How You Can Get Everything Wrong and Still Find The Man of Your Dreams

How You Can Get Everything Wrong and Still Find The Man of Your Dreams
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Karin is tall, thin and blonde. She’s a former dancer who makes a good living as a doctor. She’s a patron of the arts, an animal lover, and has a quick wit.

Karin is also 42, never married, and desperately wants children.

I took her on as a Private Coaching client because she’s highly motivated.

Yet the second we started working together, Karin began to dictate how our coaching would go — and thus gave me a small glimpse of why she’s single at 42.

“I’m not going to date online. Only weirdos who do that. What if someone sees me? I’d be too embarrassed. The kind of men I’m looking for don’t date online.”

“I think you tell women to settle. I’m not going to settle. I haven’t waited this long to find love only to be with a man who is beneath my standards.”

And so on. And so forth.

I reminded Karin that 50 million people have tried online dating. I reminded her that if a man sees her online, he can’t judge her because he’s dating online as well.

The first three weeks of coaching Karin, we literally didn’t do any coaching.

All I did was cajole her into putting her profile on Match.com so we could actually have, you know, DATES to discuss during the rest of her coaching.

I reminded Karin that 50 million people have tried online dating.

I reminded her that if a man sees her online, he can’t judge her because he’s dating online as well.

I reminded her that my wife, my mom, my sister, my sister’s husband, my wife’s best friend, my wife’s best friend’s husband and pretty much every other single person I know has tried it. And we’re not all losers.

Finally, Karin got her professional photos and professional profile up on Match.

It was like magic. Even though Karin was in a highly unpopular demographic (42 and looking to have babies) she still got tons of attention online. Scores of men. Attractive men. Successful men. Age-appropriate men.

Quickly, Karin realized that her fears were considerably overstated.

Within weeks, Karin found herself dating a good guy named Gary. They’d gone out 3 or 4 times and he always followed up immediately to see her again. Moreover, he was enthusiastic, cute, successful and very much interested in Karin as a girlfriend.

Naturally, Karin started second-guessing her own interest him.

“He’s too nice,” she said. “He always asks for my opinion on what to do on dates. Why is he so eager to please?”

Didn’t you complain that in your last passionate love affair, you never knew where you stood with the guy? That he wasn’t considerate enough?

“Yes, but–How about the fact that Gary is a teacher who drives a Toyota? How can he support me? What are my Mercedes-driving friends going to think?”

You’re a doctor; he doesn’t have to support you. And who cares what your friends think as long as you’re happy in your relationship?

“Yeah, well, the other day, in the museum, he made a joke about a modernist sculpture. I thought it was so classless of him to do that when an artist poured his heart and soul into creating it.”

He made a joke about a piece of art? And you want to break up with him for it?

“He apologized to me the next day because he saw how it upset me, but all I could think was: why did you make that dumb joke in the first place?”

Because it was funny? Because it was no big deal? Because everyone makes jokes about modern art? Either way, Karin, the fact that he apologized to you when he’s done nothing wrong means that you’re dating a saint. I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him.

After a half-hour of back and forth, Karin made her decision.

She was dumping Gary.

He was too safe.

He was too nice.

He wasn’t able to support her financially.

And if this wasn’t enough, Karin simply didn’t feel what she was supposed to feel.

Fair enough.

I told Karin that I didn’t care about Gary, per se, but that if she were going to achieve her goal of finding love, she should start giving men like Gary a closer look.

She’d spent 42 years chasing exciting, charismatic, unpredictable, wildly attractive men…and here she was with a dating coach trying to figure out where she went wrong.

“THIS is where you’ve gone wrong”, I told her. “THIS is your chance to correct it.”

But Karin’s mind was made up.

She broke it off with Gary and they agreed to “remain friends”.

She put herself back on Match.com and prepared herself for the flood of responses that she got in her first month online.

Two weeks later, Karin was crying to me on the phone.

“The responses have slowed down”, she told me.

“The quality of the guys has gotten worse,” she observed.

“I’m really worried that I made a mistake,” she whimpered.

Instead of playing the “I told you so” card, I continued to support Karin’s dream.

