How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Talk to you soon!


P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

Join our conversation (294 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 91

    i have a few things to say about all of this. I’m 28 y/o male, I actually dont rate myself but on average I get at least 10 emails a day. 5’9 in shape, and above average personality. A dating site is all about marketing to the right person or persons. It’s not hard but tends to be when you’re only looking for one

  2. 92

    I’ve had my okcupid for 3 days now with 111 average visitors a week and I get about 10-20 messages a day. I don’t know how attractive I am but being a female online automatically means more attention! I had three messages before I even added a picture or filled out my info. When my profile accidentally said I was open to casual sex, I got about one message every ten minutes. 

  3. 93

    I joined match 6 days ago. I’ve gotten 376 emails, and 4698 views from 1966 people. I am an attractive girl, 26, in NYC so I am not sure if this is typical or not, but I am overwhelmed and having trouble reading all of them let alone responding.

  4. 94

    The height issue is real for men. On the site okcupid, its possible to search by attractiveness, as rated by other users on a rating scale of one to five stars. You can sort the data various ways. There might be only a 10% chance of getting a five star rating if you’re below average height male. Yes, there are below average height men with 5 star ratings, just at a much less frequency.  Its also possible to get a coffee date with a 3 star rating. But women are height obsessed. They lie about their own height more than men. Women tend to lie about their height be 2 inches, men by one inch, as per okcupid data, and that makes things even worse. There’s all kinds of theories about this, maybe women are sensitive about feeling fat, and think that a man who is 6 inches taller won’t be as critical as they get older and put on the pounds.

  5. 95

    I get around 78-90 “visitors” on my OkCupid profile a day, and about 10-15 messages a day, and none of my photos have cleavage in them. So I’m only assuming that more attractive women get way more.

  6. 96

    Since on these sites women are getting deluged by too many emails, and men waste all their time getting rejected repeatedly, why don’t these sites do the obvious thing. Put a limit on the number of emails people can send. Then men would waste less time sending hundreds of emails and put more effort into each one, and women might feel that they need to seek out guys they like more. 

  7. 97

    I was once in a dating site several years ago. I received over 600 hundred messages and flirts in the first 6 days. I close my account in the 7th day because I was unable to respond them all. I believe it got to do with I am an above average height Asian with near 30 pictures list on the site. By the way, I am 5’11” with 21 BMI and I am artist (which means I know how to pictures to please people’s eyes)

    Now I am trying ok cupid with no pictures at all instead a detail description about myself including my personality and my looks… Guess what, I feel so unwanted though I have always thought my personality stands out than my looks.

    I guess I have to put my pictures up again which I don’t want to do so…because I am a blogger and I don’t want my reader know I am on a dating site 🙂

  8. 98

    Jian, just do a low-key picture or two and put them up. Otherwise, people will assume there’s something wrong — not even that you’re bad-looking, but that you’re 75 years old, or you’re a guy, or you’re a 75-year-old guy… you get the gist. 
    Guys have a short attention span, and won’t read a detailed description of your looks, unless it’s you know, X-rated kind of detailed… which I assume it’s not.

  9. 99

    Thank you, Goldie. In fact, most of my photos took by my daughter before she turns 10 when we traveled together. They are not polished studio photos. Thank you for your advice though, I may put some pictures with some distance or without the good exposure.

    I am still debating though…because the problem is still my blog. Since I blog about Asian bron Asian women, most of my visitors visit my site because they are interesting in Asian women…
    Also, I do wish to meet someone who like or accept me for me not just the apperance. Yesterday I started to browse around in okcupid. I saw one of my ex there with 49% match and 45% enemy rate. I laughed. I guess we both visual person and jumped into relationship without even knowing each other that well.

  10. 100

    I had over 70 messages in three days by using only two face pics and a short informed profile. I hide my profile on the 3rd day. It was too much of an headache.

  11. 101

    Well today I got 13 emails, 10 favorited me and 13 liked me… So 36 different guys in one day… I have a pretty face but my body is average i tend to have 10 to 15 pounds more than I should… I do believe I have a great profile though…

  12. 102

    Hi,it depends on the site, and on how long you have been there. In first week on all of them it was non stop, I was not counting but some of them up to 100. But you must think that in that time those who e-mail everyone are all there first, so it add up easily. In 2nd month in some of the sites nothing happens, sometimes not even up to 10 mails. But that is not what is problem there. The problem is that some of the men get used to checking always on the go, so it happens even after exchange of e-mails you will be cut off and not contacted again. So after many of those I am quite comfortable with now and then some nice e-mail, but thinking more than twice whether to respond…even if I am interested. Seems as if I do,mission completed! less wort pursuing,moving on kind of behavior comes from guys. So I do not take these sites that seriously,just take seriously those who are worth it there, if they appear rarely.

  13. 103

    Hi Evan-
    I’m not going to categorize myself regarding looks but I just started on Match.  I am receiving 40-50 emails a day+ 40 winks.  It is pretty crazy.  I would really only seriously consider 10% of the guys and be excited about going out with about 5%.
    You are probably thinking that this is why I am single…and sir…you may be right!!!!

  14. 104

    I’m 26 and on a dating site.. Today I counted (it’s only 3pm here so I can still get more) and I’ve gotten 22 emails today. The day before I got 19, and the day before that I got 17… So I’m close to 20 emails a day. I’ve never experienced that before though so maybe it’s the dating site I’m on? When I was on match I usually got about 6 messages a day. 

  15. 105

    Evan @ 4 said:  “I know I’m a guy, but try higher. A lot higher…”
    I recently went back on match after getting out of a 3-year relationship.  I’ve received so many e-mails that I am overwhelmed.  I know some people think you should reply to every e-mail, but seriously — I have to go to work, clean my house, do laundry, pay bills, fulfill my volunteer committments, and whole host of other things.
    Plus, if all a man found the time to write was “Hi gorgous…~A” or wrote all about himself and asked nothing about me or told me his waist size is 34″ or some other inane/lame or inappropriate comment — Why would I use some of my on-line time to read his profile, and send him a thoughtful and well-written response, rather than the men who have taken the time to send me a well-written and thoughtful e-mail?
    When you have limited resources (in this case — time to reply), sometimes you have to make hard choices and can’t respond to every man who e-mailed you.  If a man wants to receive a response, then he needs to bring his “A” game and take the time to read my profile, and send an interesting and well-written e-mail.  I’ve received a couple of e-mails that were very clever.  For example, a three-line haiku and four-line poem — both of which clearly showed that these men had read my profile and made an effort.  I replied to both of them.  I went on a date with one of them last weekend (and have another date planned with him), and I have a first date coming up with the other.

  16. 106
    antoinette hughes

    I only got 17 on badoo in one year and I’m 23. 7 or 8 in 5 days on singles around me and on okcupid 3 only. Oh, and I’m a black woman so that’s why so low in numbers. * SIGH*

  17. 107

    my average is 130 per week and I am 23 and considered “hot”

  18. 108
    Hot on Match

    I have been on for 3 weeks and I currently have 298 emails in my inbox.

  19. 109

    Ha! This is an easy one. I am a fairly attractive women, 32 y/o, blond hair, brown eyes, just lost 70 pounds and am almost back to normal weight. I set an identical profile up on Match and POF six months ago. I have a friend who’s a professional wedding photographer, so with her eye and her camera, we took some great shots. Well, I got a fair bit of attention at first. I’d say I was getting around 20-50 new emails on POF each week, but it’s slowed down to about maybe 4-6 mew emails per week. As far as Match goes, I have gotten MAYBE 20-30 new men emailing me in the last six MONTHS (and waaaay too many winks from dirty old men). In my opinion, either all the guys on Match are looking for Victoria’s Secret models, they don’t have paid memberships or Match just plain sucks. You decide.
    Oh, and I set up a fake profile on POF just to see if it was my face or my profile that wasn’t getting results. As you can guess, the hot girl got over 200 responses in 24 hours. And they couldn’t get enough of how genuine, sweet and down-to-Earth she sounded (of course, I’m sure it didn’t hurt that she was a gorgeous brunette with blue eyes. Sheesh.)

  20. 110

    I’m on match in Austin, I just counted – in the last 20 hours I received 26 emails, 1 VIP email (whatever that is), 18 winks, 19 “likes on pictures” and 2 favorites. I think guys cast a really really wide net though, basically hitting up ever girl who remotely fits the bill w/in a 30 mile radius. 

  21. 111
    Sparkling Emerald

    I am 58, separated,  and get about 2 e-mails from someone new each day. About (12-16 per week)  And a few notices that so and so wants to meet me. And the occasional so and so made you his favorite.  Haven’t gotten any “flirts” on POF, used to get tons of winks on match, but I read that some online dating site send out fake winks.    I sometimes get an e-mail from someone saying that they like my profile and pics and would like to meet me but for the fact that I’m separated.  I find that strange, but it does make me wonder if I will get more responses once I get divorced.

  22. 112

    More emails and better quality.

  23. 113

    Sparkling Emerald #111
    For whatever reason, there are lots of men on dating sites who aren’t looking for anything serious. The fact that you’re separated wouldn’t be a deterrent for many of them, maybe even a plus.

