Let’s Generalize About Men

Generalizations are a useful shorthand when trying to make a point; they’re problematic when you take the same broad brush and apply it to every member of a group.

Rachel Bloom of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on the CW gets this one right.

Right now we’re angry and sad.

It’s our right to get righteously mad.

At every member of the opposite sex.

It’s our right to get righteously mad. At every member of the opposite sex.

“Oh god, we hate them. Let’s not distinguish between them at all.”

Let’s just drink a lot more alcohol.

And then high five each other as we make a bunch of blanket statements.

Let’s generalize about men.

Let’s generalize about men.

Let’s take one bad thing about one man.

And apply it to all of them.

Let’s conflate all the guys.

Let’s generalize about men.

All men are completely repressed.

All men only want to have sex.

There are no exceptions, all three billion men are like this.

All 3.6 billion men.

All men are emotionally stunned.

When asked how they feel every man’s always grunted.

And why do men never listen and only think about themselves.

As opposed to women who always listen and never think about themselves.

Let’s generalize about men.

Let’s generalize about men.

Let’s get super lit, and not admit this is some kind of primal ritual we need now and then.

Maybe our spirits will rise if we generalize about men.

All men are stupid and childish.

Even the ones who are smart and mature.

All every man does every day is watch porn, eat wings, burp, fart, and snore.

All every man does every day is watch porn, eat wings, burp, fart, and snore.

Gay men are all really great.

Every single one.

They’re never mean, just sassy.

They’re all completely adorable and fun.

So let’s focus for now on straight men.

Let’s just generalize about them.

They’re all monsters. They’re murderers. They’re rapists.

Totally.

Your sons are gonna be rapists.

Your thoughts below, are appreciated.

Join our conversation (21 Comments).
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Comments:

  1. 1
    Rachel

    “Men will avoid confrontation at all costs.”  Told to me when I was 21, by a guy I dated briefly who later ghosted me.

  2. 2
    Kath

    As a hopeless romantic, I don’t believe all men are stupid, childish, and selfish. It’s a matter of pairing up with someone whose interpersonal dynamic works with yours, so both of your relationship needs get met. I made the mistake of marrying a man so wrong for me, getting swept up in “inertia” (Evan covers that in Love You). Two kids and 18 years later, we divorced. Villifying the opposite sex is not productive. You have to know and love yourself first. And don’t accept bad behavior and undesirable traits from anyone. Better to be single longer versus a long, mismatched journey of heartache.

  3. 3
    ann

    Am i wrong for liking the eighties vibe of that video.

     

  4. 4
    Jenn

    I think if some women are really that bitter about guys and have actually had that many bad experiences with them, it’s time to take a good look at themselves and ask what it is they’ve been doing wrong. Many of us seem to want to throw all the blame on men without taking any responsibility for our own role. This now being the age of #MeToo, I guess I’m a traitor to my gender for believing in personal accountability.

    1. 4.1
      Trixie

      I agree with you Jenn.

      You are not a traitor there are many woman who share your views.  I am not on board with villifying the entire male sex for the actions of some.

  5. 5
    A

    It’s a joke. Have I said, “men are trash,” “I hate men,” “they all suck”? Yes. Do I literally believe that? No. Making jokes about men with other women is cathartic to commiserate about our shared experiences. We don’t actually believe it about all men, but it’s fun to say. It’s absurd. Men who aren’t trash shouldn’t take offense to that statement if they aren’t the ones acting like they’re entitled to our bodies, or harassing us, or objectifying us, or otherwise acting like trash. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But there are enough men who do do those things, and who we encounter every day, that I think it warrants women being able to joke about it. I have great friends who are men. I’m even dating a non-trash man. Non-trash men don’t let it affect their egos.

    This should be obvious, but DEAR MEN WHO ARE NOT TRASH: We aren’t talking about you. Maybe we wouldn’t make jokes about men being rape-y if you would collect your other man friends who are grabbing pussy, etc. and tell them to knock it off.

    1. 5.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      “Men are trash” is not a joke. The VIDEO is a joke.

      Let’s flip it around: some man says “Women suck. They’re boring, shallow, hyper-sensitive gold-diggers.”

      Do you not take offense to that?

      Do you immediately think, “Well, he’s not talking about ME, so it’s cool for him to talk like that”?

