How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Talk to you soon!


P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

Join our conversation (294 Comments).
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  1. 181

    I’m a 37 year old woman… I get told all the time that I look much younger. For me it depends on the site. On Plenty of Fish I receive about 200 messages if I go on for 24 hours however I mostly keep my profile hidden so that’s probably why… I seem “new”. On OK Cupid & Match I get about 15 messages a day. I stumbled across this message board because I find online dating very overwhelming & want to find out how to filter. It’s becoming a second full time job 🙁

  2. 182

    Hmm….I’m in my mid-fifties, live in DC, and am very attractive in a Scandinavian kind of way. I get about six e-mails a month. Profile is well written and weeds out a lot of fellows looking for a bimbo. Between that and the fact that I’m six feet tall probably intimidates the “hell-o” out of most men.

    1. 182.1

      Haha, thats brilliant “scares the hell-o out of them”…  a clever man would instantly spot quirky humour, a sure sign of a clever mind thats got creativity to spare.  I’m putting that line into my “laughs file”..

    2. 182.2

      I saw another quirky line from a woman in seductive mode.. I presume…  “what never gets used until its broken” hehe

  3. 183

    A guy friend rated me a 7 or 8 out of 10, I am 37 and I received 20 to 30 emails a day, plus about 70 likes. What was frustrating was that half of them ignored my requests, for example, couples answered when I specifically said men only, casual encounters replied when I asked for long term only, people outside my requested age range responded.

    Thanks for the tips about writing back and saying “no thanks”. I did it once, received a nasty email, but I will make sure to write back regardless now, as I was not sure what to do.

  4. 184

    I’m starting to feel like quasimoto. I received 3 emails in 3 weeks. 200+ views in 3 weeks. 17 likes. favorited only once by a guy who did not list black women as a preference.
    I always thought I was attractive but my self esteem has lowered a bit and my cancelled profile and will move on. I hate match especially because I can’t get a refund on a three month subscription.

    This is ridiculous if race is really the reason. I’m getting my Masters in International Law, very in shape, late 20’s, and attractive. I only get views from old men and men who are shorter than me. Depressing.

    1. 184.1

      Race definitely plays a role. It has in my life. If I am actively using a dating site (as I am now), not a day goes by where I don’t see multiple female profiles that directly states that they have no interest in black men. I’ve received several replies from women thanking me for sending a nice, polite email – then stating that they don’t like black men. Wrote to a woman that had almost the exact same profile and interests as mine. It was like she copy and pasted my profile. She wrote back saying that we could be great friends, buts she doesn’t date black men. And I have received replies back from women expressing their disinterest in black men in a FAR less polite manner.


      1. 184.1.1
        Cynthia Ganga

        I have to say as a “white” minority (looking white, being mixed race) I find that the men that respond are of my mixes and are not white. I just don’t respond.

        1. Tyrone

          Does it bother you when non-white people respond? Just curious because I have seen profiles that defiantly came across like they were just irritated and tired of receiving messages from black people, non-white people, etc.

      2. 184.1.2
        Cynthia Ganga

        Because my mix happens to often have very odd traditional customs and people that are fresh off the boat and not Westernized at all (and can be VERY scary) I just don’t respond.

        I live in a white centric northern area so it’s not unusual to not see mixed race/ black/ asians on the site in general and mostly white men who wear their work clothes from the trades in pictures. Those I ignore as well.

        Mostly online dating equals ignoring for me. Unless the message is well written and then I’ll respond and talk a bit and answer that I’m not interested.

  5. 185

    I am a “attractive woman in my 20s” and I just received 100 messages on POF in one day.

  6. 186

    I’m 45 so I’m sure the younger women get more but, even after a year of being on I still get 1000 views per month on average, about 500 messages arise out of those.
    That all sounds like a good thing and I’m certainly grateful to have options. However, weeding through all those messages to find the few gems in all the muck is pretty overwhelming really. Men seem to have no desire to bother determining compatibility and just flood anyone they think is pretty with messages, whether or not they match any of her desired traits.
    I used to try and respond nicely to each person who wrote me but it soon became a full time job. Plus, a lot of men respond angrily to even the most politely written rejection, so I simply stopped. I don’t know about other sites, but I noticed that Match gives you suggestions based upon who you’ve responded to. So, if you respond to men you aren’t interested in, even just to be nice, Match will send you more “Matches” just like them because of your interaction. The way they’ve set the system up, it’s better to only respond to those who actually interest you. That way, they will “Match” you up appropriately.
    I frequently end up “hiding” my profile out of sheer frustration. I wish there was a way for women to hide their photos from everyone except their favorites to avoid this. Then, WE could do the searching and make ourselves visible only to the men we’d like to see our pictures. I’m sure that will never happen though. These sites want to encourage men to join based upon having a lot of attractive women on there to aim for. If they couldn’t see us why would they pay the money to join?

    1. 186.1

      I’ve since paid for the upgrade that allows you to filter who sees your profile. It’s annoying to pay extra, but well worth it!

  7. 187

    As an ordinary Australian male, teacher, run down and tired, late 50s, single dad with grade 1 twins, some weight to lose, holding on to my home, looking for inner beauty of an asian wife for my asian/caucasian kids… 
    I was blessed with more than 300 letters from using just one site.. in the first 4 weeks…  so many even now unread…
    I really don’t know why this happened, but any of these “realities” may have helped…
    1) write long sincere letters, be interesting, even describe daily life, describe as fun
    2) love and talk music, appreciate ladies music
    3) Be kind, it you are not kind then leave women alone
    4) Be interested in ladies belief systems, learn more
    5) focus on inner beauty, kindness, wisdom, gentleness, traditional ways
    6) write a poem, even if short, unrhyming… create for your lady
    7) be able to talk naughty occasionally, don’t deny sexuality side of dating
    8) value your own emotional maturity
    9) be a stable person, it will be transparent soon enough if you are not
    10) Be a person who will dote, put in love and expect nothing in return, justbecause you truly want that until the end of lifetime..
    11) Be at “duzzen matter” and “there are no dramas’ stage of self development
    12) acknowledge pics online are probably 3 times better than reality.. who cares?
    13) Talk about your visions for a creative future in a world of own with the lady, one day you willwalk into that picture.
    14) If you have a “d” problem.. disorder, drink, drugs, dependency, depressed outlook then heal yourself or leave the women alone.
    15) Understand talk online can soon be seeming on the brink of marriage…  but even if you go this far with 20 ladies, and they will be doing so with many men…  its still less than likely that you have yet found “the one”.
    16) understand a marriage is a start, not the end of your mission.
    17) smile smile smile, everyone is 50% more beautiful instantly by smiling.. look in the mirror, try it, put smile pics up..  if your lady is not smiling its a warning maybe, at least its a turn off.
    18) Value and reflect the culture and heritage of your lady so kind to engage you in chatter or even glance at you.
    19) Don’t be tricky or use imagery of yourself and life.. it just makes the discovery worse for your person you treated as a plaything,
    20) A women much more wants to know that you have enough to get by in life, like being at home, like walking sometimes, helping others, being creative. than that you have wealth from overwork without any evidence you have matured by the ups and downs of life.  Doing better than “enough in life” is a minor thing, 
    21) Share clever wiisdoms.. “whether you are having good times or bad, don’t worry, it will change soon”.
    Good luck to all the hearts out there looking for love


    1. 187.1
      harry malcolm

      22) don’t waste too much times on females who have to hang their boobs out to get yr eye
      23) don’t go on with ladies who don’t show attention to detail of whats in your letter(s), provided you are sure thay have been received…

    2. 187.2

      Good post Harry.

      Be open, sincere, and caring.

  8. 188
    Irish Lelly

    Harry I am sure you will find someone soon with that outlook.  
    On another note : I signed to Eharmony dating and an Irish site called and I get blitzed with emails on Anotherfriend and hardly anything on Eharmony. I have had one email in the last four months on  Eharmony. The profile is expansive as per their parametres. I spent hours filling it out and detailing myself as per their prompts.Yet despite this and the pretty good photos I have uploaded as I used the same ones on I am getting the feeling that Eharmony Ireland is not very established and is not working as it should do.

