How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Talk to you soon!


P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

Join our conversation (294 Comments).
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  1. 31

    So I would say I’m an averagly attractive female, currently 33 years old and used online dating sites when I was 30-32 (off and on)… eharmony (trial only), POF and Yahoo… I’d have to agree with some of the other comments, at first there would be a big influx of emails (8-10+ per day) and then after a short time it would die down to 5 or so a day.. sometimes more, sometimes less. Out of all those emails (initial time period and later on) there was still a serious amount of weeding out to be done, separating the serious from the ‘I just want to cyber’ or ‘I just want to get laid’.
    My other point is that it really does matter what you say in your profile. My first profiles didn’t get much response… I gave out too much detail of what I wanted (and didn’t want) too soon. Once I changed it to a more upbeat, lighthearted profile I received many many more responses than I had originally… same picture and all.. just new words to read.
    I met my current boyfriend on POF and it’s been 8 months so far.. and all signs point to many more!

  2. 32

    after scanning more comments… I’ll add that I’m not from a medium/large area in Oregon… Had I lived in Portland I think the amount of emails would have been larger… but I wasn’t interested in relocating so small town Oregon was it!

  3. 33

    Lance ….it’s nothing like going to a bar !!!!!

    Believe me and YOU know this….When a hot chick walks into a bar she’s not besieged by 500 men in the first hour hitting on her …lol
    They’re all scared to death to approach her for the most part except the PUA’s with game and no fear. Most of the men on online dating sites would never approach most of the women they email & wink at online if they ever saw them in public. Why ??? Fear of public rejection. Noone including most women fear “online rejection” although I know it hurts women a lot more than men to get a rejection email from someone they contacted first. Maybe Evan could tell us the reason why ??

  4. 34
    Evan Marc Katz

    They’re not used to rejection the way men are. Guys write to fifty women online to get two responses. Women often quit once five guys have ignored them. Not ALL of them, but they are more sensitive to rejection than men – largely because they’re not often in the position to be rejected…

  5. 35
    Adrienne Lewis

    I am almost 34. I would rate myself between a 7 or 8 out of 10 and that is being dead honest with myself. I get between 6-10 emails a day. I used to be blond and I got more then, like maybe 20 a day and I was “favorited” 170 times. As a brunette I am favorited 70 times but the quality of people sending them is higher for some reason.

    Really, so much is due to marketing – am interesting profile with great yet real photos.

  6. 36

    Based on the previous posts I have read, it seems the most attractive women can get between 200 and 500 emails a week.

    I would actually be curious to know why really attractive women go on-line in the first place. More than one man on this blog has said that attractive women don’t need to go online because they get hit on all the time and they can have boyfriends whenever they want. So, I wonder what motivates them to search at Match or eHarmony.

    1. 36.1

      If you aren’t into the bar scene and most of your friends are married you go online like everyone else. There’s less of a sense of community these days than there used to be. It can be hard to meet like minded people, even for pretty girls. Plus, there’s the thought that you can weed people out for political or religious affiliation and things like that.

  7. 37

    I’m a woman in her mid-40’s who just ended a relationship and is available again. Maybe a 7-8 in looks, profile well written, almost an empty nester, not looking for more children, etc. I’m not really ready to date yet (need some decompression time), but I dread putting my profile back up when I am ready. I was getting 10 or so emails and a handful of winks almost every day (2 sites). 99.9% of these were from men who were so woefully inappropriate for me I had to laugh out loud. I even composed a form letter, because handling all of this was getting to be like a second job. I didn’t feel the need to respond to every contact, but I did make an effort if the fellow took the time to craft a nice letter reflecting that he had actually read and thought about my profile. One man wrote me a one-sentence introduction and followed up with a second email saying, “I think you’re a dirt ball” because I hadn’t written back to him! Some guys would wink or email multiple times in one month. I’m still getting the odd email or text from a couple of guys with whom I exchanged personal information but to whom I made it clear were not going to work out as romantic partners. I understand the benefit of persistence, but enough is enough already. I feel like every successive profile I put up gets snottier and snottier, just trying to weed out the mismatches. I myself would only write to a couple of men in the space of a month. I know it reduced my odds, but I wasn’t interested in corresponding with anyone whose profile didn’t resonate with me right away. If they rejected me, so be it–I’d wait a while and look for another guy or two who met my rather strict criteria.

  8. 38


    that happened to me too (I am referring to the “snottier and snottier” comment) – the sentiment becomes a bit difficult to avoid after a while of online dating.

    The only way to get any meaningful results, though, is to write an entirely positive profile, not mention any physical characteristics you are looking for in a mate at all, and then just weed out the undesirables on your own. And I can actually tell from the first sentence whether the rest is worth reading (and especially so from telephone conversations – the way a man constructs his sentences and his pronunciation and overall vocabulary immediately tell whether it’s someone I’d consider associating with).

