How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

pretty woman relaxing on the bed with her laptop

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Talk to you soon!


P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

Join our conversation (308 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 21

    Interesting question. I made a mistake when signing up for a free trial at When it was time to upload a photo, I clicked on something to see what it was and the photo uploaded and I was unable to delete it. The photo was a picture of my friend’s secretary. She received over 100 messages a day. I thought “wow, what a great site!’ I deleted all of the messages, contacted the service and changed the name on the profile and replaced the photo with mine. To date, I have had not one response.

    I’m sure you’re all thinking I’m a real dog, right? That’s not true, I notice attention from men I pass on the street and they will sometimes stop me and tell me I’m gorgeous, or I look great.

    A difference is that her picture was a close up of her face and mine are more distant pictures.

  2. 22

    From my experience:
    I’ve been on and off multiple online dating website from the age of 28-32. I think I’m attractive, and I write a well-written and thorough dating profile. When you first sign up on a dating website, there’s “the new girl” syndrome. The first month or so I would easily receive 40-50 winks or emails per week. After that, the number dwindeled to perhaps 10 per week.

  3. 23

    What’s the population of the town the girl is posting in? I bet a girl in a major metropolitan area (L.A., Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, etc) is going to get a much bigger response than someone in mid-sized towns (Tampa, Kansas City, Richmond), and girls in mid-sized towns are going to get a lot more than girls in rural areas. Plus, as others have mentioned, there’s the new girl factor to consider.

    So here are my sets of guesses:

    New hot girl in big metropolis: 300
    New hot girl in mid-sized city: 150
    New hot girl in rural area: 50

    Old hot girl in big metropolis: 100
    Old hot girl in mid-sized city: 30
    Old hot girl in rural area: 10
    (Old being defined as not new to the site)

    1. 23.1

      Another factor to point out is racism.   White women and light-skinned Asian women likely get the most contacts.   There were two studies done on OKCupid about racism.   It was clear that black women got the least messages.   In terms of “black” women those who are lighter-skinned with long, straight hair likely get more than those who are significantly darker with short, curly hair.   Eurocentric beauty standards are unfair to minorities.   So a blonde, white sorority girl from the SEC in her early 20s likely gets thousands of more messages than a much darker black woman from Alabama State (a historically black college) also in her 20s.

      So it should be pointed white and Asian women likely get relatively far more responses (or lighter-skinned Latinas).   The darker, minority women are usually ignored.   It’s like that in the gym as well.   Even some black men do that pattern – go for the ‘lighter” ones or white women (e.g. Tiger Woods, RGIII, Michael Jordan, etc).


      As for me, I am Native American.   So I am aware of these issues of “colorism”.   As for dating women on the internet, I consider it a disadvantage.   I ALWAYS have far greater success in the gym just ignoring women and working out.   I found beautiful women are not used to being ignored so excessively.   So it actually attracts some of them sometimes.   Go figure.   So this it he unorthodox strategy:   (1) Do not go on the internet and try and date a beautiful women on – there are too many competitors.   (2) Go to the gym with a large coed population with many beautiful women and ignore them.   It works because they aren’t used to being ignored.   It’s bizarre.

      To me, divorce rates are far too high.   Infidelity is also rampant.   See that movie “Unfaithful” with Richard Gere.   But tables turn on beautiful women when they get old (see “The Betty Broderick Story”).   So I am leery about dating and marriage in general.   But the gym is a good place to start (in my opinion).   Just don’t rush into it.



  4. 24

    I’m amending my previous post:

    New hot girl in big metropolis: 500

  5. 25
    Hot Alpha Female

    When I was on RSVP an Australian Dating site I was probably got about 40-50 emails a week.

    It was ridiculous.

    And because there were so many, I was extremely selective of the people who i responded to and their emails had to REALLY stand out and be something speical … for me to even read the whole thing let alone reply.

    Hope this helps

    Hot Alpha Female

  6. 26
    Hot Alpha Female


    I got over 500 responses in 2 months. So thats like 40-50 emails a week.

    That is quite a lot to handle. So it was important that the emails I replied to really JUMPED out from the crowd.

