What Would You Say If I Told You This Was The Last Time You’d Ever Be Single?

I’d like to ask you to consider what it would be like if you fell in love – how would you feel, what would your world look like, how would life change for the better?

I want you to hold those thoughts in your mind as I also ask: how can I be so sure that love is in your future when it hasn’t ever worked out in the past?

As always, I approach things logically. It’s not that one’s emotions surrounding dating and relationships are irrelevant, but rather that they can often override reason. The man who thinks that all women are golddiggers. The man who thinks women are only looking to date jerks. The man who is convinced all women are crazy. All of them are looking at the world emotionally, instead of rationally.

So the way I see it, as you approach 2017 as a single woman, you’re faced with four choices as to how you choose to live your life:

Unhappily single. Unhappily coupled. Happily single. Happily coupled.

Which way sounds best to you?

If it sounds like a trick question, it’s not. I’m sincerely asking you, at this very moment on December 15th, 2016, would you describe yourself as…

Unhappily single – You’re lonely, confused and frustrated. You’re either dating fruitlessly, hooking up with strangers wantonly, or you’ve given up entirely, even though you know – from your own paragraph about love – that you really, truly WANT to be happily coupled up.

Unhappily coupled – You’re in a relationship that does not bring you joy. While you may like him and even love him, this relationship is an energy drain. Instead of being “easy,” your relationship takes a lot of emotional work and you often wonder whether his behavior is acceptable and whether you should stay or go. (Hint: you should go!)

Happily single – There are two ways to be happily single.

    1. You can be that rare person who doesn’t value romantic love at all. You can put all your energy into your pets, your business, your home, your travel, and you’re genuinely CONTENT being alone for the rest of your life. As a dating coach, I don’t run across many people who WANT to be single.

    2. You can be that woman who ENJOYS dating. Yes, you have a rich, full, single life that you cherish, but you’re still actively looking for love, and you don’t get too disappointed when things don’t work out. You know that, eventually, you’ll find love if you persevere and learn from your mistakes.

Happily coupled – only 33% of married couples are considered “happy,” but these people are, according to studies, the happiest people of them all. Happy couples are healthier, wealthier, live longer, and are less stressed for obvious reasons – they share a life, they share responsibilities, income, children, memories, losses, companionship, laughter and sex. Many are things that you simply can’t have if you’re happily single – not that there’s ANYTHING wrong with being happily single.

If a great marriage is objectively better than a great single life, why do you try to convince yourself that you’re actually better off alone?

If you were to rank the status of those four life choices, how would you do it?

    Worst: Unhappily coupled/Unhappily single
    – there’s nothing worse than being sad, lonely and trapped in a relationship, but to be sad and lonely without any romantic future is pretty bleak, too.
    Middle: Happily single – I would hope this is how you feel right now, but I also know that it’s hard to feel happy and connected without love in your life. Friends mask it. Work masks it. Keeping busy masks it. But even most happily single people would confess that their lives would be unbelievably enhanced by a true life partner.
    Best: Happily coupled – you don’t need a happy marriage the way one needs food, water and shelter, but if you could have one man who sees you at your best, treats you like gold, and is committed to making you happy every single day, why WOULDN’T you want him?

But that brings up an important question:

If a great marriage is objectively better than a great single life, why do you try to convince yourself that you’re actually better off alone?

Is it because it’s easier to give up on men than to actively seek a good one?

Is it because you risk getting hurt when you make yourself vulnerable to a man?

Is it because you can’t take the rejection of dating and online dating?

Is it because you no longer trust your judgment when it comes to choosing guys?

Is it because you don’t even believe that love is possible for you?

Am I touching a nerve here?

I sure hope so.

You deserve to have it all. Not just a fulfilling job. Not just meaningful friendships. Not just interesting hobbies and sweet pets and a loving family.

You deserve to be happily coupled, but it won’t happen if you act like your only choices are to be miserable with the wrong man or single forever.

There’s a better choice – happily married with a man who makes you feel safe, heard and understood. I’ve helped thousands of other women create this level of happiness. And today, I want to offer it to you.

In honor of this holiday season and in honor of you pursuing your grandest dreams with reckless abandon, I want to give you my favorite book, Believe in Love, for 50% off the regular price.

Believe in Love helps you drop your negativity, overcomes your fear of being hurt, and allows you to bring your best self to dating – thereby attracting the highest quality of commitment-oriented men.

Until you Believe in Love, you’ll never be Happily Coupled.

Just use promo code BELIEVE17 to receive the Believe in Love eBook, workbook, audio program, three bonus audios (Meeting Men, Flirting, and Staying Cool), as well as a limited time bonus that’s only available during this holiday sale:

An exclusive Q&A where women who bought Believe in Love ask me questions about the program – Value ($97)

For nearly two hours, I answer all of the questions Believe in Love readers have about the application of these powerful ideas, including:

    • The Pedestal Principle and how you unconsciously sabotage your dating success the second you’re overly excited about a man.
    • How to get men to listen, to respect you and to play by your rules – without seeming bossy, anxious or controlling.
    • How to write an email to a cute guy online that makes him THRILLED to write back to you immediately.
    • Why passion can impair your judgment about men and how to gain clarity as to whether your relationship is worth pursuing.

There are dozens of other tips, concepts and mindset shifts that will take you from skeptical and despondent to confident and optimistic in no time.

Until you Believe in Love, you’ll never be Happily Coupled.

It’s time to live life with more joy and confidence – in order to attract a joyous, confident man in return.

Click here to learn more and take advantage of this special 50% off gift and limited-time Believe in Love bonus before my holiday sale ends on Sunday.

Don’t forget to use promo code BELIEVE17 to get your special reader discount.

This is the perfect opportunity to start 2017 with the optimism you need to attract a man who will bring you happiness every day for the rest of your life.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. Elizabeth is a former client who sent me this email. I think it’s a perfect reminder of why you need to “Believe in Love.”

I so enjoy reading all of your materials. Even when we worked together, I recognized I was learning a lot, and more importantly, gaining a new perspective on how to approach dating again after my 15-year marriage ended. I had to kiss a few more frogs that year, but don’t worry – there is a happy ending to this story!

Almost exactly two years later, I met a wonderful guy on Match by following what I learned in your programs. He pursued me from the start, has always treated me wonderfully, and very quickly he became my best friend and the love of my life. And almost exactly three years later, I am writing to say that we are engaged. I have others to thank, of course, including good friends who gave good advice. But Evan, I really feel you deserve the largest share of the thanks for creating and maintaining a truly wonderful program that helps us get out of our own way so we can actually enjoy dating and relationships again. I especially appreciate how you have made your materials accessible to people from all walks of life so there’s something available for everyone who is open to learning.

So now I finally understand what you have said about how worthwhile it is to keep trying and never give up on finding love. If this 50 year-old divorced woman can do it (and I know you work with people of all ages) then pretty much anyone else can do it to, if they set their minds to it.

Anyway, I hope this email reaches you, with my sincere thanks and best wishes for health and happiness to you and your lovely family,

Elizabeth

I don’t write these testimonials, my friend.

This is what happens when you Believe in Love.

Click here to learn more and don’t forget to put in BELIEVE17 to get 50% off.

Join our conversation (8 Comments).
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Comments:

  1. 1
    Malika

    Elizabeth puts it so well. We really do need to get out of our own way when dating. As a Xmas present/new years resolution i am gifting myself Find The One Online. Why he disappeared helped me so much with healing after heartbreak and avoiding unnecessary pain. I hope FTOO has the same magic for my online dating life.

  2. 2
    judy

    Plans for the New Year include being out and about in new circles including tonight……and if I don’t meet anyone nice, I’m going to have a great time regardless.

    Have a great weekend everyone (:o)

  3. 3
    Barbara

    Evan,

    I LOVE the term “happily coupled”! Thanks!

    As someone who may never want to be married again but who definitely wants to be in a loving relationship with the man I’ll be with til death do us part, this is a perfect and concise description of my relationship goal. I don’t know if you made it up or got it from someone else but I’m stealing it.

    Malika, Finding the One Online and Why He Disappeared both took my dating life to a whole new planet this past year. Last week, I revamped my profile with a new essay and by choosing a photo that looks more like I look now. It was from Summer and made me look a little heavier than I was then. So I never used it. But since I’ve gained a few pounds, it’s a more accurate picture of how I look at this time.

    Shows what I know about what men like. As soon as I put the photo up, my views went way up and so did responses to my messages. I’m pretty sure the reason is that the way I’m seated (in a dress) shows more leg and thigh than my other photos.

    Lesson learned.

    1. 3.1
      Malika

      It sounds as if you have a year to be proud of! Finding the right photos can be tough. You want them to be flattering, yet true to life. I am glad you found your sweet spot.

      Why He Disappeared was seminal for me. After a really rough disappointment in love with a man i stumbled onto this site and bought the book. It was an eye opener and to be honest, took a while to digest. Ever since then, What Would Evan Advise Me To Do has extricated me from a couple of potentially crappy experiences before they turned sour and, even more importantly, opened up my dating life to a whole different level of men.

       

      Here’s to love in 2016!

      1. 3.1.1
        Barbara

        Same to you, Malika!

        Let’s make 2017 our breakout year!

        Your Evan mantra is the same as mine! I can’t get his advice out of my head and that’s a very good thing. He’s helped me create the best dating experiences I’ve ever had and feel empowered to create even more. I am absolutely certain that I will find the right man for me by continuing to apply his advice because it puts me in control of my dating destiny with effective insights and tools I can put into practice immediately.

