net dating, for me. I have yet to meet someone on-line that really rings my bell.


  18. 18

    Gee – I have answered emails from my Palm phone while I was on a date and my date went to the bathroom – have checked out matches that might have been sent to me since I last checked my email last. Hey – how are they going to know?

  19. 19

    I’m confused–Evan just used the words “amazing date.” From the comments posted above, it sounds like everyone assumed this meant “amazing FIRST date.” I didn’t take it that way, hence the remark about my date taking himself off the market. An amazing date could be your third or your tenth date with someone you met online.

  20. 20
    Louis Brusco

    Me too – I assumed Amazing First date – if I had an Amazing date there would be other things I would do when I got home – no – clean things – like sitting there writing an email or text message telling her how amazing it was for me – and making sure she did not sit there trying to decide if I was the type of guy to adhere to a 24 hour rule.

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