The Tao of Dating – an Interview With Dr. Ali Binazir

episode 94 The Tao of Dating an Interview with Dr. Ali Binazir

I’m not the only guy who gives dating advice to smart, strong, successful women. In fact, my good friend, Dr. Ali Binazir, is the author of an incredible book called The Tao of Dating. And when I say “incredible,” I mean, I kind of wish I wrote it. Anyway, join me for today’s Love U Podcast with Ali, who is one helluva smart and interesting interview.


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  1. 1

    I really enjoyed this podcast with Ali Binazir, Evan.   I came across his blog a couple of years ago, and his description of a choice-worthy relationship as a “positive feedback loop” that supports each person’s growth has really stuck with me. I kind of thought I knew what he was going to say, but there were many things I ended up seeing in a new light, including:

    Paraphrase: “Our brains are not designed for happiness, but for survival and reproductive success. So relying solely on the way our brains function is unlikely to lead effectively to happiness.”

    “Does this person help me give my gift to the world?”

    “Dating apps are rearranging your brain in a way that’s not good for you. It’s like slot machines.”

    And my favorite (because “receptivity” is my field of inquiry, and his observation is both my personal experience and my professional aspiration): “The extreme manifestation of any trait becomes its opposite. So if you become really, really good at this feminine energy – receptivity – you actually are leading.”

    Good stuff. I only wish you two had gone at it over your different opinions about online dating. That might have been fun and informative. Thanks for this interview!

    1. 1.1

      So if you become really, really good at this feminine energy — receptivity — you actually are leading.”

      Huh.   I think I am like that.   But I never thought of it as actually leading. It’s like a behind-the-scenes kind of thing. I like looking back and thinking at work, “that was really my idea” but no one really acknowledges that. We all know.   And it’s supposed to be bad if you aren’t the one in the front and getting the credit.

      I just think, “as long as it gets done then I’m happy.”   This type of leadership isn’t really valued in my world at all, except in dating.

  2. 2

    “Dating is kind of like breathing.   It’s not optional.”

    It can be great.   But since it takes time, it is optional.   Sometimes it’s better to take a break to keep that joie de vivre Dr. Binazir describes.

    I agree in part about receptiveness, just how he said it somehow sounded odd to me in my experience.   I don’t always feel powerful being receptive. It’s restful sometimes but I can only be that way in a situation where there is a lot of trust, trust that someone else really will lead and won’t call on me in a vulnerable moment to decide something when I’m not ready.   The power is more in creating a relationship built on trust and where you can be your authentic self whatever that is.

    I love being a woman, but sometimes I think the things men value in me are things I don’t really care as much about developing. I was always a girly girl, but I don’t always want to be a girly girl on the outside.   I value it, but it’s I don’t know.   It’s only who I am 50% of the time. I might have leaned more into my femininity if the world didn’t call on masculine traits so frequently–paying taxes, working, IRA, etc.   It’s hard to shift between the modes sometimes.   
    I have no interest in doctors, CEOs, lawyer, etc.   But there is a middle ground somewhere between that and the unemployed, the artists, those who are more free-spirited. Middle ground is where I am.

    Really enjoying one’s femininity and the polarity between yin and yang is “worth trying” though, LOL. 😊 Let’s see what happens . . .


  3. 3

    Fantastic podcast!! Two awesome men, top notch wisdom!!! Thank you so much to both!! 🙂

  4. 4

    In listening to the podcast I find that the first part of your discussion contradicts the second. Where you labeled drs lawyers and ceos as successful people. I believe that being a successful person has little to do with occupation., and everything to do with character.

  5. 5

    Let’s see what happens 🙂

  6. 6

    I really liked what Ali had to say around the 30 minute mark about what it looks like to date in feminine energy.

  7. 7

    Become a great listener, you say. Ha! I am a great listener, and what happens? Men talk my ear off, don’t ask questions about me, aren’t active listeners. They exhaust me through constantly talking, and never listening. And I run away. I don’t think so. Men have a lot of work to do in the listening department. Most women are good listeners.

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