When Should a Woman Have Sex With a Man?

The end of Wednesday’s blog post brought up a very important topic; perhaps the most common question I get asked by women whenever I give a speech:

Turn sex into a reward for good behavior and time put-in and you’re missing the entire point.

How do you know when it’s okay to sleep with a guy?

I discussed this back in March, but most of you weren’t reading then. So forgive me for recycling, but my views haven’t changed, and you definitely want to get in on this discussion…

No doubt about it: The first time a woman beds down with a guy she’s crazy about is an exciting and special time. Still, the question remains: When? Well, it depends. Some women are happy to get down to business the night they meet; others will wait weeks or months before doing the deed. Whatever a woman’s decision, we had to wonder: Does the double standard still exist today? In other words, if a woman knocks boots with a guy too soon, does she automatically nix her chances for long-term love—or is that old-fashioned nonsense in today’s modern-day dating scene? To find out, we grilled three women about the ups and downs of when they get down to business… and what they said may surprise you.

My two cents on the whole thing?

Men are sexual hypocrites. They push women for sex, then blame them for having sex. They’re particularly stuck on the idea that if a woman hops into bed with them quickly then she must have done this with lots of other men as well. This lowers her value in his eyes. After all, if everyone can have her, she can’t be all that special, can she?

On the other hand, I also know from personal experience that if a guy is crazy about a girl, and they move really fast, all the rules go out the window. In fact, this is the way MOST of my relationships have started. But then, I’ve always been determined not to be hypocritical when a woman has the same lack of morals I do. I love women with loose morals.

Men are sexual hypocrites. They push women for sex, then blame them for having sex.

The sex question is a popular one because it comes up in every dating situation. However, there’s no set timetable or finite number of dates that will let you know when it’s time to give it up. I know one woman who was told by an “expert” to wait 10 dates before sleeping with the man she was dating. The guy dumped her her after 7. … That’s what you get for playing by a made-up set of rules. Sex isn’t something you “allow” him to do. It’s something that you share and create together. Turn sex into a reward for good behavior and time put-in and you’re missing the entire point.

As a woman, your job is not to come up with an arbitrary number of dates, like the U.S. coming up with a pull out date for our soldiers in Iraq. Your sole responsibility before having sex is to figure out if he’s interested in YOU or in SEX.

I repeat: Your sole responsibility before having sex is to figure out if he’s interested in YOU or in SEX.

If you don’t know the answer, don’t have sex. If you think you know the answer, then have sex. And if you can’t handle the emotional consequences of making an occasional mistake, you probably shouldn’t sleep with anyone until you’re in a committed relationship.

This has been my personal policy for the past three years – no committed relationship, no sex – and it’s worked very well for me.

What are YOUR thoughts? Men, I want to hear from you, as well…

Join our conversation (321 Comments).
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  1. 211

    to hunter,
    i jst loved the way ppl are sharing their thoughts..just for ur information i want to let u know that in mid east asian countries guys want a pretty hot sexy grl as their gf or a sex partner or a frnd with benefits but they marry the virgin girl only n thats true..i donno y bt it is..i hv come across these kinda guys n they call themselves a man 😛

  2. 212

    I wait until I know for sure that this is a person I want to date..I think that the courtship and romance is a lot of fun as is just making out and snuggling …I think that rushing in kills the expectation and the lead up. If that is going well than usually would seal the deal. I don’t enjoy having sex with people I don’t know and don’t trust.  I still think that a slut is a slut and I don’t respect them and don’t act like one. Woman all over the world would be treated much better if they just said NO until they were treated with the kindness, appreciation and romance they deserve. A guy is at his best when he is in pursuit…its in the DNA.

  3. 213

    I just had sex with a girl, in the very first date. She is a  real cool girl.  But,  my hypocrite male mind says, she was too easy. So, not a relationship material. This is how things are, men will push you for sex and the accuse you of having loose moral.