I spend a lot of time writing about sad things: men who lie, men who cheat, men who won’t commit, etc. This blog doesn’t change the fact that these men are still out there.

I didn’t tell her she blew it with Gary; I did remind her that the Garys of the world — cute, smart, thoughtful, patient, relationship-oriented — were the type of men she should consider whenever they come along.

I told her that everyone goes through online dry spells and that a new guy will emerge in a matter of weeks. Promise.

Two weeks later, Karin revealed that she and Gary were “hanging out as friends” when he suddenly kissed her.

And after further reflection, she would give Gary — and their relationship – another shot.

Sure, it was a happy ending — another client who achieved her goal and got her money’s worth — but I didn’t have a warm and fuzzy feeling about it. Why?

Because Karin was still the same person she was before — neurotic, critical, unrealistic, and bound to dissect Gary and dump him in favor of a fantasy man who would never commit to her.

So imagine my surprise last week when I received this email from Karin:

Hi Evan!

I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to tell you this, but… I’m married! To Gary – the man about whom you were coaching me when we parted. We had an amazingly beautiful and intimate wedding with 50 guests. We honeymooned in Tahiti.

Needless to say, this is a dream come true for me. I am so happy, because I feel safe and secure with a man who is devoted to me. He is everything I was looking for – although it took you to make me realize that. Of all the thank-you notes I have written (and have yet still to write …), yours is the most important to me – because there is no way I would be a happily married woman today without you.

Gary is everything I need, and more – but I still couldn’t fully accept that when you and I finished off in February. At that time, I still couldn’t help looking for perfection, magnifying shortcomings, and not accepting what was most important: unwavering interest in me as a person, following through on commitments, and truly wanting the same things I wanted in a relationship. I still wasn’t appreciating Gary’s amazingly hot body, razor-sharp intellect, and unique life experiences he had created for himself. Or that he made me breakfast in bed, put up with my neuroses, and just wanted to be with me. All I saw was that he didn’t create a Fortune 500 company, drive a Tesla, or lunch regularly with Gavin Newsom. Yes, I am ashamed.

There is no way I would have gotten to that point without you, Evan. No chance I have found Gary and let him into my heart if it hadn’t been for you. You were instrumental every step of the way: from that incredible online profile, to actually getting me to put it online (an entirely separate step, as you well know), to coaching me through all those first dates, to helping me realize why Gary was the kind of guy I should be with … I can’t thank you enough.

I continue to read your weekly post, and I couldn’t agree more with everything you say (yes, pretty much everything). For any woman who wants a real and meaningful relationship but continues coming up short, you are the man for the job to figure out where the stumbling blocks lie and implement a personalized plan to overcome them. Or via the ebook – I bet it is just as helpful for those who want a more economical approach to coaching (although you were worth every penny 🙂 I plan on reading it once the dust settles on setting up a new household (and those thank-you notes are written …) because it will not only speak to my fascination with human relationships but also keep me abreast of how you communicate your wisdom. Regardless of how women want to go about finding the relationship they want and need, you are the one to help them find it.

You sure did it for me. I have a mature, supportive, satisfying, committed relationship (it’s even a marriage!), and I am so happy. Thank you so much for everything!!

All my best,

Karin

You know what I did when I got this email?

I ran into the kitchen to find my wife.

Tears were brimming out of my eyes.

I couldn’t believe that Karin found true love — much less gave me credit for it.

I know this is a long blog post.

I know that it can be interpreted as egocentric or self-aggrandizing.

But you know what?

I just think it’s inspiring.

I spend a lot of time writing about sad things: men who lie, men who cheat, men who won’t commit, etc.

This blog doesn’t change the fact that these men are still out there.

Still, I think Karin’s email is a useful reminder that you MUST have hope.

Karin didn’t believe in online dating.

She dated online.

Karin didn’t believe in compromising.

She compromised.

Karin didn’t think she had to accept anything less than a perfect man because she’d held out for so long.

She accepted Gary.

And she WON.

If you’ve been sitting on the sidelines, wondering why love isn’t finding you, ask yourself if you’re willing to do what Karin did: look within, challenge yourself, and open up to a whole new way of thinking.

Who knows? You could be next.

Join our conversation (113 Comments).
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Comments:

  1. 81
    M

    I feel physically ill after reading Amy’s comments.

    I’m not sure I can comprehend how one gets to be so hateful and disdainful of men, teachers, people who aren’t as wealthy as others, and who knows who else.

    It isn’t possible for everyone to be a “high achiever,” whatever that means, because then who would work at burger joints, perform janitorial duties and do a host of other jobs that are all important for our society? Moreover, doctors are just people, they have utterly no more or less morality than the average joe, and guess what: in a few short years they’re going 6 feet under along with the rest of us. So there’s your great equalizer.

    I want to get married in my life, but the more comments I read on these threads of the contempt women have for men, maybe it’s best if I never do and die alone. I want someone who genuinely loves me for me, not for my bank account, and  even if I  am never loved, I’m just as worthy of it as any  other man or woman.  
              

  2. 82
    R

    M, I agree with what you say. Every emotionally healthy person would want to be loved for who he/she is rather than how much he/she earns or shows up others in intellectual conversations.

  3. 83
    WildIrishRose

    Evan   – Thank you so much for sharing Karin’s story. I really enjoyed hearing about her success. Her story made me feel optimistic, especially as I have made changes within myself that have resulted in positive changes in my dating life. I feel like I’m on the right track!  
    @amy – Your negative comments brought me down a notch or two. I’ll breeze past your comments in the future. Who needs it? Ugh!
      

  4. 84
    Yuri

    The stereotypical remarks made about teachers are cute at best.   At worst, they show a severe underestimation of the intelligence of teachers and a very judgmental view of individuals who are NOT doctors.
    My mother was an elementary school teacher, and I would never say she was not bright.   She’s trilingual and comes from a family of doctors.   Whatever my mother wants to do, she does, and she does it better than everyone else.   She is most certainly THE MOST driven person I know.   She is undeniably the hardest worker I know.
      
    So why is she a teacher?   Because it makes her H-A-P-P-Y.   She enjoys teaching children, and she does it quite well.   Parents want my mother teaching their kids.   I can name a dozen doctors I know that are only doctors for the money.   There are several intelligent people who take jobs where they make less money because it’s what they want to do. At least they’re happy.
      
    You know a doctor/lawyer in a horrible, adulterous marriage.   Quality life right there.   No, my mother would NOT rather have a great professional life and a sad personal life.   I’m sorry if my mother’s choice of happy home and acceptable job offend your business-savvy and investment-happy mindset.
      
    It’s people like you, Amy, who generate assumptions about people, call yourself picky, and are still single.   If I were a man, I wouldn’t touch you.   I wouldn’t want to hear you voice your pretentious, long-winded thoughts any longer than it would take me to finish my coffee.   You obviously know everything there is to know about the general population, census be damned.   Copy and paste all of your comments into your biography and hand it to the next guy you date.   He can take it home for nightly reading if he’s “driven” enough to tackle it.  

    And my goodness, I’m only 27, but I hope to never be as cynical as some of the women on here.   I suppose these comments are born from some horrible dating experiences, but that is inexcusable.   “Wait five years and see if they’re still married.”   How about congratulations?   IS. THAT. SO. HARD.
      
    Btw, I have a high-paying job in the metro DC area, and I have a long-term boyfriend..but I’ll let you know how it’s working out in five years.
      
    To send this off:
    Congratulations to Karin.   I wish her all the best.   😀

  5. 85
    vision

    Very awesome story! Made me cry… that you cried.. 🙂
    Though I give guys like Gary a chance, if I’d meet one…. even when I think I’ve met one, I find that they drink tons more than they say, can’t stop talking about their ex, or are trying to figure out covertly what my net worth is….
    I’d love to know where the guys like Gary are.. b/c I’ve never been after the charismatic, smooth types…   I seem to attract the wounded…who can’t handle real intimacy.. ugg
    I love the happy ending… awesome job!
      
      

  6. 86
    Henriette

    I don’t know if amy’s comments are entirely off-base.   I know plenty of couples where the woman earns or has inherited significantly more than her husband and in every last one of these couples, it has become a major problem in the relationship.
      
    That said, I certainly am cheering for Karin and Gary.   Not only because the story is heart-warming and I always enjoy seeing true love triumph, but also because I want proof that high-earning women and moderately-earning men CAN find ways to be happy together, long-term.   Although I haven’t seen a single example of it in real life, yet, we need this combination to stand a chance.   Because, soon (if not already), at least half the Alphas “out there” will be/ are women.   And if we want our society to continue, they’ve got to pair off with someone.   We’ve already established that Alpha males rarely want to marry Alpha females (the 4 most Alpha males I know IRL ~ 2 billionaires & 2 hundreds-of-millionaires ~ are married to: a model who barely finished high school; a fashion publicist; a beautician [well, they’re currently engaged, but will be wed in 2014]; a woman who went to secretarial school but never held a job… which is not to say that these women aren’t worthwhile people but they make Gary’s teaching job look positively ultra-high-achieving)  
      
    Since Alpha males often don’t want Alpha females, let’s hope and pray that the Alpha female & slightly less-hard-driving/ high-earning male can find ways to survive & thrive together.   If not: we’re all screwed.  
      
    Go Karin & Gary!!!!

  7. 87
    Goldie

    @ Helen #77. Although she probably won’t see this comment. I’ve come back two years after the initial discussion, to partially agree with you.
      
    First of all, I love outdoor activities! I love hiking and trail running (or rather, in my case, trail jogging/walking lol) Only outdoor activity my x liked was fishing with his guy friends. Which was basically half a dozen men sitting around all day, pole in one hand, beer bottle in the other, then at the end of the day they cook their fish, break up the hard liquor, and have that for dinner. No one is ever sober on those fishing trips. And yea I’ve seen them drive back home completely sh!tfaced. Something tells me this isn’t an activity you and your hubby would enjoy.  
      
    Anyway I just came out of a 2 year relationship with a college prof. He finally ended it, saying something was missing. After an email conversation about it, we both agreed that the reason was, we wanted different things. He wanted something similar to what Amy is referring to. Intellectual discourse 24×7. Constant interaction, at any given minute we had to either be going to a cultural events, planning a cultural event, or just sitting on a couch having an intellectual discourse. Yes we did the “read magazine articles and discuss them together” thing too! Some of the exact same magazines that Amy is referring to, plus NYT. While I loved it, and still miss the life we had together, I was getting increasingly tired and stressed out. Turns out I cannot keep an intellectual discourse going all day long. Sometimes I need to check out and do something silly that doesn’t require much thought. Sometimes I even *gasp* need my own space and would rather be by myself to recharge. The 70 mile commute between us was not helping either. So towards the end, I was always falling asleep on my feet, not able to concentrate, not capable of intellectual discourse, basically I stopped being fun. And then he ended things. I was devastated at first, but quickly realized that our relationship was running me into the ground and undermining my health. So yeah I admit that even the most intellectual relationship should have its “boring” moments. Everyone needs some mental R&R. With that said, I still stand by my statement in 76, that you called presumptuous. There has to be some common ground. And since you guys have never experienced having ZERO common ground with your husband, you probably do not know how it feels. Hint, it doesn’t feel good.
      
    I’d date a teacher anytime! At least with a teacher, I would know that he believes in constant learning, and facilitates that constant learning for other people. If we’re talking HS teachers, most of the ones my sons had have Masters degrees and teach college-level courses. I cannot for the life of me see a reason to look down on them.
      
    I wonder how the doctor/lawyer are doing in their adulterous marriage. They reminded me of a movie I saw recently, “Blue Jasmine”. Very similar situation; didn’t end well.

  8. 88
    faded jade

    Amy@10 (and all of your other blah blah blah)
    I know a couple who’re totally screwed up but a great match for each other. Both ambitious as hell. She’s a doctor and a lawyer; he’s a lawyer and a businessman; she gave it all up to be a housewife, which is what she really wanted all along. Lots of beautiful kids. Big fancy house. He cheats on her left and right, he’s never home. She’s furious at him all the time. But dang if they don’t understand each other and want the same things. They’ve been married nearly a decade.
    I am floored that you think having lots of money in a big beautiful house is the holy grail of relationships at the expense of kindness & loyalty.   I would MUCH rather be snuggled up on the couch with a blue collar hubby, who LOVED me and would claim me as his own, and would cut off his right arm before he would even think about betraying me, than to be trapped in a gilded cage, filled with rage as my “ambitious as hell” horn-dog hubby ambitiously bangs every bimbo that crosses his path.
    Let’s see, since you made an unfounded hypotheses about the couple featured in the OP (he’s just stupid,   lazy and unmanly and his super alpha wife will grow to hate him) let’s fast forward to the future with your “great match”
    She will eventually crawl into the bottle in an attempt to numb her chronic rage, and her accompanying grief over the suicide of her middle child.   She tries desperately to pull herself together as she is now a stay at home grand ma to her middle daughter’s out of wedlock child.   (which she birthed, because she just couldn’t bear to get a 3rd abortion)   When she is sober enough to drive, and she doesn’t have to pull grand-ma duty, she tries to find time to visit her oldest son, who is on jail for pimping and drug dealing.  

  9. 89
    vision

    @Faded Jade
      
    I also notice a certain air of arrogance about this as well… With just about every coach I’ve read they have covert remarks about financial wealth or status as a reason to “choose” someone… Like say that a woman that is a Dr… is a good catch..?? ( why?-does that have anything to do with her ability to love deeply, be compassionate?). though I have to give it to him at least the “teacher” was good enough for the Dr.   I wonder sometimes if really what people are looking for is “true love” in the form of financial and social status circles… another words I agree.. I’ve dated men that were wealthy and were control freaks, and I’ve dated men that were barely making it financially.   I’d rather have what you described… a man that loves me to the moon and back.. rather than the social status the picket fence and the luxury cars….   b/c that is, as you said a prison and it is hell… it just looks good on paper…. it makes me wonder about what all this is really about…. it seems father from true love… it’s more about “do you fit into my category of status” and then lets love each other… I don’t know… pretty crazy reading these…

  10. 90
    faded jade

    Vision@93 –
             Perhaps I spend to much time surfing the net, attending dating seminars   and reading relationship forums, but it does seem to me that relationships these days aren’t about connecting with someone at the heart level at all.   Lots of talk about “leagues” and “social proofing” and “social value”, men with “options”, etc.   Gosh, is this HIGH SCHOOL ????????? Sometimes I think nobody really wants to love and be loved any more, they just want to prove to the whole world that they can eat lunch at the “Cool Kids” table in the cafeteria.   The homecoming queen and the captain of the football team don’t always make for the happiest couple.   Perhaps they get to die with the most toys, and the most sparkly   shiny toys to boot, but that isn’t happiness.   Sometimes I think people would rather be popular than happy.
           I remember when I was a teenager, I babysat for a “plain Jane” couple.   Seriously, they   were probably both “4”s and I’m being generous, plus she was way taller than her short, slightly chubby bald hubby. But together, they were one of the cutest couples I had ever seen ! They and their 4 kids and counting were the happiest family I’ve ever seen, and I watched their kids a few times a month so they could have “date night”.   They always looked like a couple of love struck teenagers going out on a first date and their kids (they seemed to make one every spring without fail) laughed and smiled ALOT.   There house was usually a train wreck from all the mess and commotion of kids, but I saw the way those two looked at each other, and I saw a very happy family there.   Sure, they might have married each other, because neither one had other “options”.   And maybe they don’t cheat on each other either, because neither one has “options”, but who the flip CARES, if they are happy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      

  11. 91
    josavant

    91 Goldie-  Good story til you got to this part. “basically I stopped being fun.” YOU stopped being fun? How fun was he? Why are you internalizing the failure of this relationship- sounds like he was the one with the expectations that no women could meet- “Intellectual discourse 24×7.” Not that it matters anymore, but if you could turn back time and really wanted to make it work with him I would suggest that that the first sign it all became too much, you should have said so without apology. “I want downtime, I want time to myself,”or “I want to talk about something lighter now.”
      
    But now that he’s free you can send him to Amy.

  12. 92
    Vision

    @faded jade #94
      
    Totally!!! I agree! very nicely put!!!
    and no offense but reading all these dating coaches posts, I get that same feeling…. the end it with “financially secure” which to me is a red flag of social climbing… like you said high school prom…
    which brings me to the point of the economy and how still many men are struggling (since 2008), so they are out of the dating game b/c they aren’t financially secure…?? It’s a high value on success in the form of $ and not success based on emotional IQ, intimacy maturity , intelligence and ability to love and grow as a measure of success.   I noticed no one does dating coaching for people who aren’t “financially successful”… it’s a class bias really.  
    and when dating, I’ve noticed that, men try and find covert ways of determining my “net worth”…. it feels awful…
      
    It’s Like “your beautiful, fun, sexy, nice, loving, sassy, fit and healthy, BUT! if your not in my social class, then bye bye”… so much for depth of love and connections.
    this odd couple you speak of sounds amazing!! sounds like they could care less what anyone else thinks, and that is a wonderful life … and maybe they married b/c they had enough sense to realize a “good thing” when they found it…and maybe being a “4” is what kept them humble… whatever the reason… I want it… please!!!! I’d love to be love struck years later…   they should write a book…
      
      

  13. 93
    Vision

    @Amy
    I disagree that, because a man hasn’t gotten financial success that means he has emotional issues? I’ve met men that has spent decades building an empire and totally ignored their emotional health, I’ve dated them.. they thought that their “fighting for the top” was enough to get married to me. NO! b/c emotionally they are still carrying the trauma from their childhood and their past relationships… and they had emotional issues.
    If your tired of cheap jewelery and cheap hotels then sounds like your just wanting financial security… I didn’t read anything in your post about love, commitment, or loyalty….  
    I’m tired of wealthy men that think b/c they are successful that they can buy me… I’m tired of feeling like money is all that really matters in the end.   I’m tired of wealthy men that are cheap and stingy b/c they are so afraid of spending anything b/c they need to keep every penny they can to continue to build their financial empire.    
    It’s a struggle to find anyone humble enough, emotionally mature enough to GET it…
    Success isn’t measured by money and not every man that is successful ( by this posts   definition)   had to fight to get it, some just got lucky or had it handed to them.   What if they ignored their children to become financially secure? What is they ignored their ex wife to b/c financially secure, what if they lied , cheated and worked the stock market in a not so legal way to get financially secure? See for me, it’s more than just the bottom $ its the person that   is inside and how they came to be successful that matters…
      
    People work their A$$ off every day and don’t make it to financial security. I fail to see how you can come to the conclusion that someone that isn’t financially secure is lazy… but I’ve heard that horrible generalization myself from the wealthy men I’ve dated…. and dumped…for that same bias…
      
      
      
      

  14. 94
    Dana

    Hi Evan, this is the most beautiful blog post I have ever read and it is so very inspiring. I am 39 still single and I would love to have a babies too so that part of her story is so very similar to me. I might not be rich with high paid job like Karin, but I am loving, caring and generally very nice person (people who know me say that about me) but unlucky in love and dating. So this lovely story gives me hope that maybe my happiness is still somewhere out there. Thank you so much for sharing such a lovely story, it brought tears to my eyes too after I have read her letter to you and your sweet reaction with running to your wife wanting to share it as that’s so nice. Dana

  15. 95
    Larissa

    It’s a beautiful story, but Evan keeps mentioning it, so I wonder if   “hits” with his clients are rare.   Reveal to us in another post, his mother married a ‘nice” guy, but it ended in divorce, because ultimately she just couldn’t respect him.
    5 years ago, i was just like Karin: Mid 30’s, sick of Alpha dudes and ready to appreciate “a different type of guy”. So I gave such a guy a chance and we ended up married- I was relieved and delighted- claiming to be ‘in love’ and all..
    Five years later, we divorced.   Just like Evan’s mother… in the end I couldn’t respect him. I was never mean or critical, but very slowly started die inside.  
    The beginning WAS rosy, mainly because I craved the love and attention I longed for.   Luckily, no kids.   Happy for Karin and hope it lasts, but simply going down the beta path is not any kind of gurarantee

  16. 96
    Doog1000

    First time poster but have been silently following this blog for almost a year and am really impressed with Evan’s take on navigating the dating waters.
    However have got to say (hence reason for the first post) that I was disappointed the way he wanted to banish Amy from his blog.
    Whilst Amy is expressing some pretty harsh sentiments (not all of which I agree with), my observation from her posts further down is that she makes her case very cogently and is certainly not the sort of poster who should be banned for trolling.
    Whatever happened to the first amendment (and I speak as a Brit!)

    (Doog, you can say whatever you want on here as long as you don’t insult the host. Amy crossed the line – and continued to write nasty things about me on the Internet. Therefore, she loses her privilege to post. It has nothing to do with having thin skin. – EMK)

  17. 97
    Gary Snyder

    The reason she put Gary in the friend’s zone in the first place was because he never kissed her (I’m not that Gary, if you were wondering). Before there is love, there is a first kiss. If you aren’t kissing, you are just wishing!

  18. 98
    Tracey Davidson

    Love you Evan!! Fabulous story! I loved it!!! You have made a huge difference in so many of our lives!! Keep spreading your wisdom! Thank you for all you do.   xo

  19. 99
    SparklingEmerald

    I actually feel bad for Gary. Unless the artist was right there when he made his joke, her flipping out about it is ridiculous. Maybe even if the artist was right there her reaction was ridiculous. Heck, I have an artist friend through my ex-hubby. This artist friend created what would be considered “modern” art. My hubby used to rib him about his art, and he took it in stride. Most modern artists know that not everyone “gets” their art, and are probably aware of all the joking that goes along with it.

    I feel bad that Gary has to APOLOGISE for being who he is, and I just imagine a life of him walking on egg shells to avoid having his wife getting her knickers in a twist. I predict that once she has the kids that she wants, she will go back to being a humorless shrew, start to complain about his low income etc., withdraw sexually and make his life miserable.

    Personally, I think teachers in general are a great bunch of people. I NEVER had any qualms about dating teachers. Of course, I don’t care about wealth, just want some financial stability, someone who could pull their own weight.

    I think Gary got the raw end of the deal here. Of course, he has his share of the blame here. He went for a hot, thin, blonde, groveled to her when he did nothing wrong, and took her back after she dumped him for such shallow reasons. He might have been better off, with a cute, but not super hot, nor super thin gal, who LOVES a guy with a sense of humor, and cares more about what’s in a man’s heart than in his wallet.

    Good luck to them and their future children. They will need it.

    1. 99.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      And I don’t think he got the raw end of the deal. Love is about compromise. He willingly chose a wife, knowing who she was, as did she. According to Facebook, they are still married and have a child, so I try not to judge.

  20. 100
    Marika

    Woah, people, talk about turning a positive into a negative!! Are we all really that cynical?

    You think as they raise their child together they think about things that happened during their early dating phase? Or worry about some story about a museum?

    I doubt it. If anything, they probably laugh about it.

    This was supposed to be a story about learning from your mistakes, about love and the obstacles it can overcome. It was supposed to be inspiring.

    I know friends with terrible meeting stories who got together regardless and are very happy. The fact they don’t get hung up on their egos about who said what or who liked who more, can laugh together and be honest with each other is a big part of what makes them a great couple.

    Sheesh.

    1. 100.1
      SparklingEmerald

      “You think as they raise their child together they think about things that happened during their early dating phase? Or worry about some story about a museum?”

      It’s not that I think that story will come back to haunt them.   It’s just she seems to be quite humorless and superficial.   Remember he APOLOGISED for making a joke, she didn’t apologise to him the next day for getting her knickers in a wad that he joked.

       

      She sounds very superficial and humorless to me.   I don’t really think she did this big personality shift from a true change, but rather she heard the bio clock ticking in her ear, so she decided to “settle” for a lowly, Toyota driving teacher.

      But you know what ? I really hope I am DEAD WRONG, and that she got over her thin, blonde, rich, intellectually superior self, and appreciates her loving, family oriented husband.

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