How Can I Tell How Attractive I Really Am?

How Can I Tell How Attractive I Really Am?
Hi Evan,

I have been reading your blog for over a year now and I have also bought your book Why He Disappeared. I enjoy a lot of the advice and generally agree with most of it.

You generally maintain the reason why people are single is they over-assess themselves and rate themselves higher than what they originally are. Like a 6 thinking she is an 8. So my question today is basically this: how do you correctly analyze yourself? I always feel like asking people I am around (good friends, coworkers etc.) but I am scared it might ruin things/make things uncomfortable and basically they might tell me what I want to hear.

So is there an objective way to quantify yourself so that you are clear in where you stand? –Sharon

Thanks for the self-aware question about not being entirely self-aware.

I’ve always used a metaphor to describe people and their attractiveness ratings.

Think of it like a clothing store.

You’re introducing a new brand of milk. It’s no different than anyone else’s 2% milk, but it’s your unique packaging. You’re targeting wealthy people who want the best of the best in everything. To that end, you price your milk at $10/gallon.

Nobody buys it.

Does anyone that you want to date want to date you back?

There’s nothing wrong with the milk. It’s just not finding its target market.

You lower the price to $9. $8. $7. $6. $5…

Your mind is blown because you thought that your milk was different and special and it turns out that no matter how strongly you felt about your unique brand, other people – your buyers – only valued it at a lesser rate.

It’s basic supply and demand and it’s about the only way to see what your value is.

Sure, you can put your face up on HotOrNot or buy one of those Ugly iPhone apps to gauge your “scientific” attractiveness rating. But that’s not particularly telling.

More telling is this: does anyone that you want to date want to date you back?

If not, you’re overestimating yourself, no matter what “number” you think you are.

Listen, we overestimate ourselves because it’s necessary. No one would want to wake up in the morning, thinking that she’s ugly, stupid, mean, and has bad taste in clothing, music, and décor. But if you look around, there are a lot of stupid, ugly, mean people with bad taste, aren’t there?

So a measure of self-delusion is not only normal, but somewhat healthy for survival.

People respond to confident people and whether the confidence is deserved or not doesn’t really matter, as long as each delusional pot finds a delusional lid.

The only time that this overconfidence bias becomes a problem is when there’s a severe disconnect between reality and fantasy.

The 62-year-old guy who writes to you online when you’re 31? If he starts to take things personally, he’s gonna go through some hard times. He may be a great catch, but if he’s holding out for exclusively women who DON’T want him, he’ll likely be alone for a really, really, really long time.

I don’t judge him. He wants what he wants. But I do feel bad for him.

Everyone becomes choosier online because we’re comparing you to other, younger, taller, richer, smarter people in a way that we don’t in real life.

He’s overestimated himself and forgotten that the 31-year-old could have any man – 30, 35, 40, 45, 50… there’s virtually NO reason she would choose to go out with him.

Flip that over and apply this logic to yourself, Sharon.

If every guy you write to online is a 9 and none of those guys write back, they probably don’t see you as a “9” as well.

Keep going down the list – writing to the 8s, 7s, 6s, and 5s. The ones who start writing back are the ones at your level.

For most people, this reality check is quite a slap in the face.

And that’s exactly why I do it with all my private clients.

I have no tolerance for people who don’t embrace reality and if a fit 50-year-old woman is only going to write to hot 45-year-old guys who claim to want 35-year-old women, she’s most definitely wasting her time.

To put a final point on it, online dating isn’t the best arbiter for your attractiveness number. Everyone becomes choosier online because we’re comparing you to other, younger, taller, richer, smarter people in a way that we don’t in real life.

In real life, your physical attractiveness number is completely affected by your personality.

Overweight women, women with large noses, women who are older – name your physical bugaboo – all become sexier when attached to a bright, vibrant, positive, engaging personality. Which is why the photo test is, at best, limited.

Still, if you’re only holding out for men who have no interest in you, you’re probably overestimating yourself and should take it down a peg. Same exact advice applies to all men, so please, no angry comments, okay? ☺

Join our conversation (321 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 181

    I’m a very good looking, thin but busty, 44 yr old. I’m divorced with three kids, two of them grown. I’m a college grad and I make $98k a yr. Lest you think I’m overestimating myself, every day on OKCupid I get a few of those “someone rated you 4 or 5 stars” notifications.