    I am from India and its a pretty conservative society here,  at list on the surface

  4. 214

    Karm as you put it: Maybe they wouldn’t have spread as they did. Karm:  It’s much easier to accept and welcome a pregnancy in a committed LOVING relationship than when you are facing it ALONE!
    By saying “. Fathers can die: wars, violence, sickness”, These situations are calamities and misfortunes of life. Are you now stating that a woman should endeavor to create situations/conditions parallel to calamities, in an effort to keep a man?
    Please allow me to bring up some facts to your attention:
    “New data released by Statistics Canada last month shows an eight-per-cent increase in single-parent families between 2006 and 2011. Single mothers, who comprise 80 per cent of lone-parent families in Canada, increased by six per cent. Consider, as well, that 20 per cent of single parents live below the poverty line and are twice as likely to live in poverty as two-parent families. Sadly, circumstances force many low-income single mothers to make choices between shelter, food, education and child care. They stay in situations that do not meet their basic needs — perhaps couch-surfing or even staying in abusive relationships”
    Children who grow up with only one of their biological parents (nearly always the mother) are disadvantaged across a broad array of outcomes; they are twice as likely to drop out of high school, 2.5 times as likely to become teen mothers, and 1.4 times as likely to be idle — out of school and out of work — as children who grow up with both parents. Children in one-parent families also have lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, and poorer attendance records. As adults, they have higher rates of divorce. These patterns persist even after adjusting for differences in race, parents’ education, number of siblings, and residential location”
    Marriage is a reflection of an official “engagement.” Making it clear to the world that you have chosen a particular human being to spend the rest of your life with. And if you end up with a lousy lover, this can be corrected. A husband who truly adores and cherishes you, will be willing to do whatever it takes to please you. Lead the way! and learn how to teach him to make sex pleasurable for both of you. You owe this to yourself!
    The fact and the matter is this – From my observation with clients: All men are in it for the sex. They may not even know this themselves. A man who is as well into you though, will not pressure you for sex, he will respect your decision and not try to talk you into it. Players are known to walk away when they don’t get it. You must ask yourself: Is this person willing and open to the idea of being in a committed relationship until you reach the point where you have established compatibility and true affection  

  5. 215

    My rule of thumb – when looking for a long term relationship is:

    The more sexually attracted to me a man is, the more the relationship needs to slow down. Why?

    He’s lost in lust.  Relationships aren’t built on lust.  Lust is a factor in long term relationships and great sex but it’s only one piece.  If other pieces aren’t there (same values, loyalty, goals, etc) the relationship will self-destruct.  He’s also not representing himself openly as he has a goal – sex (consciously. unconsciously or both – which can also fool him as well.) What’s that old saying, “A woman thinks about who a man is BEFORE she sleeps with him. And a man thinks about who a woman is AFTER he sleeps with her.” And if it’s been lust he may be oh, I don’t like her much, have anything in common or want to introduce her to my friends. And she may be crushed as she believed he had/has the same process as her.  She: I accepted you so we had sex. Where he’s like “We had sex but I don’t accept you. ” Very painful.  Another answer  to the question of when a woman should have sex with a man: When she wants to:)

  6. 216
    Nadia McDonald

    The comments read are all thought provoking.  Being a young woman in my thirties, I’ve maintained my purity for two years and seven months.  Reason being I wanted a stable relationship with a guy who loves me.  There are too many guys who are after sex and this is a major turn off.  Women are to be loved and appreciated.  It’s sad how sexually perverse men prey women for sexually release.  My advice to the ladies is to hold your standards and find God.

  7. 217

    The time to have sex is when it feels right for you. If something inside feels wrong about it then don’t do it.  Different people are going to have different motivations and will have different standards.

    Personally I’m very conservative about going all the way.  I want it to be with the person I feel is my soul mate.  I want to save it for him.  I don’t believe in soul mates in the literal sense but what I mean is someone who I feel we both love each other to a point where we want to spend the rest of our lives together and love each other’s company.

    I’ve found that if you are good with being passionate, you can satisfy each other’s sexual needs without going all the way.  Due to my high internal standards I’ve had long term relationships where this was the case.  I finally figured out though that I have to be true to my own desires and end relationships that didn’t feel right, so I made a decision to date and not continue if it did not match my internal dream of how I wanted me and my partner to feel about each other.

    I was feeling concerned I may never find this relationship but decided is rather be single than unfulfilled and so I did the scary thing and started dating and cutting off less than ideal relationships short.

    I’m now ecstatic to say I finally found another romantic and from our first meeting it has been apparent that we were an amazing fit in too many ways for me to describe here.  Within weeks we expressed this feeling of having found our soul mates to reach other.  We fell for each other hard quickly and for the first time in my life I feel I’m in love at 35.  We waited a little over two months to go all the way for the first time.  We already had an amazing physical/sexual side to our relationship and having sex was only a more intense version of that.

    Personally I don’t regret waiting at all.  And I do feel that noone should feel an obligation to have sex if it doesn’t feel right.  If it’s right for you then you will want to do it.  I do believe that my view of sex is definitely not the only right way and that it is fine for people to enjoy casual sex if they want to.  Personally though I never liked the idea of casual sex so I didn’t do that.

    I also never had any fears about him leaving me if we did or didn’t have sex.  We talked about everything frankly and it was clear to both of us that we loved each other and the sexual desires arose within both of us very naturally.  In fact I’ve had more desire and feelings of pleasure with someone I love than I thought I was capable of.  I also feel really good about being able to have saved myself for him and to make him feel special about that.  For the record I was not technically a virgin before him but I had not had sex many times in my life so it felt like the first time for me.

    I just wanted to share this in case someone else desires a more conservative approach and wants to wait until they are in love.  Personally I feel in my case it was well worth it because I feel really good about making choices that aligned with what I really wanted.

    My only regret was staying too long in relationships that didn’t feel right.  However on the upside since we are both older we are also more mature and thus has been good for our relationship.

  8. 218

    After a marriage and a bunch of relationships, and currently back in the dating scene as a single mother, I must say, women should wait until she can trust that the guy is in love with her.  Women get attached more quickly after having a sex with a guy, so it would help her to really get to know the guy first so she doesn’t get burnt by having a sex too early and then realizing it isn’t working out. Wait till at least he tells you his inner deep feelings about his life, goals, past, skeletons in the closet etc. it’s easier said than done at least for me, but I’m gonna try this time around!

  9. 219

    How bout this…Most all men want you and sex. A man who is madly and deeply in love with you will want to have sex with you. It’s common sex. Of course if a man wants sex he wants you, no brainer. A man can be attracted to you and want to have sex with you, and that’s it and that’s all, Nothing More. A male friend told me today, you can have a great body, fat azz, big boobs, and that will Not keep a man for very long, and/or make him want to put a ring on it.

    A meme I’ve seen on FB says a man who is Marriage Minded, won’t be so busy looking at what’s behind you, that he fails to find out what your vision is for your future and what’s in front of you.

    So here is the thing ladies, if you want marriage and a family, a committed relationship, you need to find out a whole lot more than just “if the man wants you.” You need to find out if he is Marriage Minded, if he wants to be in a serious relationship, and if wants to be in a serious and committed relationship with you. Find out where you stand with him, find out your status with him, and what he wants you to be in his life, ie gf, jump off, future wife, booty call, etc etc etc etc. The reality is most All Men want and desire sex. It’s in their nature as men. Yes good, honest, marriage minded men want sex. The difference is some men just want sex, and that’s about it, while other men want a lot more than just sex. Some men want the relationship and marriage and a family. But remember ladies, they all want sex.

  10. 220
    Jack Wilson

    I think women have gotten way to picky when it comes to who they’ll date let along who they’ll have sex with. I mean it seems like to me if you don’t look like Brad Pit or George Cluny your out of luck to land a girlfriend, let alone have sex. Woman now a days seem to rather just ignore you like you don’t exist as opposed to actually registering that you exist unless you look like a model. What’s up with that the women are willing to pass up on a great guy just cuz he doesn’t walk talk act look and dress and drive like what he built up their mind since they were little girl what a real man should look like. Its like hello ladies it’s a lot of really nice guys out there they would treat you like a queen if you only knew them have a chance guys who don’t only think about just sex but actually want true love but you let you ladies now days will never find that out because if we don’t look perfect or are perfect then we’re not good enough for you he lays need to get yourself out of your own way the open door open minded and allow guys that are not exactly perfect looking army little overweight to have a chance to get to know you you never know you might find your princess you always been looking for but you’re not going to until you get it until you get it out of your head that I work I can look like Brad Pitt.

  11. 221

    AND the answer is Whenever He Asks For It.  I see all this talk about STD’s. Fact is beautiful people have lots of sex with MANY other beautiful people.  Always exceptions to the rule.  People who have lots of sex get STD’s but what the problem?  You may have an STD or more than one but your sleeping with other hot people who also have them.

