I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.
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It’s an easy angle. After all, men DO say they want “no drama” relationships three times more than women. And, obviously, there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship where two people agree all the time. So isn’t the author “right” about men and their foolish fantasies.
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I can only imagine how hard that is on you – and can only imagine how deeply you must feel about this woman for you to forgo all other possibilities for two decades. But here’s the thing, Michael: fantasy is not reality. The woman you have a crush on is now married.
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Catron does make a valid case – made by Eli Finkel in The All Or Nothing Marriage – that we expect too much from marriage. One person is now supposed to provide what an entire community provided in the past. She’s right. And it’s why choosing the right spouse is literally the most important decision you’ll ever make.
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I have read your post about trusting the boyfriend who keep in touch with an Ex. While I completely agree with your take on trust, I’d like your input on my situation. My ex and I had a fantastic time together
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But desire is something that’s more primal – a drive towards sex – that makes a couple’s physical relationship to a whole new level. The hard part is that desire usually drops due to hedonic adaption – the longer you have something, the less you desire it.
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Personality – from my reading and observation – is a lot more nature than nurture. This is not to suggest that people can’t grow and evolve, but rather, their basic personalities stay largely the same. Introverts rarely turn into extroverts. Narcissists rarely turn into humble servants. Cheaters rarely turn into faithful partners. And so on.
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In this case, the consequence is that people conduct entire relationships via text – and, objectively – text is not the best way to conduct a relationship. The easiest, maybe. The laziest, for sure? But I don’t know a single important conversation that ever went BETTER because it was being conducted by text.
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Summer, 2000. I’m out to dinner, in West Hollywood, with the most physically attractive woman I’ve ever dated. We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for a few months. She lives with her Mom an hour away and is currently unemployed. I’m a struggling writer with big ambitions and a desire to love and be loved. We’re lonely and dysfunctional but passionate.
Read More… 194 commentsIt’s not like we’re talking about the man who murdered your son; we’re generally talking about isolated incidents from years ago. Those incidents may have left scars but there is nothing redeeming about focusing on ones’ scars.
Read More… 1 commentListen, I’m sure there are some honorable dissenters who think that all teasing is inherently cruel, who believe that to make fun of someone is punching down, and that moral, sensitive people would never even make the justifications I’m making.
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I am in such a better place today because of your insights and inspirational guidance. I was so stuck on getting him back, but now I realize that I don’t want him back! I deserve someone who will love me unconditionally, no matter what.
You provide a reality check and remind me that everyone has doubts and there is no one "normal" response to love and commitment. I think your insight and perspective is incredibly accurate - you seem to understand the plight/perspective of the working, successful urban woman over 30.
John texts me crazy wonderful love texts to start and end every day. The roses are never from the grocery store...the Christmas presents were thoughtful and perfect. And I am wrapped in his wonderful love.
If you’re looking to answer your most pressing dating and relationship question, my blog is like Google for your love life!
Just type your one-line question into the search box below to see my answer.