How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Talk to you soon!


P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

Join our conversation (290 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 121

    SE I’m sorry to hear how hopeless you sound, but I really don’t think it’s that bad. You get your divorce and when you meet men tell them you were separated for x years but your divorce only just became final. And I also believe that the reports of men’s requirements for perfect women have been greatly exaggerated. Take a break if you really need to but don’t count yourself out forever!

  2. 122

    SE #119
    I hope you won’t give up completely. There is no hard-and-fast rule for how long someone needs to be divorced in order to date. If you think you’re ready after 6 month or a year, why not give dating a try? Women get many more prescriptions on what is appropriate behavior than men do, but I believe that you have to be authentic, follow your instincts, and trust your own judgement. You definitely won’t meet anyone if you don’t try.

  3. 123

    Agree with others on SE #119. While I do know from experience that “my divorce was final last month” raises eyebrows, two years seems excessive. After six months no one will say anything in my opinion. Especially if you tell them that you split up 3 years ago. I, like others, suggest you give it a try. FWIW I got into my serious relationship #1 seven months after my divorce, and into serious relationship #2, 19 months after the divorce (he was fresh out of a marriage himself, so to him, I was an experienced divorcee). People usually worry that you might not be over your ex; well in my case, my ex and I had been over each other for years!

  4. 124

    Sparkling Emerald #119
    I echo the other commenters hoping you don’t give up. Imo you are consistently one of the fairest and sharpest commenters here. I also agree with J#121 about guys looking for perfect women – we have faults too and we are fully aware of the dichotomy of what the media says we want, and what real women are actually like. We’re not always as stupid as we seem!
    “I don’t even peek at the men’s websites any more, because reading how hateful they are towards women”
    Yeah I don’t get those websites/sentiments either. Just remember we’re not all like that, and the men who feel like that are just angry because they got rejected by someone and haven’t learnt how to deal with it yet – infantile really.
    “for some reason, I am addicted to EMK’s blog”
    Ha, join the line – I think more than a few of us are! I don’t smoke or do drugs, or have an addictive personality in general, yet for some reason I can’t stop checking the comments here either. 
    Chin up SE, I’m sure there’s someone out there looking for feisty red-head 🙂

  5. 125

    @Sparkling Emerald 
    Obviously want to echo what everyone else here is saying. Don’t give up, there are plenty of years ahead of you in which you could be spending with the love of your life. Dating doesn’t end at 60, hell my grandmother is 75 and men won’t leave her alone (she’s 5 years widowed) As far as being the perfect woman, screw that just be the best version of yourself. At the end of the day the man who wants to be with you appreciates who you really are. I am a kind person but I also like to make jokes, tease and have opinions. The men who like me, like me for those reasons and many more, I just haven’t found the one yet. And don’t ever go to men’s sites, they are basically just hate speech.

  6. 126

    SE #119
    Also wanted to say that I’m sure your attitude is definitely affected by the divorce that you’re going through.  It’s hard to stay positive or think about another relationship when you’re going through the end of a marriage. Don’t worry about all the difficulties of dating just yet. When you are ready to get back out there, you might even find meeting and getting to know new people fun.

  7. 127
    Sparkling Emerald

    K, J, Ruby, Goldie, Tom10, & Julia @ 120-126.
    Thank you all for your kind words.   🙂

  8. 128

    @ Sparkling Emerald
    Hi, SE, I can say I also always enjoy your posts, which are usually both positive and practical. So I really hope you can continue on. Not all (older) men are chasing very young women. Nor are we all misogynists, ranters, crazies, players or losers or whatever. Maybe those men are in disproportionate numbers on dating sites, since they are cheap (or free), and provide anonymity. However, there are “good” men online, too (like me). 
    Looking forward to more posts from you! 

  9. 129

    SE: I think it would be fair for you to answer the “how long have you been divorced” question with the real answer, and just add, “but we were separated for 3 years before that…just never got around to filing the paperwork [or whatever your reason was for waiting so long].”  I think reasonable guys would accept that answer.

  10. 130
    Sparkling Emerald

    If I start dating again, here’s how I’ll handle the recently divorced thing.   When asked how long I’ve been divorced, I’ll say, “We split up almost 3 years ago, and just recently made our divorce legal”.  If they ask how recently, I’ll tell them.  If they question me any further, I’ll ask them what their concerns are, briefly address them & re-direct the conversation.   If they refuse to let it go, I’ll thank them for their time & wish them well in their search.  I can’t go forward with my life & leave my past behind me if he won’t.