    People who are not hot bring up all the side effects of having sex with just anyone because they ain’t banging multiple hot people. Its a cruel world deal with it.

  12. 222

    Great post about knowing if they want you or sex. In my case, they wanted sex. I was in a DV marriage and I come from a culture where they technically still live in the 18th century. Anyways, I’ve been divorce for a year now. I was talking to someone in the midst of my separation 2 years ago. My ex found out that I was moving on and eventually reentered my life and I had to break it off with the other guy. Well my ex and I didn’t work out and recently me and that guy started messaging eachother again from time to time. I’ve friend zoned him btw. But recently he’s been asking me to over a lot. So I finally ask him if he really did like me or was just fooling around because I was tired of beating around the bush. He said he really did liked me and so I went to his house and yes we had sex. Afterwards he blocked me. A lot of women will take this really hard and yes I was upset at first. But now that I think about it, I was actually quite glad that I stepped out of my boundaries and my comfort zone to do something daring in my life. I had a rough marriage and no pleasure in the art of intimacy with my ex. My ex was a first of everything for me so I was really overwhelm with the idea that I actually want to do it with someone who I want to do it with. I was really nervous and sex was satisfying to me. My ex has always made me feel dirty and I figure, why not do it with someone who I actually want to think about. I love my ex and I still do and so it’s hard for me when I have my nights of feeling emotional. So why not have a night with someone who I actually want to think about. Who I actually want to share that moment with. I think by the end of the day, it’s not a matter of how guys view sex with a woman but how yourself as an individual see it. I guess in my case, I treated it as a part of my journey of being a single woman again and rediscovering myself. And I think if u plan on staying single for a long time, spending a night with someone who you actually yearn for can be quite special.

  13. 223

    There is one rule here every woman needs to follow: make the man work for it.

    And he will fuss and complain about working for it, but he will secretly be loving it.

    Let him be the first to bring up sex. When I’m on the second or third date with a guy (that’s usually how fast they try with me) and he wants to go back to his place, that’s when I tell him I won’t sleep with him unless we’re in a committed, exclusive relationship. He either says he wants to pursue that with me, and he does, or he falls off.

    No harm, no foul. If he doesn’t contact me after that, I have my answer. And if you love someone, the sex is always good.

    Most guys fall off because there are a lot of easier women out there. But the ones that stick around are worth it.

  14. 224

    As if you can tell a man’s intentions when you go on one lousy date!! lmao…I love how you’re not supposed to talk about certain things on a first date (exes, politics, etc.) but it’s okay to do the most intimate act (have sex)?!?! Wtf is wrong with this world?!

    Plain and simple, if you’re a slut go for it! Common sense tells me if you’re looking for a relationship, don’t do it (this is a no-Brainer duhhhhh)

    It’s sad because I feel like all the dumb sluts out there (and nowadays their everywhere thanks to articles like these) make it more difficult for women looking for relationships to get into relationships  (at times)

  15. 225

    In my personal experience, it been women that instigate and have pushed me for sex. I will be dating a women and eventually sex talk of some for occurs. For my life I’d say it’s been initiated by the woman almost 100% of the time. I don’t necessarily mean talking about having sex with me – just in a general way relating to them. Some examples of things I’ve heard:

    I haven’t had sex since my divorce.

    My ex could keep up with my sex drive

    What I look for in a man is x,y and great sex

    I hope you don’t think that you are getting any tonight

    I don’t need a man, I’ve got my toy

    The women that said these things to me did what I guess I’ll call a soft push. It’s enough to get sex, but not so much as to where you will mentally claim to be the person instigating the sex (you can get the man, but still have plausible deniability if you choose). I will admit that I am not that hard to get and don’t necessarily require much pushing!

    A woman once asked me if I remembered when her and I had first had sex. Our versions of the tale were very different.

    Her version – We went out to the bar on a date, had a few drinks & shoot some pool. Afterwards we went back to your place, ate, drank some more, watched a movie, started making out, then had sex a few times through the night.

    Short and sweet. I asked her about the detail, but she couldn’t remember.

    My version – We didn’t go out on a date. You got my phone number from your bestie, whom you knew I was having a fwb relationship with at the time. You wanted to know if the three of us could all go out to have a few drinks. My fwb declined because she was busy, but I was game for a drink (it was college – I was always down for a drink). I met you downtown way before dark and we drank, played pool and chatted. I was tired of spending money at the bar and I was also hungry, so I suggested we got to the liquor store and head back to my place, since you didn’t live in town. We drank the liquor, ate, and watched a bootleg of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I remember because it cut out about a third of the way through and the bootleger just typed in what was happening. I was pretty irate about it. You didn’t want to drive home because you said you were too drunk. I told you that you could sleep on the bed and I’d lay on the floor. You said we were both adult and there was no reason we couldn’t just share a bed and sleep. Made sense to me – I don’t really like sleeping on the floor anyway. So there we were, both in the bed. SOMEONE started doing a lot of hip gyrating, claiming that she couldn’t get comfortable. Shortly after, that same person reached around and grabbed my crotch saying that she wanted to feel what was poking her. We had sex several times. You were distraught in the morning because you felt like you’d betrayed your best friend by sleeping with me. So distraught that you came back over after you got off work…..

    I would say that she was the one pushing for sex.

    One of my exes that I was with for 5 years did almost the exact same thing the first time we had sex. Except we were at her house. and She insisted that I was too drunk to leave and needed to stay. She also remembered me being the sexual instigator.

    A woman I had briefly been seeing invited me over. She liked that I was interested in getting to know here despite her making it immediately and repeated clear that she would not be having sex with anyone. She dropped the remote in my crotch while trying to change the channel and touched my manhood a bit trying to recover it – for which she apologized profusely. After doing it THREE MORE TIMES, she admitted that she wanted me to whip it out.

    A woman I went to have dinner with thought that it was nice to meet a guy that didn’t immediately bring up sex or try to send her dick picks. But I guess not seeing those dick pics and talking about sex made her curious, because she was asking if she could take an up close look at the goods after dinner.

    I was watching a movie with a woman and she just randomly says “I hope you don’t think that we are going to have sex just because you are here and its late.” I said “You are the only one talking about having sex with anyone.” I thought that was that. Until a few hours later when she says “If you want, I suppose we could have sex. I mean it has been a while for me.”

    This one is my favorite: I was talking to a women I met an a dating site. We’d been on 1 date and had talked on the phone several times. I get a call from her basically saying that it isn’t going to work out between us because my dick is too small. Having never had any sexual conversations or sent her any pictures of ANYTHING, I asked how she came to this conclusion. According to her, if I were hung I would talk about it all the time and would have been trying to get her to look at pictures of it. I just started laughing uncontrollably. eventually she cussed me out and hung up. She texted me about a week later acting like none of that had ever happened. Soon after she asked for a dick pic. I declined. She send my naked pics of here and asked if I wanted to come over. I said no. She sent me a pic of her blowing some guy and said that it could be me. I said I was good. She got upset and said there must be something wrong with me for turning down a good woman that was throwing the pussy at me and told me to lose her number.

    I had a female friend that wanted to have sex with me, but she was in a relationship. She was very conflicted. She wanted sex with me, but didn’t want to cheat. She told me that she decided that it wouldn’t be cheating if we had sex because the condom would prevent my penis from actually touching her.

    Different female friend, same scenario – has boyfriend, wants sex with me. She calls me to come over so we can talk. She tells me that she doesn’t want to cheat on her boyfriend. She loves him. They have a good thing going. So her and I can’t have sex…………….But what is sex exactly? It’s vaginal intercourse. I was confused a bit, so I ask her to clarify. She says that we can’t have sex by her definition (vaginal intercourse) but anything other than that would be OK since it wouldn’t technically be cheating.

    Different female. Similar scenario to the previous two. My old neighbor. Lived with her husband and two kids a couple of houses down from me. People on the block were pretty friendly so we’d have neighborhood cookouts or a just have a few drinks and chat. Her and I had chatted several times, mostly about her and her kids. She was young, got pregnant and decided to get married. One day the regular conversation shifts to things she doesn’t like about her husband. I tell her that I’m sorry, as I could relate to some of her frustrations. But then she started talking about her sexual frustrations. That weekend, she asked if I could move their new washer and dryer and hook them up. I asked why her husband couldn’t do this and she said that she’d asked him to do it earlier in the week and he still hadn’t, plus he was at work at the moment. and she really needed to do laundry for the kids before they woke up from their naps. I agree to move the machine and hook them up. Didn’t take long. She thanked me with a kiss, some more kissing and some groping. Then she said hold on, “I don’t want to cheat on my husband. That would be wrong. But if we just do oral, that’s not cheating. Are you ok with that?”

  16. 226

    Well I’m still confused!! I met a guy went on a date a few days ago, he asked me out on another one so we’re going out next week. Weve got lots in common, even daft things, I’m really physical so is he. I do NOT want to be slutty and sleep with him too soon but I also don’t want to be over thinking and putting times, dates and limits on things that may take away the natural spontaneity of it all. It really sucks the double standards thing, men do not have these inner battles. To find out whether not he’s interested in you or just sex is a really great idea but I think men are always interested in sex even if they really like you too! And that goes for me too, you need the physical attraction/chemistry and to feel like you’d love to jump into bed with them which is obvious when you’re communicating! I know that if I sleep with him and get ditched days later I’ll be annoyed with myself but the only way to avoid that potential let down is just not to let go and do it in the first place. See? Confused!!!!! 😄

  17. 227

    If a guy is crazy about me, it won’t particularly matter when I have sex with him (ie it has just as much of a chance of turning into a relationship). This has also been my experience as a woman. So my conclusion from this is that it really doesn’t matter. If I genuinely like someone and feel a real connection I’m happy to have sex early on, probably not first date but second date onwards is good, depending on the vibe. If after that he loses interest I know he was never likely to be crazy about me anyway – I haven’t lost anything. So this is my policy going forward. Of course it helps that although I will only have sex with someone I like, I’m not going to be emotionally devastated just because we slept together. I’ll be disappointed because I liked them not because of the sex.

    I appreciate this article because it’s made me feel less angsty about when to have sex and whether someone will judge me for it as I genuinely wouldn’t want a relationship with a guy like that anyway.

  18. 228

    Men should be careful and not be a source of money for women. Some women claimed they want large sums of money before sex. This way they know the man is for them. But there are a lot of gold diggers. We all have to be careful.

  19. 229

    I am dating a guy from Canada and we have been communicating for almost 9 months  now. We’ve met  twice already and I can say that we both like each other. The thought of giving myself and having sex with him  wasn’t really that difficult because I like him  and I am strongly  attracted to him ( he is too with me).We almost did it,but in the process I begin to realized I wasn’t ready for it. He was probably upset, but he said that he wouldnt do anything unless I’m comfortable with it. I say,  any man  who does say that shows RESPECT for his girl.at least in my point of view . Any man who pushes you and gets upset for not having sex with him  is probably a red flag. So, I say learn to say NO if you really want to do find out if his into you or just want to have sex with you .This two letter word might just save a whole lot of trouble. There is probably no right time table when you have  sex with someone, but if your ready,it will happen naturally. I’d like to think that if it happens to me,  I should wake up and realized that I  don’t  have any regrets that  I shared the most intimate moments with him regardless if it happen  in  first date or  the  nth date.

  20. 230

    I just started dating a guy that is 56 I’m 51.  The girls I talk to are saying 2 months.  I have been around this guy for about 7 months but just started dating.  I think the next date it will be time 🙂

  21. 231

    Well there was this girl one time I met her, she was having a problem, but caused by the lack of brains she had, guess we both messed up to some point tho, but it was just 1 of those things we met off guard, but to me she was worth it.

    Anyway I left her stay over night and it was not long and we did it alright, sad part of it all is was she was the best I ever had, (a memory indeed!) and some 16 years later not only did she forget to cum back for I couldn’t find her again either, so we both lost.

    But due to reasons her head was sort of messed up for she couldn’t remember things like that vary long, so nevertheless being I still have no 1, she always been something to help me go to sleep on. but now I got 1, but so far away is she, the one above just might have to keep putting me to sleep night after night, but then also a memory from girls I went to school with long ago still cum to mind OH how I wished I cold of plugged them up so long ago, but now I wouldn’t even lick them any more no matter how good they ever were, so if it was not for the 1 above, I may not even have a memory, not sure I ever got her last name, but her 1st name she told me was Victoria, and yes I know, shit happens, maybe to me more than others, wish I could by all means run into her again like we did before by accident, but doubt I ever will now OH how sad……….


  22. 232

    Forgot to mention in my blog when I told you about a girl named Victoria,

    But anyway this is about those I remember from my old school days, ya there was two for sure I wanted badly, but the best part of it all as they were twins, and for some reason I loved there names,

    Not sure who cum out 1st but anyway there names were Eileen & Elaine,

    Elaine was a lot like Victoria in body, but Eileen was build like a brick s**thouse, and she was the who back in 7th grade I like her so much I almost wished (but didn’t) I’d a raped her, but now its an old dream, and its nice to still be a free man, but for some reason those two girls from back then still ring a bell in my head, for maybe it was just because of there names, anyway they never knew how badly I’d a loved having babies with 2 being twins and all…….

  23. 233

    Urrrmmm I think it’s pretty important to figure out if YOU LIKE HIM and want to HAVE SEX WITH HIM… these things are always putting the guy’said perspective first

  24. 234


    My wife passed way and  so I  was  forced to  go on line to find dates.

    I  have had sex on many first dates.   There were a few that I  dated several times with no sex


    The one  that I now love is  just what  I  want and need —We had great sex on the first meeting

    the night before    and the day after.


    It is my experience that  sex on the first date is no  big deal  if there is an attraction



  25. 235

    I’m dating again it’s only been just a lil over a month after being divorced since 2006, and  I don’t feel ready for sex. This guy is a nice fella and he’s pushing it I get right uncomfortable.  I have said, “If I am worth it, he should wait. ”  He says,” You are worth it”.  Then I sit pondering why push it?  If  man wants a women and she’s not ready to pursue a deeper thing like SEX, he should respect her.  It helps build a friendship in the relationship to a stronger bond, to see if he can live without her.   A relationship isn’t juut about sex it’s about a soulmate.  I used to be young and foolish, married and divorced.  I told myself this time do it right if there is such thing as MAKING IT RIGHT.  I want to be happy and deal with NO sexual pressures til I feel ready.  I guess I have been sexually assaulted in the past,  it’s hard trying to make my date UNDERSTAND that.

    1. 235.1
      Yet Another Guy


      A relationship isn’t juut about sex it’s about a soulmate.

      You do know that a “soulmate” is just a fantasy.  There is no such thing as a soulmate.  There are plenty of people for whom chemistry and compatibility exist, but the concept of a soulmate is just a Disney fairy tale that is sold to women when they are young, just like having a prince sweep a woman off of her feet.

      1. 235.1.1

        Its a fantasy rooted in the medieval European ideal of Courtly Love, where a Knight will do anything for his Lady, without any thought of recompense, and where sex is considered an impure distraction.

        But “I want to be happy and deal with NO sexual pressures til I feel ready”, how would that work? I think Kris was hoping for a strong, masculine man with such a highly evolved intuition he will just know when she is ready. In truth, she is more likely to find a shy, passive man who will always leave initiation up to her.

  26. 236

    I liked the column overall. I would say that men being sexual hypocrites is a bit of a sweeping generalization. Id say whatever you’re comfortable with. I was married for 13 years to a woman who I slept with on the first date. We were both comfortable with that. We’re divorced now, and I have started dating again. I can say that now, if I don’t feel like she’s entertaining the idea of having sex after 4-6 dates, I take that to mean that her interest in me is relatively low. I don’t pressure a woman to have sex with me, but I definitely communicate to her that the physical part of a relationship is important to me, including (but not limited to) sex. If she doesn’t kiss, hug, cuddle, or hold hands with me enough that means two things to me. One, it’s not as important to her as it is to me. Two, our relationship will probably not progress to the next level. Both of those things usually indicate to me that we probably aren’t compatible.

  27. 237

    yeah…sure. Ladies there are only 3 types of men in the world:

    1. the nice, successful, awesome men that want a relationship AND prioritize sex. (these are more “alpha” style men)

    2. the nice, successful, awesome men that want a relationship, and are WILLING TO wait for sex (these are more “beta” style men)

    3. losers.

    Pick your poison. you have a 33.3% chance at the man of your dreams. go get em.

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