What Was the Worst Line You’ve Ever Read in an Online Dating Profile?

What was the worst line you’ve ever read in an online dating profile?

Exactly how bad was it?

Was the rest of this person’s profile equally awful?

Share the juicy details below!

I’d love to help you avoid those mistakes!  For advice that I share with my private dating clients on how to write a WINNING online dating profile, click here.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Slim Pickens

    My all time favorite, in it’s entirety:

    HELLO I AM GOING TO BE HONEST IN WHAT I M LOOKING FOR SO KNOW ONE WASTE THERE TIME I WOULD LIKE A MAN WHO IS 5’9 TO 6’1 BROWN HAIR CLEAN SHAVING, MUST HAVE A GRAET SENSE OF HUMOR AND NOT TAKE THEMSELVES TOO SERIOULY. I DONT HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING PLANNED SPUR OF THE MOMENT CAN BE FUN TOO. I WILL NOT RESPONSE TO NO PHOTO .
    THANK YOU AND BE CAREFUL firstnameDeleted

    She even smokes often. Be still my beating heart!

  2. 2
    Karl R

    Copied directly from the profile:
    “OK…here it is! I am looking for a very specific trait in my mate. He must be well-endowed. As shallow as that may seem, it is my preference and we all have them.”

    Later in the same profile:
    “To answer the most asked question I get…do you remember the old TV show…Eight is Enough?”

    1. 2.1
      Randall P Stevens

      Eight may well be enough, but some prefer to find them selves in 7th Heaven!

      Also, if eight is enough, what the minimum?  I’m not sure this woman thought this out in its entirety.

    2. 2.2
      Yet Another Guy

      Good lord, where did you dig that one up, Karl?

      1. 2.2.1
        Karl R

        Where: Match.com.

        When: Well … this is a rather old thread, so I went searching in some nearby threads for clues.  Based on those clues, I posted the comment in early to March or April of 2009.

  3. 3
    Steve

    “I’m _____ years old, but I really look _____”

    If people look at your pictures and do not agree with that statement you end up looking out of touch with reality. If it is true, you don’t need to say ( maybe just use a date stamp on your pictures ).

  4. 4
    Steve

    It seems like people who write that they are “intelligent” often misspell that word!

  5. 5
    Dana

    Wow. You are hot for a 50-year-old girl!

  6. 6
    happy girl

    I can’t think of the worse line right now
    What did bother me were profiles with really bad spelling mistakes. Even from men who supposingly have a University degree.

    Oh yes..one guy wrote to me that he was very sensual and very sexual and that was in the first email right of the bat. I guess he wanted to go for the home run, excuse my pun here, straight away and though it best to lay it out there.
    No need to explain that i deleted and not responded to this email.

  7. 7
    Elle

    In response to the question: “Who were the three most-influential people in your life,” one guy responded, “The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.” I don’t know — does that creep anyone else out???

  8. 8
    Cilla

    “I’d like to find someone I can leech free home-cooked meals from.”

  9. 9
    Rachelle

    I actually saw a profile the proclaimed he had a “God-given” touch for massage! God-given? Wow, pretty special there!

    1. 9.1
      Caroline

      Maybe his massage skills raise the dead?

      Or turn water into wine (mmm, could come in handy, would save me a trip to the shops)

      Or maybe he can heal the sick.

      Ha ha!

  10. 10
    moonsical

    Wow! I’m glad to know the semi-literate population has proper female representation! I thought only gals had to put up with that (the above!) I’ll try to find ones to top them, though I delete them so very, very quickly.

    For me it’s not *just* the text…what’s up with all the dead animals? Maybe the men can explain that. Is it a show of pride? Being a provider? Virility? Do men really believe those photos attract women? I just rec’d a profile where ALL the pics (I believe there were four) had large, dead fish in them. Oh, baby!

    moon

    1. 10.1
      Caroline

      Maybe he owns a fish and chip shop?

      Ha ha!

  11. 11
    Ben

    Any variation on “I’m just as comfortable at a gallery opening in a dress as I am eating ice cream at home in my PJs.”

    It says, “I’m trying to be everything to everybody” instead of staking out an interesting image.