  11. 131
    Sparkling Emerald

    Thanks Speed & Joe
    Joe- You and I must have been in the same batch of answers.  So basically, what you suggested I should do (in post 129) is very similar to what I have concluded I should do.  Maybe that’s a sign that I’m on to something.

  12. 132

    As a 64 year old man who looks quite a bit younger I find that I attract much older women all the time.  I am talking women in their late 60’s or 70’s.  I will get between 25-50 emails per week.  Not counting the winks, blinks and favs.  I try to respond to everyone with a form email that basically says thank you for your compliments and interest, but at this time I am seeing a woman on Match.  I don’t think it is ethical to be involved with more than one woman at a time.  Ironically, I have found two women on match that I think are perfect for me. After six months and 2800 looks at my profile.  One is 63 and the other is 56. I prefer the 56 year old.  What does that say about me? Here’s hoping one works out.  It is a lonely life without a good woman by your side.

  13. 133

    It’s terribly frustrating for anybody who isn’t 100% gorgeous. 
    The problem I have is that I do put effort into an initiating msg. “Hi” or similar just isnt something I’m prepared to say. I hate it when it’s the only thing said to me. So I fill my description box with jaded writings. Only to realise I’m acting a Burke, and of course they have such a pool of choice, you really stand no chance against the 6′ + hunks. I’m fairly attractive. Very photogenic at various angles but I’m a fairly average sized physique and a height of just 5′ 8″. I’ve tried faking the vitals to see if that added views/messages. It did very slightly.
    I’m basing my opinion on my experience of the ‘free’ dating sites. Paying member on zoosk £70 per annum! But it is worth it. The masses are paying on these websites. And with paying, it seems to put honess on the third party to make more of an effort. Instead of just sitting by waiting for the next ego boost.. 
    “Disenfranchised” is how I’d describe my feelings after just 3 weeks on PoF. 
    The girls join with good intentions, but slowly become more and more jaded… As the ego boost is enough to get them through that time of their lives. Why bother with effort if you’re already fulfilled by the lack if it…
    jus’ saying

  14. 134

    I’m a woman in my twenties and I joined a dating site 3 days ago. My stats so far: 30 emails, and 30+ winks/likes. I have nothing provovacative on my page whatsoever. 

  15. 135

    I don’t remember counting the number of winks or emails.  What I do know is that, without the photo even, my profile was hugely successful and many women copied it!
    (So ladies beware – always have a trick or two just in case your “copyright” is busted.

  16. 136

    This has been a hilarious thread!

    Do all these women believe that the men are uniquely interested in them and sitting around waiting for an email? ROFL!

    Here’s the real deal. The average guy fires off from dozens to hundreds of emails to women. That’s why women are receiving so many emails. A woman may email up to a dozen men as they’re much more selective than the average man.

    It’s a numbers game. Fortunately, it’s a pretty easy game to play if you’re an intelligent guy. Here’s the secret, consider it a public service announcement. You only have to do the work once and then you’re set.

    STEP 1: Put up a fake female profile with an attractive woman’s photo.
    STEP 2: Identify the male responses that stand out – witty, funny, etc.
    STEP 3: Create your own profile and set up a script to automatically email hundreds of women in your area based on your search requirements with the cut / paste witty, funny email you received as a fake female.

    (I wouldn’t be surprised if 10%+ of the hot women on any site are really men using this strategy or testing profiles, etc.)

    Here’s a tip for women. Overwhelmingly, men’s profiles are full of lies. I’m sure women lie plenty of times too, but here’s what I see (and do myself because it works)

    If you’re a 5’10 guy, just state that you’re 6′ tall. Unless the woman is tall, she will not be able to tell the difference when you meet. If you’re concerned about it, just get shoes with a 1-2″ platform (you can do 1″ on the exterior, one on the interior and pull it off easily). It’s not like women show up on dates with measuring tape. LOL

    Personally, I’ve found that 6′ 2″ works best for me (no, I’m not 6′ 2″, but I’ve yet to come across a woman that has figured it out even after I’ve known her for years). When I went for my DMV license, I just wrote in my “height” and its been on my license ever since. So the few times I’ve been asked, I just show them my license.