    I googled it and there seems alot of disgruntled people out there in Ireland UK and elsewhere. So although I am not due to renew till August, I have opted out on a resign up and have informed my bank in case there is a technical glitch and I am suddenly resigned up for a renewal of my subscription. From my research this seems to have been a problem for some users.  In the 7 months I have been on it I had one date. Just wondering if people state-side or elsewhere have the same problems? 

  9. 189
    Same game

    I am a 38 year old woman, fit, but quite flat chested and moderately pretty in photos – much better in person and I get more interest in person than on Match.  I typically get two messages per week and 5-6 winks which I do not respond to.  I have stopped emailing men because of the hit to my self esteem from not receiving responses. I have barely received any messages on eharmony in the past few months- it’s odd because I used to, two years ago.  I am in a new city though and there seems to be fewer men on EH locally.  

    1. 189.1

      Don’t be discouraged I hadn’t had a lot of activity at all on a site I was on. I am 37 and very fit. I had a male friend look at my pics he told me which ones to remove and which to change to my profile pic. It made a HUGE difference I went from barely noticed to lots of inbox messages. Post some very clear smiling, pics, you having fun, and what you write may be a turnoff as well. Keep it light and simple, hope this helps this is what has worked for me good luck. Don’t ever let a dating site take away value from you know you are great and one day soon you’ll find someone else who does as well. Good luck 🙂

  10. 190
    Middle age woman

    I am 46yrs woman and I m not a glam but i just put my profile up on a site this afternoon, I got 400 messages in my inbox in last 5hours. i can’t answer to every one even I wanted so. 

  11. 191

    well its prof that it is to easy for women,when you have to much of anything lots of times not all the time  you take it for granted,,,i was on match and i meet a girl on vacation when i came back i quit as soon as i walked in the door,,,face to face is the best way to meet women,at church,bbq,hiking group,they see a human being ,sorry,i always thought in my 20 when going to a club,or a bar  and women went up to men onl,men could not aproach womeny for a year    both genders  would be more humble,,,,thanks for reading and good luck not bitter just truthfell 

  12. 192

    I just started POF and I have 260 matches in a few hours and 50 emails. My phone has not stopped buzzing. And im a 20 year old in London.

  13. 193

    I just thought I would share my experience with eHarmony–signed up three days ago, filled in their profile etc etc,. Now I’ve honestly never considered myself particularly attractive, alright, but not drop dead gorgeous, but I’m getting up to 100 messages a day on eHarmony. Honestly, it’s all too overwheming; I don’t have the time to go through them all. The kicker is that the vast majority are actually very well matched to me (at least superficially) but I’ve had to change my search parameters just to cut down the sheer number. I hate it: disregarding someone based off of something as ridiculous as height or race deeply offends me and yet I find myself doing it to get the number down to something more manageable. I specifically signed up to eHarmony because I thought this sort of scenario was less likely to happen…I’m actually hoping it dies down so I can actually respond to some of them rather than just having to ignore some (which I really dislike doing–it makes me feel so rude). Hopefully, Mr Right didn’t get lost in the stampede 🙁

  14. 194
    Al J

    Over the last week on I have received, no joke:
    (Location: West London)
    Views: 725
    E-mails: 21
    Winks: 31
    Favourites: 33 

    I have a photo when I had 666 views! 

    I haven’t fully signed up so I can’t see who’s written to me…. but i’ll sort this out this evening. 

  15. 195

    I consider myself to be a reasonably attractive woman in my mid 30’s. I have been on for 10 days and have received 167 emails. Of the 167 about 15-20 of them are replies to my emails. I would estimate that the most attractive would probably see 200+ per week.



