How Do You Write An Email To Someone With Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?

How Do You Write An Email To Someone With Nothing Interesting in Her Profile

My question is how do you write someone who says nothing in her profile that you can relate to as a member of your sex? Specifically, oftentimes I find profiles of women who only list feminine interests in their profiles. They talk about shopping, liking chick lit, and fashion and nothing else that I as a typical guy am going to have any interest in. I’m sure that many women encounter an equivalent problem too with mens’ profiles. Let’s say that I’m interested in a woman like this, even if she has a badly written profile, how do you advise I begin communicating with her?


Allow me to answer your real letter with a fake letter, okay?

Dear John,

I’m reading your profile right now. I notice you’re interested in mixed martial arts, the stock market, and golf. I notice you don’t really say much about what kind of boyfriend you’d be or how you’d like to build a life together. I don’t see anything that indicates that you’re a great communicator, or that you have a good sense of humor. In short, there’s not much for me to work with here. In fact, there’s very little to give me hope that if we were to sit across a dinner table for two hours, we would have anything in common to discuss.

What do you have to say to that?

Why the hell would you want to go out with a woman who has absolutely nothing in common with you and nothing interesting to say?

I don’t know about you, John, but if I got that question from Mary, I’d be thinking: “Then why would you consider writing to me at all?! If you’re thinking of going out with me despite the fact that I didn’t say anything interesting, that must mean that you’re solely writing because you think I’m cute or because you think I’m rich. And frankly, I don’t want to go out with anyone who wants me exclusively for those reasons.”

I may be in the minority on that one, but that’s how I truly feel.

So allow me to ask you, point-blank, John: Why the hell would you want to go out with a woman who has absolutely nothing in common with you and nothing interesting to say?

Because she’s pretty?

Yeah, that and $.75 will buy you a Snickers bar.

I’m not picking on you, my friend – no more than I pick on all of my clients who do the same exact thing.

I’ll usually give them a homework assignment to build up their online favorites list. The following week every woman on the list looks like she’s a Maxim magazine reject. Each one is hotter and sluttier looking than the next. Same with my women clients, who often think that they should be paired with young, square-jawed, muscular cuties, regardless of whether they themselves are modelesque. Hey, we want what we want, right?

So my first answer to you is this: stop writing to people who have nothing to say. Because if you do, you’re pretty much inviting yourself to spend time and money on a very boring first date. Not always. I’m sure there’s some gorgeous woman out there who wrote nothing interesting who is simply AMAZING conversation. But it would seem to me that your better bet would be in looking for the women who are 7’s in looks and 10’s in personality. That’s where you find the keepers, in my experience.

So my first answer to you is this: stop writing to people who have nothing to say.

My second answer to you – the one you really want to hear – is this: use her girly details to your benefit. If she says she loves reading Martha Stewart Living, you can talk about the magazine they named after you, which teaches men how to artfully drape their underwear over the lamp without setting your house on fire. If she says she likes gardening, you can talk about how inefficient it is as a means of sustenance. After all, it took you nearly two months just to make one salad! If she says she likes shopping, you can talk about how you do, too – as long as it takes less than a half-hour and only occurs once a year. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having clothes from high school if your date’s never seen ‘em before.

This technique is known as Fun Fiction and is fully articulated and fleshed out in Volume 4 of my Finding The One Online CD series. There’s even a workbook included which shows you exactly how to do it. If you’re serious about getting results, you should give it a whirl – and at least consider the idea that the hot chick with nothing to say may not be your ideal first date.

By the way, my new Facebook Page is now up (thanks to Thomas, my stellar intern!) and I’m going to be engaging in more regular discussions on there. Just click here or on the blue Facebook icon on the right sidebar to connect with me. See you there!

Your friend,


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  1. 91

    Diana, hopefully no one who wants a serious relationship thinks that “scaling/rating, based on appearance” is a good thing, but it is the reality for most. It wasn’t for you, probably to your credit, but unfortunately it sounds like the two of you aren’t together anymore, correct?

    JB, most women don’t think they are above average in looks, if that’s what you are suggesting. However, most people (in free-choice marriage cultures) strongly crave physical attraction and like to think they somehow deserve an attractive partner, maybe especially if they’ve drawn much interest from good-looking types before, try hard to maximize their looks, have attractive parents, are competitive…. Anyway, it’s true that the topic has strayed. What did you write to that women?

  2. 92

    JB said:
    “So like most men online we can only date the ones that show interest and want to date US. So that’s what we do !”

    How funny!! That is exactly what we do too!

  3. 93

    To Mic, after 30 years of being together, yes.

  4. 94

    @ mic #91
    I simply wrote “Hi there,well I must say you are a woman of few words….lol but you had me at Golf.<–(It was in her headline) I have no idea how to grab your attention among all the responses but I just wanted to let you know I'd love to play Golf sometime just to see that SMILE in person !! 🙂 If you're interested I'd love to hear from you."

    That's it. I don't normally say anything at all about a woman's appearance for the most part but in her 1 head shot she had a smile as big as "Mini-Mouse"….lol The first thing that attracts me to a woman is her smile 🙂 I don't email every woman the same way for of obvious reasons. I pretty much personalize the few I email. Anyway golf and the smile got me and we've played golf at least 5 times in the last 6 weeks and the smile is gorgeous and although I don't normally meet someone after just seeing a headshot (because we all know what could happen….LOL) she had a nice normal figure. Sometimes you take a chance and win ! Sometimes you lose, that's online dating.

  5. 95

    Sorry for the duplicate post something went wrong….lol
    #95 is the finished one. Hopefully someone can fix it ?

  6. 96

    Kristyn, please, online dating and nudist camps are very similar in that, the women online/present at camps, are by far, in fewer numbers.

  7. 97

    Hehe, there are those out that will constantly flirt with you, all excited about you, then when they finally talk to you, they are excited until you say something they obviously didn’t like because “sorry sugar, we’re not a match” and don’t even tell you why. Such is the travails of online dating. You can’t take it personally. There are just odd people out there.

  8. 98

    Not everyone is good at writing profiles.

  9. 99

      If the profile is sparse, I will often say something about him being a man of mystery, then pick an interesting ice breaker question (google them!) like “What would be an ideal vacation by train?” or something else that most people would be interested in.
      If I’m initially attracted to the photos but then find nothing in the profile inspires me to write a message (almost always with a question about something in their profile) then I just shrug and move on.  Attractiveness is obviously not a key to compatibility and a good relationship.

  10. 100

    It means men are a lot more forgiving to women. They are not excessively picky. It means they find a much larger number of women attractive and acceptable for dating.
    It also means that women don’t need to write awesome stuff in their profiles to get male interest. They can just be themselves…just be normal regular ordinary. Perhaps most of us are just that but alas one gender doesn’t understand that.

  11. 101

    Part of the reason I hated online dating is because no one read my profile.  I used to take all this time and write so much but then men would still email me who clearly failed to look at what I was looking for or was interested in. 90% of the emails were some version of wow you are so hot, why are you online dating, are you for real, or some comment on my looks, so you know what I stopped putting in the effort.

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