    Income: Even if you’re unemployed, put down $100k+. Always put down more than you make. Again, it’s not like women have any way to find out what you really make and by the time you get to that point, you’ve probably done her plenty of times.

    These are just a few of the tips and tricks. Online dating has been a blessing for me. It has saved me a ton of money on drinks / dating. Now, I just run my script. Weed out the women I don’t like. Which is not an easy task as I get 300-500 responses from women each week (about 100 per day on average) and I’m a 51 year old male (listed as 40 on most of my profiles – yes, I have multiple profiles with very different looks – hair dyed black, brown, blonde; clean shaven, mustache, beard, glasses, no glasses, sunglasses, suit, t-shirt / jeans, etc.)

    Take the time to set things up – up front. That is, take professional photos in a studio with the different looks. Then use Photoshop to change the background and include your picture in a group of good looking “friends”, outdoors, other countries, etc.

    What she sees: A 6′ 1 to 6′ 2″ well dressed, friendly, well-travelled, highly educated (oh yes, I tell them I have a PhD / MD / JD / MBA etc.) high income ($100k – $250k+), witty and funny email, etc.

    Don’t forget pictures of your “car” and “vacation homes” – here’s how to do both. Go to a car show and have pictures of you taken in the car – always ask the model to show you the vehicle. She’ll sit in the passenger side and voila! Your friend will take snapshots of you sitting in a Maserati, Lotus, etc. which once again, you will photoshop to include a fantastic home or expensive vacation spot.

    I have even done some home sitting (Google it) in very expensive neighborhoods and have taken plenty of dates to my “vacation home” (for the car, I rented a luxury car for the weekend and changed the plates so that it doesn’t look like a rental). Group your dates when you’re going to home sit and rent a luxury car (brunch with one, coffee with another, dinner with another, late drinks with a fourth) and don’t forget your getaway excuse which is easy if you’re a banker (important deal), doctor (patient), lawyer (client), etc.

    Make sure you rotate the profiles. That is, delete them once in a while and put up new profiles with different pictures / story. At my age, being a widower seems to work best, but I’ve used divorced and separated too. Single doesn’t work well because the profile makes it look like a playboy.

    In an average year, I bed 175-250 young hot women all met through online dating on more than 20 sites. Though to be fair, 40% of those are repeat customers that really believe the fantasy I’ve created in their minds.

    And no, I don’t feel any guilt. Women go through liposuction, breast implants, etc. and “doll” themselves up to fool you. All is fair in love and war.

  17. 137

    I guess the number goes down if you make a high income and have a grad degree in addition to being very attractive :(… I get a good amount of e-mails. However, when I initiate an e-mail- my response rate is about 30% (3 in 10 guys will write me back!!)—-And I legit am very attractive – I get told that I look like Shakira all the time so I wish someone could help explain this to me!! Online dating is very frustrating ugggh

  18. 138

    I’m 26, tall, blonde, graduate level educated, and have a career.  I joined Match 4 days ago and today I have 76 emails. 
    The problem with this is out of the 76 emails I’m only interested in one out of the 76 people.  And when I do become interested/in a LTR I find that the guy does not want to commit.

  19. 139

    I’ve tried online sites for the last 15 years with little to no success.   I did an experiment on the defunct Matchmaker website.   I’m probably a 6 or 7 on a 10 scale.  I was gonna say 7, but I hear we always think we’re better looking then we are so I’ll say 6.   There were fewer women online then, but my response rate was probably 1 in 100, and I had carefully crafted, real profile.   Since they had free accounts for a month I tried an experiment.   I found a pic of a guy I thought most women would think is a 9.  I wrote him a really crappy profile, along the lines of “Hey chickies”.  –  plus a lot of misogynistic  stuff.   The first day my fictitious account got about 50 emails (remember, back then the numbers of people online was smaller).  About 99% of emails I initiated were responded to.   Women would profess their undying love for this guy.   They wanted to meet immediately.  I would say things like, “ok, but you’ll have to blow me”.  Some said “sure”, others who were a little shocked said they’d have to see, and in the exchange tried to get the hot misogynist to say nicer things because they were so “in love”.    I acted as vile as I possibly could and only scared a few away.   These were the same women who wouldn’t give the real me a chance.  One woman was a psychologist!!! Pity the person paying her $150 an hour for relationship advice.   So the moral of the story –  there are a lot of shallow women out there.   Men don’t dominate in the shallowness trait; it was a media construct.  It’s a myth. When women end up with the douce bag who they say was so nice, he probably was never nice to begin with.  The hot guys will get laid like crazy online (and off), and live out every pornographic fantasy they desire.  The average guy will get the crumbs, an occasional woman worth dating, and lots of crickets.  So.   I’m average.   It’s the hand I was delt.  My dating opportunities will be sparse, but occasional. (In the real world too. I get shot down regularly).  Additionally, I emailed women who were 5 or 6’s as well.  They ignored real me, for fake Mr. Hot. 

  20. 140

    As someone who once rated as a 9.7 on Hot or Not, I’ve gotten thousands of messages on a certain free online site. The most I’ve gotten in a day was 218. Until I hid my profile just to participate in the forum 4 months later (due mostly to abusive messages and getting messages from insincere men who didn’t look past my pictures), I got almost 10k. I know this for sure because I set up a free email account just for notifications from that particular site and that’s how many unread emails were in the account. And yes, I did subtract the daily “new matches” email. 
    In a city of about 100k people. I felt like a cow in a pool of piranhas, and it turned me off online dating completely. 

  21. 141
    sarah hackwell

    I’m a 38 yr mother of 4, and joined a dating site last night for the first time ever. I put up one picture and wrote a short description telling my intrests etc. This morning I have over 150 different men email me. I really didn’t expect that and assumed it would only be maybe 10 or 15. My picture was of me smiling and I’m wearing my reading glasses, so go figure. I’m very curvy and gained a lot of comments about this and they seem to like the fact that I’m a nurse. 

  22. 142

    I’m a 37 year old mom of 3. Put one picture up, did not write any kind of description of myself other than to say “I’m awesome” and in the span of 4 weeks while it was up I received over 350 email messages and was added to around 30 different guy’s favorite list. Vast majority of the guys were not attractive to me and a lot guys in there 20s, I’m sure majority of the men just wanted a sexual encounter. But meet a few really nice guys and ended up being in a relationship with one of the guys in their 20s.
     On the flip side I had a friend who’s a few years older than me and she did not receive that much attention. I think she said somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 or so emails in the 4 months she’s been on the same website. Also, she said she reached out first to some of the guys on the website and no response. So  I guess it just depends. 

  23. 143

    I am a woman in her 20’s. I feel that I am average looking but I have an hourglass shape and a nice large rack. When I had an online dating profile I would average 150-200 messages a week. At one point I was getting 400-500 messages/week, very overwhelming. It was great though because my future husband was one of the men that messaged me. 🙂

  24. 144

    I’m a fairly pretty (though a little chubby) 24 year old woman, living in an LA suburb and I get on average 150-200 profile views per week, and about 70-90 new messages a week. At my age, I tend to get a lot of requests for hookups, probably about 1/2 of my messages I just delete for being too vulgar without ever replying. I’ve only been on dating sites for the last 9 months, only gone on dates with 3 of the guys I’ve met. It’s very much a buyer’s market on dating sites, with men really having to sell us on why we should pick them.

  25. 145

    First off,  an attractive women on pof in the beginning will get tons of emails.   The  emails fade over time. For every 10 emails a women gets,  a man will receive around 3 to 4..
    Also  men are much more aggressive and usually always send out an email first.
    Unfortunately , for men,   there are a lot more males than females when it comes to online dating. It seems that many females who are single don’t bother joining online dating or there afraid of that to begin with.  
    So from my 10 year experience in this,   hot chicks have a tremendous advantage when it comes to online dating and yes they get over whelmed by the mass amount of emails they will receive.   Online dating ( especially for men ) is one avenue of finding true romance , however, the chances of finding the one you will be interested in is remote.  Women have a much better chance if and a big if;  if she is attractive. Otherwise the below average women and man,   will have it more challenging.

  26. 146

    I don’t mean to sound out of touch or ask a silly question, but — and I knew the numbers were high, but not this high — is this a cultural or racial thing? I’ve been on and off dating sites for about ten years and, generally, in the first month I get 0-10 messages. That’s a MONTH. I’m a black female. Attractive.

    When I hear women of another race describe the amount of messages they get (and, yes, I’ve read the articles that say Black women are, pretty much, ignored on dating sites) tons of messages it just sounds so foreign to me. I don’t understand it. To hear women get 40-50 messages in a week. It just makes me realize online dating is not/was not the best place for me to search for a partner. I haven’t been on a dating site in nearly three/four years due to the low amount of messages received. When OkCupid pretty much told me my “kind” is passed by/ignored/not messaged or responded to by a majority of men of all ethnicities, I knew I had to close all accounts and focus elsewhere.

    1. 146.1

      I think Hispanics/Latinas have the same issue. Many men will list “no preference” for ethnicity or race, but they don’t seem to actually put that openness into action. I am attractive as well, and I get very little interest from men on Match. In fact, if it weren’t for scammers, I’d probably get virtually no attention at all.

  27. 147

    Oh, and for the women who generously offered their own stories, your takeaway should be that if you want to stem the tide of unwanted unsolicited emails, you should take down your photo and only contact the men who interest YOU!

  28. 148
    Spankling Emerald

    When I first got into online dating,  I  would say that I got 10-20 e-mails a week (as well as winks, likes, etc)  I thought considering my age, that was an OK number.  (I’m in my late 50’s) 
    My relationship status was also “separated”, so I thought my numbers would go up when I could honestly change my status to “divorced”.  Well, changing to “divorced” made no noticeable difference. 
    I bought FTOO and wrote a profile using Evan’s ideas and THAT made a noticeable difference in the quality, and I had many men specifically comment on the originality and cleverness of that profile.   But even tho’ I was getting a workable number of e-mails, most never led to phone calls, the few that led to phone calls, most didn’t lead to dates, and the ones that led to dates were dead end. 
    Soooooooo, I paid for a profile re-write, picked the most expensive package.  And now my inbox is covered with cobwebs.  I’m really scratching my head, because I thought the profile was GREAT  ( I had professional photos taken as well) .  Well written and gave a good feel for who I am.  My weekly summary from match is sooooooo depressing.  A few “likes” a few “winks” a few “favorites” and 0-2 e-mails a week. 
    Despite that, I do have a first date scheduled later next week, but I recently had a guy make a date with me, then send me a text the day of our date to cancel because he decided that “we weren’t a match after all”.   So as far as my happy hour date next week, I’ll believe it when he shows up. 
    This is getting very depressing, I actually get more male attention IRL than online, but that real life attention leads to the same dead end, so it’s a fairly moot point. 
    Trying to figure out the HUGE drop off in e-mails, the only thing I can figure, is that in the pro re-write, it was mentioned that I prefer phone calls to texts.  Considering how guys ONLY seemed to want to communicate by text, I’m wondering if that could be it.    I have re-written my profile a few times, since the pro profile got such dismal results, but I have always included the bit about preferring talking over texting.  So I think I will go back to my original professional profile and delete the part about preferring to talk over text.  I will save that for the e-mails when we exchange phone #’s. 
    I know my age is a huge minus.  Even within my age group.  But I can’t change my age.  All I can do is eat healthy and stay active, & dress & act in a fun youthful way.  But when I first got online at age 57 or 58, I did fairly well, and now, things have dropped to near zero. 
    If deleting the part about texting doesn’t help my numbers (Jeez, are men THAT addicted to texting ?) I doubt if I’ll renew my account.  Seems like alot of money to pay for NOTHING. 

  29. 149

    I’m a 23-year-old female and I have joined OKCupid a week ago. I have a weekly average of 145 visitors, approximately 325 pages of “likes” (people who have rated my profile as 4/5 or 5/5, although I don’t know how that works) and 110 unsolicited messages. I don’t have any provocative questions answered or pictures on my profile. I only have one shot of my face as my icon. I’m really surprised by the response I’ve gotten. I think I’m fairly attractive, but I don’t consider myself a bombshell 🙂

  30. 150

    I’m a guy. When it comes down to it, I’d rather get no reply at all from a girl that isn’t interested. It’s pretty much impossible to tell in text whether someone is politely replying but not interested or whether she is actually interested. If I get a reply, I have to assume she might be interested, so I try to extend the conversation and then never hear back from her again. Not getting a first reply is much less painful than not getting a second.

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