Have You Ever Gone on an Amazing Date And Instantly Come Home to Write to Other People on Match.com?

Have you ever gone on an amazing date and instantly come home to write to other people on Match.com?

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  1. 1

    OMG, no. But I’ve had it done to me, and boy, does it sting. It’s like you were on two completely different dates. I realize my date may have not felt the same way about it, but I would at least wait a day or two then tell the other person that we had a great time but I’m still talking to other people.

    I’ve had guys tell me they’re taking their profiles down after a particularly wonderful evening, only to see them “online–chatting now” hours later when I logged on to send them a thank you email or (gush, yes, this is embarrassing) look at their pictures (not to spy on them).

    I realize it happens all the time, but it still feels rude to me. I can tell myself, “He’s writing to all those other girls he dated to tell them he’s off the marked now,” but I really know the truth: he’s just not that into me. Sigh.

  2. 2
    Karl R

    Only if I was already corresponding with that person already. I’ve never come home from a great date and e-mailed someone new.

  3. 3

    Ditto Karl’s response (#2).

  4. 4

    Hey there,

    Thanks for the b-day wishes! The Birthday Pizzeria I put together last night for my friends was well enjoyed.

    I found Evan’s question funny, almost like the last one, in that I have NEVER had an, “amazing date,” from an on-line connection. For me I they have been the product of knowing someone (in real life) over a bit of time and the building anticipation. Likewise they have also known me long enough (at least a few weeks) to have a clue as to my likes and preferences.

    Where is this fictional on-line world with all the hotties and amazing dates?

    With regard to, “amazing dates,” I certainly would not be looking for someone new after having had such; how absurd that sounds. If I’m satisfied, I’m holding pat.


  5. 5

    Oh, wow, I can’t believe the responses so far.

    Okay, I don’t use match.com, I use free sites (for my ethnicity), on some of which you get a notification in your e-mail that you have new messages on the site, and with at least one other you get your messages forwarded by the site directly to your e-mail address.

    Now, my computer is always on, and I check my e-mail compulsively, regardless of whatever activity may be going on. Checking my messages in any particular site’s mailbox feels like exactly the same thing to me. To take this personally would not be very prudent on the part of the men I date.

    Additionally, after one or two dates I can’t possibly decide to take my profile down for someone, nor do I expect this sort of premature fidelity from him. I just practice the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

    This question would be the same as, “After a good / great / wonderful date with someone, would you accept an offer to go on a date with someone else?” Well, certainly. You never know right off how any of these dates will eventually play out and whether they’ll lead to any meaningful relationships, so why limit yourself before you do know?

  6. 6

    Yes, I have done this and I am not proud. I have given it some thought and I think I have done this because I am afraid that the man I’ve just totally connected with will not pursue the relationship. I go online after a good date to reassure myself that, should the wonderful man of that particular evening not continue to call me – well there are other fish in the sea.
    Now, that being said – all that was when I was newly single. Now that it’s been a couple years and the excitement of dating again has worn a bit thin, I don’t do that anymore. If I meet someone I like, I go home and think about him. I don’t dive back into the dating pool.


  7. 7

    No, not immediately. But, I don’t leap into exclusive dating until I have a more reality based reason for it. I take the “at first” feelings cautiously. Experience has taught me that.

    Also, just for perspective, there is more than one reason to be on the Match site. I check out the profiles of my friends for feedback to them, I checkout the profiles of men they are interested in for feedback to them, I reread profiles of the men I am interested in including the one I may have just completed a date with.

  8. 8

    I do — and I don’t stop until the guy has asked me to be exclusive because as Evan has pointed out, for many people a “great date” or even two doesn’t mean anything.

  9. 9

    I think that it is unreasonable to expect anyone to be “Off the market” after one date. The only thing that online dating has done is expose this reality. Just because someone meets someone great and interesting, doesn’t mean they are instantly devoted! If you are going to play the game you have to keep a cool head, and understand that while online dating can offer you a lot of first dates, it doesn’t expedite the commitment part!

