Do The Ugly Face Unfair Discrimination?


I read this blog about a recent movement to stop “discrimination against the ugly” and found it fascinating.

It makes a reasonable point. There are protections for discrimination against gays, blacks, and women, so why should we still be allowed to exercise bias against the unfortunately asymmetrical people out there?

Your gut may say that women are judged unfairly for their looks, but that wouldn’t be the entire story. Says a related New York Post article: “Men, in fact, suffer the greater repulsiveness penalty in general: Unattractive women earn 3 percent less than average-looking women, while unattractive men’s take-home is reduced a whopping 22 percent.”

The question I have for you is whether you feel that you’re judgmental of others based on looks, age, height, weight, education, or income… and, just as importantly…have you been judged negatively for one of those other characteristics?

Your comments, as always, are appreciated.

Join our conversation (69 Comments).
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  1. 41
    saint stephen

    @Ms Maz #37
    You sound like the type of woman i’ll love to date, too bad your boyfriend beat me to it.
    I’m good looking and do always get compliments from ladies, but what i hate is ladies who like or love me because of my looks, because they are superficial and would bail, should anything happen to impair my looks, (like accident).  

    I’m also not interested in good looks when dating, i just want a lady that is hard working, smart, intelligent and witty…. i have a great sense of humor and i like laughing a lot…. but i still have a problem finding a lady that is hilarious as i am….. ladies just always want a funny guy that could make them laugh but they don’t like reciprocating…. i guess they always want to be the one entertained.

  2. 42
    saint stephen

    Why don’t you turn bisexual? that could increase your dating pool….. just a suggestion.

  3. 43
    Ned Boerm

    “The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.” ~ ” Jiddu Krishnamurti

  4. 44

    I like how some people throw in, oh yeah exercise. Some people who are heavy battle mental issues, and when someone who they find attractive cuts them down and humiliates them in public it can be  devastating. Food to a fat person is alcohol to an alcoholic, and yet they’re not discriminated against nearly as much as a fat person.

    I try not to discriminate, and yet I do. It’s not against ugly as far as the physical appearance, but their inner attitude a person has. I don’t want to associate with people who put themselves on a higher pedestal.  

    I, by the way do not want  sympathy  because I suffer from depression and battle my weight daily. I’m just pointing out one contributing factor.

    In the end all I can say is each and every one of us is different and what may be ugly to one may be beautiful to another. We have plenty of enemies in the world, best we pamper ourselves and love ourselves fully.

  5. 45

    Match com discriminated me because they said they do not want deaf and hard of hearing. They said, deaf and hard of hearing are not welcome. What are the rules and the statutes and constitution of this country, United States. Have the gay dating sites the right to discriminate me because I am deaf and hard of hearing? Is it right or lawful to do this? What are my rights as a hard of hearing that I have faced discrimination from

  6. 46

    I am concerned that if sites does not want me because I am hard of hearing. Let me know. Next time, I will not join anymore. I know the kind of this country that is United States. Thank you.

  7. 47

    I’m ugly AND wear hearing aids, which is a double whammy.   Women say they can look past that, but their actions speak louder than words.   I’ve never known what it’s like to hold a woman’s hand.   I’ve never known what it’s like to hear the works “I love you” by anyone other than a family member.   I’ve never known what it’s like to have someone I am attracted to, also attracted to me.   I never had my first kiss….and I’m in my mid f*cking 30s!!!!!!!!   Those who have a reasonable expectation of finding love and affection in their lives simply lack the perspective and life experience to even BEGIN to comprehend just how hurtful that is!   My self esteem has been shot to pieces.
    I was always able to make and keep female friends very easily, so I know for certain my personality is not the reason.   Attraction is, at its core, physical, and if that piece is missing, the best you will ever be is a friend.   After 30 years of searching for an answer to why I experience such extreme difficulty in finding a partner, I have realized and accepted the reality that my looks are the primary problem.   That is a very hard thing to accept, but the evidence was all around me.  
    As such, I’ve worked 7 days a week for the past 3 years, allotting only $225 a week to live on and saving the rest for extensive plastic surgery. steroids and speech therapy. If this does not improve my dating life after a few more years, I am going to end it all because I absolutely, adamantly refuse to live like this any longer.   A life without any hope of finding love is a life not worth living and people with a “normal’ physical appearance simply cannot understand that.

  8. 48

    I   truly sympathize with your plight, and hopefully the speech therapy and surgery will help your situation. But I want to submit to you that maybe you are shooting too high in the types of girls you are approaching. I’ve seen this a lot in guys that complain that women don’t give them a chance… they simply go for girls that are totally out of their league!. So in a way, they are victims of their own attitudes. There simply HAS to be a girl that will be attracted to you. Take an honest look at yourself and how would a woman on your same league look like, and then approach her. Don’t go for girls that can date guys that are ORDERS of MAGNiTUDE more handsome than you. Also, no one mentions this, but hygene is often an overlooked problem. Check that your breath is fresh at all times, no body odors, clean hair and clothes, etc.

    1. 48.1

      you hit the nail on the head here. a lot of men with disabilities or are overweight/unattractive are EXTREMELY judgmental about how a woman looks, aiming for disney princess lookalikes and overlooking/belittling average or less conventionally attractive women.

  9. 49

    I remind myself of the tough circumstances others have to deal with that I haven’t. That always brings a sense of perspective.  How you look at other people begins with how you look at yourself. I do not go the other way and see people who are often discriminated against as inherently virtuous.  

    I do believe that mental health stigma to be a real issue, and there really isn’t a great deal of understanding about it. I have GAD and as such I’m quite reluctant to be forthcoming with my experiences because it has caused people to react in ways I am not comfortable with. The discrimination people with mental health issues, or people with mental disabilities face can be pretty bad.

    Other than that, the worst I’ve had is dealing with people judging me based on my social background. So I may not be rich but I am kind and polite. Still, it was hard for me not to be upset when it seemed like my wealthy ex-boyfriend’s friends were sizing me up and not seeing me as an attractive prospect for him. It was also assumed that me being less well off made me into gold-digger. That could not have been further from the truth.  

    Age is a big one too. In a team-building exercise at work we had to figure out who to save first after an avalanche. The stock answers came about how younger people are more worth saving because “they have their whole life ahead of them”. Well I don’t think a person’s life decreases in value as they age.

  10. 50

    Hi Sandra,
    I know better than to go for the model types, and frankly, what I find attractive generally doesn’t fit that image in the first place.   I prefer someone more “normal” and within 5 years of my own age.   As far as hygiene goes, I make considerable effort to be presentable.   I would be very embarrassed to have any bad odors, dirty hair or stained/ill-fitting clothes.   I see my face in the mirror every day and know full well everything else has to be on point to help compensate for that.
    The advice to settle, while perhaps well meaning, is actually terrible advice which can cause more problems than it attempts to solve.   Also, I do not think people truly realize just how offensive the advice to settle truly is.   Here’s why:   Imagine if the only guys who were interested in you were at least 20 years older than yourself, balding, unkempt, poorly dressed and had questionable social skills. Now imagine getting intimate with such a guy.   It’s a revolting thought, isn’t it?   By asking me to settle for what I can get, that is essentially what I am being asked to do.   I am just as turned off by that man’s female counterpart as you would likely be by him. Ugly people are not a different species.   We are human beings, just like our genetic superiors, and we don’t magically find each other attractive simply by having the same unfortunate circumstances.   We have just as much right not to be in a situation where we feel sexually violated as anyone else.   I don’t want to prostitute myself out to someone I am not attracted to in exchange for companionship and affection.
    Rather than settle for what you can get, it’s better to just raise your league.   I’ve done everything I can possibly do in regard to hygiene, including hiring an image consultant to help pick clothes, shoes and a hairstyle that fits me the best.   My skin is also clear and well taken care of. However, because I have a large nose, very low cheekbones, receded lower jaw, strange lips, ears that stick out, misshapen eyes and slight “deaf speech,” good hygiene can only help compensate for so much.   I’m not aiming for model types.   I just want to experience love and affection with someone I am attracted to and if $55,000 in cosmetic surgery will allow me to have a relationship with an average, normal woman, that is perfectly fine with me.

  11. 51

    Good for you that you hired a stylist- as long as you are not pretending for others to be more noble than you are yourself, then more power to you. This reminds me of a story about a date I was with and my date asked me to bring a friend to introduce her to his friend. Well, his friend was significantly overweight and my friend did not like him. We were sitting at a bar and someone pointed to the girl to his left. He was like “Nah, she’s TOO BIG for me”. We were like “are you F-ing KIDDING ME??”   this girl was like a size 8 or 10 tops. He should have been FLATTERED that she even looked at him. Same issue with my sister. She is 5’0 and like 190 pounds but would rather DIE than date an overweight guy, LOL. And on and on it goes…
    As obviously I have never met you (so take this with a grain of salt), as a woman I can tell you that of all the issues you mention, I would focus on the speech/voice issues and getting your chin improved. I’ve seen dramatic improvements in the looks of men with just making the chin stronger. And the voice/speech is also critical. Maybe the ears too if its an extreme problem. I would start with that type of changes first (most impactful) because extensive PS can end up leaving you with complications and that may be all you need. Too much PS and then you could start looking artificial/weird. High cheekbones in men can look feminine, same for lid surgery. If you can work out and get a nice body that helps A LOT too. Believe me, no one looks at the face if there is a hot body (but not a steroid filled body that makes you look like a gorilla, but one like the P90X guy. Yum).

  12. 52

    Nobody has the right to discriminate natural traits because it not his/her choice but as for being not clean ,gay etc..that is supposed to change somehow

  13. 53
    bobby griffin

    i dont think that anyone is ugly or unatrractive ina ny way shape or form and to think that they are is the worst thing that any huan being ca do. no one has the right to judge on ooks or to make decesions on looks it is very spiteful and inhumane.

  14. 54

    well im an ugly guy could even be a minus on the scale.I was lucky to have found love at sixteen with a female who people would say was out of my league and had the best fifteen years of my life with her before it came sadly to an end.                                                                                       .Truth is people always asked her what the hell she was doing with me because of the way i looked,this would affect me in even going out for a meal at expensive restraunts as people thought she was only with me for money and truth was we had built up a buisness together.                                                                               .                                                                                                                                              .                                                                                                             .Been on my own for 10yrs now am i judged ,discriminated because of my looks sadly yes.Been told by a female, guys who look like me shouldnt own a car like that when i was at garage putting fuel in lol.Another time i was told by an female estate agent how could i have the money to buy this house when i look that bad,this is not a joke.                                                                                                                                                                   …what i think i am saying is people do judge on looks if your truly ugly,but   i think there   are plenty of people who when they get to know you regret there first horrible thoughts if   you have a great personality.i am lucky that i have lots of female friends who are at different ends of the look league table and although they dont want to sleep with me still invite me out with them .i guess im lucky just to have friends who do not judge on looks only.

  15. 55

    Yes I have. My face is ugly and people have been making fun of me for it since I was 12. As a kid I believed the teasing would end when I became an adult. The truth is adults have been more rude to me about my looks then what I faced as a teen. Today I went to get a coffee and the two girls serving actually fought over who would serve the ugly woman. Gee that was professional.   I just smiled and ordered my coffee. It bothered me though. It’s actually what led me to this site. I google discrimination ugly people. I didn’t choose my face. I try to make up for it though by dressing nicely,   wearing make up, doing my hair but unfortunately nothing helps an ugly face. I also work out to stay thin.   I figure I should have a decent body with an ugly face. I’ve been told body doesn’t matter, only the face does. Guys won’t give me a chance because of my ugly face. I’m a 28 year old virgin who has never had a relationship.  

  16. 56

    Is it bad that I don’t care at all what other people look like? Or what I look like?  

    It was on my mind a lot as a teen and kid, I was always bullied and coldly ignored…I was very skinny….but also was weak muscled, short of breath and could never keep up. On top of that I had a face people even now believe is ugly, and was an undiagnosed autist with painful social anxiety. I’m pretty sure I lost some genetic jackpot because now my muscles have only gotten weaker, and breathing more difficult. My difficulty getting around caused weight gain in my new adulthood.

    But at the end of the day, I feel kinda lucky. I have been alone much of my life, giving me lots of free time to develop my intelligence and imagination. I may have lost the body jackpot, but I think I won the mind one…I was a difficult student but also skilled- reading by myself at 3, reading at college level at 4th grade, writing at college level in 6th. Math has always been a failed subject, but I did well in art. I wrote half of a novel when I was 13, and have not given up on my creative projects since. Stories, fantasies, reading, traveling, learning, thinking, video games, philosophy, art, photography, animals….these are all things that I love, and have had lots of time for since I had no friends most of my school years.

    When I finally melded into a group of friends in high school, they shared my interests and some of my personality traits. It made things easy for everyone. ^_^

    If I was lucky in another regard, it was that I believe I am a kindhearted person. I would never try to hurt anyone (or animal!), and no amount of bullying stopped me from being polite, generous, and patient as possible. Online, it is even easier as anyone is welcome to contact me and be friends.

    I don’t have any beauty standards for others, I don’t really care what you look like! c: You know what I DO care about?  

    If you are kind. If you are intelligent. If you listen. If you are funny or sweet. If you are open minded, adventurous. These are some of the things I love in people and actively look for.  

    I don’t spend time caring about the opinions of shallow people, and I won’t judge you until I have been around you for awhile…For instance, I wrote hundreds of letters to my boyfriend, thousands of paragraphs worth when we were pen pals. I got to know his beautiful heart and mind, and I never think about his looks. Not then, and especially not now that I have fallen in love.

    He says girls were never interested in him or his interests- I say WHY THE HECK NOT? Lucky me then, as I snagged the kindest, most thoughtful, most interesting and loveable guy ever!  

    As a mystical person, I believe my body is temporary and while I try to be healthy to extend my life here….I know that improving my SOUL is more important than improving my physical “standard.”

  17. 57

    hi I find good looking women rather insulting ,they don’t think twice about calling you ugly ,i’am a human being at the end of the day and even though men are supposed to be tough still have feelings.

  18. 58
    Rissa Brown

    I feel like I’m judged all the time?! People automatically laugh or look me up & down and it gets to me sometimes; other times I laugh back??!! Especially if there on the bus, broke, and have no future?! I am not the most attractive looking women and I am not skinny?! However, I have a-lot of other qualities about me that I feel make up for that, people don’t see that and judge me on my looks?! I feel like people need to stop being so judgemental and let people be themselves! At times, I feel like I can’t win?! I have dealt with racism on both ends of the spectrum, unattractive deal with discrimination and it needs to be dealt with?! Even at church I have felt like, people stare or want speak,…..How is that Christ-like?!!! Anyway, I have a bright future and looking to work as a School Counselor.

  19. 59

    Wow. Just wow. . Robin Ugly is not as “subjective” or inconsistent as you seem to think it is. As an ugly person I get that dating is going to be biased against me. Honestly, I don’t care. The bigger issue is that this prejudice actually does extend into the workforce and, yes, even into day to day interaction. That does suck, but I view it as nearly a positive. I hope someone here can guess why.

  20. 60
    Lone Rose

    I feel that i have faced unfair discrimination because of how i look. Some men are just so shallow and fake and im sure thats why im still single, because of how i look mainly. A wise person asked me, ‘Would you even want a man who is only with you for how you look anyway?’……..deep down, i know the answer to that question, i know the answer is that a man who truly loves me would look beyond how i look and pick me for my inner qualities. The only advantage that ‘so called’ unnattractive people who are not rich have- is that when they find someone that wants to marry them, they know its because that man or women loves them for what is on the inside, not for how they look on the outside or for how rich they are. I believe it would be a blessing from god to meet a man like that that looked beyond my appearance, my hair colour or my eye colour and loved me for who i am on the inside anyway, inspite of my external appearance. I really pray that one day, a man like that will marry me

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