Have You Ever Seen the Same People on Multiple Dating Sites and Rolled Your Eyes?

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Have you ever seen the same people on multiple dating sites and rolled your eyes?

Please share your thoughts and experiences below.

To hear what I feel about being on multiple online dating sites, click here.

Talk to you soon!

Evan

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Comments:

  1. 21
    Karl R

    -NN- asked: (#12)
    “why should one have real age in profile?”

    Because age is more than just a number. Someone who is substantially older or younger is more likely to be at a different stage of life than you are. Also, someone close to your age is more likely to be close to your level of maturity.

    -NN- also stated:
    “it is no-one elses business than mine, how old I am.”

    Following by that line of reasoning, it should be nobody’s business what level of education I’ve received. I’m more intelligent, more well-read and more articulate than your average college graduate, so nobody is likely to figure out that I didn’t by conversing with me.

    And would you also say that it’s nobody’s business how much a man earns? He might only be earning $40,000 a year, but living the lifestyle of someone who earns $70,000 a year. His style, car and house will all match a person who earns $70,000 per year. Nobody will notice the difference until he files for bankruptcy.

    In the past year I’ve dated one woman who was 10 years older than me, and two who were 11 years younger than me. (That’s about my limit in both directions.) I’m happy to date women who are a wide range of ages. I’m not happy to date women who are so insecure in who they are that they feel the need to lie about it.

  2. 22
    JuJu

    I wouldn’t consider even meeting someone with NN’s philosophy. Not my business, you say? So long and good luck.

  3. 23
    Jennifer

    @Karl and JuJu- agreed. Age is more than just a number for the reasons Karl stated.

    Having such a vehement view about not sharing information that the overwhelming majority of people see as commonplace just seems extreme and contrary for its own sake.

  4. 24
    moonsical

    JB,

    If an individual is worried about appearing “desperate” to a potential mate by using search-able sites and being “seen” on more than one, then they are probably not really ready to mate. Do you go to more than one bar? More than one coffee shop? Of course. We all know different spots have different attributes. On more than one site? Big deal. I hope these opinions from females on this blog expand your idea of what is acceptable. As JuJu said, “their presence on several sites would tell me…that these people are in search of a partner.” Isn’t that the point?

    Pretenses fall by the wayside when you are simply on task.

    Btw, I have had men e me on one site, then pop up on another. They are just being cute with me, I know, but it doesn’t offend me nor do I feel, “desperate,” for trying other sites, and I expect they don’t either!

    moon

    Btw…on the age issue…I’m afraid to say this because I’m fearful of the knocks I might get, but…if someone lies about their age on a site I’m a paid subscriber to, I e customer care for the site. It is deliberate misrepresentation and so, misuse of the site. If you do not want to reveal your age, perhaps find a site where it is not required or they do not match by age. That is just how I feel about it. Not to mention being tired of “old daddies” trolling for younger bait. Sorry!

  5. 25
    JuJu

    Actually, moon, I rather like your approach. =)

  6. 26
    moonsical

    Hey thanks JuJu! I find I often concur with your pov as well.

    moon

    I do agree re: if people don’t want to post salary, with whom you live, etc. And the sites must, too, as this is optional information.

  7. 27
    Rose

    What about a guy who’s on just one site but is on it every 2 to 5 minutes? I recently almost went out with a guy but just couldn’t get past the fact that though I only went on the site only once or twice a day at various times of the day, every time I went on it would say he had been on 2 or 5 minutes before. This was after we’d written long messages to one another and had two 4/5-hour phone conversations and were talking about meeting. At that point in the connection with someone I want to feel a guy is “smitten” with me and is not scamming every minute for new prospects. There were other gut feelings that kept me from meeting him finally, but this was a big one. Am I being ridiculous? What do others think?

    1. 27.1
      Cat

      Honestly, Rose-#27, I would never go by what the dating site says (unless they say it’s been three weeks since their last login. That I would believe.) I’ve noticed problems on many sites, including okcupid and match, where it would say I’d been online when I hadn’t. Match even left my profile up after I had cancelled my subscription and hidden my profile from public view!

      That said, what does it matter if this guy is on the dating site a lot? You should be spending more time on the site yourself instead of getting heavily invested in one guy that you haven’t even met! Five hour conversations? You already wanted him to be “smitten” with you? Good lord, it would be so awkward when you met him! (You say you didn’t.) You should really invest in Evan’s Finding The One Online series, and then follow it.