    All I expect is the male version of me to be interested. I’ll overlook a lack of a degree if the guy at least knows the difference between your and you’re, makes at least half of what I make, works hard and has health insurance. Although I pretty much starve myself and run even though I hate it, I’ll overlook 20 extra lbs. And even though I cover my gray every 3 weeks, I have no problem with a bald guy, as long as he doesn’t have a horseshoe, comb over or a pelt. Would a little fashion sense be too much to ask? One thing I won’t budge on is smoking. I’m a nurse. Plus it’s gross. And decent teeth, please? And guys who put racial preferences on their profiles? No, thanks. Ditto for ones who look for qualities/standards that they can’t live up to. I set all of my preferences at either my level or below, never above. Therefore, I think I’m realistic.

    So to say the men who are receptive are at your level sometimes isn’t true. I think I deserve better than obese men in their upper 50’s who have marginal jobs, illiterate profiles, and an ugly face. Yet these are the men who email me the most, even though it says in my profile they meet none of my categories. Funny, if I don’t meet even one category in a man’s profile, I have enough sense and respect not to respond.

    I’ve emailed men who were a step below me in looks and in all categories and they still aren’t interested because they don’t respond.

    I honestly would rather be alone than be with someone whose appearance, personality amd accomplishments make me nauseated.

  2. 182

    I want to marry Karl!

  3. 183

    I’d be quite interested to hear what any of the men here have to say in response to Amy’s last comment @184.

    It never ceases to fascinate me the circumstances in which men, after a plethora of pontification, suddenly go silent.

  4. 184

    [email protected] –  
    Amy stated, “I’ve emailed men who were a step below me in looks and in all categories and they still aren’t interested because they don’t respond.”  Thin, busty, attractive, college educated, and employed — this all sounds good on paper but something in Amy’s profile and/or emails must be turning men off.  I can only speculate what the red flags are  but they must be present or the men would be responding.

    Amy is also weeding out potentials — “Funny, if I don’t meet even one category in a man’s profile, I have enough sense and respect not to respond.”  I might say I have a preference for green eyes and Amy doesn’t respond because she has blue eyes?  Does the fact that a woman has different color eyes than my preference mean that we are not compatible and there would be no chemistry?  

    If Amy were to post some of her emails and her profile name I’m sure that there would be plenty of comments as to what is causing her problems.  Unfortunately we can only speculate. 

  5. 185

    @m186. Not sure what you are looking for here. Amy only had a couple of rhetorical questions. She expressed annoyance that she is something of a “catch” with a pretty broad range of what she is looking for in a guy and yet none of the guys who make the cut for her give her the time of day, and men she is not interested in contact her.

    So all I can offer is that I am 45, make about 50% more than she does, am in very good shape for my age (and better than the average american 25 y.o., but that is a low bar) and nice teeth. I am certainly getting thin on top, but I am not by any stretch bald. A little gray around the temples. I don’t believe in coloring my own hair, and find gray on women somewhat sexy. And the confidence that goes with not coloring it is very sexy!. I don’t believe I am handsome, but I am not ugly either. Probably a five or six in the looks department, maybe a 7-8 if you count my physique and you are like long, lean and reasonably cut and can tolerate skinny lower legs (and maybe a 3 or 4 if you like beefy guys or skinny legs are a turn off!)

    If I was still dating and had a profile posted and she wrote me, I would respond out of courtesy whether her message/profile/attitude put me off or not. Even in the former case I would give her a “no thank you” and maybe even explain how she might want to change her approach. I am conscious of deal breakers other people write into their profiles and never respond if I fit one of them.

    OK m, I responded to Amy’s post as best I could given there was not exactly anything to respond to.

