How to Avoid a Bad Relationship Before It Happens

episode 12 how to avoid bad releationship before it happens

It’s pretty much THE question, isn’t it? Instead of wasting months and years on men who treat you poorly, how can you avoid the unhappy ending BEFOREHAND? In this Love U Podcast, I’m going to teach you how to use pattern recognition, experience and your gut to make better relationship choices in the future.

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  1. 1

    Good podcast. Good information regarding getting involved with people with a lot of drama surrounding them. I think it’s also wise sometimes to go on a self imposed hiatus if you have a lot going on yourself. I went through a crisis period that lasted over two years. It seemed like every time I turned around some catastrophe was waiting on me. From a prolonged divorce, and trying to accept a new reality for myself and helping my children adjust to that, multiple health crises among family, including the unexpected death of my father. Whenever I finally thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be a freight train. I had started seeing someone and during that time I cut it off; not because I didn’t care for him but because I was a mess and just felt emotionally unavailable.

  2. 2

    Awesome podcast. Knowledge equals wisdom…I appreciate learning as much as I can so I can be better prepared! Will be tuning in again to the next one😊 Thank youâ¤ï¸

  3. 3

    The podcasts seem to attract less comments than the blog posts. I hope it’s not a sign that they are less popular! They are a great addition to your arsenal, and I listen to them every week. Not one goes by without an Aha moment and I keep the notepad handy so I can write down all the important quotes. They are a great help, thank you!

    This was one of the best ones, with a subject that I sometimes find quite challenging. Quite often I have not wanted to go on a second date but I dragged myself along anyway. Or I was initially excited but felt the anticipation dwindling as I got to know someone more. Sometimes it was just a case of it not being a match, personality or goal wise. And sometimes the initial red flags (sexist comments, rude to the waiting staff, disinterested atttitude) seem to come back again, long after I had first detected them. As a thirty four year old single woman i ceaselessly get hit with the phrase ‘you are too picky’. That is not completely unreasonable, and there are issues that are ongoing clear up projects ; ). The only problem is that I then feel I have to struggle to meet up with someone who makes my gut instinct go ping. Learning to discern between becoming unpicky and ignoring your gut feeling, That’s the important takeaway from this podcast for me.

    1. 3.1

      I can relate to the “picky” comments, but personally I stopped thinking they are true. If I look at my past failures, I wasn’t picky enough. These were the wrong men for me, not because they were bad people but because I wasn’t myself around them which led me to make tons of mistakes.

      I think it’s OK to take your time choosing a life partner. It’s not exactly the easiest thing and not everyone is going to be compatible with you, no matter how great they are.

  4. 4

    I really enjoyed listening to this, particularly hearing about other peoples specific  experiences and lessons learned (please do more of this).   Yes, we are the common denominator and until we take responsibility for that, we will continue to get the same results.   Amazingly, some of us just don’t recognize red flags and bad behavior when we see it, or we justify it for various bad reasons.

    I’m getting to know someone from online and my gut is sending up the flares.   I was chatting with another and my gut was telling me that she’s hot and crazy and thankfully she disappeared.   A third one seems really super nice.   I’m going put my energy into her.

    Thanks Evan!

    1. 4.1

      I second that emotion. I think I get a lot more out of hearing about specific situations, circumstances, and conversations than dealing with somewhat vague generalities about “warmth,” “acceptance,” “patience,” “toxic personalities,” being “overly needy,” and so on. These qualities (and their antitheses) each fall on a continuum and sometimes it’s hard to know where the line is between healthy acceptance and having poor boundaries, for example. It’s nice to hear how people dealt with specifics and how things turned out.

      Evan, you’ve been more forthcoming lately about concrete details and why you (a guy who probably represents the part of the male population that functioning women want to date) made the decisions you did in the past. It helps bring your advice to life, so kudos on the candor. I also appreciated the section on intuition and loved that you brought Jonah Lehrer into the mix.

  5. 5

    Agh this was a great podcast but definitely it is hard to hear! My current relationship is a good example of what was discussed; we are both  decent people with pretty even emotions but for some reason we just set each other off for the smallest reasons. Then when this happens we don’t deal with the  issues in the same way; he avoids and I confront.

    The relationship is suuuuper passionate when it’s good, which is the reason it’s lasted a year and a half! Unfortunately this is only like.. 60% of the time. If that.

    I know i need to end it but it’s so hard. Especially because I know that he is a great guy… just not great for me. I’ve already tried ending it once and that only lasted a week. Ugh breaking up is the WORST and I am so hard at standing by my decision!

    Still, it’s good to realize that these relationships are not lasting. Thanks for the reminder Evan!


  6. 6

    I had a guy come on strong and we dated for several weeks, just as we decided to be exclusive and had talked about being more physical he completely vanished. In hindsight I was thrilled to have a guy this excited about me and his actions matched his words so I felt safer gong with what he was putting out there. The reality though was he probably had built up such a fantasy that no human woman could have lived up to, I also believe he likely had intimacy issues and maybe got bored once the chase was over. Although it does sting, I’m glad he pulled this crap in the beginning when I wasn’t totally invested. We had plans to see each other this weekend and everything seemed fine, over the weekend after a few texts he seemed distant and now he’s just gone. Better to do this now than months down the line but it sucks. On to the next and I love these Podcasts!

  7. 7

    Evan, you’re awesome for this…like seriously…

    The heart wants what it wants…

  8. 8

    Thank you for this, especially the part with the ships passing analogy. That just happened to me, and your words helped me make sense of it, and feel better about it.

  9. 9

    Thanks for advice dear! keep it up

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