    I’ve stopped disqualifying girls based on this line, because that would be everybody (at least in Manhattan, on Match.com).

    To be fair, someone who writes that can still be a really nice girl – I just wish people were more original.

  12. 12
    Ava

    I was once contacted by a man who spoke in his profile of a desire to be diapered. Yeah, you read that right. And this was not on a sexually-oriented or “kinky” personals site, but a regular dating site.

    My other favorite (verbatim):
    “I’m looking for someone who’s at least 5’9″, and at most a size 6 – 8. Also, I’m very sorry to have to spell this out, but I’m also looking for D/DD only.” Good luck finding a woman built like a Barbie doll!

  13. 13
    Zann

    “I was married for 15 years of hell, been divorced for 3 months, but don’t have any baggage.”

    Yea, right.

    Worst profile member names (no lie):

    “BigStick4U”
    “8inchesNmore”
    and the prize winner: “Longlolicking”

    It just doesn’t get any better than that.

  14. 14
    JuJu

    Okay, don’t know if this was THE worst, but here, found this in my correspondence:

    “your add nice and typical character of the person who not satisfied in the there sex life , if it is true, i can help you, do not be affaid”

  15. 15
    JuJu

    Another pearl:
    “Those who will answer to your message will most probably be not from the set that you are looking for. I am, but you don’t know that. And I don’t know if you are a person, an image or whatsoever. And I will never know who you are. And we will never talk and will never go to a movie theater, theater, mountains.

    We are all busy. I alredy regret that have spent so much time writing to you.”

    This was the man’s first, introductory e-mail.

    As for the worst line in a profile, what comes to mind right now is some man’s offer to perform cunnilingus on anyone who lets him.

  16. 16
    happy girl

    I like to add to moonsical’s comment…What is up with the photo’s of motorbikes, motorboats & car’s???? Photo’s of the ocean, forests in profiles. Can anyone explain that to me?
    Is that suppose to entice me to contact a guy?

  17. 17
    satexasgirl

    A guy once sent me a series of emails that started out that he was working on writing some thing special for me. Then another a minute or so later saying he was still working. A third, again within only a couple of minutes saying he was almost done. The fourth was his grand masterpiece- a song. In theory, it sounds great. There were two problems though. 1) He changed the lyrics from “If You Like Pina Coladas”, but claimed it was original. 2) I received all of the emails in 5 minute time span which told me he had already completed the “song” prior to sending the the first email.

  18. 18
    Jimmy E

    okay, this is funny. However, i think its also a bit easy, and not very useful.

    Surely a better question would be, “what’s the BEST thing you’ve ever read in an online dating profile?”

  19. 19
    Kim

    I love to laugh!
    Everyone on the planet loves to laugh, it’s like saying you enjoy breathing.

    Sometimes I enjoy staying in, but other times I like to go out.
    Duh. Everyone on the planet…

    Basically, these generic items. Oh, and “looking for a partner in crime” is way overused.

    I agree that poor grammar and punctuation is a turn-off.

    1. 19.1
      Randall P Stevens

      That’s like the “I love to travel” that virtually all women post.

      Um, yeah, we get 2 weeks off a year, and we’ll go on vacation…..no shit. How about the other 50 weeks of the year?

      That’s like saying:

      Likes: Being Independently Wealthy, Mind Blowing Sex, Air

      Dislikes: Plague, Famine, Pestilence

      1. 19.1.1
        Caroline

        Also not a big fan of being dead either…

  20. 20
    Jennifer

    Not representative of the *worst* line but any variation on ‘no liars, no cheats, no game players’ is irksome. Who is really out there looking for a liar? And if someone is a liar, they are unlikely to reveal that to you in the beginning. Just wasted space.

    I have a feeling I’m in the minority here, but I actually can appreciate when guys put things in their profile like size/height requirements. It puts it all out there up front and if you aren’t a match, you know not to write him and not to be confused when he doesn’t write you back. And if someone with such specific requirements, even if you meet the requirements, is a turn-off for you then you know he isn’t the one. I prefer that type of upfront info though- one guy wrote in his profile that he had herpes (he’s taking medication) and that he occasionally sleeps with older women for money. Now don’t you think he save a lot of women who aren’t into that some time by saying it up front?

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