  8. 28
    Andrea

    I don’t roll my eyes, but interesting how the same people will get “recommended” to you on multiple sites, even when you DON’T live in a low population area.
    If the person is a bad match on one site, it’s interesting that another site will make the same bad match.
    I wonder about the algorithms that are used, since I frequently get matched with people who don’t even want someone of my race.   How does that work. How hard could it be to keep those people off the list?   What a total waste of time.
    I know the comments above are pretty old, but I don’t get why someone would think that they could go on a dating site and not tell anything about themselves.
    I also don’t get the whole point of hiding your profile unless you are taking a break.   I got contacted by someone like that and I couldn’t help but think “married” or “living with someone.”   Esp. since a reasonable exchange that wound up with him sending his number so we could “meet for drinks” that week wound up with no response and the profile being deactivated again (hopefully it’s not sketchy and he met someone else first).
    I still have a lot to learn about all of this…

  9. 29
    Mark

    I don’t roll my eyes at all. I used to be on multiple sites myself simply because, as others have pointed out, whilst there is some overlap, there are also a lot of people who may only be on one site. Certain sites cater to different people as well. I wasn’t desperate, I simply did it to increase my chances and it worked for me. I got 4 different dates from 3 different sites and the last of which was successful and she’s now my girlfriend

  10. 30
    Julie

    if I begin dating someone I met online, I do a search on other sites to see if they have profiles posted EVERYWHERE. Something just isn’t right if they have to heavily market themselves and increase their exposure exponentially. Why?? because there is something about themselves that they know is undesireable. Desperation? Serial daters unable to have a real relationship? Unrealistic “criteria” for the person of their fantasy dream….here’s an example….54 year old man looks 64, a few extra pounds, photo of him with his adult daughter (looks about 29) arm around her, cheek to cheek.. looking for female between ages of 29 and 45 ?????? Profile up for 3 years….shocker that they would need to be on a million sites to get just one response. On line dating is creepy!!

  11. 31
    stephanie

    The thing to watch out for are the guys who have multiple profiles on the SAME site, sequentially or even simultaneously, and in different countries, so that if they tell you they’re off the site you won’t know that they’re lying !! I recently discovered this about someone I’d had an awful experience with. Reported it to the site – an affiliate of match.com – and they dismissed it out of hand. Watch out on any site owned by match.com.

  12. 32
    joyce

    I was looking to join a dating website as a busy professional I thought this was the way to go.   How wrong was I.   I did my homework and looked at the men on different sites and to see how each site was run.   I was not looking for a one night stand.   And I kept seeing the same face popping up all the time but numerous different names.   I was intrigued and found that it was not just English sites he was attatched to but American and German.   He goes by the name sexymann72, sam e, sam ehis, sam ehioghiren, wonderful72  and many others.   i actually clicked on him to see what he would say and Oh My Gosh what a player, within three days he asked for money.   He is Nigerian but located in London England.   On the site I joined you get to see his other (victims!) I feel for the ladies as you just know thay must have been scammed by this criminal thier locations varied from America England Vienna etc.   He is a very handsome gentleman but he is also is very clever with words.   For a lady with low self esteem or  self worth they are easy targets.    After he emailed me asking for  £100 I actually emailed one lady who continually kept sending him hearts and sweet nothings.   She said they had been a couple for over a year they had not met yet but she was sponsering him from America as he was a student and when he graduated he would be joining her in America.   You had to feel for the lady as you know this is not going to happen.   I was honoured as the night before he  asked for the money he declared his undying love for me lol.   There should be something put into place whereby if the gentlemans name or photo  should flag up as belonging to other sites.   This would help the decent honest people looking for a patner would not have to suffer at the hands of men and  women like these.     

  13. 33
    princess

    Yes, the guy I was recently seeing and dumped was caught on several dating sites by me, some paid and others unpaid.  
    I didn’t mind him still being on the dating site we met on because we only saw each other for around 2 months and I hadn’t removed mine either so that would be hypocritical of me.
      
    However, I found him on an adult dating site because I was curious and had a bad feeling about him so I posted a free profile up on then and lo and behold, he had used the same user name (a unique one) for all profiles on all sites so I   dumped his ass, athough he denied it.  
    I deserve better than that.  

