How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Talk to you soon!


P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

Join our conversation (294 Comments).
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  1. 211

    I’m a 31 year old very attractive female that gets absolutely inundated with emails from guys on pof!! It can be a pain in the butt especially considering the sad fact that pretty much all the guys that write me I’m not interested in…now I’ve been off and on Match for some time but I’ve never been overwhelmed with emails! Match baffles the hell out of me!! Also my response rate to emails I send out is less than 10%-pretty humiliating!! Bizarre thing is that I’m the “hot” girl (although I don’t write to “hot” guys)- I don’t know if it’s that I’m 35 minutes from Miami (where most young professionals live here) oh so far lol (I’m being sarcastic)or maybe that I make more money than most of the men??!!

    1. 211.1

      My opinion–after being on Match, POF, and OKC–is that Match has a BUNCH of fake profiles.  Most of the guys I heard from on Match were scam profiles.  I think that’s why you got so few responses.

    2. 211.2

      ” Also my response rate to emails I send out is less than 10%-pretty humiliating!!”

      If you think that is humiliating, can you imagine the hundreds of thousands of men out there being humiliated right now?

      You say that you have no interest in any of the slews of men that write to you. But you think it is weird that the few (by comparison) men that you’ve written to aren’t interested in you? Logically, it doesn’t seem bizarre at all. The initiator bears the burden of rejection. These men writing you are attempting to pass you the ball. You don’t want it. Pass incomplete. You tried to pass some men the ball and felt humiliated when you got the same result. You can’t control whether the other person wants you or not. You just have to be smart, put in the effort and hope for the best.

  2. 212

    Hi. Well I’m a 44 year old women and I receive on average 15 to 20 emails a day and probably around 50 winks.

  3. 213

    I’m 59 and recently put up a profile on POF and OKCupid. I had a great photo and a fantastic profile (I received MANY comments from men of all ages about how I had the most fun profile they’d ever seen). I didn’t place close attention to my numbers but I averaged around 150-200/wk for the first couple of weeks on OKC, then it dropped to about 50-60/wk on OKC.  I don’t remember the number on POF, but it was less. It was overwhelming, since (as someone else mentioned), I wanted to send polite responses to out-of-towners (I’m only interested in dating locally). So I’d guess a YOUNG, gorgeous woman would get in the neighborhood of 400-500 a week.

    After 6 weeks and 6 First Dates, I suspended both my profiles because I was so overwhelmed by the number of responses and so disappointed by the dates. One super-nice guy I had nothing in common with, one guy who couldn’t keep his hands off me and didn’t stop talking for 4 hours, one guy who didn’t stop talking for 3 hours, 2 guys obviously looking for a sugar momma, and one who made a super-creepy sex abuse joke.

    I’m not gorgeous but I had one photo that was particularly great, which I used as the search photo.  I made sure the rest of the photos showed the real me, and even said in my profile that I look my age, and to “please look at all my photos to check out my wrinkles.” (Yes, it was a humorous profile.)  The main thing I had learned from a previous attempt on was not to wear my glasses in the search picture–nobody would even look at me!



  4. 214

    I’m a young female physician in a moderately big city and got 400 emails by day 4 and 1611 profile views by day 6, and my profile was hidden about 1/3 of that time. Then I got totally freaked out and took it down.

  5. 215

    I opened a pof (plenty of fish) account this morning which is the first dating site I have ever done. I wont be doing one again either. After 17 hours of my profile being active I had 47 messages and 122 “meet me” requests. I had never been on a site like this and quite honestly it did not feel respectful at all, not saying anyone was rude to me but as the “meet me” requests continued to climb I felt as if I should be calling someone to be my pimp and another to be my bodyguard. Even thoughI had set criteria I was still getting requests from 27 year old boys and Im 42!!! My oldest son is almost 24…I dont want to date his friends..geeesh! My profile also is set at I”m not looking for a relationship” cuz basically Im looking for friends that can help me expand on my knowledge of life skills & hang out casually and have innocent fun. I got soooo many messages and meet me requests for men actively looking for a relatonship. So in my 20 hour experience on a dating site I felt like a piece of meat and not truly being heard for what I was looking for by being on there…okay rant over, sorry! Lol

  6. 216
    Xen Baby

    I was getting 200-300 per day on match, Washington DC.  Had to close my account…   Match could really turn things around if they limited the number of messages men could send.  Say 5 per day.  And to send more, should be $5 per message.  However, waive the $5 if I wink, view, or like your profile.  Design the website to be more like real world interaction.

    A dating site should also be more exclusive.  A waiting list to join until the male female ratios are 50/50.  $1,000 to join upfront to skip the waiting list.

  7. 217
    Xen Baby

    200-300 per day.  Disgusting

    1. 217.1

      I feel ya. I’m forcing myself to respond to some of these guys. I feel bad because I don’t have time to respond to all of them…

  8. 218

    This post isn’t dated, so I don’t know if my response is irrelevant at this point. I’m on POF and Match, just recently out of an 8.5 year relationship. I’m an attractive, fit 30 y/o, female. I get about 400 views/week on Match and probably 70 emails/week. And on POF, which I just joined yesterday, I received over 400 views my first 24 hours and 100 emails. Definitely a pain to sift through when the majority are just “Hey, how are you”.

    1. 218.1

      What was your sifting method? I don’t know how to go through them all on Match. I’m not responding to the Hi, how are you? guys, cause they’re not putting in much effort. I like effort.

  9. 219

    I’m 22 I get around 100 a day and I’m not even in the top group I’m a 7 out of ten if that hope this helps 🙂

  10. 220

    I joined POF when I was 19, recently 20 and I had to turn off the notifications after a few hours of having the app…I receive over 100 messages a day with many of the guys messaging again after I don’t respond with an Angry message 👍🏽😂

  11. 221

    I got over 600 likes in 24 hours on ok Cupid. I’m in the suburbs, not a metropolis.

  12. 222

    It depends if they wear makeup. I’ve been told that with makeup I am a 6 . When I put up a profile on OkCupid with my face made up I got 42 messages and around 200 likes in one week. Btw I was in my early 30s then.

  13. 223

    I have to show my face with no makeup PLUS I choose the photos where I look very average. I get 1 email a day :)))))))))) I also plan to not wear makeup on the dates.

  14. 224

    Well, I’m neither young nor beautiful.  My ad says I’m 42 which is a lie.  (I’m a touch younger, but adjusted my age up to be nearer menopause and the the end of baby-making possibilities.)  Anyway, I sometimes get over 20 messages from new men in a single day, so I can’t imagine what young, good looking, fertile women get.  It’s easy to see why they are overwhelmed.  Heck, I’m overwhelmed just sorting through what I get and trying to remember who is which in future correspondence.

  15. 225

    27, red hair, active, making >125k, living in a large city… I would get hundreds a day, per each dating site I was using (Match, Tinder, OKC). It was too much, and I was so overwhelmed that I cried.

  16. 226

    I am a 21 year old attractive, petite female. I have had my profile up for about 18 hours and have received 450+ likes and 200+ messages. I do not have any provacative photos and stated I am looking for a long-term relationship.

  17. 227

    I am in my early thirties, tall, thin, blonde, pretty. I’m on match. I get about 20-30 messages a day, but only about 3 or 4 of them are actual real messages. Most are “hi, how are you?” or a generic email with some piece of my profile copied and pasted into it.

    It’s easy to manage the emails. I read them in my personal email in the preview pane, just scroll down, next, next, next. Then I log in and look at profiles of the guys who wrote a nice message. Even if they don’t look attractive. I still like it that they actually tried to talk to me.

    A lot of messages that don’t say anything feels as lonely as not getting messages. I think guys should keep trying to write good messages even if women aren’t responding at first, eventually one will. If they get discouraged and start blasting spam emails, they may miss a great girl.

  18. 228

    Jesus.  My first day on Okcupid I received 70 messages.  In all fairness, I realize that newer profiles get more views and I live in a metropolitan area.  On top of that I marked myself as looking for casual sex as well as relationships and friendships.  Also, my profile is basically one drawn out joke. I was so afraid of have a generic profile that I went a bit overboard with the humor.  I’m 19, white, and I’ve never considered myself super attractive or anything.  I put the maximum number of pictures allowed and they are all either close ups of my face (not selfies) or full body shots.  No group shots.   This is the weirdest experience of my life and it is certainly a mixed bag.

  19. 229

    I signed up and got 250 likes and over 30 emails within 24 hours.

  20. 230

    I’ve tried the online dating for a year now. On and off again. I’m 27 and will be 28 in a few months. I consider myself to be a very attractive African American woman. I make sure I have plenty of pictures.


    Let me say that online dating is an experience within itself. I’ve tried eharmony, pof and match. Match and eharmony are not my favorite. I receive a lot of likes, winks and views on match but not too many messages. I have about 10 pictures. My profile picture is of me smiling but not showing my great smile. So I might replace that picture. I like Match because I have the option of seeing what a man prefers when it comes to what he is looking for. Race, religion, mot married or no kids. It’s like the guys in Match really don’t talk. Maybe it’s just me. I started to wonder if it was because of race. And hopped my profile didn’t seem intimidating. I wondered if you have to pay to send message because of this. To say the least I decided if I was going to be on there I would be more active and send message, winks and likes.


    POF compared to Match is night and day. I live in a city of about 300,000. I receive lots of emails, and views. Like someone mentioned before I finish my profile if there’s a pic up I have at least 5 emails in like 15 minutes. A lot of guys swipe right on the app as well.  I get a great amount of response. Sometimes it’s too much. I feel bad for not responding to some guys after reading stories here. I’m going to change that and let them know I’m not interested. I know I hate being left hanging.

    Also girls really hated rejection. I know I did at least. I didn’t realize that’s what it is as Evan has mentioned we don’t get rejected often. We’re use to men in our face trying to get our attention. I sent a message to a guy on eharmony when I first started the online dating and literally hid my profile in the next week. After trying online dating on and off again I’ve gotten comfortable with sending a message to a guy and being ok if they don’t respond or stop responding. I’ve realized in order for me to get what I want as a female I have to go for it too. It can’t be all the guys have fun. I’m honestly glad I found this site. To see all the opinions of other men is really beneficial.

  21. 231

    32 years old, attractive. I live in one of the biggest cities in the world-nyc, and I get 50 -100 messages/emails a day.

    I think the key is to have face in the profile picture showing clearly. Oh, and full body picture. It doesn’t have to be half naked and provocative, but I heard from lots of men they get “suspicious” when all the pictures are face only. Having a fun profile helps too,I found out people ( not all of them of course) actually read them and then pick up something from it so they can break the ice.

  22. 232

    I’m not sure of the number of emails ,but match cost me my marriage .I hope that gray haired bastard drops dead or at least a stfoke

  23. 233

    I’m mid-30’s, in a mid size town in the South. I admit, that I was modeled locally in my late teens and early 20’s. I’ve got my Master’s degree and a liberal.

    I put on my profile that “…I prefer educated, witty, and well-travelled men. Not into hunting or NASCAR…” I’m a pharmaceutical rep, single mother to a teenage son, professional & I stay very active.

    Just got out of a LTR. Set up Match profile last night at 9:30pm and 13 hours later, I have 51 messages & 26 winks.

    I found this article because I wanted to see what the “norm” was, feels like I’m being inundated and overwhelmed.

    Seems I’m pretty “rare” here in the South, but I know my type is a dime a dozen up in NYC & I’d probably be average, who knows. I admit, it’s been a nice little ego boost, although I know that’s not sustainable…

    Off to the races now,  wish me luck….


  24. 234
    Esther Veenstra

    I get about 60 a day.  This is an average from when I first went on.  The first few days are defnitely the most insane.

    1. 234.1
      Esther Veenstra

      So I should clarify I live in the TO Canada area and am 38.  My profile is humorous, leaves a good cliffhanger, and is sweetly sarcastic.  I’m a freelance artist, single mom and avid volunteer.  I am also a writer and a therapist and I must admit I somewhat delight in the social psychology of the whole ordeal.

  25. 235

    I was OLD-ing for a long time. The way these sites work is very sneaky. You get a burst of attention when your profile is new – 50 or so messages per day, etc., but after about 2 weeks it begins to taper off and then you hardly get any messages at all. If you go and cancel your subscription, they want to keep you hooked and begin promoting your profile in that remaining week or two that you have left until it expires, and you again get a ton of emails. So, why weren’t they promoting my profile BEFORE i told them I’d cancel? It’s a total scam. Basically if you want to maximize experience, you should sign-up and cancel, sign up and cancel every 2 months. That’s the way to go to make them work for you. Oh, and of the men I wrote to, only may be 25% wrote back to me. I went on some dates with them, but when I did the postmortem of my OLD experience, I realized that when I was the one reaching out first, I never got a second date. Not once, even when i did get the first date and it went well. So, in conclusion, reaching out is a waste of time. If a guy is interested, he will write himself.

    Anyhow, I quit a while ago, i had much better success offline…

    1. 235.1
      Sum Guy

      oh Gala @235 please don’t stop reaching out

      the woman I’m seeing now, can honestly say the most compatible with me in 30 years, and just mind blowing in bed, reached out to me on match

      i don’t recall ever seeing her profile, her lead (and only) pic was not good so even if I had may have not been intrigued to look further (I didn’t get 60 messages a day but 3 or 4 and so many great looking women matched to me it was easy to miss someone)

      what she did though was reach out with a short message to me about the books I read, it intrigued me so I checked out her profile

      no one had ever done that

      sure her pic was not very good, but I’m not photogenic, took a lot to find good pics where I didn’t have a goofy look; also she had no other pics, which is in general big negative as you fear it hides being really out of shape

      nonetheless, the texts we exchanged made her so intellectually attractive to me, that even if she was really out of shape (her 1 photo she looked OK but could go either way, poor lighting and angle) i really don’t know if I would have cared

      I mean it 200% when I say I find intelligence sexy, it is not just a line for me

      Needless to say, the compatibility/ connection was there, better than had hoped, and she is smoking hot

      another caveat, not too surprised as most women I met through OLD look better in person, the few who didn’t were way less in shape than their photos suggest

      on shape, just so you don’t think I’m too unrealistic about it, I keep in very good shape, can click the athletic n toned with confidence, and I don’t hold women to some unrealistic standard, i think, you tell me

      since I’ve been asked before and had to figure it out, someone in US size 10-14 is my idea of perfect, 16 not a problem maybe perfect as well, but 8 is on getting into the too thin for me area, so you can imagine  I don’t find supermodels attractive

  26. 236

    Hi there,

    I’m considered to be a very attractive woman in my early 30’s (32 to be exact) and I usually receive between 300-400 emails a week. One time on Plenty of Fish I received 1500 emails in a week, it was insanity and I had to shut it down. Keep in mind, I live in Los Angeles.

    Yes, we women have it a little easier in online dating but we also have to weed through tons of muck. And calling it muck is putting it kindly. I often wonder about how many great guys I’ve passed up because I missed their email or they posted terrible pictures of themselves or perhaps they’re not the best writers…

    One thing I will say is: the one liners “Hey, how are you”  or “Wow, you’re hot” get immediately deleted. I don’t care how good looking he is– and it usually ends up that the more attractive men write those lame one liners because they can get away with it– I will not respond to laziness.

    I’ve received some lovely, amazing emails but I don’t have the time to reply to 100’s and 100’s of messages. I feel bad but if there’s no interest on my part it would be unkind to lead someone on with a response. I’m sure many of you will disagree… but this is my perspective.

  27. 237
    Devana Jones

    I think women get buried in emails for online dating.  I am a 53 year old, fit, reasonably attractive woman who tried out a new dating app. In 3 days, I had over 300 men contact me.  I used one recent picture of me with sunglasses on standing in the ocean wearing a long dress (ie little skin showing). It’s been 2 weeks now and it’s been constant emails still. Probably 600-700 different men reaching out. It is impossible to write back to each one – most men are not even close matches and clearly didn’t read my profile. So while I am grateful for the attention, I’m not thrilled that so many of these matches are either too far away or not remotely even close to a good match.

  28. 238

    I get 150 emails and several hundred likes/favorites/yes-ratings in a 24 hour period. It’s overwhelming, so I will generally only have my profile truly searchable for one day a month. Then I sort through my mail. I’ve been through five 24-hour rounds of this. I respond to anyone who actually wrote a note that showed they truly read my profile. I didn’t realize I got a lot more attention than average until I talked to my friends. This has been my experience as a 40-41 year old. My profile is more popular now that it was in my 20’s when I was last single. I can’t say this is actually fun for me. I’m considering trying Bumble to see if I like a site where women always make the first move.

  29. 239

    I’m a black woman in my late 20’s. I have only used An underestimate on the lower end would be 100-120 emails/week and about 300 likes/week.

    I’m fit, well educated, and probably above average. But def not Rihanna. So I imagine women who are as attractive as Rihanna get 200 emails/week. But I also imagine the Brad Pitts of the world also get a lot of message?

    Honestly, the problem with so many matches is its very hard to filter down to men I’d be interested in, and I feel overwhelmed. So, I switched to CoffeeMeetsBagel.

  30. 240

    I find no end to the amusement where all these women on this thread volunteering their own email numbers, under the presumption that THEY are attractive. “Well I am fit… I am attractive… I am considered attractive… I am young and attractive”

    I’m a guy in my 30’s who is probably moderately above average, in the sense that I’m athletic, have symmetric features, and a successful life. I’ve had little trouble dating people through local socializing, bars, or clubs. Then I tried Judging by a week of surfing profiles, and receiving around 7-8 emails, the Match female population is made up of 60% single mothers, 30% narcissists / mentally unstable, and 10% regular users.

    Narcissists on Match are the easiest to spot. You learn to ignore them, and never send them messages, because they aren’t there for replies. Anyone with over 10 photos should be red flagged, and anyone pegging 25 photo limit is certainly narcissist. These people, more often than not, tick one of the following boxes:

    __. will have dozens of photos in the exact same facial position or pose
    __ will caption EVERY photo with some sappy, excited phrase that they thing sounds hip and worldly
    __. their profile reads exactly opposite the type of person that they are. someone who says they are kind, open, and friendly is a backstabbing sociopath.

    Generally, just ask yourself the simple question: why is a woman this attractive, and this smart, and this successful, going to the trouble of posting stacks of photos online to get a date? Two answers: 1) she isn’t looking for a date, just attention. 2). her personality is so abhorrent, that it actually isn’t even offset by all her physical positives.

    And before I’m accused of being sexist, I’m quite sure men have their own categories and foibles. A woman told me stories about how many men pose with dead animals, or big trucks.

    Be safe and have fun out there, boys and girls.

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