Skinny Vs. Curvy: 10 Charts About Sex


OKTrends released a study last week after compiling observations and statistics from hundreds of millions of OkCupid users. The study features ten charts about sex.

Charts 7 and 8 plot “Women by Body Type: Sex Drive Vs. Self-Confidence”.   It features a dynamic chart that illustrates body type, sex drive, and self-confidence from age 18 to age 60. A   slider at the bottom moves to show that a woman’s sexuality peaks in her twenties, holds somewhat steady for 20 years, and then falls. And while sex drive ebbs and flows, self-confidence steadily grows.

The study also includes humorous elements.   For Chart 2, researchers took a single question–Is your ideal sex rough or gentle?–and searched profile text of men and women in their twenties for the words that most correlated to each answer.

Not surprisingly, the gentle folks’ “word clouds” included gardening, church and challenges. Whereas the rough sex folks’ words included obsessed, cynical and punk.

Review all ten charts here. I’m looking forward to your comments.

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  1. 21
    Still Looking

    @Starthrower 2
    While I agree to a certain extent with Evan’s comments regarding what men are looking for (fun, happy, optimistic, easygoing, patient, accepting, nurturing, fun and sexy) I think the characteristics you listed do matter to most men.   You are a great mom raising three kids.   Having kids at home could be a deal-breaker for some men.   You are working on a graduate degree.   To me this would indicate we would likely be on the same intellectual level and yet some men might be intimidated by your educational achievements.   The fact that you are religious would be a negative for me yet a positive trait for a devout man of your faith.   Each and every trait can be viewed as a pro/con by men just as traits can be tallied by women.   There is a huge difference, however, between men and women and how they view these objective traits.

    As has been pointed out in articles such as “Why don’t men like smart, strong, successful women?” men, in general, give very little weight to these traits.

    In the last two weeks, for example, I met a 40 year old professional working on her PhD and also a 51 year old semi-retired lady with very little formal education.   On paper the 40 year old appears much more attractive overall and yet I had a better time with the other lady because she was more fun.   Care to guess which one I’m interested in seeing again?

    Now to throw a little curve ball – When I was younger I probably would have preferred the career woman who is still raising kids because our interests (career, family, etc) would have been better aligned.   Now that I’m older and my kids are out of the house, the objective traits are almost irrelevant.   Each trait is still a pro/con but except for a deal-breaker like young children, these traits are inconsequential.

    Don’t take yourself out of the dating market because you feel you don’t meet the archetype.   You are the perfect match for someone, just remember you are not marketing yourself to a prospective employer, rather you are marketing yourself to guys who are going to focus primarily on the traits that Evan listed.

    Best of luck!

  2. 22

    Thank you for the encouragement, Still Looking, I do appreciate it.   But again, I get that men are looking for sexy and fun.   As I said, I do my best to be witty and chaming if on a date and I do not hand out resumes.   I’m going to try this again: the comments are more about how overweight people are viewed.   I’m not arguring that one has to look a certain way to be considered attractive and I’m not telling anyone it’s wrong to want what they want.   I am merely advancing the notion that overweight people are not all stupid and lazy, that some actually have something going on.   If a men won’t date me because I don’t have the right physicality, ok I accept it. I’m not saying that I should have to loose weight; but that will be so I can live to see a generation or two of grandchildren and no other reason.  

  3. 23
    Still Looking

    @starthrower 24 – Try not to get too hung up on perceptions of how society views people who are overweight.   I happen to be slender and while I know many women prefer men who are more muscular I just rely on the assumption that the women who contact me on Match have viewed my pics and find me acceptable.   Likewise, if you have a number of pics on your profile (not just headshots!) you can assume that the men who contact you are interested in your body type.   It won’t be 100% of the male population but I think there is a significant percentage of your dating pool who will be interested.   

    We all have our preferences but what percent of men who “prefer” 5′ 10″, size 2, 34-D, blond hair, blue-eyed women actually date/marry their “ideal” woman?   In addition to the men who will “settle” there are also many who prefer women who are not slim/athletic.

    Hang in there…. love is right around the corner!

  4. 24

    @JerseyGirl: Agreed. And average women don’t appreciate average men who are their equals because they want him to be taller, smarter, stronger, and richer.
    So what are we going to do about it?
    You can a) complain about all the legitimate ways in which men fail you, or b) acknowledge and understand the hypocrisy of dating and try to be the woman who DOES accept the good man who isn’t necessarily the most impressive man.
    You know where I’ve got my money.


    I’ve dated all kinds of guys Evan. I’ve dated guys that were inshape and guys that were over-weight. I’ve dated guys that had high paying jobs and guys that didn’t. Guys that don’t have high paying jobs oggle just as much as guys that do. Guys with low paying jobs and who are over weight ironically sometimes have just as much as an over inflated sense of self as guys with high paying jobs and are in shape. So what am I going to do about it? I can’t do anything about it. Guys are going to do what they are going to do and not many men today even try to make themselves better men for women. I especially love the guys who list their dating ages 20 years younger and their limit 5 years younger then themselves.

    But when you say things like, ” Men simply want you to be fun, happy, optimistic, easygoing, patient, accepting, nurturing, fun and sexy. ” It’s not completely all that true. And they certainly aren’t attempting to give these things they seek in return.

    1. 24.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      JerseyGirl – You seem to have perfected the art of complaining about men.

