How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

pretty woman relaxing on the bed with her laptop

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Talk to you soon!


P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

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  1. 1

    first depends from the profile, but I think up to ten per week

    1. 1.1

      I am 33 – in a rural area. I get about 40 a week. (the first week is a lot more.)

  2. 2

    I think they get 2 to 3 e-mails per day.

    1. 2.1

      This is Tina again. The former one is for match. I get way more at okcupid. Probably 70-80 a week.

  3. 3

    I am a 40 something, attractive woman and I probably get an average of 20-25 new emails/winks from men on a weekly basis. So, I imagine the pool for the younger MOST attractive women is much higher, possibly 50-60 hits per week! For those I’m not interested in for whatever reason (usually distance) I try to be considerate by responding and saying no, thank you. And I actually get a thank you back for acknowledging them. I would say that is the #1 complaint I hear from men, that they don’t get any response from the emails they send out. I try to explain to them that women get so many more emails and sometimes it’s difficult to respond to everyone.

    1. 3.1

      Yes Cindy this exactly why men say thank you back because most women don’t even bother replying and it’s pretty cold.

    2. 3.2

      I’m sure it also depends on how close you are to a major metropolitan area. I’m close to DC, am a fit 45 year old woman, and I get 250 views per week.

    3. 3.3

      It has to do with a lot of factors. When I was separated at 37 I tried online dating with a good, paying site and I received a lot of emails. Possibly close to 100 the first week and then a steady decline in the weeks that followed. From 30 to 20 then leveling off at about 7-10 a week. I’m 46 now and have gone back on once every two years or so just to see the climate as I age, and it does change. The last time I tried I did a 3 day free trial and got 37 emails. A reality check for sure. Attractive women in their 30’s must get well into the hundreds of emails.

      1. 3.3.1

        Marie! Can you plz tell me which paid dating site you used which gave you 100 emails in 1st week. Thnx, Sarah

    1. 4.1

      I believe Evan is probably right. If I’m really interested in someone I’ll send her an email, a simile or two and maybe a message all in the same day. Guess I know that’s probably over doing it but if it was me I’d love for some woman to send me that many. I’m looking for someone who likes the things I like and I’d like that so…………  

      1. 4.1.1

        Hey, Bert, There’s a truth in this. I’m a woman, 20s, and because of the emails streaming in non-stop, I think it’s completely fine if you nudge her a little bit. It’s very hard for us to even revisit, or determine people, so nudges are great to remind us of a potential date we would wanna meet up with. And of course, there is no sin to treat others like how you want to be treated. But never overdo it though! Bonne chance!


    2. 4.2

      I got 850 likes in about 2 days. I’m in my late 30s and fairly attractive.

      1. 4.2.1

        I’m going to assume a hot girl in her early 30s or 20s are going to get like 1o00 in half a day.

  4. 5

    When I first started online dating, I was in my late thirties, and even I usually got about 10 emails a day. So I can only imagine that a hot 26-year-old would get three times as many.

  5. 6
    happy girl

    I am not in my 30’s but 40’s and I get at least 6 to 10 a day not really emails but winks and emails..sometimes more

    1. 6.1

      I’m a 40 year old attractive woman with a good profile and I barely get any. Maybe 1 or 2 a day. Not sure what I am doing wrong.

      1. 6.1.1

        There is statistic from some of the larger dating sites there is sort of a sweet zone for age ,race has a lot to do with it .I could be the site itself I been on some of the major sites the matches were not appealing bad photos. Mate1 and chemistry I think are the worse for scammers . It also maybe due to your photo if you’re not smiling or to dress up or it looks like a photo off some corporate wall or group shot read up on making a good profile photo selfies particularly in the bathroom are out I heard that unusual photos do well . Since I been online trying to find someone, I have become aware of snake oil sales men and women under the guise of dating coaches as men we are supposed to game the woman even coaching men on how to get a woman into bed and this comes from Englands no.1 dating expert. which way do you want it? many one nite stands or a relationship, here is another point more about people as a whole and all of our scientific knowledge they have chosen to ignore women’s biological makeup up .until now I never heard that the brain chemistry wears off very little information is out there as to how to keep a marriage alive

      2. 6.1.2

        It may be that your profile needs some tweeking. I’m 45 and get tons of views and messages. I thought it was normal for a woman.
        I do have a lot of photos and original detail in my profile to stand out. Lots of people put the same boring things on there and it makes them blend in to the crowd. Of course, it also depends on where you live. If you’re not near a major city you’ll naturally get fewer hits so it may not have anything to do with you, but geography.

      3. 6.1.3

        Sometimes it’s not what you are doing its what you aren’t doing.
        Waiting for hits on your profile takes longer than sending mails out to potentials

        I find men first look at how many pics are on line for the profile. Just one photo could mean a fake profile especially model looking.

        Second don’t over or under expose you first piece of information.

        If you are looking for a specific type try and match what they on their profile.

        I’m 39 if I email someone who’s looking for 20_25 ,I most likely won’t get an email.
        If I say I want gets, it’s a lot of pressure to assume the first date is a perspective e father.

        Ho zesty in their status is important. I know guys who are married or in relationships but missing sex not love, so they go these sites fooling women into a ration but just want sex. Classic is if they mentionsexual content in the first 4 emails, then that’s all they want.
        My friend who is looking for a boyfriend’s gets me to check perspectives, 4 turned out fake, but I know how they act and what they say to trick women.

        Hope you find someone.

      4. 6.1.4

        Nadie, you have a reason to catch a smile…….
        I have a good profile and beautiful pic,i must say lol
        but in a week’s time,i recieve less than 5mails from unserious males.
        Hmmm. I wonder what might not be right with me.

      5. 6.1.5

        Hi Nadine. There are too many people and not enough time.

  6. 7

    I’d say between 10 and 15 a day based on looks alone. More if she has an interesting profile…

  7. 8
    happy girl

    I agree with Cindy..most men complain that women don’t even bother to respond. I have tried to email back a response as much as I can and have had very nice emails back thanking me and letting me know that they really appreciate my email. It is disheartning for men as well as it would be for women if there is not even a polite email back. I think we forget that behind that profile and photo posted ( or sometimes not a photo) is a person.

    1. 8.1

      I am sorry, but most girls online do not care. It is amazing and mouth dropping how many girls here just laugh and even probably feel so flattered about received 5 messages per day, where there are guys who do not receive a message in months!!!. Well, what makes me happy is that I can get what I want but different means while women sometimes sit down and complaint about their luck in love when they reject the good guys and end up with an asshole.

    2. 8.2

      Exactly right happy girl.


    3. 8.3

      Thank you for acknowledging that for anyone to write well crafted messages and not get any feedback it is demoralizing. I am an older gentleman, 68. I don’t chase after younger women, I am realistic and a gentleman. I joined a month ago. So far, an absolute disaster experience. I regret wasting my money. I have a well;
      written profile, current pics and I message women in their 60’s, but to no avail. I have sent 25 messages to date. I received just 2 very brief responses and I could tell their heart was not in it. So far, match is a disaster for me. I regret bothering with it. Don’t think I have any more motivation to write considerate messages, compliment their pics, comment on something they say in their profile etc. Gets me absolutely nowhere. By the way, I am considerably above average in level of fitness and getting out there doing things. I am at least decent looking. What in goodness sake do these ladies in their 60’s expect to find & meet?

      1. 8.3.1

        The short answer is, you’re competing for the attention of those women, against men who are as much as ten years or more younger than you. The fact that they can’t actually get those men, doesn’t mean a lot of them don’t imagine they can. In short, they will judge you against the best and most attractive men they see on the site, because most of them believe every man on there could be available to them. You’re also competing with every scammer and phony profile on the site, not to mention those of men who haven’t been on there in years (the closest thing to immortality is an online dating profile; the sites never remove them, male on female; they’re kept out there for sucker bait to get the unsuspecting to sign up). Also, it helps to see if the woman you’re emailing has been recently active; if not, you’re writing messages to a ghost profile (see above).Twenty five emails in a month? You need to get busy; this is a numbers game and you should be sending out at least 100 per week. Expect maybe 2 to 5 replies out of that. Generally you’re doing really great in this age group if you get a 20% response rate (20 replies per hundred messages. Also remember that many of such women are only out there window shopping for whatever male attention they can get and have no intention of actually dating any man (unless he’s perfect)

        Other tips: pics are everything, so put the best current ones you have out there, and change every six months. You need one head and shoulders close-up, one full length in a suit and tie, at least one showing you engaged in an activity(close enough for your face to be clearly visible), and one socializing with friends (preferably a mixed group around your age. (Try not to have any guy obviously taller/better-looking than you in the pic). I recommend the use of professional pics. The pics are the key to whether the women you email even bother to look at your profile. Sad but true. If you can, do a two paragraph written profile. Try to keep it light, funny and original, just enough to pique their interest, as women absolutely parse every single word in there; leave as much as possible to their imagination; try to let your pics do the talking.

