Maria’s Coaching Journey with Evan Marc Katz – Week 2

Dating Profiles - Private Coaching Journey

EMK Scholarship winner Maria is making great progress. I paid for her professional photos, set her up on e-Cyrano, and produced a profile that will go live next week. Here’s Maria in her own words:

Last week was intense. I worked on my profile in which consisted in answering a lot of questions about me and then about who I’m looking for. It was like a soul searching workshop. It took me a long time and it was a challenge to come up with stories that best describe me and my possible future partner.

At the end I got a profile that’s unique, funny and interesting. It truly describes who I am and the qualities that I value most in a partner. Thank you, Evan!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, here’s the profile I wrote for Maria:

About me:

I’ll wear an outfit that will make you smile the first time you see me. I’ll spontaneously salsa dance with my mom in her kitchen. I’ll dress like Poison Ivy for Halloween and win the best costume contest. But while I may look like a fiery Latina, I’m really soft, spiritual, and open to learning. My motto: feel the fear and do it anyway. I’ll parasail in Key West despite my anxiety. I’ll talk to strangers at a restaurant just because they seem friendly. I’ll hug a work acquaintance that just lost his mother. That warmth and curiosity is what makes me read every book I can about male/female brain differences, and help me appreciate men even more. That’s where you come in. You are the beneficiary of this. The recipient of the calm I feel from my morning meditation. The guy who has my hand on his thigh throughout dinner. The man with the girlfriend who drives an hour to bring you lunch. I have my heart open for the right guy, I respect your individuality, and I know the value of guy time. So, if you want a woman who is a good listener, believes in public displays of affection and always strives to be a better partner, then, this is your lucky day.

About you:

You are the kind of man who has women asking you to dance. You’d book a weekend for us to go to the Chicago and get tickets to the UCB Theater. You’d throw a farewell party for your brother and invite all of his friends. You sing along when someone picks up a guitar at a family gathering. You rub my feet while we watch The Big Bang Theory. You actually talk to the guy trying to sell us flowers over dinner. You grow and cook your own vegetables. You read the labels on food and try to avoid GMOs. You’d take a long walk by yourself on Hollywood beach to gather your thoughts. You take a peek at my copy of Breaking the Habit of Being You. You support my dreams, you accept me the way I am, and you want to grow old with someone. You get that marriage is a partnership and you love that we both take responsibility for our respective part of that partnership.

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  1. 1

    Thank you so much for sharing with us Maria and Evan. Just curious what dating sites is Maria using and why?

    1. 1.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I have Maria on because it’s the biggest and easiest to navigate. I put all my clients there, but if they prefer OkCupid or JDate or whatever, that’s fine by me. As long as there are enough active age-appropriate men to result in a new date every week.

  2. 2

    That’s a lovely profile, Maria; it makes me want to date you… And I’m a straight women who lives in another country. :).

    Thank you (and Evan) for sharing it here for all of us to read. It takes guts to open your heart and let us all take a ringside seat. No doubt this courage will serve you well in the journey to find/ create a healthy love. I’m cheering for you!

    1. 2.1

      I’m very grateful for all the comments and to be able to inspire you with my story.
      What Evan told me about my profile is that every sentence is like a fish hook that allows people to choose something that resonates with them.
      The vegetable garden and cooking is jus to imply that he is a man that takes good care of himself…. I won’t mind going to the farmers market and cook myself! And who knows Twinkle found a guy that is growing his own vegetables 🙂

  3. 3

    Bless you, Maria. Best of luck!!

  4. 4

    Lovely profile and a date a week sounds fun, enoy.
    I’m interested in how the vegetables part goes. I used to grow veg but can’t anymore as I don’t have a garden.

  5. 5

    Yeah Maria!

    I’m so happy for you. I know you’ll have great results (and a great time dating) learning with Evan. Go girl!

  6. 6

    I love how Maria always has a smile in her eyes and voice. It’s so true that beauty radiates from within. I am inspired by her attitude — go, Maria!

  7. 7

    What a generous scholarship and a fun journey for all of us to follow!

    Just a couple copy-edits (tiny things):
    “I’ll hug a work acquaintance WHO just lost his mother. That warmth and curiosity ARE what MAKE me read every book I can about male/female brain differences, and help me appreciate men…”

    Best of luck, Maria!

  8. 8

    Wow that was amazingly written. If the rumors of how poorly-written the average online dating profile is are true, this profile is gonna set u a mile apart, Maria! Best of luck, u lucky girl. 🙂

    I know a person is allowed to want whatever type of partner they want, but I personally wouldn’t demand that a guy grow and cook his own vegetables, that may cut off lots of great guys. It just happens the guy I’m dating is growing his own vegetables now as an experiment, too bad he’s taken for now, lol! :p

    1. 8.1

      @twinkle 8 brings up an interesting point. Is it really okay to be so specific in our profiles about what we’re looking for in a partner? Many people can be very literal and might reach “You grow your own veggies” and just think, oh well I guess I don’t have shot with this woman because all my vegetables come from Publix. Sometimes men list traits they’re looking for in an ideal partner and even if they’re reasonable enough, I have felt discouraged if I don’t live up to all of them.

      My friend was contacted by a man whose profile specified he’d like a woman who knew the difference between an adagio and an aria (or something along those lines; he’s a classical music fanatic). She responded to him but told him she’d never have reached out to him, first, since she knows nothing about music and would’ve assumed he’d have no interest in her. They’re now married.

      1. 8.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        I don’t know how to say this without sounding condescending, so I won’t even try:

        Most intelligent people understand that those second paragraphs are not lists of “demands,” but rather specific examples of behavior that they’d like a potential boyfriend to model. In my old dating profile, I wrote “You know who wrote Portnoy’s Complaint.” Women who knew were eager to write back. Thankfully, hundreds of women who didn’t know the answer found something ELSE to respond to. I think you’re giving people far too little credit. They are not literal. If anything, they’re looking for something, ANYTHING to respond to in a profile. So when I put in 20 specific examples, guess what? 20 different guys can write to my clients for 20 different reasons. That’s really smart marketing.

        The only people it alienates are the literal minded and the insecure (who write, “you are so demanding! Good luck with that list!)

        Finally, if you DON’T write specifically – as you suggested – to avoid discouraging people? You know what you’re left with? That’s right. The rest of the world’s online dating profiles. “I’m looking for a man who is nice and smart and kind and funny who likes hiking and biking and movies and music and travel who is really close with his family and is equally comfortable dressed up and dressed down and is really honest and relationship oriented and is looking for his best friend and lover and partner in crime.”

        I’ll choose my style, thanks.

      2. 8.1.2

        Hi Henriette –

        I almost didn’t respond to someone who reached out to me on match because in the drop down box of “body type” he was looking for he listed “slender” and “athletic and toned”. I consider my self to be “average” at best or a few extra pounds at worst. My last in depth health analysis that I am required to take at work, or pay much higher premium for my health insurance said that I am “one pound overweight” (I laugh every time I read that)

        But then I thought to myself, he reached out and wrote to me, and I had recent full length pics, so I guess he has already decided that I fit his definition of slender and/or athletic and toned. He’s very athletic and I also assumed that I wouldn’t be athletic enough for him. (My 2nd hubby listed my lack of athleticism as a reason for divorce after 23 years of marriage)

        Well, I’m glad I answered his e-mails and went out to meet him, because apparently, those 16 extra ounces look good to him, because we are a couple now !

        1. Henriette

          @SE: Way to go! That’s wonderful news… And I see that this relationship has given you back your Sparkle. 😊 Details, please!

          I’m glad you answered his emails, too, but I’ve always been curious about how people decide about what they read in others’ profiles. On one hand, I know some men can be frightfully literal and when I last OLDed, my confidence had been sorely shaken so I tended to err on the side of caution. On the others and, we know that most men decide based on the photos and then just use the profile to confirm that they will have Something ~ Anything! ~ in common (and if she’s hot enough, not even that will matter).

          In writing classes, professors explain that specifics tell a story far better than generalities. I guess that’s gist of what we’re getting here, too.

  9. 9

    Hi Evan.
    I wish Maria the best of luck with match. I just ended my subscription with match. Would be interested to hear Maria’s results if she’s comfortable sharing.

    1. 9.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Come back every Friday for the the next 3 months. I’m looking forward to seeing her results as well.

  10. 10

    Evan- I get the sense that the “About You” part of her profile contradicts the recent email you sent out about casting for your husband. It seems to me that the last two sentences are more of what really matters in a relationship.

    I like to think that I’m quite intelligent and not insecure but I did find her profile to be a bit intimidating. Maybe I’m just not her type since I wouldn’t do many of the things listed but I do think I’m a self-aware person and would be a good partner to many people.

  11. 11

    Slam dunk! Great profile Evan. Just curious, why not eHarmony for a dating site?

    1. 11.1

      Sunflower from my understanding (based off all the match vs. e-harmony blogs and websites I’ve read), E-harmony doesn’t give you the ability to chose, read, brows, view, etc a person’s profile, you just have to take who they give you. Plus, they don’t have things like reverse match or the ability to choose what you want to write to a person, your first few e-mails have to be a pick between chosen “scripted” sentences that match supplies…
      Again, I’ve never used either site, so maybe someone who has used both could answer this question better, I just know what I’ve read about the comparisons of the two from about a dozen different sites about the subject.

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