Men Say No to Sex More Than You Think

a man refusing to have sex with his woman

The old stereotype where the man wants sex and the woman says she has a headache/stomachache/early day tomorrow might not be as accurate as you think. Seems men are turning women down, too.

An article by a female author in GQ explores this idea.

She writes, “To be fair (and painfully obvious): Men are human, too. You guys have feelings and problems and hungers that sometimes take precedence over boning. Maybe you had too many beers and are experiencing acute alcohol-related performance anxiety. Or maybe your not-in-the-moodness has to do with something bigger: the ubiquity of porn–effortlessly consumed like a drive-through value meal–or some existential male malaise that Zach Braff will surely explore in his next movie.”

Or, as is much more likely, we’re just tired and not particularly inspired to do the exact same thing to the exact same person again. Steak is great. You just wouldn’t want to eat it every single night. You know what I’m saying?

The author accidentally stumbles into an excellent point: the idea that, since it doesn’t cost a guy very much and it keeps you happy, he should just get it up and please you. “Just try saying yes to us more often. Even if you’re a little tired. Even if Mumford & Sons are doing that namby-pamby forest jig thing you like so much on Fallon. (DVR, dude.) We’ll be happier, so by Newton’s Law of Relationships, you will be, too. And I also can pretty much guarantee you won’t regret getting busy, either. It’s not a trip to the dentist’s chair, it’s sex.”

Amen. Apply that exact same “just say yes” advice to women who aren’t in the mood and we’ll have a lot more happy marriages.

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  1. 61

    Soul Sister @20
    Get him to the gym lifting heavy weights.   It lifts the testosterone (in his rest weeks) and if he hasn’t done it much, it will cut the weight and depression too.

  2. 62

    I am a lot more vigorous now than I was 20 years ago, at 41.   A lot depends on the woman.   If she uses rejection as a tool then you lose interest.

  3. 63

    My husband said no to me the night after our wedding and that was 45 years ago. And its still that way, but now I really don’t care any more. I lost all desire for sex, intimacy, my husband and my life

  4. 64

    Amy 63 –
    That is so sad!   Why would you stay with someone who wouldn’t have sex with you?   And if you had to (kids, finances), why would you not build a life outside of him that has value to you?  
    When I was a little girl (40+ years ago!) my dad had an affair and left my mom. We lived in poverty and my mom, who never even graduated from high school, could barely make ends meet.  As I watched all of this growing up, I swore I would always be able to take care of myself outside of marriage, and if I had kids, I could take care of them too.
    I have made many mistakes in my life, but the one thing I did do right was graduate from college and create a financially viable career.   No matter what ever happens to me regarding a relationship, I can always take care of myself.   I always have options, one of them being leaving, if I am not happy with a man.   (Although that can be a double edged sword sometimes…leaving is easy when you make a good living, sometimes too easy….
    Amy, I am so sorry you couldn’t leave, for whatever reason. But I hope you find a reason for living, even at this time in your life. Hugs to you!  

  5. 65

    Sexuality is an important part of a committed relationship (I prefer commitment).   If each other’s needs are not being met, and apart from health or real reasons, it strikes me that a woman has to say “yes” quite often.   Apart from one or two gentlemen, I have never had a problem with passion, eroticism and sex (porn turns me right off – yes I’ve watched it – I find it offensive – and would be a major cause for me to say “no”, or just leave the relationship.  
    If either sex is consistently saying “no”, they are probably getting their needs met elsewhere.  

  6. 66

    Has ever occurred to anyone that som men have respect for themselves? I live by a code of honor and with it I hold myself to a higher standard. In today’s crapola society with divorce and low moral behavior at an all time highs, I hold something far greater…..self respect. If someone can’t figure out that some of use still live by a standard, then your value of any relationship with any man will never be anything but a circle jerk and you both wind up as losers.

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