  16. 196

    I just joined one of the popular dating sites last week.  I consider myself average looking 40+year old female in a rural area.  The first week I received over 200 emails, 300 winks, and 200 comments/likes on pictures.  Most of the pictures were from work, and a few from vacation.  Also my profile was viewed over 400 times in the first day. So I would guess a 20 to 30 year attractive female in a me to are would receive 1000 a week


  17. 197

    I personally think it depends on the site, the kind of people on the site, your pictures, profile and how often your online. I’m 28 year old female and offline I’d maybe only get like 20 messages a day, online about 60 a day and if I uploaded a new photo 100/150 a day. Xxx

  18. 198

    Online dating is super disappointing. On, after a week, I have emailed 10 interesting smart girls (who are not bad looking but not voluntary sexy). I have googled them, I have really made efforts to find a good angle in my email, I have only contacted ones when there is a lot in common. My profile shows that I’m looking for a long term relation. Zero answer! One profile view out of 10! Only 5 have read my email! I guess that they should receive yy emails a day – yy being pretty big… Bottom-line: 1) I’m drowning myself in the mass of stupid competitive emails. 2) Online dating is not efficient at all. Girls, if you read this, please read all emails and answer even to say “no, sorry”. And PLEASE Don’t forget the sorry, it’s only five letters and it changes everything.

  19. 199


    Just to give a little perspective on replying when not interested. The last year, I did that often, as I wanted to at least let the men know that I did receive. Regretfully, I usually received a rude reply back and even a few times a stalkerish series of replies every time I would log in to the point where I now block all matches that I decide to not respond to whether they read or look like the ‘great guy next door’ or look like they wrote to me from prison.

    If it is a help to know, even as a interesting smart girl that’s a solid 6 or better depending on the guy’s definition of beyond a 6.. on Match, particularly, my inbox is not busting at the seams. For my region, I believe there are WAY more people (male and female) that have the free accounts yet much less that are actually paying for the service. I receive replies and initiated emails more frequently and freely on the free sites vs. Match.. and it is often from the SAME men, which tells me that they may have once had the paid service on Match yet now are just using the free version ‘to see what is out there’ then end up finding me on Tinder/Ok/PoF.. I’d say eHarmony also, yet the matches in my city are very, very few. I never thought of that before and it would get a little frustrating, until a man said ‘hey saw you on Match and knew you were also here (on OkCupid). Then I realized, geez, not everyone is paying where they can email on Match..

    I’d suggest seeing if you can get some engagement from them on the chat feature, where you’re top of mind in the moment vs. bogged down in their inbox somewhre. If they’re a paying member and have that active, they have the choice to chat or click ‘I’m busy’ or email you.

    It’s also plausible that maybe the 5 that DID read your email aren’t looking for a long term relationship and are just out there having fun, figuring things out..

  20. 200

    I don’t understand how a woman online line who gets 100 emails a week has an advantage over a man who sends hundred emails per week.  Match dot com is about 50/50 and in some urban areas women out number men.   The free sites have more men but they also have more unemployeds, boys, potheads and idle men.  Also, if you get or send 100 emails per week, you will run out of people in your city fairly quickly. Furthermore, sending and receiving emails is not dating.  Success doesn’t start until you meet someone in person and every successful woman needs a successful man.  The only “advantage” is that men seem to view no dates as a strikeout while women seem to think no dates as consolation prize.    Ironically, given this logic, the ones with the real advantage are the women who contact men and the men who are contacted.   I wouldn’t be surprised  if most online dates start out this way.


    1. 200.1

      “The free sites have more men but they also have more unemployeds, boys, potheads and idle men.”

      Women can’t be unemployed, girls, pot  heads or idle? I sure wish I could show you a slide show of some of the women I have encountered throughout my life.

      The advantage, is that it takes contact from the woman to get a date – “the ones with the real advantage are the women who contact men and the men who are contacted.” More emails = more potential dates. Not saying you have to go on the dates. Or that all emails are good or that they deserve a response. Just talking about numbers and potential. If you get 15 emails this week, that is 15 potential conversations, that could lead to 15 potential dates. If you get 0 emails this weeks, that is zero potential conversations and zero potential dates

      I don’t get replies often. An I have received initial emails from women 2 or 3 times – ever. It feels a lot to me like this: two men would love to buy a house that costs around $200,000. Who has the advantage – the man that chooses, for what ever reason, not to buy a house or the man that can’t (let’s say his credit is poor) buy a house? The man that chose not to goes up to the man with the poor credit and starts complaining at how shitty these $200,000 house are. He says he is spending too much time looking at all of them and the vast majority aren’t up to his standards. How does the man that isn’t being given the option to purchase any of these homes at all feel after listening to this?

      Should I complain about my money problems to my friend when I literally make 4 times as much as he does. Sure both of our money problems may be valid. But I bet he would think that I couldn’t relate to his $40000 issues. And that is he had my $120000, it would really help him out.

      My niece called it “first world problems.”


  21. 201

    I am an older man. My account was hacked and some scammer changed three items but left everything else as is. He changed my height to 6 feet 2 inches he changed my staus to widowed and changed my religion to catholic. My frikken inbox lit up like a Xmas tree after that. You ladies real like tall widows with a mainline religion. It was hilarious frankly.  Less than 20 percent of women bother to respond to a message even to say no thanks. The online dating things does work for me however. I have had many first dates and lotsa 2 nd and thirds and a few flings that just never would have happened otherwise. My advice to everyone first be realistic in your expectations. Dream mates are like winning lottery tickets they exist but do not expect to get one.

  22. 202
    Ric Glass

    I get up to 40 a week, but arriving sometimes in a “single day”. It’s my demographic I think. Over 60 single male. I’m not even a paid member. I started a new profile, serendipitously sent it 5 kisses, got back 100% Reply rate and all within 1 hr. In 2 hours I had 10 messages and 5 kisses. I think because it shows when your online. I just posted this on my FB for comment.

  23. 203
    Reaching 100

    I’m a pretty hot black Nigerian American young professional. 31yrs old, 6ft tall, ex model. In Miami on match, I would get 10-20 emails and 15-30 winks a week . I recently joined UK match and I got 70 emails and over 200 winks in four days. Just shows how race still plays a big part in Americans love match. I get looked over no matter how pretty I am because I’m black. I’m definitely thinking of moving to Europe , more open minded people there looking for love.

  24. 204

    I am in my late thirties this week I got 196, I had actually been on for a long time, not really that active had 29 for a while. A male friend checked out my page. He chose the best pics, he told me a couple I had posted I did not look approachable or inviting, I looked a bit mean. I removed those posted a few more with smiles and within one night got 100. There has been so much more activity on my page now pictures make a huge difference.

  25. 205

    I got 585 in 6 days of joining. Mental

  26. 206

    Hm…I’m 40+ beautiful woman. on pof and zoosk. Wasn’t happy with my 30-40 messages a

    I guess I’m lucky that I get that much.

    My daughter ladt July was sunshine girl.she is 23.she was getting on pof over than 1000 a week.


  27. 207

    It’s gotten crazy for me to the point I don’t even want to be on match any more as it’s too stressful sorting through the messages.  In 2 weeks I’ve had over 300 and their inbox system doesn’t let you sort your messages at all. I’m about to give up! Even when I start speaking to someone I like by the time they reply I’ve got 20 more messages and I can’t remember which guy they are 🙁

    1. 207.1

      You can filter messages on Match and if you look under the message itself, there actually is a history down there, but it doesn’t look like a normal email history.

  28. 208

    I think it depends on the site. On OkCupid at 34 I received about 25+ emails per day (most weren’t worth reading, and a lot were disgusting). Now, on Match (still 34 with the same pictures), I only get 6-7 emails from new prospects per day, but they’re more often quality emails with information and profiles that are complete with pictures. So, despite saying “you can’t blame the site”, there really is a difference.

  29. 209

    I got 350 messages in 24 hours..

  30. 210

    There are robo apps that will send a message or swipe profiles of tens, hundreds or thousands of people.  Sometimes, over and over.  If you pay a little extra, (say $5 per month) some dating websites let you write (or contact) unlimited number of profiles.  That’s one of the reasons for an overflowing inbox .

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