I Want To Stop Having Sex With My Boyfriend Until We Get Married.

Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I waited until I was officially his girlfriend (2 months) before we had sex. It’s been amazing, but this New Year I want to get closer to God and stop having sex until we get married. It seems like he can’t sacrifice sex for the man above or for me, and when I talk to him about it he tries to ignore the subject.He agreed to not have sex, but I feel like he’s just saying it to say it. Should this be a big concern? Or am I taking it too far since we’ve already been sexual for the past 10 months?

Thanks! Yasmin

Dear Yasmin, I’m sorry, sweetie, but you really wrote to the wrong guy. I’m pro-sex, pro-logic, and pro-consistency, and your letter fails all three tests. I can understand a woman who sleeps with a man too quickly, like, date 1 or 2 – pulling back to say, “Hey, we should get to know each other a little better first before we embark on a sexual relationship.” The guy may grumble a bit at moving “backwards,” but, if he likes her, he’ll be pleased to wait a few weeks until she trusts him enough to resume the physical part of their relationship. You, on the other hand, were patient enough to wait two months to sleep with your guy. Good for you, really! – for showing restraint and seeing what he was made of as a man. As a result of your patience, you’ve been rewarded with an amazing boyfriend, and, not incidentally, 10 months of good sex.

And, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t God all-forgiving? I’m sorry. I really tuned out during Hebrew school.

Then, suddenly, you had a New Years Revelation (stronger than resolutions, I hear), which told you that in order to “get closer to God,” you should stop having sex. Got it. Now, forgive my ignorance of religion, but I’ve got a handful of questions: What does “closer to God” mean? What happens to all the unfortunate God-fearing women who have been having pre-marital sex without changing their minds? Are they screwed? Are they all going to hell? Or will they just not be as “close” with God as you are? And, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t God all-forgiving? I’m sorry. I really tuned out during Hebrew school.Oh, there’s one more thing that begs a question: what about your boyfriend’s feelings? It would be like you driving your parents’ car for a year when you were 16, and then, when you turned 17, hearing from Dad that you were losing your driving privileges. Why? Because Dad read a statistic that girls under 18 get into a higher percentage of car accidents. Does he have a point? Maybe. But that wouldn’t make you feel any better. In fact, having your privileges taken away will probably make you feel much worse than if you hadn’t been driving that whole year at all. You’d understandably be resentful of your Dad, even though you know he was doing it for the right reasons.

And if you cut off your boyfriend from having sex after 10 months, don’t be too surprised if he cuts you off in return.

No matter how I slice it, I see your predicament as an arbitrary, self-imposed one, based on a lack of understanding of both religion and human nature. And if you cut off your boyfriend from having sex after 10 months, don’t be too surprised if he cuts you off in return. Not because he’s a selfish jerk. But because he has a girlfriend whose actions and needs are not properly aligned with his own. Finally, I’m sincerely sorry if I misinterpreted the doctrine of your religion. If you, or anyone reading this, wants a more religious take on the Church’s position on pre-marital sex, consult your clergy. But since you asked a dating coach a sex question, you got my irreverant take on it. Hope it gives you some clarity.

Join our conversation (562 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 301
    Daniela

    Yasmin,

     

    It is commendable that you want to be closer to God and start your marriage with right heart and mind. The response you were given is incorrect and God calls us to have a pure love. The kind of pure love He had and showed to his people.

    Please do not listen to the person who wrote this.

  2. 302
    mike

    Wow, My girlfriend has currently stop having sex with me because of me not proposing to her. She has said I am breaking promises. To me it comes off as her being controlling. She says it’s because she wants to be closer to God but her actions say other wise. To me it’s just an excuse to get what she wants. What’s sad about the situation is that I want to be married but I want to do it on my terms . I don’t feel like it’s right to put me on a timeline. You can’t break up with someone every other month and start changing things in the relationship. She even said we can’t be considered boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. Only thing she is willing to except the title of is wife. Sex was never an issue but now it is. Truth is my issues with her had nothing to do with sex.I can honestly say doing this and a hand full of other things is making me start to change my mind. I feel like it’s completely selfish of her to do this and that it’s just a form of manipulation. I can’t speak for all men but I feel doing this is the quickest way to lose your man rather than get him to propose to you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *