The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys

The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys

This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing:

“Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men!”

I hear ya.

It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis.

This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now.

It’s not because you’re terrible with men.

It’s not because you have nothing to offer.

The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy — and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along.

I’ve only got one word for you, my friend.

Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out.

Because this isn’t just my opinion. This is fact.

As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong.

I hope you are, too.

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion.

That’s right.

If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…)

So, if you have dated online and discovered the following:

– Men sometimes lie.
– Men often flake out.
– Men are poor at marketing themselves.
– Men are stupid, sexual and visual.
– The wrong men write to you. The right men don’t.

I wouldn’t be able to argue with any of this.

And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself.

But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. Here’s why:

In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating.

This is more than TWICE the number of couples who met through bars, clubs, and other social events.

Did you hear that?

That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Don’t fight it.

Now, to be fair, 38% of marriages came from work and school. And 27% came through a friend or family member.

So clearly that must mean that those are “better” ways of meeting…

Not so fast.

How many people have a job or go to school? About 100%

How many people have friends and family? About 100%

How many people are paying for online dating sites at a given time? Maybe 5%.

What this illustrates is that, proportionally, 5% of the population (online daters) accounts for 17% of the marriages in the past 3 years.

Which goes to show that the people who are dating online are finding love at a significantly higher rate than people who rely on workplace romance or set-ups.

“So what?!” you might say to yourself, still unconvinced. “I dated online and HATED it! That should mean something!”

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

Yes. Yes it does. It means you have a deep-seated bias against online dating, so that anything I say which contradicts you is just going to irk you more.

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

So let’s keep on going with your other misconceptions about online dating:

You dated online for 3 months and didn’t find love? Makes sense. You’ve been in love 3 times in 40 years — why would you think you should it in 90 days on JDate?

You’ve noticed that men tend to disappear in the middle of emailing? Consider: have YOU ever disappeared in the middle of emailing a man because you found other men you liked better? I thought so.

You think that men misrepresent their height or age? Yep. And so do women. Maybe even you. It’s not because you have no integrity or are a congenital liar. It’s because men and women both discriminate based on looks and age, and you merely want to be given an opportunity to meet.

You don’t want to pay so much for a service that yields no results? Go out for one night of drinks and appetizers with your girlfriends. You just spent more than an entire month on and you didn’t meet any guys either.

You think that 90% of men online are “wrong” for you. You’re right. But so are 90% of men in bars, on buses, or in Starbucks. If you have high standards, MOST men are not going to be to your liking.

So if 90% of all men aren’t even first-date worthy, where is the place where you have access to the greatest number of men?

You got it:

Listen, I’m no Pollyanna. I’m not a corporate shill for the online dating industry. I don’t think your negative experience in online dating is silly.

I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.

But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!

If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.

I usually don’t plug products here, but please, do yourself a favor and check out my audio series, Finding the One Online. It’s literally EVERYTHING I know about online dating, with a 180 page transcript, a 35 page workbook and 7 hours of coaching with the same exact information that my private clients get on the phone.

Most importantly, it will forever change the way you connect with men online.

I look forward to hearing your success stories.

Join our conversation (179 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 101

    I tried Match. com in my late thirties as a very attractive, never married woman with no kids, now more than ten years later, divorced, with children, and obviously older, and still told I am very attractive, I get nothing but scraggly billy goats. I have an advanced degree, am told I am funny, and am kind hearted and fit, but get men who are over 60, overweight, and uneducated. It is so disheartening.

  2. 102

      I am kind hearted


      I get nothing but scraggly billy goats


    get men who are over 60, overweight, and uneducated

    Maybe you are not as kind hearted as you believe…

    1. 102.1


      I don’t think you can make that judgement about Mindy . Im also a kind person but the overwhelming numbers of messages Match from mediocre men who refuse to date women their own age gets very tedious.

      What I get from Mindys message is that these guys  don’t get younger beautiful women.   These guys are a great source of revenue for Match because of the illusion of the choice they have.

      1. 102.1.1

        I don’t think you can make that judgement about Mindy  

        We can make any judgement about anything that surrounds us – that’s why we have reason (aka judgement).

        My “judgement” is actually an observation based on the contradictions in her own post (alleged kind-heartedness vs. calling people scraggly billy goats).

        Im also a kind person but the overwhelming numbers of messages Match from mediocre men  

        The overwhelming majority of the people on this Earth are mediocre (average). The opposite of mediocre is exceptional, and just a small minority of people are exceptional (in looks, intelligence, accomplishments or other aspects). So, in what respects are you or her exceptional to deserve an exceptional (non-mediocre) man?
        who refuse to date women their own age gets very tedious.
        What I get from Mindys message is that these guys  don’t get younger beautiful women
        So, you don’t like messages from older men. Then ignore those messages and ignore those men, the same way they ignore the messages or attention they receive from women their own age. Easy peasy. Calling them scraggly billy goats accomplishes nothing – imagine men calling older women scraggly hags (from the kindness of their heart, that is).

        1. SparklingEmerald

          Hi Theodore Men do call women fat, old ,spoiled, etc on this blog on a regular basis, while also claiming to be desirable.    Since you are a guy tho, you probably haven’t noticed.





        2. kay


          Im surprised at your caustic response. I intuit you are a man also.

          Actually those older men who are overweight , unattractive and dishevelled tell me  women their age are unattractive and overweight. They ARE    essentially  calling them hags.

          I wonder why you are so personally offended. Maybe you are one of those guys


  3. 103


    I know it’s hard for you to believe because group thinking is more natural than free thinking to most people, but I am 100% a woman. If you want to convince yourself, I can give you an e-mail address, phone number or whatever.

  4. 104

    I have to say I also felt u were a man, Theodora. And I felt that right after reading your first comment, before anyone else said it, so “group thinking” had nothing to do with it. If u are a woman, you must have very high T-levels.

    I don’t like calling anyone out on the blog, but I feel that anyone pretending to be a diff gender here must have the ulterior motive of spreading misinformation.

  5. 105

    hahaha! pfff that place is bullshit just like e-harmony stop telling me to try online dating its a total shit show all across the board. All it ever did was waste my time money and leave me with bad memories of creepy people.

  6. 106

    I’m a widow of 21 months.   I’ve tried online dating for a year… ourtime, eh armory, zoos,… all were fruitless.   I’ve had about 10 men I went on dates with… 1 a con man, 1 a player, 2 didn’t know what they really wanted even though they seemed eager at first, 1 widower suddenly couldn’t forget his wife.   I am an attractive, funny, smart, easygoing, energetic, loyal, dependable 55 yr old woman.   I’m no model, but they’ve All said I was cute, pretty, nice body… so why haven’t I been able to date one of these guys for longer than a few months?   They all lied inadvertently on their profiles…. thinking they were romantic or wanting a serious relationship…. my circle of friends and colleagues workers are all married or too young.    I’m saddened to think I’ll remain alone the rest of my life.   I’m now terribly gun shy of those sites… and I always see the same guys on there that view me or like my pics but never message. … I could go on and on…. I’d say… avoid these sites, they don’t pan out.

    1. 106.1
      Karl R

      karen asked:

      “I’ve tried online dating for a year […] I’ve had about 10 men I went on dates with  […] so why haven’t I been able to date one of these guys for longer than a few months?”

      You’ve dated for one year, you’ve had one or more relationships that lasted for a few months, and you’ve been on dates with 10 men.

      You’re doing better than I did in my first year of online dating.


      Dating isn’t quick or easy.   When I seriously got back into dating, it took well over three years before I started dating my wife.

      You don’t want to get a long-term relationship with the first man. You want to get a relationship with the right man. That might take a little time.


      karen said:

      “They all lied inadvertently on their profiles…. thinking they were romantic or wanting a serious relationship….”

      Based on the dictionary definition, a lie is “an intentionally false statement.” By definition, it is impossible to “lie inadvertently.”

      For the 6+ years I was dating, I wanted a serious relationship. Not with every woman I dated, of course. Not with most women I dated.

      Most women I dated didn’t want a serious relationship with me, either. Even if they really wanted a serious relationship.

      I think those men did want a serious relationship. Once you find your serious relationship, you’ll be happy it wasn’t with any of them.


      Regarding dating online:

      Think of dating like investing. You wouldn’t put all of your money into one kind of investment. You would diversify.

      Same thing with dating. Do some online. Do a few  kinds of offline dating. Focus more on the stuff that’s working better, less on the stuff that’s showing worse results.

  7. 107

    Gotta be honest…I have and I find it to be an epic waste of time for the most part. I have met men through the site and they always turn out to be jerks, players, and losers, even if they seemed nice at first. I no longer have but when I did I found that the men I was meeting resoundingly had the same problem as me: they were tired of paying for a service that was not meeting their needs. In online dating men and women have opposite problems. You see, I can get 10-12 emails per day on a slow day on each site I’m on and up to 50 per day per site on a big day. I’m a pretty lady and I attract a lot of initial attention. But maybe one per week is worth a follow up conversation (usually one a month) because the men are all wrong for me. 95% of the time they’re wrong for me because of a major deal breaker, like the fact that I mostly get emails from chain smokers despite explicitly stating in my profile that I don’t date smokers. So in short, I get loads of emails but almost none from people I could date or marry! My best guy friend gets no replies despite being a really great guy. He maybe gets one response for every 100 emails he sends. He’s good looking, charming, etc. I also should mention that if I take initiative and send an email, usually only the players and sociopaths respond, and the dating goes accordingly. And more and more people are becoming sociopathic because of all of these online relationships and connections. No one knows how to treat humans in person anymore.

    We are both exhausted of dating, and especially online dating. There’s certainly no magic solution for finding and connecting with more of the right people. Online dating is still a waiting game. But the exhaustion comes from having to do it more often and having to deal with greater amounts of rejection and untoward behaviors. So while online dating is a great resource I also think that for a lot of people it is ruining dating and the idea of relationships.

    And I’ll fairly say I met a man in November on who was eager to pursue a relationship and make me his girlfriend and the moment I agreed to the commitment he started cheating on me. I’ve been on a few other dates, all I would call wastes of my time…and then the most recent guy who tells me I’m so special to him and the only woman he’s seeing and he asked me not to see other men, too,   yet he seems to always be too busy to see me…and he just magically seems to have free time to use and has asked out six of my friends. The point is…there’s more kelp in the sea these days than there are fish. So I don’t think is always the answer.

  8. 108
    Helen Kyri

    There should be an online dating service whereby they’d arrange different events, dinners, short trips for people interested in the same topic, ideas and same age groups.   There is nothing worse than this frustrating rigmarole of online communication via emails endless exchange of conversation and many times you’ll meetup and find out what was envisaged was a complete fantasy for whatever reason.   Sorry I’m not for this online thing, nothing like the old fashioned approach.   Its like when you order e.g a piece of clothing online, it looks great and when it is delivered many times it has to be returned because the material and/or colors or whatever are not   what is advertised, the fitting is completely off and/or the length is different…. Then one has to go through the annoying process of packing it up and sending it back when the next order might be just as disappointing etc etc etc. ‘Do you know what   i’m getting at’.   Whereas attending an

    event at least you’ll probably get out of the house meet alot of different people and even if nothing comes of it you’ve had a social experience which may benefit you in different ways psychologically.   Sorry, probably because I’m of an older generation, I feel this is the best way to meet people and enjoy life. Online this and online that, we’ll end up with square faces and frustrated losing out on human contact. After such event,as I mentioned above, the emails/

    contacts could begin, why should I have to release my details to a completely unknown person who most of the time will not be to my liking.

    Sorry if I sound like an old prune, but I believe this is the best way to meet people.

  9. 109

    I have no idea why in 2018 this site would continue to recommend on-line dating or tell it’s users
    there are quality men on match cause they pay to be there. Match at this point is false advertising
    wanna make sure you have repeated awful experiences and have to pay for it to boot. Go ahead sign up.