  6. 186

    I personally know a few guys who keep reaching for the girls who have absolutely no interest in them, and they always end up disappointed. And if they actually took a reality check, they would be much better off.
    But I somehow feel that this article is incomplete because it leaves out a few points that come into play in the actual dating scene and so to some people it might send a wrong message. And since you seem to like honesty, I’ll not mince words.
    The women I dated in the past were usually regarded as 8s or 9s. Going by your article that makes me an 8.5 . ( I don’t like the numbering system, and I simply hate it when my friends try to label a girl a number but since it is really helping me out here setting the context, I’ll take the easy route and use it) Okay so then there was this new girl at work and on the same scale she would be a 7 maybe. But there was something about her that made her stand out. I haven’t really figured out what that is, but the way she handles herself, the way she walks, talks, it’s all very different and unique and magnetic. But it was only I who felt that way.
    The point I wanted to put across is that you really can’t say what number you are, a vague estimation maybe, but it’s not like if you are an 8, you are an 8 and every other 8 or 7 will find you attractive and for a 9 or 10 it will simply be unacceptable to date you. Your persona plays a much bigger role in your beauty than people tend to believe. And even that is subjective.
    There is this one more point that I want to make, for which I’ll again use a real life cue (I know this is becoming a long comment, sorry for that)…When I was in college, there was a girl in the senior year who was really attractive, I would say, a 9.5, but well, she wasn’t very photogenic. She wasn’t photogenic at all. In her facebook pictures, she would come off as a 7 or a 7.5 at best. Now think of her in an online dating portal. The very men who would turn their heads when she would walk by would simply scroll down without glancing a second time. And after a few rejections, she might start thinking that she’s not as hot as she thought, which isn’t right. 
    Online, people don’t judge your looks, but your photographs. Just think about it once before that drop in your self esteem.

  7. 187

    There’s too many unattractive men who marries way prettier women than themselves. And I’ve seen way too many successfull attractive men with some really unpretty women. Rarely do I see couples who really deserve each other and are at the same level. And everybody who I have talked to about this topic, agrees that there is some really un-understandable mis-matching going on. I’m only talking about physical appearence now. I know one of the reason attractive people go for someone below themselves is because they probably give more weight to personality, especially in the long run.

    I mean it’s understandable if a pretty woman marries someone not so good looking but who has a great personality, but the other way around is weird. Women are mostly valued for their beauty, as shallow as it may sound.

    1. 187.1

      Angie said: “Women are mostly valued for their beauty, as shallow as it may sound.

      I think that is becoming less so.
      A lot of people of both genders are realizing much sooner that good looks often goes along with shallow personality.
      Personally, I prefer women who are more plain and who are intelligent and interesting.

  8. 188

    After reading a few of the comments, I found common experiences among the readers.  I definitely see where Evan is coming from.  I am a 27 year old man, who has struggled with self image issues and subsequently weight issues.  I dated a Hawaiian Tropic model.  She helped me to realize that I was better looking than most men she had met and dated. But the challenge I faced was my own self image issue.  I truly believe that an attractive person with low self confidence tends to date people who are less attractive than they are and vice versa is also true.                                                                                                                                                                  Here is what I know that has not only worked for me but for many other people I know.  I understand everyone has a different lifestyle, so please find your own comfort level.  Typically people relate to beauty as an exterior quality.  Research has shown time and time again that the people who work-out feel more confident, are happier and have a positive outlook about themselves and their self-image. Also one of the major determining factor when it comes to attractiveness is physical fitness (also known as being fit or height and weight proportionate).  I challenge anyone who is willing to try this.  Observe the people of the same and /or opposite sex around you and see how the confidence level varies from one body type to another.  Also, see how others react to them as well.  A good example is the famous tv show the biggest loser.  The participants in the show  transform from someone who people do not consider to be 8,9 or 10 and once the transformation is complete they become much more attractive (8,9 or 10).  The other good example are the people out there who use photoshop to change their body size and shape and upload those images to different social media networks and dating sites. Another friend of mine is a bikini model.  I’ve known her before her perfect 10 body days. Back in the days, according to most people she was a 5 on her best day. But her determination and hard work has allowed her to achieve a solid 9.    I would like to end by saying we may not look like super models but we can look and be our best selves by investing in on our health (mental, physical & emotional) and without messing with cosmetic surgeries and youth serums.  
    Live your LIFE!
    Love yourself & others!
    Laugh & make others Laugh often!
    Umair S.

    1. 188.1

      This is great advice for women but doesn’t apply to a lot of men. Women are most judged by their weight, skin and hair. Most people don’t know it, but its actually really easy to stay thin your entire adult life. If you eat a whole plant diet you’ll be very thin and have great skin / hair. A girl could easily go from a 3 to a 9 just by eating right and getting a little daily exercise.

