Choose Your Own Hot Blog Topic – Must-Read Special Edition – Part 1 of 2

My wife and I had a few guests over last night. Over a bottle of wine, we got into a really interesting discussion of changing gender roles, money, evolutionary biology, and societal mores. I know. Very hot.

But that got me to thinking: if you were at my home, what would YOU have contributed to that conversation? Better yet – forget about MY conversation…

I’m not looking for fair and balanced. I want to know what your viewpoint is.

Below, in the comments section, I’d like you to simply choose a TOPIC about which you’re passionate – in regards to dating, relationships and sex.

More specifically, I’d like you to take a SIDE on this topic:

  • Why men should always pay for women on the first date.
  • Why women shouldn’t have sex until they are in a relationship.
  • Why monogamy is the foundation upon which we build our society.

Remember, this is YOUR angle on YOUR topic. I’m not looking for fair and balanced. I want to know what your viewpoint is. Do not write a paragraph on it. Do not compose a dissertation. I literally just want you to write a one sentence angle on a topic that, if you had a bottle of wine, you could passionately discuss all night.

Next week, I’m going to have a contest based on all of your answers, in which I’d like you all to participate. Winner will get a gift from yours truly, to be determined.

So please, think about your take on a passionate relationship topic and write it in the comments section below.

Talk to you next week,


Join our conversation (103 Comments).
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  1. 61

    Janet @ 60, Thank you for your kind words! I will look for the book.

  2. 62

    The instituition of Marriage should be allowed to perstist.

    What we should abolish is weddings and diamond engagement rings.

  3. 63

    #60, Janet-

    Actually, yeah, it’s only very recently that marriage has been associated with romance and love- for the past few- oh, I don’t know: centuries- it was basically a business agreement between a man and woman based on external factors like class, age, income, etc. i.e. man provides house and money, and fertile woman provides children and good cooking. It was understood that this was pretty much the point of marriage- to further the bloodline and build your assets. I think those who tied the knot for true burning love were in the minority.

    I know many people have a poor view on the human race, but I think the fact that love and companionship have become larger factors in seeking partners shows that evolution is happening. 🙂

  4. 64

    I’m making a note of that book also Janet. From what you’ve written about it, I believe I’d find it quite interesting.

  5. 65

    If a man is really interested in a woman, he will ask her out.
    If he does not ask her out, it is not that he is not interested at all – he is just not interested enough (to make the effort, risk rejection etc.).

  6. 66

    Relationships, when you are with the right person, are not ‘hard’.

  7. 67

    Selena #10 Thanks! I think it’s so key and the crazy thing is most of us aren’t even aware of it.

  8. 68


    I gotta agree with you on #66 also. Good relationships are not ‘hard’ – bad relationships are what’s hard. 😉

  9. 69

    If you believe that relationships take work, then you’re in the wrong relationship.

  10. 70

    Sometimes its a fine line between accepting people as they are and accepting “crumbs”/crappy behavior.

  11. 71

    I think we need to define “hard” and “work.”

    Relationships do not maintain themselves.

    Not putting work into a relationship is the same thing as taking the other person for granted.

  12. 72

    Honey #71

    Yes, I’m finding it hard to believe that my friends who have been in good marriages/relationships for 15-20 years or more would say that they’ve never had to “work hard” at maintaining their relationships or resolving problems at some point.

  13. 73

    Being buried under 2 feet of snow is not the best time to be dating.

  14. 74


    I think Honey’s view makes sense here- I always thought relationships were compared to gardens, right?

  15. 75

    Topic/Assertion: Women should never call men.
    My take: Trust your gut – if the thing is meant to be, the woman will KNOW the man will call, or, conversely, will call him herself without giving it a second thought.
    Even shorter summary: If you’re worrying about it, it is probably a problem.

  16. 76

    #71 Honey- I agree that relationships need maintenance and attention on a regular basis, but that it’s not hard.
    Kinda like hygiene- you gotta bathe, brush your teeth, floss, wash/comb your hair etc. on a regular basis, it can take a lot of time, it’s necessary to function properly, but I would argue that none of it is hard.

  17. 77

    I think if we were taught more about how to maintain healthy relationships when we were younger, we would view it as a given just like brushing our teeth, instead of this mysterious all-encompassing thing that is so difficult to do.

  18. 78

    @Jennifer, #76 – I just think we need to define hard, which I equate with putting effort in, but perhaps when other people say hard they mean constantly overlooking fundamental incompatibilities?

    Also, hard decisions come up, but IMO that is different from the relationship being hard.

  19. 79

    Honey #71- “Not putting work into a relationship is the same thing as taking the other person for granted.” – Glad to see someone put this into words and have it make sense. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the winning topic.

    Steve #73- “Being buried under 2 feet of snow is not the best time to be dating.”- hahaha! But you need someone to keep you warm! =D

  20. 80

    I’m in a relationship that takes no work at all. I know it’s not the norm. We do not take each other for granted. Quite the contrary. We have a passionate love and respect for each other, and that informs our every interaction with each other.
    My relationship with my parents and siblings don’t take work. I’m very blessed that I’ve found someone who makes it so easy to be married. And happily so.

  21. 81

    A woman’s upbringing makes her worse prepared to choose a life partner than a man’s upbringing makes him.

  22. 82

    @Sas – so you are saying that you do not make time in your schedule for him, you do not remember birthdays and anniversaries, take thoughtful actions that you know he will appreciate, thank him when he does the same? That’s my definition of work.

  23. 83

    1. Men live, love, long for, and exist happily…for the chase. Yes – it IS all about the thrill of the hunt. Fresh out of the cave men are. Right Tiger?

  24. 84

    I can’t speak for everyone- but I think a lot of people associate ‘work’ with ‘not fun.’ I would think remembering b-days, thanking people, etc. don’t really constitute ‘work’ when you love someone- e.g, I always get excited about people’s b-days, and put thought into getting their gifts, wrapping them, etc. I wouldn’t call it ‘work’ because I enjoy making the people I love feel good.

    Again, I’m not sure what people are defining as ‘work- but maybe they’re thinking about relationships that are very-conflict driven- i.e, the ‘work’ consists of having to walk around eggshells around the other person, constant fighting, etc. Of course, these are the signs of a withering relationship, imho.

    So, I guess we only know what the other posters mean by work if they actually define it.

  25. 85

    This is why I said it should be defined. For me, the definition of work is, “things that do not happen by themselves.” Which is, pretty much, everything.

    I would argue that good relationships are not emotionally exhausting and do not require that you make sacrifices that make you permanently unhappy, which is what I think others mean by “work.”

  26. 86

    Why men should always pay for women on the first date.
    Because it sets the initial place and dynamic of the relationship. Men want to be the dominator and if we can let them be that in this one small way (and get to feel like a princess for a moment) it might satisfy the need for larger gender differences.
    Why women shouldn’t have sex until they are in a relationship.
    Why buy the cow? It’s that simple. Men will put forth the effort that you allow them to. If you set the bar low that’s exactly where they’ll aim. If you set the bar high, the ones that are worthwhile will aim there. If we all stick together on this (women) it will change the ability for men to just get sex without commitment in return.
    Why monogamy is the foundation upon which we build our society.
    I think it’s human nature to want to bond with one other person.

  27. 87

    I’m with Sayanta on this one. Remembering special dates, saying thank you for thoughtful behavior, and just being thoughtful in general is just being part of a relationship. I’d say work is going above and beyond this. It might entail walking on eggshells or having some more serious sacrifices, or trying to find a way around potential dealbreaker issues.

  28. 88

    @ Sayanta and A-L –
    I’d agree with you both, BUT – those types of things tend to drop off the longer you are with someone (at least a lot of the time). I keep doing things like that in my current relationship, but I have to remember now instead of it oozing out of my pores 24 hours a day like it did in the beginning.

  29. 89

    And I think that going “above and beyond” every once in awhile is easy. It is the small things you do every day that are hard work.

  30. 90

    Sex is not milk. I do not go out with cows. I go out with women I can have sex with.

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