  10. 110

    I used online dating 15 years ago and recently. Nothing changed over these years. I find that 99.99% men will never be a good match, so it’s a lot of work to find that 1 in 10 000 of men. But I found such men too. I did not waste my time on the rest, sometimes they were just clown to me, a free entertainment, sorry, I have a sense of humor, and if a man behaves like a pig, I have no mercy to him. If you do not have personality like mine, do not try online dating, it will be not funny but frustrating for you. Online sites are working good for those who look for casual sex only. It is a right place to be if you need younger guys for sex. Or get ready to dig deeper yourself to find that 1 guy in 10 000 and have the nerve not to pay attention to the rest 9 999. I found a pen-pal like that and was ready to visit him (he paid my ticket) when suddenly met my husband to be in real life.
    Never pay for online service, if this is best advice the author of the article can give, then I am not buying her books and coaching services. On which I paid out of curiosity once, there are absolutely the same kind of men like on pof, if not more, looking for sex without commitment. It is cheaper for them than to pay a hooker, that’s all. So, may be more men with a little more money are there, but these men are not relationship available. And they are even more frustrated because they paid and cannot find a woman who will run after them begging them to bang her. Please keep it in mind and do not waste your money. I got my money back, as I said I am not frustrating myself over that all, men who wanted to date me were married, and I pretended to be very interested, and asked for gifts. Because they were married and sure I was eager to have sex with them, they were opening their wallets! Even on the 1st date. I probably could do that for business, ha-ha-ha! But I got back somewhat what I paid to with the gifts of my choice, disappeared for those “lovers” before any sex, and deleted my profile. And that would teach those men a lesson how to cheat their wives! But please do not repeat my trick, I was so angry at, I wanted my money back, just do not pay for ANY online dating services. They should be free for women and charge only men, as men are anyway looking to save on hookers, and hookers are all on those sites (that’s what other ment from there told me). And women, if they are not hookers, should not pay for that service.
    The only online site I use now is POF and I do not pay for any extra services there. Nothing changed in years. Some nice men still are out there (2019), I created profile with clear statement that I am looking for a man to marry, and that’s what I would advise to women, even if they just want to date not ready to marry. State that you want to marry (even if you don’t). It cuts a lot of sex lookers and cheaters, as they do not want to waste time contacting me. There are still players contacting me (they do not read), but as I do not take them seriously, I mostly smile and pass them buy. They are like ghosts or shadows for me, not real. I wrote a long profile and keep changing details in it as they come to my head, with ironic messages to “men I do not want around me” and ridiculing sex lookers, so men who are actually looking for a relationship and respect me contact me in higher ratio to “hey/lol” dudes.

    Most important: do not write men often. Sometimes wait 2-3 days, sometimes a week or two. Those who will be interested to meet will wait for your answer and meet, and those who are not will not waste your time and disappear just like shadows at noon.

    One more thing: to find relationship is not a woman’s job, its a man’s job. So do not take this seriously. If he is the right one for you, he will be happy to do all the job, if he is not happy to do the job, you will be very-very miserable in relationship with such a man, is this what you want? This is probably the last thing a woman needs in her life, a relationship that complicates her life and makes her not happy. I have to admit, my happiest time is when I am NOT in relationship. Men always have tendency to downgrade a woman and by that steal her happiness, even the best of them do it sometimes. We are still dating them because society says we will be happier when we couple with them. This is not the case, at least today. Think, what really makes you happy and care less about dating, online or offline. I wrote I am looking for a husband, but it does not mean I am packed and ready to marry the first one to offer. It means that this will prevent a lot of those 9 999 people from contacting me. A man who is interested, in opposite, will be not stopped by that.

    Again, do not repeat my trick with! 🙂 You do not know who you can run into, men can become very angry once they realise that while they were trying to trick you they got tricked themselves. One married man showed me picture and said he was not married and lived with ‘sister” and his kids… I simply made him pay for my subscription on, I could see he would not do something silly once he gets angry because there are kids and “sister”, but you never know. Dating online can turn to be a dangerous adventure, do not underestimate that risk.

    PS the previous message has a lot of grammar mistakes which I tried to correct. I was writing in a hurry!

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