    As I mentioned above, the literary style I chose served as quite an effective filter – I got responses from some pretty high quality individuals, and the more primitive folk didn’t even bother. Also, apparently the way I wrote commanded respect: an acquaintance complained about receiving pics of penises, and I never even knew this sort of thing occurred.

  9. 39

    Oh, and the worst part, Cilla, is that no matter how many of those things you do NOT want in a mate you list in your profile, the men who fit those criteria will still write to you. So, it’s just an unproductive strategy.

  10. 40

    That’s not to mention that negativity is usually a turn-off (just imagine seeing a profile like that written by a man – would it appeal to you? because I have, and they really didn’t).

    Sorry for this run-on posting =), I keep forgetting the things I wanted to say.

    Anyway, Evan has stated all this before, which is not to say I am plagiarizing here – I just arrived at the same conclusions after my own extensive experience with internet dating.

  11. 41

    I’ve been I’net dating for years, with no success. I’m sure I’m doing it all wrong, though I’ve crafted many profiles, and many kinds of profiles. I’ve now ripened to the age of 42. I have no idea why a hot woman in her 20’s would need the Internet; I never did. But being older and the dating pool being more limited it seems a tool for a certain demographic who are no longer in college with their peers, hanging out in large gangs or in bars and clubs. So, my question is: how many e-mails should a reasonably attractive woman in her early 40’s expect? Sorry I feel no pity for hot women in their twenties! Please.

  12. 42
    Evan Marc Katz


    NEVER put what you DON’T want in a profile. As you’ve noticed, it doesn’t scare away the wrong guys – and it very well could turn off the right guys. Just be flattered that you get the attention of so many inappropriate men – because 90% of men, by your standards, are always going to be inappropriate…

    More free insights on guys at:

    See you there!


  13. 43

    It is alot to keep up with and then you see the guys who are always on there.. and you wonder what the heck always on there.. players.. pigs and girls should be very careful!!! I have to hide my profile as many girls do when they keep looking.. It is sick!

  14. 44

    In my first 20 hours I received 40+ winks, 6 emails, 180+ hits off of
    I’m in an attractive female in my 30’s, no children…  Most of the communication from males has been off-putting.  I will be canceling membership shortly, and stick with meeting guys in real life.  My friend was the one who suggested I try out the cyberdating world; instead, I should have listened to my instincts.
    I’m sure it works for a lot of people.  I’ve heard some of some success stories.

  15. 45

    Melissa, do you mind sharing what sorts of communication have been so off-putting?

  16. 46

    Melissa (#44) – I’m confused, are you quitting online dating because you didn’t find the perfect guy in your first 20 hours??? Did you think it would only take the free three day trial?

    Evan has a great, comprehensive product for anyone new to online dating (or who hasn’t been successful at it yet.) It’s called Finding the One Online. I wish I’d had his help when I was dating in my 20’s and 30’s! It’s funny, I know some girls who will go buy a new outfit, get a mani/pedi, and a blow out (hair styling) before a date but they don’t want to spend money on 3 months of…

    My other question to you, Melissa, is do you think that the guys you meet “in real life” are not also online? I’ve been asked out by four guys “in real life” this month and all four of them also do online dating, two of them on more than one site. (And the ones you meet who don’t are usually on Facebook or some other social media…)

    It does take some effort to learn how to date online successfully, but it’s a worthwhile investment.

  17. 47

    I’m a twenty-something cute girl who is on match.  I’ve only gotten a few winks and no e-mails from guys around my age.  I have pictures and a profile.  This results in me e-mailing a lot of guys with no response back.  Very depressing.

  18. 48

    I have a great pic with an equally fantastic write-up, and I’m getting more than 200 emails per week. I’m in my 30s. Honestly? It’s a bit overwhelming, and I’ve had guys get impatient and upset with me if I don’t email them back right away, especially when they notice that I’m online. And I haven’t even read Marc’s insights on online dating yet…

  19. 49

    Very interesting to read all the replies.  The first week I went on I got over 400 emails.  I was 32, lived in New York City, and looked pretty darn good back then.

  20. 50

    What about guys?  How many do they typically get? I joined about ten days ago and have had 240 views, about fifty winks and 24 or so emails.  Is this common?  Does it taper off pretty rapidly then?