        I’m just returning from a holiday party–the result of my determination to get out where I could potentially meet men and have fun even if I don’t. The latter happened. All the single men were gay.

        Tomorrow I have  a second date with a nice man I went out with last week.

        I’m really enjoying the “happily coupled” concept. These last two years have been the first period in my life in which I’ve lived by myself–without my nuclear family, roommates, a spouse, and kids. I’ve discovered something: I genuinely like living alone. For me, the perks are too numerous to mention.

        Also, it’s only been within the last few weeks that I have given myself permission to totally embrace this stage of my life instead feeling guilty for divorcing my children’s father since, unlike most mothers, I left my children (albeit older ones–17,19-21 now) with their father (at “home”), as opposed to taking them with me. It’s not as if they would have wanted to go anyway. They like the home they grew up in. I moved minutes away.

        Being single rocks but I still want to be “happily coupled.” It’s just that, for the first time since I was a teenager, I no longer feel that I need a man in order to be happy. Right now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life and I feel continued and ever-growing happiness is something I totally have the ability to create, not something that will be bestowed upon me based on anything outside of me, including whether or not I’m coupled. This is an indescribably liberating feeling.

        Feeling as I do, I know the man who sees me as I am and wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him will be one lucky guy.

         

  4. 4
    GK

    I would suggest there should probably be an additional subset or two, if you will, to these four states of being; for me, right now, that would be “Unhappily unsure”. My guy–who has been leading all along, from asking me “what are we doing” at just shy of one month, to “are we exclusive? can I call you my girlfriend” at six weeks, and with whom I’ve now been together for four months (and who is, in fact, probably the man for whom I have the most respect, aside from my father, EVER)–has been increasingly absent over the past month-and-a-half. Granted, there are REASONS–namely, his work has exploded, and an already-difficult schedule has become ridiculous with double-shifts, plus a week away on business, and another week cloistered with the out-of-town boss–but the bigger issue for me is that communication on his part (texting) has taken a serious nosedive, at the same time.

    He told me he needs “time and space” to deal with issues (besides work stress, he has a young child he doesn’t get to see that often locally, plus a pre-teen child in another state, who won’t be coming out for the holidays, to his dismay), so I’ve been as chill as possible. I GET that things can pile up and seem too much. Still, I NEED communication, at the very least, with the man who wanted to be my boyfriend… and this “time and space (has zero to do with you)” reason is something I can deal with for only so long… ESPECIALLY at the holidays.

    This man is worth the effort, understanding, and a modicum of patience, I have no doubt. But the uncertainty he’s been putting ME through by his recent actions (or non-actions, to be more accurate) has me in knots, unsure what to do, say, etc…. leaving me, at best, only able to put myself in the “Unhappily unsure” category. 🙁

    1. 4.1
      Barbara

      If I were in your situation, GK, I’d probably feel the same way you do. But I always go back to Evan’s advice when it comes to relationships.

      In your case, the tips that come to mind is men reveal themselves in their actions and being reasonable about how a man has treated you thus far and how much time you should give him to return to making you a priorty considering that he is experiencing an atypical tough period in his life.

      It sounds like your boyfriend has legitimate reasons for slacking off in your relationship. So giving him time to sort it all out is reasonable. Since you two aren’t married, however, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a limit for how long you’ll wait for him to make your relationship a priority again. Even if he has good reasons for ratcheting down with you, you deserve a man who makes you a  priority in his life. How much time should you give him? That’s for you to decide. But, personally, I wouldn’t settle for not being a priority for too long when I could be making myself available for men who have time for me.

      Meanwhile, knowng what I know now about how to show a man appreciation, friend-to-friend, I’d ask him if there is any way I could support him in this time and follow through on his suggestions.

    2. 4.2
      Barbara

      If I were in your situation, GK, I’d probably feel the same way you do. But I always go back to Evan’s advice when it comes to relationships.

      In your case, the tips that come to mind are  men reveal themselves in their actions and being reasonable about how a man has treated you thus far and how much time you should give him to return to making you a priorty considering that he is experiencing an atypical tough period in his life.

      It sounds like your boyfriend has legitimate reasons for slacking off in your relationship. So giving him time to sort it all out is reasonable. Since you two aren’t married, however, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a limit for how long you’ll wait for him to make your relationship a priority again. Even if he has good reasons for ratcheting down with you, you deserve a man who makes you a  priority in his life. How much time should you give him? That’s for you to decide. But, personally, I wouldn’t settle for not being a priority for too long when I could be making myself available for men who have time for me.

      Meanwhile, knowng what I know now about how to show a man appreciation, friend-to-friend, I’d ask him if there is any way I could support him in this time and follow through on his suggestions.

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