        Above all, do not make online dating your only option. Get out there, mingle and have a social life. If you have the right personality, you’ll pull more and better-quality dates in the real world

      2. 8.3.2

        I’ve had my best luck on Zoosk and Plenty of Fish. I was also on match but not as good of luck

  8. 9

    I’d say about 100 a week plus winks.

  9. 10

    Somewhat off-topic, but I don’t think it’s necessary to respond to every wink/icebreaker/whatever if you’re getting tons of contacts. If you’re not worth someone’s time to craft a nicely written personal note–even a short one–why should you spend your time even responding to him/her with a canned thanks-but-no-thanks response?

  10. 11

    If she is hot on a major site like I am guessing 10-20 a day initially. Once they determine she has been there awhile it would back off a bit. I get 10 a day when I am perceived as the new girl in the room and I am an attractive (not hot) 54 year old!

  11. 12

    I’m 56, have pics posted with my face only (personal preference, although I’m in shape). When I first join a website (JDate, Yahoo Personals, POF, eHarmony) I have 50-100 emails in the first week. After that it stays that way for a couple months. When it dwindles down, I still get 5-10 per week. About half of those emails are from men between 25-45 years of age (and I am NOT interested in very young men). I would think that a good looking woman in her 20’s would need a personal secretary to handle the influx of emails!

    1. 12.1

      I recognize that women get avalanche of responses from men. However, based on most of the women I’ve spoken to, at least 90% are either married, engaged, players, or perverts. which drives single women away from these sites. Here, it seems, quantity far outstrips quality.

      1. 12.1.1

        That’s a misconception that women get an avalanche of replies. Only the hottest women get barraged with emails, and even then, they only do so as long as their “new car smell” is still fresh. Over time, the emails do diminish. Then there are us normal chicks who have never gotten hundreds of replies, no matter how good our profile and pictures are. Over time, the response rate for us is so bad that there might as well be crickets chirping whenever we check our inboxes.

        1. Bert

          I’m sure there are some guys that don’t leave when that “new car” smell is gone. I’m one of them. I’m looking for someone who I have a lot in common with. I’m the guy that probably over does it on emails and smiles but that’s just me. When I find one I’m interested in my heart takes over and my brain slams on the brakes, lol.  

        2. Al

          Not true. I’m a middle aged woman who’s been on for 8 months. I do regularly “Hide” my profile out of frustration, and back away from the internet dating scene altogether, but I’ve been on there a while. I still get hundreds of messages a month. We DO get inundated. The VAST majority are, however, men who do not even come close to matching up with us. For instance, I get a lot of messages from men who are either wildly younger or wildly older than my stated preference. Weeding through those to find the appropriate men takes time and some get overlooked unintentionally. Attractive middle aged men seem to be aiming for inaccessible women in their 20’s and 30’s so they are harder to get a date with.  

        3. Joe

          If you feel that way now try being a guy. I’ve been on 6 months and have never gotten a message, despite sending out approx 200.

        4. Frank

          Same here Joe, I get some winks and short and sweet emails but never from anyone I’m attracted to. The women have some many choices it’s  absurd. Must be nice to be a female.

          With the internet decent and average looking guys don’t  have a prayer.



        5. Bea

          Totally agree Jenn. People say women are bombarded with emails but this is not the case for me. I don’t think you can count winks or likes. Actual messages- if I don’t reach out, it would be 1-2 a week from totally inappropriate guys (way out of my age group, for eg.) If I reach out and write gazillions of messages, it turns into about 30-40 a week. Guys say I’m attractive, that my photos are good and I’ve put effort into my bio. I’m 39 years old. Would love to know why it’s so quiet if I do t reach out.

  12. 13

    Seventy-five or more per week.

  13. 14

    I’m a guy, but I tried an interesting test….

    I put up a pretty crappy profile… a la “I love to hang out, goto bars, museums, and restaurants, but I’m just as happy sitting at watching watching netflix.” … then, I went to google images, and found a picture of a hot girl. I attached the above-mentioned profile with the picture of the hot girl, and waited….

    Within the first day, I had been written to by more than 70 guys. By the end of the week, almost 300. So, that’s my guess: between 250-300.

    1. 14.1

      I love your experiment! I was laughing my ass off.

    2. 14.2
      Mary B

      I did a similar experiment on okcupid.

      Did a very generic profile with lots of “I’m a pretty uninteresting person” clues like “I don’t really read much” and posted it with a picture of a hot young girl. 12 messages and 125 views in the first half hour (she had 7 messages before I even finished filling out the the profile), and after not even one day (when I deleted it) 65 messages, 200+ views and 149 likes. Can’t tell you how many said “I love your profile!”  

      I then took the profile and revised it to be more interesting and uploaded with a picture of a decidedly unattractive young girl. After a week? Less than 20 views and only 3 messages, 2 which were from guys more than 15 years older than her preferred range.

      None of this is shocking of course.  

      But I can’t disparage. If someone posted a photo of a hot guy and said he made $15,000 a year and posted another of an ugly guy and said he made $100,000, who do you think would get more messages?

      1. 14.2.1

        To be fair, some people can interpret statements like, “I’m not a very interesting person” as a sign of modesty.   I contacted a good-looking guy online once in part bc he talked in his profile about being “just your average guy;” if he’d seemed more boastful, I’d have figured he was just a handsome jerk and never would have reached out.   As for the not reading much comment… heck, I was a literature major and even I wouldn’t really care if the man I date is a big reader.   I need kindness, good communication skills and integrity and if he never picks up a book that’s unfortunate but not even close to being a deal-breaker.   So, maybe your “bad” profile came across simply as the profile of someone who is unassuming and who prefers other activities to reading.   *shrug*

    3. 14.3

      And that proves what the guys are really interested in. If she’s hot she could have been getting out of prison and they wouldn’t care.

      I wonder if women are aware of that fact, when good looking guys hit on them they’re getting played. Any good looking guy that gets on Match and gets lucky 3 or 4 times a week with one gullible woman after another will never stop doing that, as would most guys.

  14. 15

    My “hottie” female recon profile got about 85 in the first week. She’s 43,divorced,no kids and about an “8” or “9”. I can’t believe the amount of idiots that still “wink” …..LOL You ladies are right,there’s an endless amount of dorks,dweebs,and doofus’s out there !!…LOL Unless you ARE a model most women won’t respond to a wink. Winks should be banned from all pay sites as well as free profiles. On Plenty Of Fish it doesn’t matter obviously. In 10 years of online dating I’ve never once used a wink.

  15. 16

    If she’s new to the site, probably 50-100 a day for the first week or two, then it should taper off to something a little more manageable. I’ve known women who had to hide their profiles after the flood of message they initially received because they felt so overwhelmed.

  16. 17

    Depends on the site (and I never used a paid one other than for a free intro). Memorably, on Craigslist I was getting several e-mails per minute (I did put up my pics in the ad), but that’s probably common on that site.

  17. 18

    I should add, however, that my wording filtered out most (in terms of intellect).

  18. 19

    I think it totally depends on what dating site is being used. Evan, I’ve heard you mention in other posts that young, “hot” women (& I assume we’re talking about physical attributes here)can get hundreds of contacts a week. So, I’ll guess 250. To be honest, I’m 55 and consider myself attractive, young-looking, and physically fit, but the most frequent response I get from men who write me is that they loved my writing in my profile. I’ve been on a 3-month break from online dating, but before that was on Singlesnet and Salon Personals. The norm for Singlesnet would be around 8-10 contacts a day, although many of them were from guys in other states or countries, inappropriate age range. The Salon site tends to be extremely liberal, which I like, but also tends to attract a rather non-mainstream male, and contacts from that site are pretty limited. It goes in spurts and varies pretty dramatically — I’d get a couple a day, but sometimes no contacts at all for weeks, just “views.”

  19. 20

    My estimate would be in excess of over 100, I too, consider myself an average looking woman. When I have been on a dating site, I got in excess of that number per week. By the way I’m 54, I can only imagine there are even more in the dating pool between 20-30, with more looking for someone in that age bracket.

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