    Emails that started went along the lines of “Hi how are you, tell me about yourself” – were simply overlooked.

    Hope this helps

    Hot Alpha Female

    1. 26.1
      Harry Malcolm

      As an unlikely male who has had the same happy problem of 100/week letters, not just winks etc, I was interested to reflect on how I changed my preparedness to engage at length..   the foirst few letters I could not believe such well profiled ladies would even glance my way.
      The next stage I seemed to get “spangled brain” and looked to the ends of temptation, youth, beauty, money.. and that has been exciting…
      But I think more stages are coming…
      Finding ladies who can play brilliant piano, or who have shown me without imposing the offerings of Buddhism which I discover is what I am like but never known.. these things are what are still standing after the exhilarating rush of excitement nature makes us fall for.
      I also worry that in time 99% of the loving journeys I have shared will one day have end at that level.. but I so would like to keep them as friends and one day meet as two happy couples able to recall the thrilling times.
      How has thinking evolved for you..
      Its harder for attractive women, so many lusters and frogs to get past..
      Thanks for your post.


  7. 27

    I think they get 10 emails per week.

  8. 28
    Evan Marc Katz

    Okay, guys, what did you learn here today? It’s a lot MORE competitive than you even knew.

    That’s why you should register for my free teleclass next Tuesday:

    Oh, and for the women who generously offered their own stories, your takeaway should be that if you want to stem the tide of unwanted unsolicited emails, you should take down your photo and only contact the men who interest YOU!

  9. 29

    I’m a fairly attractive 50 something woman. When I put new pictures on Match, I receive 10-20 e-mails plus winks a day for the first 5-6 weeks. I would average 350-400 e-mails (but that is counting e-mailing back and forth with some of the guys) a month, for years. I live in a fairly big city, but not anywhere near the size of Atlanta. I imagine a much younger, attractive woman in a large city could average 50+ e-mails/winks a day.

  10. 30

    Wanted to add my 2c. I know an attractive girl in Boston who got between 100-200 per week when she was doing match. I also know a younger chick, age 24, who got 500 in 48 hours when she posted in the Berkeley area. She went on exactly two dates from those 500 and then took down her profile because it was too much to keep up with.

    Yeah, it’s competitive. It’s kinda almost exactly like going to a BAR, where the hottest chicks get the most guys hitting on them. With both avenues, you can give yourself advantages with good game.

    As a guy who’s done the match thing for years, I’ve received less than a dozen, unsolicited emails total, where every single one of the emailers were not even close to being hot. I guess I’m not tall enough!

  11. 31

    So I would say I’m an averagly attractive female, currently 33 years old and used online dating sites when I was 30-32 (off and on)… eharmony (trial only), POF and Yahoo… I’d have to agree with some of the other comments, at first there would be a big influx of emails (8-10+ per day) and then after a short time it would die down to 5 or so a day.. sometimes more, sometimes less. Out of all those emails (initial time period and later on) there was still a serious amount of weeding out to be done, separating the serious from the ‘I just want to cyber’ or ‘I just want to get laid’.
    My other point is that it really does matter what you say in your profile. My first profiles didn’t get much response… I gave out too much detail of what I wanted (and didn’t want) too soon. Once I changed it to a more upbeat, lighthearted profile I received many many more responses than I had originally… same picture and all.. just new words to read.
    I met my current boyfriend on POF and it’s been 8 months so far.. and all signs point to many more!

  12. 32

    after scanning more comments… I’ll add that I’m not from a medium/large area in Oregon… Had I lived in Portland I think the amount of emails would have been larger… but I wasn’t interested in relocating so small town Oregon was it!

  13. 33

    Lance ….it’s nothing like going to a bar !!!!!

    Believe me and YOU know this….When a hot chick walks into a bar she’s not besieged by 500 men in the first hour hitting on her …lol
    They’re all scared to death to approach her for the most part except the PUA’s with game and no fear. Most of the men on online dating sites would never approach most of the women they email & wink at online if they ever saw them in public. Why ??? Fear of public rejection. Noone including most women fear “online rejection” although I know it hurts women a lot more than men to get a rejection email from someone they contacted first. Maybe Evan could tell us the reason why ??

