Is Hooking Up Dangerous or Liberating?

Is Hooking Up Dangerous or Liberating

Just came back from the gym and heard an interesting piece on NPR – The Hookup: Dangerous or Liberating?

Like any reasonable debate, both sides have merit. I don’t think we’d want to go back to the repressed ’50s, however, I think it’s clear that there’s something damaging about the frequency and availability of hookups. Some combination of post-feminism, technology, and societal mores has taken its toll. Witness all the letters from women who can’t find a guy to commit.

Yet let’s think about it from the male point of view – if there’s always an available hookup out there, and most men don’t have the desire to settle down until their mid-30’s, and most men lose big-time in divorce, why SHOULD they commit?

I’d like to challenge the women reading this to put yourself in the shoes of a man and ask yourself why HE’d make a commitment – not why YOU want a commitment or why you want HIM to make a commitment. You may be surprised to find that it’s more desirable for men to stay single…which is exactly why they so often do.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

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  1. 151

    There is a lot more to life than just easy sex
    There is career and gambling and drinking, so I have heard.

  2. 152

    In my high school and college days I did plenty of hooking up.
    And usually it was because the women did not want anything outside that.
    Of course I did not turn the ones I found attractive down because being a guy who is a 3 or 4 on the self assessed attractiveness scale and probably a 5 in other areas I figured that my chances were limited.

    Even though I could see the reason why some people preferred hookups over all else, it seemed rather off putting for me personally when I could not be around my sexual partner on other levels.
    It is just more enjoyable overall and adds another dimension when you can combine companionship, friendship, conversation, and sex together.

    For those who enjoy it, more power to them. And that is not to say that at present if a lady offered I would turn it down. Especially with how long it has been since I have been sexually intimate. 

    I am looking for more however so that would just be a temporary enjoyment until I find what I am seeking..

  3. 153

    @Diana #48
    As EMK says there are some who are exceptions to the rule.
    And I would have no problem choosing as a long term companion a previous hookup partner.
    I’d be hypocritical not to and I do not think a person’s sexual choices are the entire sum of their character.
    In terms of relationships, why should i not be willing to accept that which I have done as well.

  4. 154

    I think that the hook-up culture HAS ruined the chances for marriage.  I have met a lot of men that really seemed ‘into me’, but just did not want to settle down.  They admitted that I was attractive, nice, impressive, and that they’d never met anyone like me, but it all came down to sex.  They wanted it with no strings attached, and since I’m waiting for marriage, I knew that was not a possibility.

    There are so many men in their late 30s that are still a part of the hook-up culture compared to this being a problem strictly related to high school and college students.  Personally, I wish that the hook-up culture would disappear because it makes men feel that they can conquer the world and makes them emotionally devoid of feelings toward any particular woman and it forces the women to either participate or remain single because otherwise, they don’t even have a chance of attracting a man.   

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