The 2 Things You Must Stop Doing To Meet Your Soulmate This Year


Have you ever felt that dating is a big, ol’ waste of time? After years on and off dating sites, swiping through thousands of men, and the endless revolving door of losers, players, and flakes, you conclude that being single is much easier. So you remain single. Indefinitely. Listen to this Love U Podcast to learn how to take control of your love life instead of doing the same thing, over and over, expecting different results.

Watch: YouTube

Enjoy the Love U Podcast? Please leave a short review on Apple Podcasts.

Hey, this is Evan Marc Katz. Dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. 

In my signature course, Love U, I explain in great painstaking detail exactly how you should be dating if you want to meet Mr. Right in the next six months. 

But before you worry about enrolling in Love U, let’s talk about the two things that you must stop doing to meet your soulmate this year. 

These are the two most common paths that women take that not only leads you further away from your goal, but actually make you think that your goal isn’t even obtainable. So stick with me here. I got metaphors for you… so many metaphors. 

Imagine there’s two treadmills and you know what a treadmill is. You’re working really hard. You’re not actually getting anywhere. That’s what it feels like to be on one of these two dating treadmills. There’s a single treadmill and a dating treadmill. They both are terrible ideas. But because neither of them actually gets you to your destination, you’re just moving in place and getting really tired with the process.

So imagine the single treadmill. And if you’re a smart, strong, successful woman, you’re familiar with this. Maybe you’ve been hurt by too many men. Maybe you’ve dated for too long and gotten jaded or bitter. Maybe you wonder what’s the purpose of all of this? Everybody’s a loser. Every guy is looking for sex. Whatever story you tell yourself about dating. You convince yourself that, hey, the one thing I do well, the one thing I can control is how I do at work. So you sink your time and energy into work. And, you are working 50 hours a week and in between your 50 hours a week and your commute, you go to the gym, you take your yoga class, you plant international vacations, you have cultural events and girlfriends and wine night and book club. It’s a great life. Like objectively, no one’s criticizing the life you’ve built up as a single woman, but recognize that life as a single woman is what you have to do while you don’t have a guy. 

But it also becomes a distraction. You become so content with this life, so afraid of putting yourself back out there and potentially being vulnerable and being hurt, that you leave out the thing that is the most important thing in the world, which is to find love. Right? It becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy. And so you create a false binary choice between happily single, which is good that you are, and unhappily dating or miserable in a relationship. And you forget there’s something in between the two. 

It’s happily married and you’re not on the path to a happy marriage. And you’re definitely not dating because dating sucks. 

So where does that leave you? perpetually single? Convincing yourself that you’re content and recognizing or sweeping under the rug that in your heart of hearts you actually do want to fall in love. You do want to get married. You do want to start a family. You do want to have a connection. You want to have someone who listens to you at the end of a hard day, someone who makes you laugh when you’re doing nothing but Netflix. You want that, but your life is not built for it because you’re so busy doing other things that you don’t create the room for dating. I call that the single treadmill. 

Then there’s the dating treadmill. Probably equally familiar with that. If you’re not in the single treadmill, you’re probably on the dating treadmill. 

The dating treadmill is probably what you’re doing when you’re dating, which is it feels like just this shit-show crapshoot going on dating apps, texting endlessly with losers, flakes, liars, perverts, and players. Meeting strangers for a blind first date, hooking up with guys that you like who aren’t that into you, who don’t want to commit who keep themselves active on profiles and communicate exclusively by text. The only people who seem interested in you are guys that you don’t like. You’re familiar with that? Yeah, I thought so. So that is the dating treadmill. 

This is just the Wild West.

It’s I have no control over this. This is just the Wild West. Everybody seems worse than the next person. And most of your communication is based on looks, which is all apps are looks based. Text, which is the lowest form of communication to get to know someone. And you wonder, why am I so dissatisfied with this? It seems like just a big old waste of time. And it is, if you’re dating that way, primarily app-based, text-based, and wondering where all the good guys are. 

So it’s two separate treadmills that most women spend their whole life on. The single treadmill, which convinces you don’t want a guy. Because finding a guy is too hard. Or I tried to date a treadmill and I hated it. But the only way to find a guy is to do it that way. And that’s not true either. 

The actual way to date successfully is described in the Meeting Men And Dating modules of Love U which has helped thousands of women like you get the relationship of their dreams. I want you to click below to learn more about it. 

And if you enjoyed this video and at least gave you pause for thought about whether you’re on the single treadmill going nowhere or the dating treadmill going nowhere, please stick with me, click subscribe, stay tuned for more great videos and Love U podcasts that will help you understand men and find the love you deserve. Thanks a lot. 

  1. Download my free special report, The 8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
  2. Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U.


Join our conversation (8 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    What resonated for me here was your description of the way our compensatory mechanisms sometimes block us from obtaining that for which they were compensating. What I mean is, in Evan’s example, a woman becomes frustrated with dating and so throws everything into her work. Her work becomes her compensation for a lack of home-life. And the fact that she is now so busy with her work actively PREVENTS her from focusing more on dating, which might improve her home life. It’s insidious. And it exists in more than just this domain.

    Sometimes our compensations satisfy us just enough. Not enough to be truly happy, but to be happy enough when we’re engaged with them to ignore our larger happiness. And we think that the way to be happier is to engage even more with the compensation…..when in fact, the healthiest thing of all would be to recognize the compensation for what it is, and limit it to its appropriate place in our lives…so we can focus on what it is that will truly make us happy. Whatever that may be.

  2. 2

    I agree that there are many women who throw everything she has into her work to compensate for a lack of a romantic life, or because she’s unhappy with the romantic life she has. But what if, by dedicating herself entirely to her job, she discovers she’s happier being single than she would be if she was in a romantic relationship?

    Even if the relationship was enjoyable?

    More and more women in Japan are single and they seem to be quite happy with their lot in life and aren’t looking to change it anytime soon. Maybe if the right guy comes along.

    ”More Japanese women nowadays defy long standing social norms of domestic responsibilities by choosing to remain single and place their personal priorities as the focus of their lives. Similar to their Western sisters, more unmarried Japanese women choose to allocate their time, energy and passion differently by pursuing their personal hobbies, interests, such as sports, cooking, dancing, etc. as well as domestic and international traveling. ”

    Yes, in the states there are many women who are highly successful at their careers but don’t have the same level of success in their private lives, and that brings them down, emotionally, but at the same time there’s lots of women who aren’t interested in a boyfriend, or in a husband, or in having children, and yet society seems to expect those women to get married and to have kids, and that is only going to result in unhappiness.

    Anyway, either way it’s a complicated subject and it has to be tailored to each individual woman and what she is looking for.

    1. 2.1

      Lots of good points. Yep, each of us has different goals and one size does not fit all nor is ones situation static.We all have times in our lives when focusing on something other than finding a partner is the most sensible and prudent course. If anyone, male or female, finds they like their work or something else more than family life, they are better off staying single. I’m sufficiently into my dotage to have experienced tremendous pressure to do the family thing at a time when I really wanted an education, ironically by parents who hated their marriage. I did eventually marry a much older fellow academic who was glad I didn’t want kids. I actually was a de facto parent to a brother and knew from experience I had little aptitude for it. Not all of us have biological clock syndrome. I asked my thrice-divorced father WHY he chose to get married and have kids when he too was obviously disinclined to parent. He said “It’s what you’re supposed to do and he needed to settle down”. In the old times, within the tribes, there were both men and women that forewent family roles. They were inclined to be medicine persons or some similar role. It was understood that they served their communities far better being who they were meant to be. During this pandemic, the ones I really feel sorry for are those kids stuck in dysfunctional families with no way to escape the situation.

  3. 3
    In Hiding

    The idea of getting involved gives me anxiety. Even going on a date gives me anxiety.

    1. 3.1

      In Hiding

      Anxiety and fear don’t matter, all that matters is action no matter what you feel.
      And before anyone says that’s not as easy as it sounds, easiness and hardness don’t matter.

      1. 3.1.1
        In Hiding


        Not necessarily. If the idea of growing old without an SO doesn’t worry someone, but getting involved does, that may lead someone not to try. The comfort is very seductive, even if it’s not the ideal situation.

        1. Bbq

          In Hiding

          That’s not gonna help anyone snare a man.

        2. In Hiding


          Not everything is about snaring a man.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *