Is Race Just A “State Of Mind” In Online Dating?


During the 2008 US Census, most Americans said they approved of racial or ethnic intermarriage. At least six of every 10 people checked “it would be fine.” But data gathered from online dating sites illustrates a different story between what people believe and how they behave.

“According to a new UC Berkeley study of one million online daters, cyberspace is just as segregated as the real world. When it comes to dating online, whites prefer whites, research reveals. More than 80 percent of whites — even the 48 percent of males and 28 percent of females who said they were indifferent to race — sent messages to whites and just three percent contacted blacks.”

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  1. 61

    I’m a Light skinned Black male.

    I have noticed on online websites , Dating ones I will see ” NO BLACK GUYS” listed on 30%+ of the profiles. White women, Asians, Hispanics and even black women. Yet I have NEVER seen ” No white guys” on ANY profile, Ever. ( in the USA ).

    It really breaks my spirits when I find a match who is 98% into the things I am. Plays an Instrument, Is an artist and college grad just to ignore me and or even spitefully tell me to screw off because of my skin color..

    I cant and don’t understand it.   I have no problem getting dates from White women outside in the real world. I’m fun, Creative and I work out 4 days a week. Most people mistake me for Italian ( because of my name ) or Spanish anyways. Yet on y profile kick me to the curb because they see the word ” African American.”

    Anyways I stopped using dating websites. I shouldn’t have to be ashamed of my skin color when looking for real love. Just because I’m black doesn’t make me a gangsta just as much as being white doesn’t make them incest ridden rednecks.

    1. 61.1

      Don’t be so jaded and don’t be so desperate for love. Love yourself first and foremost and critically question if you want something deep and long term. Remember your a millennial you can’t think like a baby boomer or like baby boomers kid. There’s a lot of brothers who make it harder to even find interest in a woman because she’s demanded for sex so often that her aura, body language and view is now skewed. As it should be to be objectified do often you start to question if you are or not is what a lot of women go through I myself am no saint. The important thing is you already quit using those sites. Be you and she’ll find you or you’ll find her through you’re crazy adventures called life. Don’t feel rushed to be in love and tied at the hip just because most girls got sex and the younger more open opinion options of other men was played up to almost incredulous amount that they either hated it or over dosed early and are no trying to settle down far before real adulthood sets in: 30-35y/o+

  2. 62
    I love Suzy

    Race colors should go like this!

    The Asians = white.
    The caucasians/white = pink
    Blacks = Black
    Mexicans/Indians/Native Americans = Brown.  

    There is NO yellow! Otherwise you’d be sick with jaundice! A liver disease!
    There is NO green or orange… that’s just wierd! Unless you are an alien.


  3. 63

    It had never occurred to me to date black men, not because they’re not attractive or otherwise good people, but because where I lived it just wasn’t done. If a white woman dated a black man BOTH groups would disown both.
    Now that I’m living in a much more open-minded state, I’ve dated black men.   My main hang up with them is that as a rule, they tend to be much more religious. However, a lot of times, they just refer to themselves as “Baptist” or what-not, but really, don’t attend church at all. Otherwise, I have more in common with them than the white guys in my area because we’re of similar economic backgrounds.
    So, open your minds to possibilities. While I never thought black men were unattractive, I never looked at them with any potential. Now, I definitely do. My future love may be of any ethnicity.
    Broaden your horizons. Attraction is everywhere and people are individuals, not races.

  4. 64

    As a cover boy handsome-at almost 62!!!!-black Canadian lad,I’ve ALWAYS desired bosomy white (and black and Latin) ladies,PARTICULARLY a buxom blonde.However,because of my good looks,articulation and black cowboy stud appearance and attire,rather than “urban” wear and lifestyle,black women tend to shun me,thinking me “not black enough.”It seems black women want ugly,inarticulate thugs because of their “black authenticity.”

  5. 65

    I don’t want to date blacks. I don’t find them attractive and I specify that in my dating profile, but blacks can’t read or just ignore my wishes. Sites should allow inbox filtering by race so we don’t get unwanted emails.

    1. 65.1

      Lisa – This may surprise you but an overwhelming majority of black men can read and comprehend what they’ve read. The black men who contact you after reading your profile are boors. Just delete their messages and move on. I agree with you, however, about sites not allowing racial filtering. I once sent an introductory message to a black woman whose profile did not indicate any racial preferences. She could have easily chosen to ignore or delete my message. What she did instead was to blast me declaring that she doesn’t date black men etc. as if I had violated some rule. Her response was ridiculous. Several years ago several black men and I tried to have a civil discussion with a white male moderator on Plenty of Fish about the issue of racial filters. His response was that we were upset because white women rejected us. He couldn’t grasp that a racial filter preference would have prevented us from contacting any women, regardless of race, if they didn’t want to date a black man.

  6. 66

    White men contact me and ask me out. They are looking for sex. And they think I am going to be all hot and bother with idea. A lot of them think they are the first white guy to offer me the tinny pink sausage. Many are not remotely interested once they learn my ex husband is white. THEY like the idea of being the first white guy to do me.

    THEY arent looking to take me to family functions or introduce me to their friends but they are more than willing to give me a mouth full of their milk shake. GET THIS RIGHT.. White men do like black women. THEY have since the very beginning of the country.. THEY just dont have the junk to openly date black women.

  7. 67

    This is such an interesting topic.

    I am a black female and was discussing an issue related to this.

    Apparently on POF, there are black men making it clear that they do not want to date black women.

    I found this shocking, as they are black themselves. I think there must be a real issue within, when you begin rejecting women of your own race, before even getting to know anythhing about them.

    Personally, I tend to fall for men with beautiful eyes. I have beautifil dark eyes and for me, the eyes are the key to the soul.


  8. 68

    I haven’t read all the comments but. When it comes to dating (online or offline) whites have it best because every race accepts them. Spanish love/emulate  whites, asians love whites, whites loves whites. The problem is blacks image has been tainted worldwide by the media.   Minorities have been brainwashed into thinking whites are better than everyone else. Whether they are healthier or wealthier, that’s the image they have painted for themselves worldwide using the same media machine. Even in South American countries because they were conquered by Europeans who started this whole “skin color matters” mindset. And latinos can’t deny that every country south of the states black are always all bunched up in the poorest areas in the cities. That isn’t normal and it isn’t a coincidence either!!

  9. 69

    I’m a black woman and online dating just absolutely sucks, but so does dating in general. I have dated and have no problem with dating white or Hispanic men. I wouldn’t mind dating an Asian or Indian man, but it’s a lot harder to find one who isn’t racist and who’s a Christian.

    Why is it so hard to find a Christian guy who is faithful, kind, a gentleman, a protector, a provider, reliable, has integrity, generous, and caring.

    I know I’m not going to meet anyone worthwhile online. I will have to use other methods to meet a guy. I’m ready to settle down.

  10. 70

    Race & culture are not the same.   Biologically, I’m Filipino.   Culturally, I’m American.   I grew up here. I have no ties to Asia, really.

    But I’m sure that people jump to conclusions that I’m probably misogynistic since that’s what Asian American women are saying they won’t date Asian guys.

    Which in turn, turns me off to Asian women in general.   It’s a vicious cycle.

    And yeah, the “No Blacks and No Asians” on profiles are so discouraging.   I’m like where the fuck do you get the right to say that to every single one?




  11. 71

    I am a white woman who prefers black men (but open to dating white men as well).

    In the beginning of my online dating journey, I thought it would be easy for me to get dates, as I read that black men tend to be attracted to white women. However, the reality turned out completely different. For example, I try write to 10 black men daily and my response rate is only about 20 per cent. I am quite attractive, blonde and slim. Men say I’m probably a 7 or an 8.

    I like meaningful conversations and looking for a long term partner but most of the black guys I dated saw me as a temporary “exotic” option and then moved on to have serious relationships with black women.

    So the sad truth applies to white women who want to date black men as well. Interracial dating is still something unusual for most of the people I know.

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