  10. 10

    I think that it is unreasonable to expect anyone to be “Off the market” after one date. The only thing that online dating has done is expose this reality. Just because someone meets someone great and interesting, doesn’t mean they are instantly devoted! If you are going to play the game you have to keep a cool head, and understand that while online dating can offer you a lot of first dates, it doesn’t expedite the commitment part! So sure, i would respond to an email – probably wouldn’t search for my next date, but no reason to stop engaging in conversation just because you met someone nice.

  11. 11

    No, if it is a wonderful date I would not come home and write to someone else…however…I learned from you Evan ..that men don’t put all their eggs in one basket. So I would still keep my options open until it is clear to me that this is heading in a serious direction. I would then without a doubt not correspond with anyone else. In fact I would write or tell them that I have met someone special.

  12. 12

    I’ve never come home from what I THOUGHT was a great date with a woman I met online and emailed anyone unless I had been corresponding with more than 1 woman at a time already. But 1 great date doesn’t mean anything except you had nice time that evening or day. It doesn’t mean “hi, nice to meet you we had a great time now I’m committed to you….lol

    One huge problem with ALL of the online sites is the invasion of privacy. It should be nobody’s business when I’m “online” or when the “last time I was online was” etc(within reason)…… On Yahoo I could be checking my regular email acct. and it’ll show that I’m “online” on the personals ! That sucks !!!

  13. 13

    I just want to clarify my previous e-mail. When I say that I don’t instantly start writing to other people on Match.com after a good date, I mean just that. I’m not making myself exclusive with that guy I went on the date with. If a new guy e-mails me, I’m not going to ignore him. Until the exclusivity talk comes up, I assume that we’re not exclusive. I was just saying that I’m not going to come home at midnight from an awesome date and check my Match.com account, or initiate e-mails with new folk, which are things that I have done when there’s been a poopy date.

    And as Jane said, I’ll also log on to Match for the reasons she said (help friends’ profiles, look at the guys their interested in, reread my date’s profile) which to me is not really what Evan was asking about either.

  14. 14

    hmmm..Yes I have. Partially because I go back and email or contact the person I had the date with. And then you never know who has emailed you while you were out.

  15. 15

    I haven’t used Match.com, but I have used other sites, both paid and free. And I have come home from a great date and checked my account online, but that depends on the time of day for the date (afternoon versus evening). For me, it is more of a measure to remind myself to keep options open and to not get too attached too soon. In addition, I stay consistent with the other people who I am communicating with.

  16. 16

    Oh, the people who are hurt by this: how do you know your date went online after parting with you unless you were doing the same thing?

  17. 17

    To clarify, though I wouldn’t run home and immediately start e-ing another man after (that fictional amazing date with the on-line hottie,) I wouldn’t totally cut all ties with the outside world, so to speak, on the eve of one great date. I didn’t think that was what Evan was getting at… I thought he was asking if, after the amazing date, one pushed the date feelings aside and went home to search for new men or communicate with other men that very evening. I’d more likely take a hot bath, reflect on said date and go to bed and resume my dating life the following day.

    But as I said, those amazing dates happen in “real life” and have actually been pre-I’net dating, for me. I have yet to meet someone on-line that really rings my bell.


  18. 18

    Gee – I have answered emails from my Palm phone while I was on a date and my date went to the bathroom – have checked out matches that might have been sent to me since I last checked my email last. Hey – how are they going to know?

  19. 19

    I’m confused–Evan just used the words “amazing date.” From the comments posted above, it sounds like everyone assumed this meant “amazing FIRST date.” I didn’t take it that way, hence the remark about my date taking himself off the market. An amazing date could be your third or your tenth date with someone you met online.

  20. 20
    Louis Brusco

    Me too – I assumed Amazing First date – if I had an Amazing date there would be other things I would do when I got home – no – clean things – like sitting there writing an email or text message telling her how amazing it was for me – and making sure she did not sit there trying to decide if I was the type of guy to adhere to a 24 hour rule.

  21. 22

    No, regardless of whether it’s the first date or not. Depending on the hour I have come home & checked my email. If there is an email I’ll read it, but won’t respond one way or the other until later. If I felt it was an amazing date then I would want to give my date the cosideration of not writing someone else as soon as I get home. Maybe it’s old fashioned, but that’s how I am.

  22. 23

    I have definitely done this and didn’t feel an ounce of remorse about it. What’s really amusing is to come home from a great first date and see the other person ALSO on match checking emailing, etc. Keeps you humble.

  23. 24

    It’s interesting how Internet dating has changed all this. Imagine going on a date 20 years ago where after your date drops you at the door, you turn around and hit a dozen bars to see if there’s anyone there for you. Has online dating made it too easy to be ridiculously picky and never find a mate, or worse to cheat? Yes and yes. And before someone gets all hotheaded, I’m not saying checking your email after a date is necessarily cheating, I’m just questioning how easy it makes it NOT to find what you say you’re looking for.

  24. 25

    Isn’t taking your profile down after one date jumping the gun, no matter how well it went? I continued to chat after dates and only stopped when one man and I agreed to be mutally exclusive with each other and we BOTH took down our profiles.

  25. 26

    Yes, I’ve come home from an amazing first date and gone online, only to see that he’s online and I feel a sting of hurt.  But hey, I’m online too!  In fact, a guy and I made the we’re going to be exclusive agreement and still we were both online.  Nothing makes sense anymore.  If trust can be doubted this is one sure way to do it.

    Like another person said, I think the online dating sites should not show who’s online.  I’d rather not doubt someone’s sincerity based on this.  I’d rather not see the person online, no matter what it may mean.

  26. 27

    I would most definately AVOID going onto my dating site after a great first date with someone I was interested in. Not because I feel I’ve now met THE ONE but because if there ever is going to BE a ONE then I feel you need to give things a fair shot. I won’t take down my profile, but I will stop actively seeking or responding to other men for the time being. Yes, my date will see this, if he logs on and checks my profile. I WANT him to see that I am not logging on, that I am actually giving him a chance. I feel that men more than women are very addicted to the “multiple options, grass is always greener” mentality that online dating offers, and I don’t want to legitimise that behavious by being seen to keep logging on myself. When you’re not dating anyone, thats the time to be scouring the sites. Once you ACTUALLY MEET someone you ACTUALLY LIKE, then give it a fair shot! If it falls apart, sure, that’s the time to get back on the merry-go-round!

  27. 28

    I dont do this, but I’ve been out with guys who have. The absolute worst, was when I was on a 5th date with a guy, and he asked me if I wanted to sleep over for the first time, and I agreed to. Before we went to sleep, he was in the kitchen putting a few things away from the dinner he cooked that evening, and from the other room I noticed him typing on his phone. I just had a feeling, so I checked the online dating site that we met on, and sure enough his username said “Online Now”. I told him I’d decided to go ahead and go home. I got the hell outta there, and never went out with him again.

  28. 29
    The Nice Girl

    I am a firm believer that we should have a separate email address for our online dating profiles. That way, we do not come home from a date and just innocently go to check our yahoo accounts and have to deal with the temptation to check and see who this is that just marked me as a favorite! Its hard to avoid that temptation.
    Online dating does nothing but paralyze our ability to stop and make a choice because the parade of choices are there in front of you everyday in your inbox. So make the separation!
    Oh and Marie, my best friend had sex with a man and woke up to him scrolling through match.com while they were still naked in the bed. Lol.. its unreal.

  29. 30
    Timothy Horrigan

    Unless the two of you got married during the date, I am not sure what’s so wrong with looking at more profiles afterwards. 

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