  14. 34
    JoJo

    I totally agree with the comments from princess…The very same thing happened to me.   Same time frame of dating etc.   He had just left my house and was instant messaging someone on match as soon as he got home.   Then I discovered he was on at least 2 other sites, and changed his picture and profile while we were dating!   He was calling and texting at least 3 times a day, probably a blanket text to many other women.   I sent him a message on match, then blocked his number, email and profile.   What a player!! Who needs this?

  15. 35
    Julie

    Why no use as many free sites as possible?   Why limit yourself?   That’s ridiculous.   You never know who’s using which site.   If you’re going to be online at all, be out there!   I know one thing, POF makes me feel so old with all the old men it matches me to!   You can’t control who can search or message you.

  16. 36
    Alan

    Haha,   match.com hijacked my profile and posted me as living in New Hampshire.   This is not funny and they wouldn’t reply to my complaint about it. These dating sites are unscrupulous. Just look at there offshore address.   That’s why they can’t be regulated.  

  17. 37
    matt

    I always chuckle when the sites try so hard to “match” you with others. I live in an area with about 200,000 people in a 25 mile radius. I check the dating sites about once a month and find about 15 new profiles.   Not really hard to check the 0-2 profiles where someone “might” be what you are looking for.
      
    I’ve been on these sites since maybe 2004, got a total of 2 dates from them, one was a relationship that lasted a month, but mainly because I was sort of desperate at the time. Its been almost 5 years since I last went out with someone I met online…..seems to be more of a waste of time than it was in the past.
      
    Can’t figure out why someone would choose a paid site over a free one. I tend to send 2-3 emails a month and get 0 replies. Is it any better on a paid one?

  18. 38
    Bella

    I have. I know this guy from a dating site. We met once and traveled together. He comes from another country. Things happened, so I started googling about him, which I should have done it before I decided to meet him. It’s really shocking to find that he’s in several dating websites, honestly I kinda think it’s a little creepy cause he seems like he’s desperate or something. I even found his profile on this dating website called bangme, then I came to a solution maybe he just wants to hook up.  

  19. 39
    deb

    I’ve tried Spice of Life & RSVP, met a few men…most lied about their age, one man (I’d driven an hour to meet & liked tho was older than he’d said..) said they’d love to meet again (after an initial ‘coffee meet’ then I found a ‘sorry, not my type’ email when I got home! Why can’t people be frank? We’re adults! I use ‘real me’ photos in my profile…wrinkles n all..I’m 63) 🙂 (I think being who you are is important!) Doesn’t everyone want to know someone likes them as they are? For who they are?? Also, I am legally married…I’m 9 years into my absolutely-permanent estrangement from a husband happily involved with a partner (just as long). Many sites won’t accept ‘separated’… I dated (not for long 🙂 ) two different men who actually were ‘clueless players!! Showed me their bedroom with computer ON Dating sites & immediately sat down at computer to show me womens photos! with commentary about them! Shaking my head! 🙂 …What were they thinking!! I met a terrific man 9 mos ago who lives 1600 k away! We Skype twice a day and no invite down in 6 mos! Oh my Gawd, I’m in an internet-relationship!! So not what I want! I am fairly frustrated with this internet dating scene, especially as I’ve no alternatives, living rural & retired. I appreciate having a bit of a vent here, Thank you 🙂

  20. 40
    deb

    sorry, guess I didn’t actually answer Evans question! Yes, I’ve been on two different sites & saw many of the same mens faces! With different nicknames, and same photos as 5 years earlier! (which were definetly not current in the first place). I think it’s kind of sad when people don’t feel confident enough to be seen as they are. My ex did me an Enormous favor about 20 years ago…I was the typical female who, upon looking at photos of themself would go ”omg” & promptly tear them up! He grabbed my hand as I was about to destroy a photo he’d taken of me, surfacing from a dive into a stream…and gently said “but love, that’s what you look like”…it was a real ‘Ah Ha’ moment and I’ve never destroyed a picture since. I can still cring…but then, by the 3rd or 4th time I look at a photo I begin to accept ‘that’s me’ … that’s how I look to others and they like me, so why shouldn’t I!! That ‘perspective’ is very freeing!

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