      Why do you bother to read this blog, which is entirely about telling women how to make better decisions to attract quality men? Everything I write is met with a retort about what’s wrong with men.

      Seriously. What do you get out of this?

  5. 25

    Oh that’s not fair. I’ve agreed with you on some points too.  

    And am I complaining or just being honest? I need to be realistic about how men are or otherwise I have unrealistic hope. And I was like that too much when I was younger. I always gave men the benefit of the doubt, I thought the best of them. I thought they wanted the same things I do. It’s harder to hold on that the more experience you have.

    I like to read the blog because the topics are sometimes interesting. I don’t always agree with your personal methology in dating or advice. But there are times when I do agree.  

    But it’s not as simple as a woman being all those things you expressed men desire. I think a lot of women feel like they *are* those things, but they still get rejected and it’s not always by some rich handsome 10.

    1. 25.1

      I’m curious why it’s hard to be fun, optimistic, easy going, nurturing, etc.? I am zany and wacky and totally me. Some guys like it, and some don’t. Whoever does not, oh well. He is just a sorry dull chap. I don’t want to be with a boring sack of flour anyhow.

      I am easy going and love to laugh and love to have fun. It took the demise of a rotten marriage to realize why dating was fun and how it’s great to be free spirited and happy and “floppy”. Who gives a shit what others think? Be yourself!..Don’t be so serious.

      I have a friend who just cannot loosen up for whatever reason. Men see the sour apple in her miles away. And even when I try to convince her, it is the men…Please just let go of the crap some wanker told you years ago, deem it hogwash and move onto trying to be fun, even if it’s out of your comfort zone. Enjoy life!!!

  6. 26

    I couldn’t resist jumping in on this one.

    I LOVE the charts from OkCupid!, which is easily my favorite dating site. My theories about some of the charts:

    Thin/skinny women tend to have greater testosterone levels, thus contributing to their higher self-esteem and their lower body fat percentages
    Women who are “curvy” likely have higher hormone levels overall, thus contributing to their higher self-esteem over time and higher self-esteem as their body type is presumably the most sought after by the opposite sex
    What is with all of the rough sex grandads?!?   I have to agree with InsertPseudonymHere that perhaps they are seeking more stimulation to spice things up.   I also have to wonder if people who are busy in their careers tend to look to sex as an outlet for physical activity, too.   It could also be a generational thing.   Anyone remember The Dieter’s GUIDE to Weight Loss During Sex?


    For what it’s worth, I have never thought that you are bitter or have an inflated opinion of yourself.   You sound really grounded and I always enjoy reading your posts.   Even though I am not overweight, I definitely agree with you that people harshly judge those who are.   It’s unfair, but I think you are wise to have your standards and keep them in mind.   If you lose weight for a man and then gain it back later on (easy to do), you run the risk of losing his love.   It sounds like you are looking for a man who can love you through thick and thin (and we women go through those stages more often than men), which seems like a smart strategy to me.


    While I can totally sympathize with your frustrations, it sounds like you are stereotyping men.   Girl, I’ve got “ex” stories that would make your toes curl — and not in a fun way!   😉      However, as a member of the human race I have to trudge on and give each new man, woman or child that I encounter the benefit of the doubt.   If I don’t, I end up perpetuating hatred and unhappiness in the world.   While I despise “The Law of Attraction” nonsense, there are scientific studies that provide evidence that emotional states can be transferred quickly through populations.   In other words, if you act in a sour manner, others are more likely to pick up on that and mirror that emotion.   Evidence like this has provided me with motivation to keep on trying with other fellow human beings (men!), even when I’ve had a string of really bad relationships/interactions.   Food for thought.   Hopefully things will get better for you in the future.

  7. 27

    I found this article and the comments interesting.   My experience with online dating was wonderful.   I had fun, “weeded out” men that seemed not right for me from the privacy of my own home and, in only a few weeks, met a wonderful man that I have been enjoying and having a fun, old fashioned romance with for more than 1 1/2 years.. the attraction was immediate, he is a tall and muscular 55 year old and I am a curvy 5’8″ size 8   50 year old.. NEVER settle for someone you are not attracted to (and don’t apologize for the physical qualities you are attracted to either)… after 1 1/2 years, it still feels electric when we are together.   I say keep at it, stay positive, live a healthy life… if you are very overweight, lose weight (20 years ago, I was 110 lbs heavier than I am now.) you will feel great and have more energy for the life and love you really want.

  8. 28

    MySecondHalf, I love everything about your post, especially your “never settle for someone you are not attracted to” advice.   I hated being single, but I’d take that again in a heartbeat over being in a relationship where I had to talk myself into “enjoying” his company.   Besides, what man is excited about a girlfriend who is grudgingly settling for him?   If you can’t really adore your partner, keep looking, for both your sakes.

  9. 29

    As a woman (and I swear I am not a paid bot), I genuinely enjoy Evan’s post and advice. It’s honest, refreshing, and has helped me in my dating life more than the ‘women can’t do no wrong’ spiel I often hear. Honestly all the men-blaming I read in the comments here sound no different from the type of men who complain about how all women are superficial, shallow gold-diggers who can’t appreciate a good guy just because blah blah etc. I appreciate a good looking guy who keeps in shape and so I don’t blame a guy for expecting the same.

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