Sexclusivity: Why Women Should Make Men Wait for Sex

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Holding out for sex is not about holding out until marriage, tricking him into a relationship or trying to keep him around. On the contrary, it’s about taking enough time to assess whether your guy is truly boyfriend-worthy rather than sex-worthy. Tune in to this important Love U Podcast to ensure you never get “used” by a man for sex ever again.

More on why women should make men wait for sex.


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Comments:

  1. 21
    Stacy

    @Sum Guy,

    A woman wanting to wait until she knows the guy better has nothing to do with how high her sex drive is. Personally, I have a ridiculously high sex drive but I am very discriminate on who I have sex with for a variety of reasons. And no one is saying men don’t fall for women they have sex with and can’t end up getting hurt. What I am saying is, on average, a woman tends to have more to EMOTIONALLY lose when having sex too quickly.

    And yes, I CAN paint a broad brush that   men (high value or not – whatever that means to you) tend to be fine with non committal sex in general (and sex does not make them more bonded to a woman) while the AVERAGE woman enjoys sex in the form of commitment . Usually if a woman says otherwise, it is because she has learned to do so for various reasons.   And bonding through sex is not only reserved for a certain kind of people but I digress.   Of course there are women who have and enjoy non committal casual sex on the regular but it is RARE.   And you are right, it does not mean she is low value. I never said this. Again, there are always exceptions to the rule  but that is just the way it is. That’s why women buy up all the relationship books about how to make relationships work and how to keep a man and would be seen more often than not on a blog like Evan’s.   Men and women are different and we need to accept that sex tends to be viewed differently as a result.

    1. 21.1
      Sum Guy

      Well I do think speaking in general is a  broad  brush even if applicable to 80 or 90% of the people out there.   I don’t disagree that the average  man is fine  with non-committal sex and that the average woman enjoys sex more in the form  of a commitment.   Wanting it in the form of a commitment is not the same as bonding, far from it.   I agree strongly that if commitment is something that makes sex meaningful then having sex outside a commitment is an big emotional risk.

      That kind of emotional hurt arises just as easily from a lack of feeling secure, more so, than feeling a bond with the other person.

      I never meant to say people with high sex drives are indiscriminant.   In fact, my experience is the opposite (for myself, the women I have dated, and people I’ve known).    IME in general people with high drives, who are secure in themselves, are very discriminating.

      Clearly bonding is reserved for no one, but I believe some people place a greater value on it, or even know how to attain it, than others.

      I do also focus on what I term high value relationship material, because isn’t that what people want?   In particular, there is plenty of great advice on how to weed out those who are not high value but if taken whole sale ends up throwing the baby out with the bath water.   That is, it can just as well accidentally weed out the good ones as well.

      So what do I mean by high value?   I mean a person is interested in a companion and partner in life, who treats their loved ones with respect, caring and supports them when they are down, a person who is secure and not jealous of their partner having other interests, a person who communicates, and when disagreement inevitably arises fights fair.   Moreover, a person who is emotionally resilient, strong of heart, and who is aware  of what they need, what they desire, and knows the difference between the two, and most importantly,  knows what achieves these needs and wants for them.   Basically if you are a man everything in the poem IF. 🙂

      You add in the financial  resources, looks, and intellect you want.      Those with the above, and looks and smarts and financial resources  you want are the high value ones out there.

      Well Evan’s blog is for women after all.   There are blogs dedicated to how men can keep women happy.   Your probably right though that women buy more relationship books, but probably also more self-help, diet, and other books that guide you on how to live.   Not sure if it is sex based or just cultural-gender based, but for all practical purposes the same thing.

       

  2. 22
    John

    Firstly, I am a traditional guy. I like the idea of sexclusivity. I like to get to know a woman first before we have intercourse. I don’t care if others want to have sex on the first date. If a woman offers sex on the first date, I don’t see it as a positive thing. I’ve read the comments here saying the a woman sleeping with a man early on is somehow being “liberated” from the shackles of the 1950s. We are talking about waiting until you are exclusive, not married. I don’t feel like taking the risks of casual sex with a woman I don’t know. Maybe I see it this way because I get a lot of attention from women and I’m not desperate for sex. I think why I’d rather wait is because I want a LTR. There are real social and biological implications of having sex right off the bat. I think this lines up with Evan’s theory of 2-2-2. The idea is to build rapport with a woman. I don’t see sex on the second date as taking time to build trust or rapport. There are things in life that just work better and make sense. Sexclusivity in one of them.

  3. 23
    Esther Isiaka

    I must say I haven’t heard of a more better way to date and be safe in this era of HIT AND RUN. Relationships lately seem to me as cases of hit and run, whereby the one who gives in first stays heart broken.

  4. 24
    Kyra

    I think this practice is wonderful in theory, but in eleven   years single I have never had a man contact me again if I do have sex with them on a first or second date.

    Now, I do have 42EE breasts and a large butt and I realize my body sends communication(s) to men that are opposite of what I am seeking. Men initiate datig me with wrong sexual intention and are hoping to “see and experience the goods.” They don’t have much more on their minds when dating me.

    I’d love to have a boyfriend who loves and cares for me to have wonderful sex with. I just don’t see that happening because… see the first line of this comment.

     

     

     

    1. 24.1
      Kyra

      Correction to above:   I think this practice is wonderful in theory, but in eleven   years single I have never had a man contact me again if I do not have sex with them on a first or second date

    2. 24.2
      D_M

      Kyra,

      Have you actively engaged Evan on what might be going on in your particular case? Based on your assessment, your assets brings all the boys to the yard, so it seems a little odd that they would depart after two dates.

  5. 25
    dandy

    Even if a woman waits until after he’s her boyfriend, she still needs to think about consequences (surprise pregnancy due to failed BC, STD, etc).   If you make him wait 3 months and then end up pregnant, then what?   how well do you really know this guy after a couple of months?   Do you want to be tied down to this guy for 18 years if you keep the baby? Sure there’s always abortion and adoption but those are not easy ways out and have lasting consequences also.   There’s a very small chance the guy is going to stick around in the event of an unplanned pregnancy, regardless of what the woman decides to do.

  6. 26
    loubelle

    I made my ex wait for 6 month. It wasnt worth the wait to be brutally honest. He suffered with E.D (probably from his other relationships being abusive, so he says) I think he just thought i was a good thing, no sexual pressure, him not having to prove himself because of his E.D because i was easy going. I was used because he knows alot of women going into a new relationship would probably weigh situation up with the E.D, him living back home with his parents, his need to be cared for and his neediness and most would not stick around, he knew i was a stayer and compassionate about the situation. He used the situation to make himself feel good, solely. I was his counsellor and support system until he got his E.D sorted, i have a feeling if he did not have E.D he wouldnt have persued a relationship with me. I would still wait when i meet someone else, however if there are any of these issues involved i just wouldnt i would walk away. I stayed around for 5 year without a regular sex life and without intimacy and when he started to get back on his feet, i was surplus to requirements.   The waiting rule didnt serve me on this occasion.

  7. 27
    Mia

    Met Brian and the first date was great, he followed up quickly that same night then texted me two days after to ask for second date. It was great also! He always waited a day in between to text bc of his job so I was understanding plus he wasn’t even my bc yet. Date 3 was amazing n we did the deeds. He planned date 4 & 5 that night. Out of nowhere a few days later he texted me to say things were moving too fast for him n he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Yeah it sucks. I never initiated contact with him n all I said was ‘you’re right, we moved too fast. Best of luck’ n left it at that. He did use me but I wasn’t going to give him the power or even be mad bc I shouldn’t have moved that fast myself

  8. 28
    Terrie

    Hello! Very sad to read these comments. Unfortunately, the much bigger question with men is their lack of character, integrity and honesty. I’ve lived in many other cities across the country and mostly, men were honorable, trustworthy gentleman. Is this a California problem? A lack of values and integrity?

    1. 28.1
      Lynx

      Whoa, Terrie ~ sale on broad brushes at the stereotype store!! I lived in CA for 30+ years and most men I’ve known there are honorable and trustworthy — my high school boyfriend included, a guy I’m still good friends with.    It always surprises me when women are so harsh about men’s character. Sure, there are a few jerks, but they’re far outnumbered by good guys — same with women, most are great, some are horrible.  

      1. 28.1.1
        Terrie

        I’m not stereotyping, it’s just a question to ponder. Southern California has a very different culture than the rest of the country.   I know hundreds of women that feel that way. If you’ve bern ghosted on any level, consider it a blessing. Any man or woman that does this lacks integrity and certainly is not trustworthy or deserving of your beautiful heart.

        1. Lynx

          I attended college in San Diego and  still managed to meet good guys despite that most were fraternity bros! A point that EMK makes over and over is that women should just believe what a man says/does — most jerks make themselves known by their words and/or actions. Many women (myself included) overthink and overanalyze men. Most of the guys I know are pretty simple and straightforward, if you’re paying attention. But, I’m open to being wrong. Maybe I’ve just been lucky.  

  9. 29
    Kai

    I try to understand this way women think and how they associate sex with a relationship. Or why this seems to be so complicated. And I am a female as well. I definitely don’t know everything about men but I’ve learned early on in my early early 20s how they work. So I just started being more like then. Thinking sex is just sex unless we both say differently. I’ve done it with men where I saw no future with and ones were we toyed with the idea but had sex, put each other in the friend zone, stopped talking, thought about a relationship and ultimately ended in me walking away. I’ve learned that my nonchalant attitude leaves them missing me and wanting me more. Maybe it is the sex, they get hooked and want more. I’m that girl that doesn’t get attached and is emotional unavailable unless I allow myself to be. And 8 times out of 10 it never happens.   Now that I’m in my late 20s, 29 to be exact an old flame of mines has come back into my life. We caught up with each other and things have progressed to something more. I guess he kind of wished things could have moved in a different direction back then. But like he always says we were both in different times of our lives. We live thousands of miles from each other which helps with the whole no sex thing but our conversations have gone there within the second month of talking. He planned on meeting up with me in another 4 months while I was in another state. But I guess his want of seeing me made him want to come visit me in my state prior to that. Dates were planned but then work got in the way so I opted to come visit him towards the end of his work trip. So that plan is in motion. Theres a lot of fuss with family and friends about this because they believe Im chasing him. That I’m pursuing him instead of him pursuing me. I honestly wish I never said anything but trying to be a responsible parent I felt the need to let them know for the sake of my daughter. I’ve explained to them that he’s paying my way to and from there and whatever else.   I understand where it’s coming from but can’t say that’s exactly what I’m doing or what we’re doing. We haven’t put a title on anything. And it’s been 8 years since we saw each other. Now that I’m in a situation we’re someone is really pursuing me I’m not sure how to be. I know we’ll have sex, there’s no doubt. But I’m like should I question what we’re doing as two individuals. He’s made hints of something long distance, sticking around, and glad our situation are different now. I know men are wired differently but to me they’re just like us. They have feelings that get hurt just like ours. They like to be desired just as much. I said I wasn’t going to put any pressure right now because I just want to take things slow and see if I still feel the same way in person. I know how he feels and he knows how I feel. I’ve made it clear as well as him that if things don’t work that’s just that. I’ll be grateful for the time spent with each other as I was years ago. Finger crossed.

    1. 29.1
      Lynx

      If I understand correctly:  (1) You believe sex is just sex unless you both say differently, (2) You are planning a trip to visit an old flame who lives far away, (3) You will have sex with him, and the two of you haven’t yet “put a title on anything”. Thus, by your own belief system, this is just sex.    The rest of the details don’t matter: how long you’ve known one another, what he wanted back then, who is paying for the trip, what he’s hinted at, what your family thinks about your behavior, that you’re a mom.    At this point, you are traveling to have sex with a guy, nothing more, nothing less, until the two of you mutually and explicitly agree it’s something more.    

    2. 29.2
      Kai

      Well I guess thank you for putting it in that perspective. I guess I didn’t look at it that way. Sometimes I can be oblivious to these type of things. I’ve been contemplating having an in dept conversation but keep telling myself not to maybe to avoid ruining whatever moment we’re in.

  10. 30
    Tanya

    This was awesome

    Please do one on confidence

  11. 31
    dean

    after some consideration on this blog, i think that there are some flaws in the dating advice.

    firstly , making the guy wait for sex-while she AND/or he are already having sex with other people WHILE are dating each other-in of itself sets a bad pretext for later if/when you DO commit to each other for monogamous relationship. i can only see that as placing a future bomb under a marriage.

    speaking for my own conservative self, to get a really good life partner, going without sex with each other(nor anybody else) for a few months for BOTH of us is NOT going to kill either of us.

    however-ain’t no way she can expect me to hold off on all sex while she beds other guys -as totally unreasonable and grossly unfair to me. no man should accept that BS from a woman. quite frankly ,any woman doing that hypocrisy will just end up abusing her sexual power over her future husband and cheat heartlessly on him.

    secondly , there was nothing mentioned on critical things to do WHILE waiting those few first months-such as meeting each others family , friends, coworkers and other “friends”,if you get my implication.

    i certainly want to get a general view on what her past life has been , such as whether she had a history of sleeping around casually or had cheated on a committed partner,for example.

    i sure as hell wouldn’t wait months for someone who handed herself out   freely to guys she didn’t even know.actually i wouldn’t want her at all when i could be investing wiser time with much smarter women

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