How Come Everyone I Want to Meet Online Isn’t Interested in Me?

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I haven’t found a solution for this. How does a 56 year old man find a good younger woman that would be interested in marriage and willing to have children by him? She would need to be 36 to 38. Most good sites line me up with the 50 year olds and most 36 year olds tend to think I’m a dirty old man.   I know that such a person exists but can’t find a good avenue to find her. I am fairly well to do and well educated.

Dale

Thank you, Dale, for acknowledging a few very common truths from the world of online dating.

You’re a successful older man who wants to date a woman significantly younger than him.

Websites generally attempt to pair singles with matches who are demographically similar.

Most 36-year-old women think you’re a dirty old man.

Now you’re going to get the same song and dance as every other guy who has written to complain about women on the Internet. I’m going to put you in HER shoes.

So let’s say you’re a 36-year-old woman, entering the prime of your life. You’re done with the bar scene and you’re very much interested in settling down to have a family of your own. How do you set your search criteria? Well, if you’re born in 1971, you’re part of Generation X. You went to high school in the 80’s. Your friends are buying their first houses and having their first kids. You probably want something that looks similar. So you search for men 35-45. Yeah, 45 is a little old, you say, but you want to be open-minded. Maybe he’ll still be vigorous enough to keep up with your active lifestyle.

And then you, the 36-year-old woman, post your profile, and what happens? You get BOMBARDED by emails from fifty and sixty something Baby Boomers looking to trade up in the world. You double check your profile to see if there’s something you wrote that’s attracting these older men. You remove that reference to Steely Dan. You cut how you want to travel in style. Yet these men keep on writing — talking about how they’re young for their age, how they’d love to have children, how they have everything in life except a good younger woman.

If you’re 36, you’re pretty darned confused by these emails. By the time you have your first child, you’ll be 38 or 39. Which will make him, what? 58 or 59? By the time the kid is in high school, Dad will be 74! That’s not the kind of life you imagined for yourself or your children. So you politely decline. Or, to keep things simple, you ignore. And ignore. And ignore. It doesn’t stop older men from writing, but at least you don’t have to explain yourself to a man who doesn’t want to hear your perfectly valid explanation.

Understand, Dale, there is nothing wrong with you being attracted to a fertile and youthful woman in her 30’s. Really. I’m not judging you. But you must understand that any woman you desire online has choices. Lots and lots of choices.

She can go out with a cute, successful man who is 35. Or 40. Or 45. Or 50. Are you getting the idea? This does not mean that you’re not a great guy with a ton to give and the purest intentions. It’s that you’re failing to recognize what most younger women want. A peer. A partner. Not a father figure. You’re still wrapped up in what YOU want.

Needless to say, this goes for ALL people who are dating online. … We want what WE want, even if what we want is unrealistic. We’re all so dazzled by looks and youth that we pass up amazing people who are a much better fit. Who are you going to have more in common with? The woman who graduated high school in the same year as you? Or the woman who could be your daughter?

“I can’t help what I’m attracted to,” say all of my clients — both male and female. And hey, I don’t blame them. I do know, however, that as long as they close their minds to dating people who are age-appropriate, they’re really going to struggle with online dating.

I know you were looking for advice, Dale, so I don’t want to leave you without it. As I see it, you have three options. One, sign up with one of those successful men/younger women sites. At least you know that a woman on MillionaireMatch might be more willing to sacrifice youth for security.

Next, since you can’t convince someone to date an older man, stop trying. To find out who IS interested, try Match.com’s Reverse Match. Instead of searching through hundreds of thirtysomething women who wouldn’t give you a second look, Reverse Match shows you who IS open to dating a 56-year-old man. There’ll be fewer numbers, but at least you won’t be wasting your time.

Finally, I implore you to give older women a shot. There are a lot of amazing ones out there and they are criminally underappreciated.

Let’s just hope that they don’t discriminate against men their own age.

 

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Comments:

  1. 141
    Erica

    @Jack Debden,
      
    You got it all wrong. It’s not that those qualities in a man don’t matter, and they are certainly not “poison”, it’s that they don’t matter to women if they are not attracted to said man.
      
    It’s the same for men – you are not going to care if some woman you find unattractive possesses all those qualities, or even if she has feelings for you. If you can’t imagine being intimate with someone, their character strengths can only mean so much.
      

  2. 142
    Salcedo

    @Henriette
    My uncle has lived in Thailand for probably 20 years now. He has a Thai wife and they seem happy to me. I don’t advocate mail order brides. I’m not even saying men MUST look for younger women. Hell, I know guys who have a thing for older women. Everyone has their preference. I just say to older guys in America complaining that they are ignored by younger women, if that’s something you absolutely must have, just go to a country where the culture doesn’t stigmatize large age gap relationships. Many such places exist, and such a guy may find what he wants there. You only have one life to live, so might as well do what makes you happy.

    1. 142.1
      Henriette

      CAN it work out?   Sure.   But is going overseas and marrying a poor woman going to bring long-term happiness to most men?   I sincerely doubt it.

  3. 143
    Salome

    Thank you Evan for your truthful and reasonable answer. I’d add that it also stems from a broader male entitlement culture. Many men unfortunately are so focused on their own little desire that they forget what SHE wants what SHE desires what SHE find sexually and visually attractive. Like it was mentioned it’s an elementary lack of basic human empathy and general the consequence of someone who’s very narcissistic.

    I’m 21 and I’m dating a (very hot…) guy my age, we barely have a few week of age difference in fact and I wouldn’t exchange him for any old man. Hot young guys are fit, they smell better, plus you know, they don’t have the man-boobs and sagging skin (old man balls…eww!) and they’re just generally more fun to be around!

    Salome

  4. 144
    Paul

    Online dating has become very complicated to meet someone for many of us men looking to meet a woman to have a relationship with, and with so much going on in this world makes it much harder to find the right person to connect with.

  5. 145
    Lori

    I want to say Evan, that you are so correct in your response to Dale.
    I am over 50 with a child in middle school and I am not having much luck on every dating site I have tried.   I changed my profile several times to get the message out that I am what I am, and wish men stop judging a book by its cover.  
    In my case, I have had at least two men mention not being sure if they would date me because I have a child in middle school and they did not want to be part of having to maybe deal with an ex husband, or even to re-raise a child.   Even though I tell them that there are not issues between the ex about my child and that I only have her part-time.   Their children are already out of the house and there is little responsibility with them.   I was so disheartened.
    Anyway, I think this post was a good example of what people actually want and need to re-evaluate with this virtual way to date people.
    Cheers,
      
      
      

  6. 146
    judy

    Ha! So they line you up with 50 year olds? Shame.   And you being in that age category too? I can understand that you want children and I have seen a 30 year old woman marry a man of 40. And they are happy and have children.
    I get pissed off when I read that 50 years old are…….grandmothers who have to eat their evening meal at 4.30 and all they want in life is……..their slippers or whatever.   Maybe put our false teeth in a glass (I don’t have false teeth) for you to look at in the morning.   How sexy.
    Why not find out what these older women are like? Date them.   We’re not all repulsive.
    Incidentally, at my grand age of nearly 60, I have pulled men of 35.   They nearly died when I told them my age.   That’s okay.   We had a good time.
    So……..a 55 year old woman can’t give you children? And a younger woman can.  
    Great for the kid I must say – when the kid’s 20 – you’re in your 70s.   Nothing bad about that I suppose – except…..that most of the kids’ parents will be much younger than you.
    Age prejudice goes both ways (:).

  7. 147
    LuckyMe2013

    Well, I have an advice to Dale: do not give up. There are thousands of girls out there in their mid-thirties that would love to meet a guy like you. Yes, most of them are not American – but I think that it actually is a plus in their favor. Keep on pursuing your dream!

  8. 148
    True Answer

    Online Dating is so very Pathetic these days, and with so many very Mentally Disturbed People out there it certainly makes it worse to really trust that person. I have heard many Horror Stories about Online dating, so good luck with that. It is very risky, and you don’t know what you are getting into. I am hoping to meet a good woman to settle down with, and being introduced would be the best way to go if you know someone that they would know.

  9. 149
    hunter

    @150,
      
    …yes, many single american women out there, mostly, out and about, during the daylight hours….

  10. 150
    Brandon

    Sorry guys. This is about 1 thing
    Money
    If as a 56 yearold you are wealthy you will have no problem getting a 36 year old woman. But you wont need a site like this to do it. Your social movments will throw them in your path.
    If youre not wealthy and your evenings are all about watching the latest ABC sitcom having driven home from your 9-5 job in a Nissan Ultima, then forget it.
    Life is not that complicated. And to the 42 year old ladies complaining about their male peers looking at younger women? Well, didnt you enjoy the attention of the Silver Fox boss when you were 28?
      
      

    1. 150.1
      Brianna

      Hate to break it to you, but most women actually care way more about a guy’s personality (and age, followed by looks) than how much money he makes. Those who are after money are in the minority, and they usually have little to offer to this world on their own.

      I’m 23 years old, and a 37-year-old man I work with has been pursuing me since I set foot in the office. He’s one of the higher-ups and makes a lot, but I’m just not interested. The idiot keeps saying he’ll buy me things and take me to nice places, but he doesn’t get that that stuff isn’t that high on my list. I wish he would just leave me alone :/

      1. 150.1.1
        avery_t

        Right. But in eight years, when you want to have kids and want a man who can send them to private school, money may matter more.

        A 36 year odl woman wants a husband who can pay for Botox in five years.

        A 56 yr old pursuing a 36 yr old is quite different from a 37 yr old pursuing a 23 yr old. At 36, a woman has more concern about money and finding a provider.

      2. 150.1.2
        Brandon

        Brianna

        You are in the minority.

  11. 151
    hunter

    @150.1brianna,

    According to a harvard study, 2/3’s of all women look for financial stability…….

  12. 152
    hunter

    …on second thought…….. brianna.is right…after a womans second or third marriage/relationship…

  13. 153
    Erica

    Avery_T,

    you got the effect right, but not the cause. Those universal preferences women have are innate.

    Brianna,

    the reason you think of your 37.yo. boss with such disdain is that you do not find him sexually attractive.

    1. 153.1
      avery_t

      Erica,

      I don’t believe in innate ideas. I’m with Locke, on that.

      I did pretty well with women, when I was poor. But I met a lot of doctoral students who had Marxian leanings.

      1. 153.1.1
        Erica

        Avery,

        so you prefer to think that a bunch of women convened somewhere in secret and decided to like tall guys (etc.)? Any possible indicator of physical strength will always be a natural preference. Even in modern society where strength is largely irrelevant to financial success, height has far-reaching consequences. I remember a study from a few years back that found that tall people on average are more successful than their shorter counterparts.

        As for universal preferences in general, I first noticed this when I was 12 or so, and all the girls in class had a crush on the same boy.

        1. avery_t

          It depends on how you define “success.” I’m a former academic, and in the Ivory Tower most very successful Ivy League professors are not tall. Some are. But in that arena, height is very irrelevant. On Wall St, it’s true that taller men tend to be paid more than shorter men.

          The physical strength is unreliable. My Equinox gym is full of super ripped men under 5′ 9″. I mean guys built like Tom Hardy. I mean guys built like Rocky. But I see lots of women with tall guys built like that guy from The Big Bang Theory.

          But, to answer your question, I ABSOLUTELY and POSITIVELY think women have convened. How many women have friends who would judge them unfavorably for dating a short man? Women are TOTALLY to responsive to what their friends think or what they THINK their friends will think. If most women lived in a town of 300 in Alberta or the Yukon or something, they probably would not care.

          Women are much, much, much more concerned with how they appear in public than men are. Men leave the house their trousers unzipped and their hair uncombed. Men never ever ever say “why are you dating that girls she’s not ______.” Women always judge their female friends’ choice of men. Men almost never do this with other men. So, I don’t think women got together at some meeting and made the decision, but I think women routinely reenforce certain attitudes through regular social judgment.

          I have seen women post comments such as “I’d date a guy who’s 5′ 8″, but my friends might give me a hard time for it.” A man would NEVER EVER give a male friend a hard time for dating a chubby girl or a flat chested girl or a woman with a facial disfigurement. But women would rank on their female friend for dating a short guy.

          If you make it cartoonish by suggesting women held a giant conference to discuss this, then it seems ludicrous, but if you say that women regularly try to normalize people’s social behavior by judging their non-normative decisions, then, I think, it sounds much more plausible and accurate.

          Women your friends pick on you for dating a man who’s 5′ 2″? If you say “yes: maybe,” then women have indeed “convened.”

  14. 154
    Jim

    Most of the women are just too damn picky anyway, and they are looking for their knight in shinning armor with a lot of money. Very Sad, and whatever happened to the good old days when many women and men Accepted one another for who they were.

  15. 155
    Erica

    All right, let me be the voice of reality here and say that there is no such thing as “the good old days”. What you may be interpreting as pickiness nowadays stems from the simple fact that never before now did women have the freedom to choose.

    1. 155.1
      SparklingEmerald

      Erica & Jim – Actually – I think the problem is we ALL have to many choices. Online dating and a more casual attitude to having many partners over a lifetime has led to BOTH sexes going over each other with a fine toothed combed and being unwilling to accept anyone who doesn’t meet every item on their long laundry list of “must haves”. (there was an article on hear called the “paradox of choice” or something like that that explains it better)

      I don’t advocate settling for someone who mistreats you, are not remotely attracted to, or with whom you are completely incompatible. But I think many people ditch people who would make great partners, while they search for the elusive “something better”. And it just leads to an endless round of searching but never quite finding. You dump a girl because someone better looking comes along, and the better looking girl isn’t as nice. You dump a guy for someone more ambitious and wealthy , and he’s a work-a-holic and not very devoted to you. And around and around and around it goes.

      1. 155.1.1
        Selena

        “But I think many people ditch people who would make great partners, while they search for the elusive “something better”.

        I’ve wondered about this also in the years I’ve been reading dating forums. I’ve come across many commenters who write about having “options”. Dating one person instead of many is apparently a huge deal because it means giving up one’s options! I’ve read things like “he/she must be a loser without any options”. Or “you can continue to date him/her just keep your options open”.

        I’ve started to think there are a percentage of single people who would much rather have “options” than an actual partner. Which ofcourse is option in itself. 😉

        1. SparklingEmerald

          I don’t know who said it, but the words I live by are “Don’t make someone a priority in your life, when you are merely an option in theirs”.

          I live for the day when me and my future sweetie are each other’s priority. We will have NO IDEA how many other options we have, because we won’t be looking for other options. We will be putting each other FIRST, and won’t give a damn about who has how many “options” or has has the highest “SMV” (social market value ? )

          I am 58 now, I just want to love and be loved by my one and only. I am now longer a high school kid concerned about being considered part of the “cool crowd”.

    2. 155.2
      avery_t

      Never before did women have the opportunity to get approbation from men without meeting men or putting out. That’s what the internet/online dating has done.

      75% of what men from a relationship is physical. 75% of what women want is to be told they are beautiful. Now, women can be told that without even having to be in the presence of a man. Men send them compliments on okcupid and Match. In the good old days, women had to put out to get those compliments. Now, they just have to post a photo online.

      Also, before the internet, one could date/flirt with only the people around one (school, work, etc..). Now, you can flirt with people on the other side of the country.

      Furthermore, in my prep school, which had 200 male students, only about 10 were over six feet tall. That’s 1 in 20. But every guy online says he’s six feet tall. So, women assume that half the men in America are 6′ 2″, when only about 5% are.

      Women are choosy because they can now sit at home at flirt men who are fabrications. They think the guy is 35, 6′ 2″, and making 150k when he’s really 40, 5′ 10″, and making 105k.

      1. 155.2.1
        SparklingEmerald

        avery_t- You sound bitter that women aren’t just “putting out” for any man who crosses their path.     I am not doing online dating just to get “compliments” from someone in cyberspace.   As you have pointed out, they could be fake.   I am doing online dating, in HOPES of meeting someone in the REAL world for a REAL relationship.   I have had e-mail exchanges that led to NOWHERE.   Phone calls that don’t lead to dates, and have met men face to face, only to find that they lied about their age, height (which I would have accepted them at their height, but I don’t appreciate a 6 inch LIE) posted a very old picture, and even lied about their smoking habits.   I have met with men within 10 years of my age, either direction, so I am open to a 20 year age span.   I like, bald, I like grey hair, I’m ok with a bit of a belly (but not morbid obesity) and I actually prefer shorter men, since I’m only 5’3″.   I am really getting tired of men acting like women are the ONLY ones who do the rejecting.   I’m rejected by about 1/3 of the men I meet with, about 1/3 of the time,   I am the rejecter (sometimes because I was lied to , sometimes the chemistry isnt’ there) and about 1/3 of the time it’s mutual dis-interest.   (so technically, I’m getting rejected about 2/3rd of the time)
        I met a very short, very nice looking guy at meet up in the art museum.   He came over and started talking to me afterwards.   We had a very fun lighthearted convo, we went to a coffeeshop afterwards, and as I was paying for my coffee, he offered to pay, and asked if I wanted a gellato as well, which I declined.   I thanked him, we sat on the patio, talked and laughed about all kinds of things, he’s an artist, he showed me his work on his phone camera.   I thought we were having a great time.   He asked for my number.   Guess what, this short, dark and handsome man never called me.   So I’ve been rejected by a man who was MY height. (5’3″) When I read all the bellyaching from men on this blog, about women are TOO PICKY, and that 100% of the women in the world will ONLY date men who are 6 feet tall and look like rock stars, I just want to scream.   I’ve been told that I’m pretty cute (7-8 on the 10 scale) and look young for my age.   I do want to be physically attracted to who ever I end up with (if I end with anyone)   but I am physically attracted to different types of men, depending on the total package, and that includes men, that you all claim have NO LUCK, that is the short, the bald and the over 60.   (I’m 58)     So, since I’m not as picky as every other woman in the world, WHERE THE HELL IS MY GUY ?   Heck, maybe I should hold out for that mythical 6 foot George Clooney look alike.   Considering the number of married women, and coupled up women, and you guys INSISTING, that they all only go for rock start who are 6 feet tall, where IS MY 6 FOOT TALL ROCKSTAR ?
        You men claim that we women are just roaming the earth, waving our power wands over you, and rejecting you with glee.   Guess what, we’ve ALL been rejected, and we’ve ALL done the rejecting.   It’s hard for ALL of us, to not find our match.
        If women are unilaterally rejecting men, why is EMK’s inbox getting blown up with e-mails asking “Why did he disappear” ? and “What does he mean when he says he doesn’t want anything serious ?”

    3. 155.3
      Steve

      Let me guess, that freedom and pickiness gives women the right to treat men badly and treat them as worthless unless they meet a women’s usually stratospheric standards, right?

      1. 155.3.1
        Erica

        @ Steve (155.3),
          
        I didn’t realize this was in response to me, but why, where did I state or imply that women are justified in mistreating anybody??

        As for anybody’s standards being stratospheric: to be honest with you, the first obstacle I usually encounter with men is lack of class / social graces / plain common sense when it comes to their behavior. You would think I am asking for the moon.

      2. 155.3.2
        Kristen

        Like men have been treating women for millennia,unless they are supermodels.Karmas a bitch ain’t it?.

        1. Galilee

          Kristen,
          It would be if you were talking about the exact same individuals. Given that most people don’t seem to live for mellenia, it seems unlikely.

    4. 155.4
      RustyLH

      @Erica #155

      WHAT? OK, let me be the voice of reality. My grandmother chose, her mother chose, my mother chose, my aunt chose…actually chose somebody the family didn’t like, and he turned out to be a great guy. All of the aunts on my dad’s side chose…all 5 of them. Their mother, my dad’s mom, chose…a man 1 year younger. The both lived the same exact chronological age. He died exactly one year after she did. We all said it was of a broken heart. Very old fashioned couple, and madly in love with each other all those years. 11 kids. Both wanted all of them. Almost 40 grandkids. Very happy couple. My grandmother was a strong woman, but she was still feminine.

      What is this silly nonsense bout not being able to choose? I should also note that the only one of them that wasn’t a career woman was my dad’s mom. My mom’s only sister was the most feminine of all of them…even voted “sexiest” in her class…but very feminine. She was the one that married somebody nobody but my dad liked. He was 6’6″ to her 5’2″, and very masculine. Very much a leader, but not once was he ever abusive to her. Both of them started and ran multiple businesses…some separately. She was very driven…and yet still very feminine.

      You women are always so full of excuses. You will never change, so I will simply continue my search where women still think it’s OK to be a woman.

  16. 156
    hunter

    #Erica#155

    ….how true, and…women are choosing “not to”(staying completely single)

  17. 157
    Jeff

    As a 52 year old male who has been dating online for about 10 years…. I have found that relationships with much younger women just don’t work out, mainly because we have so little in common.
    Sex however is another matter. I’ve met several women in their 20’s and 30’s as well as two 19 yr olds who just wanted sex, or perhaps just wanted sex with an older guy.
    I hate to generalize. One thing online dating has taught me is that there are a ton of people out there with their own desires, kinks, damage etc and you just never know what to expect.
    Dale, the chances are slim for you, but if you really want it, don’t give up. But maybe at the same time keep an open mind and don’t totally abandon looking for women your own age.

  18. 158
    John

    I am a 56 year old man looking to meet a woman over 45 because she would have to have things in common with me. But my problema is that not even women over 50 have responded. I have even been open to dating women older than me (let’s say 60) but only women who dress like my mother, and carry themselves like grandmas are the ones who contact me. Yes I am in my mid 50’s but that does not mean that I have to carry myself like my grandfather. Neither should women. I have seen some very sexy women over 50 but so far I have not been contacted by any. I am very athletic and don’t look my age. So lets hope 2014 is a better year.

  19. 159
    hunter

    John#158
    …You might have better luck with the younger crowd, they still have hormones…..

    1. 159.1
      Gale

      Again with the hormones…..Biodentical hormones are alive and well and many women over 50 take them and feel better than they ever did.( Thanks to Suzanne Somers books) They are even keeled all month and don’t have to worry about the valleys and peaks they felt when they are younger. This is 2014..and being over 50 can be fabulous!

      1. 159.1.1
        hunter

        …how true..!!
          

  20. 160
    Troy Dungeon

    I’m 60 years old but   appearance wise I look to be in my early to mid 40’s..Because of the fact I’ve always looked younger I’ve always hung out with younger people.I   am not attracted to women my age because I do look so much younger and I also listen to current music(rock)..To the original poster>>don’t ever publish articles like this online cause more people will trash you than understand.They’ll say it doesn’t matter how young you look, you’re a perv or looking for your lost youth or some other BS..Actually It would look bizarre for me to be relationshipped with someone my age as she’d look much older..it would look strange.I’ve found that there are few women at 60 that actually can pass easily for being 40.And those that do usually are very old fashioned and have a shrine of their high school years built in their heads.If you’re looking for younger women,go out somewhere,even if it’s a diner ,hang out and meet women.If they ask your age just do what I do..reply by saying “how old do I look”? whatever they say just reply with   “sounds good to me”..You don’t have to tell people your age.at first I mean.Dating sites will always pair you with women of your age bracket..period,no ifz andz or buttz..I meet more women by hanging at local diners late at night than anywhere else.sitting at the counter sipping on my coffee..of course I’m retired,  have   night hours and sleep days so I have the time and opportunity to be out and about whenever   I want.Bottom line:DON’T USE DATING SITES..I’ve never had luck online with meeting younger women as the online women looking for older guys are looking for ‘money..some will say they’re looking for security..decode that ..it’s BS..they’re looking for money.It’s they’re #1 priority..like I said..go out somewhere to meet them.Online forums and dating sites will prove useless.

    (Dude, you’re delusional. I’m 41. Do you look like me? If not, you don’t look 40.)

    1. 160.1
      hunter

      @dongeon#160,
      …Studies have shown young women are attracte to old men, because of the father figure…..
        

      1. 160.1.1
        Gale

        I was attracted to older men when I was in my 20’s and early 30’s. After I had my children I am attracted to younger men or men just a couple of yrs. older than me. Men who believe that 40 yr.old women will date a 60 yr.old man is in a fantasy world. I’m 53 and I try to be open minded but the truth is that women usually live longer than men. I’m not attracted to older men at all and I have no problem attracting men between ages 48 and 55 so unless someone older is beyond fabulous I don’t plan on dating older. My friends all feel the same way. I also know 60+yr.   old women who are gorgeous and fashionable..On the other hand I see very young women looking frumpy as well.  
          

        1. SparklingEmerald

          I just don’t think one can make generalizations about who can attract younger, older, etc.   Like you, when I was in my 20’s, I actually liked men 10-15 years older.   Now that I’m 58, I would like to cap it off at about 5 years older, but then, not all people age the same.   I put an age range in my profile of 10 years either way, (48-69) even tho’ at this point in my life 10 years older is starting to be out of my comfort zone.   I got an email from an 80 year old.   Way out of my preferred age range, and quite a bit out   of my mileage range.   I must admit, he wasn’t a bad looking 80 year old, but who knows, that pic in his profile could have been old.   I finally agreed to a phone call with a 69 year old.   From his pics, he really looks in great shape, but as I said, 10 years is pushing it as it is, and he’s 11 years older than me.   But he has been trying to get my attention for quite a while on match.   So even tho’ I might be heading towards “settlingville”, I’ll talk to him on the phone, see what he has to say, and maybe go out and meet with him.   Maybe I should take my chance on ending up playing nursemaid, at least maybe a 69 year old will think I’m really hot, whereas men closer to my age think I’m not.   I just recently found out that a friend of mine who is 49 is involved with an 82 year old.   (I found out through a mutual friend of ours)   I asked if he was in good shape for his age, did he look good, etc and the answer was “He looks ancient” and the general opinion was that she is with him because he’s “safe”.   It kind of makes me sad to think my cute, bubbly friend is settling for a man 33 years older, because he is “safe”.  
          So, I guess as long as there are ancient looking 82 year olds who can get a 49 cutie pie to be his girl, then many other old guys will think they too are entitled to a sweet young thing. (by comparison)   I guess my 69 year old suitor doesn’t looks so bad after all.

        2. RustyLH

          My mom died at 55. My dad is now going on 80. had to live all those years alone because he loved my mom so much he refused to remarry. He was 57 when she died.

          I have news for you..the life expectancy gap is closing. It’s now down to under 4 years and they say it is expected to continue to close. My father has also outlived some of his younger sisters. So have his older brothers.

          My younger sister is not in good health and it seems very apparent that I will outlive her by a large margin.

          That life expectancy gap is changing due to many reasons. One is quite ironic and that is because women wanted the freedom to move into career fields dominated by men. Well they were stressful, or dangerous, or exposed you to toxins, etc… so that life expectancy gap is closing. With so many young women also becoming the hard partiers that many young men always have been, that isn’t going to help the average age women die either.

          This I admit is totally anecdotal, but I have a friend that had a short relationship with a beautiful woman just 6 years younger than him. It turns out she was also dating a guy a few years younger than herself. When the younger guy agreed to commit, she dropped my friend, and admitted to him that she chose the other guy primarily for age. Brought up the life expectancy gap. Oh the irony because the younger guy developed cancer and died. My friend…still going strong and now married to a woman who is 8 years younger. We looked at the average age that the women in her family have been dieing at, and the men in his family, and it if they mail those averages, he will outlive her by 3 years. But who knows…they are not those people who are already dead. They get to write their own life stories, and she might be healthier…make healthier choices, get lucky, etc…

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