      Guys aren’t so lucky. We’re most judged on “size”, height and hairline. You can’t fix that with diet and lifestyle. Come up lacking and you’re SoL. Further, a minority of people have disabilities that also severely reduce their attractiveness. These disabilities have 2nd and 3rd order consequences that hurt you even more. Ex- Your disability prevents you from exercising, so you’re physically weak. You’re doubly unattractive from the disability and lack of muscle. Neat, huh?

  9. 189
    Brandon Marshall

    I don’t get why you say that everyone overestimates their attractiveness. For one I think I underestimate my attractiveness, and I know of other people who do too. I have no idea how attractive, I can’t see, I can see when I notice someone else is attractive but when I look in the mirror, I just don’t know. People tell me I’m attractive but I just can’t see it. I have spent alot of time looking in the mirror trying to figure it out but it just doesn’t make sense. I think it’s because I have low-self worth so than I can’t see what I actually look like because I have negative beliefs about myself clouding my actual attractiveness. It’s basically like a curse that doesn’t go away. Some people can see how beautiful they are, some people can see how ugly they are, and then some people just can’t see at all. I wouldn’t say that everyone is over-estimating themselves, because I know that I don’t. I wish I did because my life would be a lot easier. 

  10. 190

    I don’t think that I’d go so far as to determine my attractiveness based on the attractiveness of the people who write me back. For most of my life I’ve dated guys in the 7-9 range. I don’t even like guys who are “too pretty”. Since I’ve been online dating in Los Angeles (land of the superficial), I get messages mostly from guys who are 3-6. Maybe there’s a lot to be said for my personality, but I sometimes model, so I can’t be that ugly! I think that online dating leaves a lot out of the equation. I still have profiles up, but I tend to try to also put myself “out there” socially, in hopes that maybe I’ll find someone I connect with in person.

  11. 191
    Samantha Hearn

    thanks I may as well kill myself now!

  12. 192

    Well I’m very happy with your way of rating went for 9’s and I guess got pretty lucky  

  13. 193

    You can tell how attractive you are by how attractive are the men who like you. Not how you rate them, but by how other women rate them. The guys who tend to like me are usually really cute, but not 10’s. They are the really cute guy next door look, the you hear girls talk about and have a crush one.  Maybe 8’s if you have to rate it. When I started working out, I would notice 9 or 10’s looking at me, and it made me feel uncomfortable. There was this perfect 10 who really liked me. 6 ft 4in, broad shoulders, deep voice, handsome (like a young Sean Connery), very athletic (does trialthons) and it made me feel intimidated. I felt like I was not good enough, even though I could feel he liked me more than I liked him. I felt he was the one who didn’t know how good looking he was. All the women drooled over him. He was really shy with me.

    I look around all my friends who are in relationships, and they are generally with people of their attractiveness level. My friend Bill is about a 3 or 4 and his girlfriends are all rather unattractive also. He thinks he’s the hottest guy though. LOL I do think confidence helps, but a 4 will never be a 10. Physical attraction is a must in a relationship. 

  14. 194

    This article is pretty ‘tough love’! But unfortunately it is quite accurate. If you’re a 5 you try and get a 9 youre going to be bitterly disappointed. 

    Without getting into a debate id like some guidance. I am a massive ugly duckling and get pretty excited when I get attention. But I always get attention. I regularly recieve comments on my looks. But I also receive negative comments. I don’t wear much make up or make a huge effort on my appearance but because I grew up and got attractive (I think! But def not sure) I get unfairly judged continuously. I have very attractive ex boyfriends but im not really sure why. I’m pretty low maintainance but ive received comments where people have literally asked me how I’ve managed to get such a hot bf! I don’t know and it makes me sad to hear that 😞 it all obviously has a knock on effect on my confidence. I have no interest in looks so it’s hard to be stuck in a group of people where it’s assumed I do care. I am very lucky to be attractive and I’m sorry if this sounds ungratefuL. But I don’t fit in and I find it hard work. I get judged way more because I stand out. it’s harder to be my true self. A lazy geeky tomboy 🙈

    i have no idea how attractive I am 😳 I know it’s subjective but I’d like to know whereabouts on the scale i am 😳🙈 how do you answer that question?

  15. 195

    This is what goes on in my mind that I wouldn’t say out loud.  I’m about to sound super shallow but I promise I am not.  I just think we need to be somewhat attracted at least.      

    I still don’t fully understand.  I ignore the  9’s that write me because I don’t want to date out of my league. However, the guys that become smitten with me are usually like 6-7 imo yet they see me as a 9-10.  That’s crazy to me….I don’t believe it.  They tell me I’m soooo beautiful but I can’t pretend I’m attracted. Its not right. I have low self esteem as it is, now I have to consider that I might be even less attractive than I think.  I’m not attracted to most guys and don’t even consider those out of my league.  

    The only guy I’ve liked in a long time showed little interest in the end.   I considered him an 8.  But is he looking for a 9+? Maybe everyone is aiming higher.  I don’t want to
    “settle”, its not fair for anyone. This attractiveness thing is very objective. How do I really know what I really am?  Maybe its my personality that sucks.

    In the end….I at least want that spark.  Looks are definitely not everything at all.  But is at least having one physical characteristic I really like asking for too much.  I’m not even too picky.  

  16. 196

    This is really dumb. You’re all acting like 14 year olds. You can’t rate people like that it’s bullshit and don’t rate yourself either. Just like who you like and don’t like who you don’t like. If you haven’t found someone yet it’s not because you think you’re better than you are it’s because you just haven’t found the right person yet. STOP PLACING SO MUCH EMPHASIS ON LOOKS IT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT. I have fallen in love with people who weren’t ‘good looking’ at all. People like people because of something other than their tendency to look like they have stepped straight off the cover of VOGUE. I have never in my life found myself attracted to someone on a magazine because they are not REAL. Is that what you think is a ’10’??? Something that is NOT EVEN REAL? 

  17. 197

    There is a flaw in your logic. If overestimation of oneself is a common trait, then others are likely doing it as well. So let’s assume, for a moment, that there IS this somewhat objective attractiveness scale, and that a girl is a seven, but rates herself a nine. What if the ‘7’ men are doing the same thing? What if most people are bumping themselves by two points? Using your method, she would have to hit the ‘5’ men before getting consistent bites, and then she’s undervalued herself.

  18. 198

    In my opinion, which I am basing off of personal experience and academic study of psychology and philosophy, is that beauty if both objective and subjective. There are qualities that are considered universally beautiful, such as full lips, high cheekbones, and big eyes. Others are a matter of preference, such as height/weight, hair color, race, and General “mood” of the face (sweet vs. Sultry, ect). For example, my boyfriend prefers thick women (which I Am not) while my former boyfriend prefers skinny women. And we must keep in mind that no matter how much objective beauty you have, you will never be absolutely perfect and gorgeous to everyone. So try not to worry about it so much. Another thing to keep in mind: Everyone’s looks fade as they age, but at the same time, they become less important to people you are dating (if you are dating within your age range). So again, try not to worry about it so much.

  19. 199

    I’ve never liked the scale/numbers rating system applied to people;  I find it childish and disrespectful.

    After all, one person’s 3 could be another person’s 10.  I believe that what we find attractive is so wildly subjective as human beings…it varies based on so many different factors.

    When it comes to online dating, I used to casually talk to some guys (before I met my husband).   The first question they would ask is:  “Can I see your picture?”   At the time, I had no way of uploading photos so I could only give a physical description of myself.   But it goes to show that for many people, looks are an issue.   I never actually met with any of these men in person because some of them (one in particular)  started to creep me out in phone conversations.

    I think with people of both sexes, it’s important to take care of yourself no matter what you look like.  Exercise and make sure your hygiene is on point.   Try to read or study more, because intelligence is sexy.   Don’t try to be something you aren’t.  Make the most of what you DO have.

    Also, I find that with attraction/attention from the opposite sex, it’s about quality…not quantity.   Lots of men hitting on you doesn’t mean you are a goddess.   It might simply mean that they try that approach with every fairly attractive woman they see, and you just happen to be one of many.    I wouldn’t use that as a barometer of how attractive you are.



  20. 200

    I don’t necessarily agree with this logic. I liked a few guys before who did not like me back so at first I thought it was because they didn’t find me physically attractive, but then they ended up with women who weren’t even gorgeous and in fact less physically attractive than me! Also note that these men I liked weren’t even hot, gorgeous guys that looked like male models, however, I did find them to be cute and attractive in addition to being smart and funny! In other words I KNOW how physically attractive I am and I ONLY go for guys who are  at my level of attractiveness so if those guys didn’t like me back it had nothing to do with lack of physical attraction! I would also like to add that I don’t think online dating sites can accurately determine how attractive a person is. I’m not currently on a dating site, but when I used to be on one I never sent the first message, but rather selectively replied to the messages I received. I found that the majority (I would say 70 to 80%) of men who sent me the first message I did not find even slightly physically attractive. I do not think it’s because they thought I was at the same level of attractiveness as them so decided to write to me, but rather it’s because they are so used to rejection they end up writing to everyone! They write to women who are anywhere from a 1 out of 10 to women who are a 10 out of 10 in order to increase their chances of getting a response!

  21. 201

    But I also believe this type of thought is very harmful to some- the thing is, everyone has different tastes. So to one person, you could be a 6 and to others, you could be a 9. That’s where I believe this article is flawed. And people could also be ignoring you or passing you by due to your personality. You could also just be an asshole. There are so many factors as to determine your level of attractiveness.

  22. 202

    There is always someone for you, if 10 don’t like us who cares. You only need one.

  23. 203

    Wow, reality check, slap in the face.  Good article.

  24. 204

    I’m short, bald, ugly face, crooked teeth, and I have a colostomy.

    I also live on fruits/veggies, hike 5 miles/day, never drink/smoke, am very lean & healthy, own a business, paid cash for a house, solder under a microscope, and test in the top 1%.

    Women don’t care about any of that because I’m still a 1 / 10. Since I don’t want to date a 1/10 (ie an obese single mom in a dirty apartment that spends all my money and treats me like crap) I’ve had zero success with women. Even 4/10 girls are way out of my league and treat me like crap. Hence I’m a 31 year old virgin, and will die one the way I’m going.

    Your article demonstrates what I’ve already thought – that dating is hopeless for a 1/10 and I should just get a hooker once a week. Time to start having actual fun in life.

    1. 204.1

      If anyone reads this they’re going to respond with the cliche that the problem is my bitter attitude. I want to make it very clear that I’ve treated women really well over the years. I’ve fixed their stoves & computers, tutored them for weeks, cooked their favorite meals, etc. And in return they give me a bare minimum of affection until they don’t need me anymore, then drop me for a better looking guy. And these women are maybe 4/10.

      Guys, if you’re a low number, realize that to women you’re a 4th-rate beta loser. They will never like or respect you as a man. The harder you try, the more they’re going to hurt you. When you get tired of feeling crushing depression, loneliness, and shame, quit dating and find a better alternative.

    2. 204.2

      If you could pay cash for a house, why not get your teeth fixed?  A nice smile goes a LONG way in being perceived as attractive!  Hair has zero to do with it.   Some women care and some do not.   Plenty of short men date and even date taller women.  Having a colostomy might take the right person but she wouldn’t know that until many dates in.  And by then the right girl wouldn’t care.  What makes you ugly?  Mostly your attitude.  But if it’s pock-marked skin, have laser resurfacing.  Fix the teeth.  Get your brows shaped.  There are things one can do to make the most of their look.  Grow a beard.  However you ARE unrealistic in that you are a 1/10 and aren’t willing to date a 1/10.  I don’t think you are actually a 1.  The fact you apparently have a clean home (which you own) and are lean and healthy tells me the biggest drawback is your perception.  I recommend you get an image consultant and follow their advice and then contact a dating service.   Someone that can actually meet you in person, interview you and set you up on real dates with women who have already seen photos and a video of you.  They’ll already know what you look like and that you have a colostomy.  Therefore they’ll be interested in YOU.  Good luck.

    3. 204.3

      How about fixing your teeth (they have invisible aligners these days), and maybe even having minor surgery to fix what u consider ‘ugly’ about your face? E.g. I’ve noticed some men’s looks suffer significantly simply from having a very weak jaw, which can be relatively-easily fixed with either dental surgery or a chin implant.


