How Much Time Do You Spend in the Pursuit of Love?

woman spending time with her laptop

You spend 8 hours a day working.

How much time do you spend in the pursuit of love?

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  1. 1

    9 times out of 10, if you ask someone who is complaining about it being hard to meet single people how often they go out, they will sheepishly admit that don’t do much about getting unsingle.

  2. 2
    Karl R

    It depends what activities you want to count.

    Time spent on dates, 2-4 hrs. per week would be a reasonable median range (0-16 hrs. per week would be the abolute range).

    Time spent communicating with girlfriends or potential girlfriends, 1-2 hrs. per week (phone or internet).

    Time spent pursuing activities where I meet potential girlfriends, 8-12 hrs. per week (two of my major hobbies are good ways to meet women).

  3. 3

    I have to say, this is a hard one to answer. To sort of steal Karl R’s format…

    Time spent pursuing activities I find interesting (dance class, church, etc): 5-7 hrs

    Time spent in communication with (potential) boyfriends: 1-3 hrs (this includes time browsing online profiles)

    Time spent on dates: varies widely, from 0-18+ hrs per week. I can go weeks (and sometimes months) with only a date here or there. And then other times there’s a spate of activity. Then there’s also the time when you’re starting to focus in on a guy but y’all haven’t become exclusive yet.

  4. 4
    happy girl

    I am online to check emails almost every night for about an hour sometimes two if I get chatting with a few people. I am a single mother ,so I try to go out every other weekend when I have time off and my daughter stays with her father. Once in a while I go out during the week. Going out tend to get very expensive since I have to get a babysitter. So I try to choose wisely when and where I go out and with whom I go out with. Some of my friends pitch in once in a while to babysit my daughter. It is juggling a bit, but so far I have managed.

  5. 5

    When active, at least a few hours a day to sift through and respond to the e-mail.

  6. 6

    I’ve often said that the full-on pursuit of love is like having another job — except you don’t get paid, and sometimes the benefits are pretty friggin’ skimpy. As for the on-line part, I can easily spend 1 to 2 hours per night reading inbox messages & winks/flirts, checking out the profiles of those sending them, sending my responses, and just general searching around. I don’t labor much over written responses, because writing is part of what I do for a living & comes fairly easy to me. But my investment of time comes after working a fairly demanding 8 to 10 hour day, so it really is an effort. As for actual first meetings & initial dates, I’d have to factor in the time I spend preparing for the meeting/date — even if it’s only preparing in my head — and, yea, I admit it, sometimes I do go through the whole dreaded “what am I going to wear?” drama. But then there’s the investment of energy spent in just plain thinking about the interactions I’m having or about to have, going over how a date went, projecting the potential, or figuring out how to tactfully say “no thanks.” Sometimes the investment feels huge; and when it feels too huge, that’s when I know it’s time for me to take a break from the whole thing. I’ve been on a break for about 2 months now, and it amazes me how much more free time I have in the evening, and how much less, uhm, obsessive email checking I do. I know I’ll start up again, because even all this free time feels nice right now (Oh look at me! So single & free!) and I focus more on other areas of my life, there comes a point where I start to feel the pull of the pursuit again because I still desire the companionship of a significant other in my life. And that’s what it comes down to for me. When I no longer feel like the pursuit is worth the investment, or I genuinely lose the desire for that kind of connection (har), I guess I’ll stop pursuing. Hopefully, the reason I stop is because I meet the man I’ve been seeking, but if not, I need to know I gave it my best shot. And I totally agree about complainers who have no love in their lives but who aren’t willing to put the effort into the pursuit. To them I say: Oh please. It doesn’t fall from the sky into your lap…and being passive and meeting no one doesn’t mean “it’s just not meant to be.” It just means you’re living in La-la land.

  7. 7

    Every second I have to spare – lol.

  8. 8

    Not a lot, I’m embarrassed to say. Really I rarely see anything that looks all that good to me. I do spend several hours a week on-line looking/communicating. I go out maybe once/week. I live in a small-ish city where I tend to see the same people out, or so it seems (I know: lame.) Even an old boyfriend (he’s happily married, w/2 kids) encouraged me by saying, “There’s new people moving here every day.”


  9. 9

    Oh, indeed, I forgot all about the phone conversations and the actual dates.

    A good first phone conversation, by my standards, should be at least 40-45 minutes (usually more like an hour and a half). I probably “interview” at least a few people on any given week.

    As for the dates, heh, this is difficult to answer. Only one of my dates was painful enough to end in an hour, but a good one can be as long as spending a whole day together.

  10. 10

    WAYYYY to damn much. LOL.

    I realize we all have to put in the time to get what we want, but some of the PPs who alluded to this being a second job are right.

    I look mostly online, because I don’t meet many men I’m interested in where I live (beer and football college town). Every time I put my profile back up, I am flooded with emails and winks, many from men to whom I had already said “no thanks.” Those guys don’t get a response from me. Likewise anyone who obviously didn’t read my profile (no, I’m not going to the tractor pull with you, because I’ll be at a BOOK READING that night). If a guy makes an effort to craft a nice email to me, I try to send a few lines back, even if I’m not interested. If he’s on the maybe list, I try to write something noncommital to buy time before making a decision.

    Then of course, there’s all the time spent on actual phone calls and dates with men I am interested in. (And the maintenance for the dates: hair, nails, clothes, etc.)

    I’ve tried only looking and profiles and answering emails on the weekends, but I think I’ve missed a few good opportunities that way. Now, because I work from home and can take time during the day to pursue love on the Internet, I have to be careful that it doesn’t become an addiction!

  11. 11

    I was reading an article about dating coaches and they recommend at least 15 hours a week. I guess this would include online stuff and being social as well as going on actual dates. But I also worry that if you obsess too much, you might seem needy and pick someone who might not be a good long term match.

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