Why Are There No Attractive Men in Your Area

Why Are There No Attractive Men in Your Area

We’ve spent some time talking about sexual market value.

The conversation tends to ruffle feathers for a number of reasons but mostly because we don’t like what the data reveals – even though the data reveals something that any honest observer would be able to point out without any data.

Men find 20-year-old women most attractive.

Women think 80% of men are unattractive.

That brings us to today’s article in Quillete – one of my recent go-to reads, despite its conservative bent: Attraction Inequality and the Dating Economy.

The piece is too long by half and devolves into some evo-psych, conservative, religious bullshit by the very end. But the first part verifies what I see every day.

  • Men complain that most women find them unattractive.
  • Women complain that no men are attractive.

Yet, somehow, many of women want to deny this. It’s a bad look to reject 80% of men out of hand, so there’s always a lot of rationalization and whataboutism.

“I’ve been rejected by men, too!”

“You haven’t seen all the guys I’ve gone out with. I give a chance to all sorts of men.”

“But most men ARE unattractive. I can’t force myself to like a guy!”

No, you can’t. But if you want to know why you hear a lot of angry men, this is why:

80% of them are physically repulsive and another 80% of them aren’t smart enough and don’t make enough money, which leaves a small dating pool for women.

Maybe we can agree on this: women, in general, are objectively more attractive than men.

Maybe we can agree on this: women, in general, are objectively more attractive than men.

Either way, the above article introduces the Gini coefficent:

“The Gini coefficient is a number between zero and one that represents the degree of income inequality in any given nation or group. An egalitarian group in which each individual has the same income would have a Gini coefficient of zero, while an unequal group in which one individual had all the income and the rest had none would have a Gini coefficient close to one.”

Some enterprising data nerds have taken on the challenge of estimating Gini coefficients for the dating “economy.” Among heterosexuals, this actually means calculating two Gini coefficients: one for men, and one for women…If women all find every man equally attractive, the male dating economy will have a Gini coefficient of zero. If men all find the same one woman attractive and consider all other women unattractive, the female dating economy will have a Gini coefficient close to one.

But while the situation for women is something like an economy with some poor, some middle class, and some millionaires, the situation for men is closer to a world with a small number of super-billionaires surrounded by huge masses who possess almost nothing. According to the Hinge analyst:

On a list of 149 countries’ Gini indices provided by the CIA World Factbook, this would place the female dating economy as 75th most unequal (average—think Western Europe) and the male dating economy as the 8th most unequal (kleptocracy, apartheid, perpetual civil war—think South Africa).

Quartz reported on this finding, and also cited another article about an experiment with Tinder that claimed that that “the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men.” These studies examined “likes” and “swipes” on Hinge and Tinder, respectively, which are required if there is to be any contact (via messages) between prospective matches.

Tinder’s Gini coefficient is 0.58, meaning “it has higher inequality than 95% [of] the world’s national economies”

That sounds about right to me. Men swipe right on everyone remotely attractive, just to see who replies. Women are far more selective, swiping back on less than 30% of men and wondering where all the men are. I don’t blame them, and neither does the author:

“There are no villains in this story. Nobody can or should be blamed for his or her honest preferences, and if women collectively believe that most men are unattractive, what grounds does anyone, male or female, have to argue with them? We may pity the large majority of men who are regarded as unattractive and who have few or no romantic experiences while a small percentage of attractive men have many. Just as much, consider that we live in a monogamous culture, and so the 20 percent of men who are regarded as attractive can only be in committed relationships with at most 20 percent of women.”

And that, my friends, is how I’ve had a job for sixteen years.

My clients want to date the Top 20% and it’s my job to help them find him – and maybe even expand her search into, say, the Top 30%. 🙂

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

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  1. 21

    I agree.

  2. 22
    Dianne Duncan

    I’m a 58 yo female who moved 1600 miles north to care full time for my 94 year old Mom. I can’t work so I’m living off and burning through my savings to do this. I have a BSN and put my MD ex through 3 degrees and in several moves etc. My Mom lives in an extremely poor town, majority of pop. doesn’t speak English. yes, I was raised here. My point, I am the same size I was in HS, 6, and can wear my old pair of HS jeans I saved. I dress well, and have been told many times I resemble Princess Diana. Ive been on Match since October, and all I attract are 66 to 70 plus year old men, men who say they are my age and look 70, or men with multiple tattoos and HS educations that can’t hold a conversation and use the f word as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb etc. Others I meet online that are mutually attracted to me are over an hour plus away and think that is not a problem for a relationship. what am I doing wrong? I worked since 15. I smile and treat all people well, especially service people as Ive done their jobs. Why can’t I find someone ?
    Lonely in NJ

  3. 23

    Let’s face facts. None of this is biologically predetermined.

    Men do not go to college. They very often do not take physical care of themselves (at all). Women are going to college at higher rates, because well, we need to be more qualified to be considered for the same wages as men get right out of high school. And men don’t consider their long-term employability, they just see “a good job” and ignore the career.

    Women are socialized that our looks are all that matter. If men put in the effort women are required to, they’d have a lot more options. If they went to college and invested in themselves, they’d have a lot more options.

    I have given men I am not truly attracted to a chance because they were educated and we could have great conversations. Ultimately though, those relationships ended because if you don’t want to sleep with your husband, it’s not a marriage. On the flip side, if you can’t talk to your husband, it’s not a marriage, either. If your husband can’t discuss anything substantive, that’s not an equal match. If your husband thinks being educated is “girly” or whatever, that’s not attractive.

    Men need to wake up to this fact and make changes in their lives.

    Women are just as unhappy as men are that there are not enough suitable dating partners. It’s a global phenomenon. And it’s not the fault of feminism.

    1. 23.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Looking forward to armchair experts like you telling me how to make an entire gender change to your satisfaction. Absent a tangible suggestion, all you have is a very wordy complaint, akin to “I hate it that it’s cold in winter.”

  4. 25

    Uh, no. Gay men look great because they are trying to attract other males. Women are waking up and being more selective because they can. Straight men: get an education, get a career, take care of your looks, be kind!

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