On this week’s Love U Podcast, I offer my strong (and somewhat unique) take: if your relationship is a source of negativity, it’s not serving its purpose. Join me to learn why if you have to ask if you should leave, you probably have your answer already.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Email | RSS
Watch: YouTube
Enjoy the podcast? Please leave a short review on iTunes by clicking
He recently started referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend and it makes my heart sing. I really feel that we are moving towards the next level in our relationship and I continue to listen to “Why He Disappeared” on a weekly basis to keep myself grounded.
Regardless of how women want to go about finding the relationship they want and need, you are the one to help them find it... Thank you so much for everything!!
The result of giving up the search for “why” is losing the worry, the wringing of the hands, the wondering if he will call, and all the stress and sadness that goes with the worry.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
I really enjoyed this podcast! When i discuss your ideas with friends, most of the time they have an ‘aha moment’. The idea that hard work is different from effort is the one they struggle most with. I must say it took me a while to internalize the difference. Society largely tells us that relationships take compromise and hard work without adding the caveat that it must be a compromise that you are willing to make and that hard work in relationships is there to make up a high incompatibility. If i’m in a relationship with a dominant man, listening and empathising is gruelling. If i’m in a relationship with a more laidback man it suddenly becomes motivating and therefore easy. It’s taken me years to see the difference, but i now avoid hard work like the plague.
That’s why i think the second caller will probably find her relationship with the richer man hard work, even though he can take her around Europe. Exotic travel can become 24-hour hard work if we perceive our travel partner as needy and unstable.
I see the healthy work in relationships as dealing with “my” issues and the laborious work as dealing with “our” issues. Those of us who are not of the secure style will have to work on our own issues so as not to create “our” issues. I think it was on this site where there was a blurb to the effect that “the problem isn’t the problem; how you deal with the problem determines if there’s a problem.” The example of Evan’s wife suggesting that he do something for himself was a great positive and productive way of not creating an unnecessary problem. Some people would take their partner’s situation personally when they shouldn’t, thereby creating a problem, and not doing that is the kind of work they need to engage in. It doesn’t mean there is a problem with the relationship. It means they have personal development work to do to become a more secure person, if only they can see it as an opportunity for their own development (and most don’t).
I agree, ScottH. I liked the way Evan’s wife handled that as well. A super sensitive person that takes everything personally wouldn’t have handled it properly, which would’ve compounded the situation. Instead of your spouse noticing that you’re irritable and suggesting something fun, now you have to reassure and comfort your spouse on top of still being frustrated and irritable. Ask me how I know. Lol.