  21. 51

    I have been on many sites.  As a guy, it’s quite difficult.  Even if you are avg looking, goodlooking.  I have noticed or heard from woman that hot guys get more emails regardless of their profile. A lot of these hot guys lie about many things, lets see I have heard most of the lies, it starts with
    Age, they say they are younger,  they are married and say they are single or seperated etc…they have big money issues, they have a criminal backround….they use steriods…or other drugs..they are big drinkers….guys that go to the first date drunk or get drunk.  Move to quickly with sex….dating 5 girls at once..the list goes on and on…yes girls lie too.  Especially about age and how long they have been on the dating site..they play it off like they are innocent and I swear i usually get the answer from a question “how many dates have you been on and how long have you been on this site, answer “a few dates and I just joined, my girlfriend set me up on it” my quote “Everyone paints a pretty picture but the canvas is weak.” People sugar coat things WAY too much..but the truth comes out sooner or later.  That pretty much sums up what I think about this whole internet craze dating sites. is good but quantity isn’t the same as quality obviously.  I think lucky has a lot to do with it and timing.  Good luck everyone, ya gonna need it!

  22. 52

    From doing a test on craigslist with no picture, just said sexy, beautiful lady in 30’s looking for NSA sex well it was posted for only one day and received 8 email responses.  I live in a small suburban city.

  23. 53

    I’m a black woman. Early 30s. Conventionally attractive in some ways, yes, but also overweight. I’m a creative professional with an indie bent, and my tastes and visual aesthetic tend to reflect that. On OkCupid I receive an average of one message a month. When I was on Plentyofish, I received an average of one message every other day.
    Hey, we like who we like, right?

  24. 54
    James B

    I’d always suspected that active male profiles outnumber women by a huge amount on Dating sites (probably 3 to 1 on paid sites and far higher on sites like Plenty of Fish – POF).
    Anyway, I did a couple of experiments a while back which confirmed this. A radius search on Match certainly backed this up (before they cleverly redesigned the site which stopped side by side comparisons – wonder why they did that?!).
    Then I wanted to see how online dating was from a female perspective. So, I set up a fake female profile (mid 20s) on POF a couple of years ago. I used 3 images and whilst she was pretty attractive, she certainly wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. The glut of emails however was absolutely extraordinary!!! She received the following in the first week of being online:
    395 Profile Views;
    198 Emails;
    147 Men Wanted to Meet Her;
    101 Men Had Added Her to Their Favourites. 
    Over 40 Unsolicited Chat Requests.
    It was absolutely bewildering and virtually impossible to keep track of. Most of the emails were exceptionally lame “Hi, Hi Babez, Hey Baby, Hey Hun, Hi Gawjuss etc”. Therefore, you’d think that writing a tailored email would help? Don’t be so sure! I hadn’t logged on for 3 days and had received another 80 emails. I doubt many women could be bothered sifting through all of this when 99% of the emails were borderline retarded. I suspect Match is hardly different. 
    I suspect that even very average girls get deluged with emails from desperate men (far more than an above average man would ever receive). Of course, this attention means that even average women can be infinitely fussier than they would be offline (height requirements, salary requirements etc).
    Hence, I’m absolutely convinced that if you’re a male under 5ft 10, then internet dating is perhaps not the best avenue to pursue a potential relationship. Even if you’re decent looking, in-shape, successful, educated and write good quality tailored emails, you’ll likely be ignored even if you message below average women. Moreover, few if any, will actively search for you. It’s a harsh truth but I don’t know any guys on the short side who have had success online. However, I know plenty of men above average height who have. 

  25. 55

    @ James
    “It’s a harsh truth but I don’t know any guys on the short side who have had success online.”
    I dated at least two that I can think of, just in the last six months. Was totally willing to get serious with one of them, but he wasn’t up for a relationship so we’re friends now. Both are 5’6″ or 5’7″. I’m 5’9″. At least one of those two is pretty successful online, the other one isn’t doing too bad on there either. I agree that, in online dating, the deck is stacked against a short guy, but if he leads with his personality (and is more or less easy on the eyes), all things are possible. Both of these people are a lot of fun to hang out with, and that can go a long way.

  26. 56
    James B

    Hmmm, perhaps but who are they messaging? There are loads of blokes who talk about having a good game and anything is possible even if you’re short. You’ll see them babbling on forums about 90% success rates for their emails and that they’re messaging 7s, 8s, 9s & getting responses. I remain far from convinced. Of course, you can do well online even if you’re short, if you’re consistently emailing girls who are fat and/or ugly with zero self confidence. I know that sounds incredibly shallow but they’re easy targets and I know people who do it.
    Of course, I know short & funny guys (5ft 5, 5ft 6) with attractive girlfriends but there’s no chance they’d have met them online. There are two major issues with online dating particularly for shorter guys:
    1) Each individual becomes a statistic (are they tall enough, do they earn enough, do they have nice pictures etc)? It’s a cynical process which doesn’t take into account other factors that may have some importance (personality).
    2) There’s a disproportionate amount of men on dating sites so the competition is absolutely fierce. If a woman looks at a couple of profiles and thinks that they both look superficially good but one’s 5ft 8 and the other is 6ft 2, who’s she going to choose without any other indicators (personality and other factors that could make the outcome different)? Undoubtedly, the taller guy.
    I think if you’re under 5ft 10 and decent looking, you’re better meeting women offline because I think you’ll have WAY more success particularly if your personality comes across. Spending time online and competing with a ton of other men (quite a few who make look superficially better on paper) in the hope of getting a response, seems a total waste of time and energy!

  27. 57

    @ James
    Of course, you can do well online even if you’re short, if you’re consistently emailing girls who are fat and/or ugly with zero self confidence.
    Haha, I cannot post my picture here… privacy and stuff 🙂 but I guarantee you, I look all right. More than all right, for my age group. You’ll have to take my word for it though. I am also very very selective. Very small percentage of the people that message me, get to meet me in person. Yet these shorter guys were convincing enough for me to think that we’d click and have a good time together (we did). With one of these guys I’ve mentioned, I’ve seen photos of his female FB friends and they are also very easy on the eyes.
    Of course I’m a) in my 40s, and b) go for the intellectual crowd. I figure that makes a difference. People pay attention to things other than looks. Also, in my age/social group, it’s nearly impossible to meet new people IRL, so pretty much everyone who’s single is online. I agree with you it’s probably very different for people in their 20s, but they should have no problem meeting new people IRL.
    If a woman looks at a couple of profiles and thinks that they both look superficially good but one’s 5ft 8 and the other is 6ft 2, who’s she going to choose without any other indicators (personality and other factors that could make the outcome different)? Undoubtedly, the taller guy.
    Why would she choose one? Online dating is a numbers game. If they both sound interesting enough, she’ll choose both and things will develop from there.

  28. 58
    James B

    I’m sure you’re very attractive Goldie 😉 but as women get older they have to more accepting/cognisant of undesirable physical traits/baggage in a prospective partner because they don’t have figure they used to, may have baggage as well & have to accept that some men in their 40s (if single and affluent) will be chasing much younger women. Thus, their amount of choice is far less so compromises have to be inevitably made particularly with regards to looks.
    Moreover, I suspect if you were 20 years younger, the chances of you replying to a guy who was 5ft 6/5ft 7 would be slim to none. Whilst I’m sure you get a fair amount of messages, you could probably double/maybe triple that amount if you were in your 20s.
    One of my friends is 5ft 5, very funny, ambitious, successful and decent looking but had hardly any profile views and barely ever received a response despite sending really good initial messages. And whilst he’s no Casanova, he certainly doesn’t do too badly with the ladies in real life. He learnt the hard-way that online dating was ultra competitive, that h’’d get lost in the mix and wouldn’t be given a chance to shine.
    I’m just under 5ft 9, 31 but look a lot younger, certainly better than average looking (I look a lot like Harry Judd – Google him), without sounding conceited I’m funny/charismatic, have 2 Post Graduate Degrees, & I operate a pretty successful business too (which takes up a lot of my time hence one of the reasons why I joined a dating site), Whilst I had more success than my shorter friend online, I certainly didn’t set the world alight online despite writing a real good profile and sending good/tailored initial messages. I wouldn’t be any rush to sign up again put it that way!!
    However, another friend who is 6ft 3 absolutely cleans up on there. Whilst a really nice guy & above average in the looks department, he has a perennial lack of ambition & still lives at home with his mum. He had more profile views in 1 month, than I had in 3 months. I suppose that’s to be expected in the same way that if you’re a tall girl, you’ll probably receive less attention/views than a shorter girl due to having less options.
    On the basis of those experiences, and the amount of messages that women receive on a daily basis, I feel that men (particularly if they’re on the short side) would be better served putting their spare time into gaining a hobby and meeting women in a real life setting whereby their personality has a far greater chance to shine.

  29. 59

    @ Evan 42

    I agree with you Evan, but it goes both ways. Negativity is a turnoff for both sexes.  Bitterness destroys only the vessel in which it resides.  I definitely bypass profiles from men that are angry and bitter. 

  30. 60

    @ Cilla 37  I am a 50 year-old woman. Attractive for my age, particularly if you look at the Midwest.  The average woman walking down the street.  Not LA, not NYC.  I know I cannot  compete with these women. I’ve had much the same experience:  Nastygrams from men 60+ who could not undersfe at a party, not online.tand why I wasn’t thrilled that they had chosen me.  This component has turned me off OLD, at least for now. I just feel that we have turned into a society that recognizes only youth and beauty, i.e. Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, etc.  Very sad.  But most of the men in my age range that are in decent shape (financially and physically) want women much younger than me.  I am not sayng that it is impossible to find a compatible match at my age, just much more difficult than when I was in my 20s.

    I agree with so much of what Evan says, but, at a certain point, serendipity does or does not take over.  (If I am not mistaken, Evan met his wife at , not online)a party

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