      I don’t think u’re a 1/10, but even if u are,  a little work like that could bring u up significantly, at least to the level of those ‘4 women u know. And u describe yourself as such a ‘nice guy’ type, but maybe need a bit more assertiveness and manlier attitude (which would be easier for u to do once u improve ur appearance). As a woman, I’ve never liked the ‘bad boys’, I always date good-hearted gentlemen like u, but those with a bold and confident attitude.

  25. 205

    You said think of it like a clothing store and then started talking about milk

    what clothing store do you get milk I want to shop there

  26. 206

    Hi, I’m a man who’s come across this blog and thought I’d post. I’ve really struggled in my life with feeling unattractive. And generally, I think that’s a true assessment, although it’s difficult to tell “how bad it is”. Once in my early twenties (I’m 36 now) I posted to Hot Or Not and scored a 3 and I’ve since been obsessed about it. I’ve been divorced now for several years and am interested in dating again, but this issue has reared again and I am afraid that I’m going to be stuck single. I’ve tried the advice here about lowering my standards in the past and ended up in a disastrous marriage with someone I didn’t like. She was obese (like, seriously unhealthy), and while I really probably shouldn’t complain, I am physically active most days of the week (biking, hiking, running) and it really became a conflict in our lifestyles.

    Truth be told, it really wasn’t fair to either of us.

    At any rate, I’m trying to work through this with a counselor now who is trying to talk me up and have me learn to recognize signs of interest from women. It’s difficult for me to buy into. Largely, I’d say that my main issues are that I’m somewhat short (5’8″) and not muscular (~155). When I am completely honest with myself, I can recognize instances where I have been come on to and I’ve completely denied it. Where am I going with this? I guess I mean to say that there may be many reasons why someone doesn’t react to you. For myself, I think I quite often send out signals that I am not interested when not meaning to.

    I find most women attractive, so I don’t think I’m overly particular. I am *certain* however, that I scream insecure. Maybe that’s more of an issue as a man :-/

  27. 207

    Oh yeah? Then why do some men choose women who are less attractive, less intelligent, less vibrant, less fit, less fun and less genuine than me?

    They are wowed by me, but then think this is just a fantasy and that a girlfriend or wife is supposed to be somewhat boring because it’s the norm. Meanwhile, they can have it all, but they feel they have to jump through hoops to woo a woman like me, when all I want is a man who respects me and cares so much for me.

    I’m very genuine and down to earth while at the same time having lots of confidence in myself. I think men are flawed and thrown back by this and it’s too much for many of them to handle emotionally.

  28. 208

    I am a pretty high number myself. I’m not sure how high but I feel we all rank differently in different demographics. For example younger women may feel I am an 8 while women around my age may see me as a 6 or 7. I have such a young face that it would be hard to attract women around my age. This is wht my wife is 7 years younger. We have the absolute amazing relationship. When I met her she was probably a 5. I was dating a model at the time which was more like a 9. Before that I had dated an 8 that was incredibly weathy, then a couple more 8s, and my first 10 was in my younger 20s. I dated a lot of 9s-10s around that time. So I met this 5 right around the time this model girl broke it off with me (first time I’ve been broken up with) to date a girl. I was pretty heartbroken at the time but I held it together and found myself a ‘bandaid’ I called the 5 up because she was some one I didn’t think I would get attached to. I learned a lot about myself at this time. I couldn’t believe what I was missing out on. I did end up in the beginning helping her with clothing choices, eating habbits, and all those things. She on the other hand stroked my ego like there was no tomorrow… she still does haha I love it. I love my 5 she’s an amazing beautiful woman. She feels like home. She cooks for me, she’s not the jealous type, she trusts me, I trust her, and we can talk about anything with each other. It is a very strange thing but I feel like I am not attracted to 10s or 9s anymore. Maybe I just dated so many that their personalitis have defined what I think of “beautiful” women. I have been very happy with my wide for 5 years now. I am excited to grow into old little 1s with her.

  29. 209

    The most stupid thing with the dating game is people who uses numbers 1-10 to DEFINE a person. I don’t want to even talk to those who define me by that.

    The one with the best chemistry will rate you to the top anyway. Chemistry is what is needed, and communication. Without that- you can kiss any relationship goodbye.

  30. 210

    I love how authenticity and raw the content of this article. I will definitely apply what I’ve read.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *