I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.
If you’re looking to answer your most pressing dating and relationship question, my blog is like Google for your love life!
Just type your one-line question into the search box below to see my answer.
It’s not whether you will disagree; it’s what you do about it afterward. Listening, validating, not attacking, looking for points of agreement, assuming the best intentions: these are the hallmarks of healthy communication and successful relationships.
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It took me awhile but I finally outgrew the desire for butterflies – probably when I realized that butterflies had never been a good predictor of my future.
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We see a lot of this in the comments section – people so committed to the worldview that has led them to being single and unhappy – that when this blog challenges them, the only thing they can do is lash out at a guy who gives free dating advice on the internet.
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I would normally attempt to point out your blind spot – and illuminate something you couldn’t see because you’re too emotionally close to the situation – but that’s not the case here. You took the words right out of my mouth.
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I have college friends who aren’t on there while their wives are. What does that say about their relationship? Nothing. There’s more in the article about algorithms that can predict your future, but here’s the reason I don’t believe in them: humans can’t predict their future.
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Of course, you’re going to have chemistry, romance, physical connection with a guy – that’s exactly what STARTS pretty much every relationship. But you’re playing the long game here – trying to find a lifetime partner, presumably – and your decision-making criteria has to change when you’re considering a future.
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I’m not interested in game-playing, refusing to return men’s calls, running late to keep him guessing or any such B.S. But from all my experience, I have yet to see much compelling evidence that pursuing a man the way women often like to be pursued is an effective strategy.
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There is nothing you could tell me about him or your relationship that would change my feeling. You can tell me he buys you flowers, rubs your feet, and cures cancer on the side. Doesn’t matter. He’s an avoidant timebomb waiting to explode.
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As an honest and ethical guy who has taught these principles for years, I stand by them. No one wants to go to work at a company that frisks you every night to see if you stole office supplies and checks your web browser and emails to ensure proper behavior.
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Finally, I’ll remind you that a camera only capture what’s actually there. Which is to say that if you look good in a photo, you look exactly that way in real life. Please don’t continue to believe false and negative things about your own looks; it’s disempowering. You may be the cute cheerleader’s friend, but guess what? Guys find her attractive, too!
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He is smart, loving, funny, a perfect travel partner, and really wonderful. I have never been in such a lovely relationship. I feel secure, cherished, and happy every day. I never stopped reading your books, and checked up on myself often.
The result of giving up the search for “why” is losing the worry, the wringing of the hands, the wondering if he will call, and all the stress and sadness that goes with the worry.
Regardless of how women want to go about finding the relationship they want and need, you are the one to help them find it... Thank you so much for everything!!
If you’re looking to answer your most pressing dating and relationship question, my blog is like Google for your love life!
Just type your one-line question into the search box below to see my answer.