      Do you consider that there are enough women who ARE that way that men encounter every day that warrants men being able to joke about it?

      Probably not.

      1. 5.1.1
        A

        I’m just saying that I think it’s ok for women to get together and make fun of men, which the women in the video are doing. Because it’s frustrating when your gender is socially, politically and economically dominated by another gender.

        When I, a woman, say “men are trash,” I’m using it as a criticism of inherent power structures. I’m saying it in reaction to another woman who says something like, “Another Hollywood producer/actor/writer/dude just sexually assaulted someone.”

        “Not surprised, because men are trash.”

        This is different than when a man–someone who was born with institutional privilege over women in our society–says that women are “boring, shallow, hyper-sensitive gold-diggers.”

        Some women being boring, shallow, hyper-sensitive gold-diggers are not things that have kept men oppressed under women for generations. The disproportionate rate of sexual assault and rape of women has consistently kept us oppressed under men. (Among other things.)
        It’s about “punching up” on those with more power, rather than “punching down” on people who have fewer privileges than yourself. I am middle class and white. I would never generalize about poor people or people of color because that’s not ok. Generalizing about men is ok for me to do because they are in a position of power over me.

        A better example would be if a person of color says something generalizing white people like “white people are trash.” I don’t get offended or feel bad, I agree with them and I see their anger because, yeah, a lot of white people are terrible and we have a huge racism problem in this country. I get where they’re coming from. And because they are punching up, not down. I don’t say, “#notallwhitepeople,” I say, “Yeah, and we’ve got a lot of work to do. How can I help?”

        1. Skaramouche

          So let me get this straight: as a middle class, non-white woman, if I say “white women are trash”, I’m “punching up” because I’m making fun of my oppressor who is “above me”, namely you?

          And because I’m the “downtrodden”, it’s okay for me say things like this and you deserve them because of all the other bad white women out there who are being racist to me?

          But then, as a straight woman, I can’t make fun of gay women because I am “punching down”.  And ALL gay women, no matter how bitchy they are deserve our sympathy and to not be made fun of because they are oppressed?

          Is that about the gist of it?

          Dudette, I really hope you were being ironic and/or funny because none of that makes any sense at all 😛

        2. Theodora

          Americans are trash. This is just my humorous criticism directed towards the world’s first political, economic and military super-power because it’s frustrating when your country is politically, economically and militarily dominated by another country.

          I can say what I want because I feel oppressed. The rules of decency, politeness, social decorum or even basic logic don’t apply to those who feel oppressed. Americans are trash, and the only answer I expect to my humorous criticism is “Yeah, we have a lot of work to do. How can I help?”

        3. Clare

          Theodora,

          I don’t always agree with you, but I love this comment of yours.

        4. Sasha

          Skaramouche,

          This is what education teaches ppl to believe these days. My guess is that we’re going to be seeing more and more of it.

        5. AndyK

          Hi A, perhaps you could help me?

          I’m a white,  middle class, straight man. I’m an immigrant so I don’t get to vote for issues that are important to me. I’m also a redhead which some people seem to take serious issue with in this country. I have a foreign name and sometimes stutter, both of which can be socially awkward and makes finding work harder.

          I think these are the main points but if necessary I can provide a full list. Trust me, there are many. How many points do I get on the intersectional score chart with these? I’ve got some good jokes about white middle class women but I’m not sure if I’m above or below them when the points are tallied up. Can I get a badge with my score on in case any of them complain to my manager?

          Also, if I’m looking to move up in this hierarchy would I be better off trying to improve myself or should I work to tear down the group immediately above me? Would you know which group this is? I want to use my time efficiently and not waste it,  for example by colouring my hair,  if it only gives me enough points to get above the group of people with a slight lisp.

  6. 6
    Tron Swanson

    My two cents:

    Women have many legitimate reasons to be angry at men.

    Men have many legitimate reasons to be angry at women.

    Both genders should be allowed to be as negative as they want to be.

    Saying “Well, that won’t help your chances of finding someone!” is ridiculous–as if we haven’t already figured that out. Also, this advice is usually hypocritical, as well, because it’s preceded by statements such as “Just be yourself” or “Look for a genuine connection, don’t be cold or calculating or play games.” As if holding back a major part of your true beliefs, or choosing what to share based on what will and won’t help you, isn’t playing games…

    1. 6.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I am perfectly fine with the negative people leaving this blog, your “true beliefs” notwithstanding. They are limiting beliefs and they serve to teach or elevate no one. All they do is bring the conversation to a base level based on half-truths.

    2. 6.2
      Laurie

      I think the point of this blog is to help people get over highly negative beliefs, or at least question them.  People won’t find relationships or happiness if they are stuck in the proverbial swamp of bitterness.  It’s fine if you want to live in the proverbial swamp of bitterness (although it really isn’t), but if you want to leave, you have to be willing to say “hey, maybe all _______ aren’t _______ fill in the blank).

      Personally, I started dating again recently after spending some time in reflection (including reading his blog) and have been pleasantly surprised at the thoughtful and kind way I have been treated by men.  No, everybody doesn’t suck and quite a few people are doing the best they can, even if they aren’t perfect.

    3. 6.3
      Yet Another Guy

      I have to concur with Evan on this one.  It is easy to become jaded by the bad encountered while dealing with members of the opposite sex, but much more difficult to see the good.  Evan and a few of the ladies on this forum have dished out much needed tough love (GWtF and KK come to mind).

      1. 6.3.1
        Tron Swanson

        YAG,

        I disagree on two counts.

        First, I think that men generally overlook the bad and focus on the good–even if “the good,” to us, is usually physical. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve known who have ignored clear warning signs because the woman in question was hot. It happens to me, as well. Despite all of my negative experiences with women, seeing one new hot woman is enough to briefly make me forget all that, and I’m optimistic enough to think that it’ll be different, this time. I truly believe that we’re the more (illogically) positive of the two genders. Women, meanwhile, tend to have more power and more choices, so they’re usually pickier and more negative.

        Secondly, while you see “tough love,” I see the same old “tear down men, build up women” arguments, just with a new coat of paint on them.

        1. Yet Another Guy

          @Tron

          Despite all of my negative experiences with women, seeing one new hot woman is enough to briefly make me forget all that, and I’m optimistic enough to think that it’ll be different, this time.

          What you have highlighted is why I included the “tough love” comment.   As men, we are often so focused on getting laid that we ignore the qualities that make a woman a good partner, which, in turn, makes them a better sex partner over time.  Why? Because being good sex partners requires two people who can be completely open in the bedroom, and if two people are not completely open outside of the bedroom, they are not going to be open in the bedroom.  I do not want to jinx things, but I am currently experiencing a eureka moment with respect to relationships with a woman I had been casually dating.

        2. Stacy

          @Tron

          So you’re considered more optimistic because you’re so motivated by getting laid, that a pretty face makes you forget everything else? I see.

          And at what point in time through history have women had more power? In the workplace? Economically? Or, are you just talking sexually (although women have been dominated in that area as well)? Even your President has boasted about grabbing pussies so please keep your ‘power’. And, you only have more power if it’s at an advantage to you. Even with certain religions, the man could have more than one wife but the woman has to be a saint and faithful.  More often, men are the gatekeepers of relationships which is what women really want (much more often than men). So who really holds the power?

          Oh, and aren’t you men always talking about women going after the men not good for them? I have seen women put up with some shit from men that the average man would not dream of putting up with. But somehow, according to your biased perspective, men are the ones more optimistic?lol  Puh lease.

  7. 7
    K E

    It is not only acceptable in Western ” cultures ” to bash men , it is celebrated & encouraged too. ” They’re all monsters. They’re murderers. They’re rapists !! ” Yes , undeniably there ARE far too many men that do commit these and other wrongdoing …ALL feminists believe men are a plague , it is an anti male hate movement , however these defective males remain a small minority .

    A LOT of Western non feminist identifying women also look down on men too….my experiences as a single dad have often included being treated like crap by women that assume male = sex predator pedo rapist and / or a shit parent. Have even been assaulted by stranger women …one nasty young woman KICKED me …for holding a door open for her …seriously !! To be fair girls / women have been fed a ton of misandrist propaganda …all by design. My former love of women has gone…replaced by cold indifference , hate is wrong ..and corrodes the hater. I am glad my situation keeps me permanently single , in the age of ” I don’t need no man …A woman needs a man , like a fish needs a bicycle ” Fair enough ..agreed , women don’t need men at all , can provide for themselves  , most single women choose to stay single.

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