  24. 114
    Sparkling Emerald

    I’m not getting THAT many responses, so I was wondering if separation was a factor.  All who respond have long term as their stated intention.  My 2 “almost relationships” ended because they started badgering me about when am I going to start working on my divorce.  I can’t really blame them.  I had one e-mail exchange where the guy grilled me about my separation.  After he finished grilling me about that, he started grilling me about my dog, and lecturing me on bicycle safety, because I ride my bike to work.  He wanted to meet me in person, but although I was initially glad to hear from him, kinda understood the grilling about my marital status, I was getting exhausted with his probing questions and lectures on EVERYTHING.  So I just wrote back to him “For reasons I would rather not say, I will not be able to meet with you”.  (Because really, I didn’t want to tell him that I found his interrogations and lectures to be off putting)
    I’ve met with my ex husband and we are going to finally pull the plug on this long dead marriage.  Going to hide my profile again, and “grandfather” in the those whom I’m already in phone or e-mail contact with.  I think I was nuts to unhide my profile again.  I’m still legally married, my son moved back in with me for the summer (which made dating my last “almost a relationship” awkward), and now my father’s health is going down the tubes(he’s in his 90s) and he needs me to come look after him more.  3 men in my life already, not really sure if I have room for another 🙂

  25. 115

    It depends but for instance.. I received over 200 messages in one week on POF

  26. 116

    I received 900 (nine hundred) emails in my first week. I have a degree, a good career, I’m in great shape, and good looking. Some men email because it’s a numbers game, some email because they are truly intrigued but I wouldn’t consider them a good match, and a few are pretty much who I’m looking for.
    Most (not all) don’t analyze like we do, in primal language: they see > they like > they want > they go after (without much thought about REAL suitability). In their mind, they will figure out if you are suitable on the date, where there is the added bonus of possibly getting lucky. Don’t take the differences between men and woman personally, just go at the pace you are comfortable with.

  27. 117

    I just joined POF and I did not know you can receive so many emails that fast. within 24 hours I have had 242 messages. is it normal do get that many within a day 

  28. 118

    Signed up..first day got 75 emails.. im exhausted. 

  29. 119
    Sparkling Emerald

    [email protected] –  For whatever reason, there are lots of men on dating sites who aren’t looking for anything serious. The fact that you’re separated wouldn’t be a deterrent for many of them, maybe even a plus.Those are the men I was trying to avoid, and at first, I was getting really annoyed with men grilling me about my separation, and then finally I realized that I was being the unreasonable one.  Looking for a serious relationship while I’m still technically married.  I was in fact, being an idiot.  Hubby & I have an appt at the end of this month to start the legal proceedings.  It’s time.  Initially, I had planned to go back online as soon as divorce became legal, but I know men will ask (and they actually have a right to) how long I’ve been divorced.  I know being divorced less than 2 years is a big red flag to many daters of both sexes.  I really consider myself to be at least emotionally divorced 2 and half years. I’ve considered saying things like “We split up almost 3 years ago” without getting into how long we were separated and how long ago we were legally divorced.  But then, eventually the truth will come out, then my HONESTY will be the issue, and not my divorce status.
    I think at this point, I should just accept that my failed marriage was my last relationship.  I won’t be considered a good relationship prospect to most relationship oriented men for at least 2 years after my divorce becomes final, which will put me in the dreaded 60 age bracket.  After reading the dating advice and seeing all the different things that make men “dissappear”, such as doing well in your career and “peacocking” your achievements, showing your sad emotions, showing ANY emotions,  showing annoyance in any way, shape or form (even it they did something majorly annoying)  It seems for every communication a woman makes to a man, there is some pre-scripted, walking on eggshells, word for word script to follow OR ELSE, you drive him away.  It seems that I would have twist who I really am to be considered barely acceptable to a man, while accepting him exactly as he is.  And to try and be some perfect Stepford Girlfriend and be in my 60’s, well I won’t hold my breath. 
    Sadly, I doubt I’ll be looking for a  relationship online or IRL. I would rather be in a relationship, but I’m not perfect, plus I’m considered old.  For some reason, I am addicted to EMK’s blog, I try to stay off the other relationship forums, because they really pile on the “women must be perfect” (and preferably dumb & unsuccesful too)  BS.  I am just so sick of the “Shut up and put out” mentality that seems to be dominating the current dating scene. I don’t even peek at the men’s websites any more, because reading how hateful they are towards women, just can’t take that either. 

  30. 120

    @SE 119 I didn’t go through your entire comment, but where did you get this 2 years mark?  Something you experienced or that people told you?  I’m much younger than you are, but have dated a few men a year out of their divorces.  It didn’t work with them, but one married the next girl he met after me.  At one year, yes I’m a bit worried, but 2 in my world is normal. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *