Bad Relationship Advice That People Think Is Good

There’s only one metric to determine whether advice is good: does it work or not? Believe it or not, there are dozens of respected experts whose opinion will steer you in the complete opposite direction of your actual goals. On this week’s Love U Podcast, I will debunk these false ideas and light your path to making confident relationship choices.


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Comments:

  1. 1
    Onome Ogoro

    Thank you so much Evan Marc, Relationship truly does not need to work if both party are in love.

    I noticed I have been the one doing all the activities in the relationship lately like calling chatting and encouraging my man.

    Thanks for your advice.

  2. 2
    Joe

    Totally with you about the “relationships are hard work” misconception.  Bad relationships are hard work.  Good relationships are easy work.

    If a relationship was hard work, why would you want to be in one?  Don’t you have enough work at the office?

  3. 3
    lisalin

    Actually, I wish I had heard this advice sooner. Free agent without a ring does make sense, because he has the power to make it so at any point. If he does not want to, then it really isn’t cheating anyway because – he’s just not that into you. Yes, I really needed to hear that sooo much sooner and have saved years, decades even, of pining for a relationship that never really was one.

  4. 4
    Noemi

    What about the information revealing that somewhere around 30 or 40 percent of married couples have been broken up before? As a general rule, I would not date a man who broke up with me. In the same vein, I would not date a guy I broke up with simply because once I break up with a guy, it’s generally because the relationship is irreparable unless the other party makes dramatic changes. However, the number of times people break up as well as the reasons behind the break up are important. Perhaps circumstances precipitated a break up. Or, one individual made the decision to go away for college only to return and rekindle the relationship.

  5. 5
    Jocelyn

    This is really great.  Lots of information that is already around but nobody pays attention.  I’m so glad to subscribe. Thank you Evans.

  6. 6
    Adrian

    The relationship advice or saying that just drives me CRAZY! Is you deserve!

     

    I hate hearing that so much! I believe we deserve to be treated human, but NO ONE deserves a good boyfriend/girlfriend or relationship.

     

    My dad once told me to choose a girl not based off of her looks but her character, and I shouldn’t date a girl who “only” dated me for my looks (Geez! Parents right! (^_^).  He said that people are born with their looks, they did not have to earn them or work to develop them; forgiveness, patience, kindness, and even learning to love yourself and put yourself first, without being selfish or making your partner feel unloved takes constant work.

     

    I have seen too many people of both genders who think they are the world’s greatest catch!

     

    Every time a relationship goes bad, it is always the other person’s fault. Their only wrong, was not seeing the other person’s flaws sooner. Runner ups for their failures in the relationships are: giving that person too many chances, and being too kind and giving.

    …   …   …

    Personally, I believe in worth not deserve. I feel that being worthy of a great woman or a great relationship requires me to work on my own character and flaws; my looks, and my financial stability.

     

    Not everyone who uses that phrase they deserve is this way, but from my observation, most people who say they deserve a great relationship, are either entitled or don’t see their poop also smells! They feel that they are fresh out the oven great dating material.

     

    Instead of always focusing on our sexual market value/rating, why don’t we start focusing on our being a relationship partner rating? As Evan said, dating is a skill, being a good partner is not something we are born with just because we have a good heart.

    1. 6.1
      Karmic Equation

      Right on, Adrian!

    2. 6.2
      Pol E Anna

      sorry Adrian i disagree. Everyone deserves the chance at a happy relationship. Just like everyone deserves the opportunity to pursue an education, a career they’re good at, etc. It’s what you do with those opportunities that makes the difference.

      I most certainly deserve the opportunity to find a good man, get married and have babies. If I’m a grade A money grubbing ball busting royal bitch I’ve squandered my opportunity haven’t I? See the difference?

      1. 6.2.1
        Joe

        What if you’ve already been given an opportunity and you missed it?  Too bad, so sad?

      2. 6.2.2
        Karmic Equation

        Pol E Anna,

        While everyone deserves the opportunity to pursue an education, career, etc., it doesn’t mean they deserve more a high-paying job. They have to earn that by passing the interview process and be found worthy by their employer to be hired.

        So Adrian is correct.

        Just because you have the qualifications (or believe you have the qualifications) for a particular job, for a particular relationship with a particular type of man/woman, doesn’t mean the job or man/woman you want is yours to have.

        The employer or the man/woman has to deem you worthy.

  7. 7
    Pol E Anna

    Pretty sure that’s what I just said.

    1. 7.1
      Karmic Equation

      Not really.

      You focused on the “opportunity” part.

      We’re focused on the “worthy” part, which you didn’t address at all.

      1. 7.1.1
        Pol E Anna

        “I most certainly deserve the opportunity to find a good man, get married and have babies. If I’m a grade A money grubbing ball busting royal bitch I’ve squandered my opportunity haven’t I? See the difference?”

        You must have skipped over that part.

        1. Karmic Equation

          I think there’s a nuance of difference between what you wrote and what I wrote.

          A money grubbing ball-busting bitch may have it in her to to HIDE those negative qualities long enough to get married to a good guy (according to DeeGee that’s what happened to him). So even though she was not worthy of a good man, she got to marry him any way. Opportunity was not squandered. She got what she wanted. However, she’s still a gold-digging ball-busting bitch.

          Now a worthy woman, kind, warm, funny, secure, is worthy of marriage to such a good man, but, let’s say she wanted to save sex for marriage, so the good men she meets don’t want to wait, so now even though she’s a worthy woman, she DID squander her opportunities.

          In this light, I would conclude that there are at least two ways for women to not get what they want:

          1) Be unworthy AND unable to hide her unworthiness long enough to get hitched. In other words, she can’t hide her bitchiness, so the men are smart enough not to propose to her.

          2) Be worthy but have criteria that drastically decrease her opportunities to meet eligible men for relationships. In other words, even though she’s worthy, she makes decisions that ultimately squander her opportunities.

          They’re two different things. The best results and the best relationships happen when the woman is BOTH worthy AND recognize her opportunities and able to take advantage of them.

          I would say the odds are better for the worthy woman to create and build a lasting relationship with a good man, than for the unworthy woman who used deception (e.g., hiding her bitchiness) to get what she wanted, because eventually the good guy will dump her, if he’s smart.

          So being unworthy and squandering opportunities aren’t really the same, because they can be mutually exclusive.

  8. 8
    Rebecca

    I wonder if all the advice that a relationship takes work is just people using a work EMK doesn’t share for “effort.”  The real question is where is the boundary between “effort” and “work.”  Since we all agree that you have to put something in to a relationship (friendship, romantic relationship, parenting, any of it) in order to maintain the relationship, the challenge for people who are overfunctioning is that they don’t know where the boundary is.  At what point is it “more trouble than it’s worth?”

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