  14. 34
    Evan Marc Katz

    They’re not used to rejection the way men are. Guys write to fifty women online to get two responses. Women often quit once five guys have ignored them. Not ALL of them, but they are more sensitive to rejection than men – largely because they’re not often in the position to be rejected…

  15. 35
    Adrienne Lewis

    I am almost 34. I would rate myself between a 7 or 8 out of 10 and that is being dead honest with myself. I get between 6-10 emails a day. I used to be blond and I got more then, like maybe 20 a day and I was “favorited” 170 times. As a brunette I am favorited 70 times but the quality of people sending them is higher for some reason.

    Really, so much is due to marketing – am interesting profile with great yet real photos.

  16. 36

    Based on the previous posts I have read, it seems the most attractive women can get between 200 and 500 emails a week.

    I would actually be curious to know why really attractive women go on-line in the first place. More than one man on this blog has said that attractive women don’t need to go online because they get hit on all the time and they can have boyfriends whenever they want. So, I wonder what motivates them to search at Match or eHarmony.

    1. 36.1

      If you aren’t into the bar scene and most of your friends are married you go online like everyone else. There’s less of a sense of community these days than there used to be. It can be hard to meet like minded people, even for pretty girls. Plus, there’s the thought that you can weed people out for political or religious affiliation and things like that.

  17. 37

    I’m a woman in her mid-40’s who just ended a relationship and is available again. Maybe a 7-8 in looks, profile well written, almost an empty nester, not looking for more children, etc. I’m not really ready to date yet (need some decompression time), but I dread putting my profile back up when I am ready. I was getting 10 or so emails and a handful of winks almost every day (2 sites). 99.9% of these were from men who were so woefully inappropriate for me I had to laugh out loud. I even composed a form letter, because handling all of this was getting to be like a second job. I didn’t feel the need to respond to every contact, but I did make an effort if the fellow took the time to craft a nice letter reflecting that he had actually read and thought about my profile. One man wrote me a one-sentence introduction and followed up with a second email saying, “I think you’re a dirt ball” because I hadn’t written back to him! Some guys would wink or email multiple times in one month. I’m still getting the odd email or text from a couple of guys with whom I exchanged personal information but to whom I made it clear were not going to work out as romantic partners. I understand the benefit of persistence, but enough is enough already. I feel like every successive profile I put up gets snottier and snottier, just trying to weed out the mismatches. I myself would only write to a couple of men in the space of a month. I know it reduced my odds, but I wasn’t interested in corresponding with anyone whose profile didn’t resonate with me right away. If they rejected me, so be it–I’d wait a while and look for another guy or two who met my rather strict criteria.

  18. 38


    that happened to me too (I am referring to the “snottier and snottier” comment) – the sentiment becomes a bit difficult to avoid after a while of online dating.

    The only way to get any meaningful results, though, is to write an entirely positive profile, not mention any physical characteristics you are looking for in a mate at all, and then just weed out the undesirables on your own. And I can actually tell from the first sentence whether the rest is worth reading (and especially so from telephone conversations – the way a man constructs his sentences and his pronunciation and overall vocabulary immediately tell whether it’s someone I’d consider associating with).

    As I mentioned above, the literary style I chose served as quite an effective filter – I got responses from some pretty high quality individuals, and the more primitive folk didn’t even bother. Also, apparently the way I wrote commanded respect: an acquaintance complained about receiving pics of penises, and I never even knew this sort of thing occurred.

  19. 39

    Oh, and the worst part, Cilla, is that no matter how many of those things you do NOT want in a mate you list in your profile, the men who fit those criteria will still write to you. So, it’s just an unproductive strategy.

  20. 40

    That’s not to mention that negativity is usually a turn-off (just imagine seeing a profile like that written by a man – would it appeal to you? because I have, and they really didn’t).

    Sorry for this run-on posting =), I keep forgetting the things I wanted to say.

    Anyway, Evan has stated all this before, which is not to say I am plagiarizing here – I just arrived at the same conclusions after my own extensive experience with internet dating.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *