Maria’s Coaching Journey with Evan Marc Katz – Week 4

 

Maria is exactly where she’s supposed to be at this point: kick-ass profile, shiny new photos, determined to make this a success, and open to learning new ways to approach her love life. I’ll let here take it from here:

My profile is finally up and running on Match.com!! In my last coaching call with Evan, we went over my profile and pictures to make sure everything was ready to go. He showed me how to use “reverse match” to be able to see people that are looking for me. This option matches me with men that meet my criteria, like distance, religion and age. Evan told me to consider going higher on the age group that I was looking for to expand my options. I have opted for men between the ages of 47-57. He asked me why those numbers? Hmmm….because I’m 54 years young. I take good care of myself and don’t want to go out with an old man! He made two important points: you don’t have to marry the 60-year old man, or kiss him or go out with him, if you don’t like the picture. (He’s right!) Then, he gave me a great analogy: If God shows up at your door with a man as a gift for you and tells you that this man is going to make you happy, would you accept him? I said YES! Then God said, there is only one thing….he is 60 years old, will you still take him? Of course!

Looking at the big picture, what I really want is a man that takes good care of himself, like I do, no matter if he is 47 or 65 years old.

Now that everything is up and running, my homework is to log in everyday for at least half an hour and start creating a list of 30-40 favorites. And, no, I don’t have to write to all 40 of them at the same time! Only two to three at a time. At the present, I’ve already received a couple of emails but I haven’t replied yet. Next time I’ll tell you about it…. What I can tell you now is how wonderful it is to have Evan walking me through the process.

Thank you for following my journey and I hope it helps you with yours.

Yours truly,
Maria

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Henriette

    …And it’s wonderful to have you walk us through your process, too, Maria. I would be too self-conscious to share this personal process with thousands of readers; I commend you on your courage and openness. Go, Maria, go!

    1. 1.1
      Maria

      I hope that my story help you and other women make better choices.
      Thank You for your comments. It means a lot to me!

  2. 2
    JB

    Maria, Evan is right about being open to stretching your age limits a bit. Nothing turns men off more than seeing a woman who’s any age put their age acceptances as 2 yrs. older and 10 yrs younger. I see women who are…..let’s 51 and they put that they want a man whose 40-52 etc…. Unless you’re a “10” most 42 yr. old men will be searching and dating 38 yr. old women. And for those of you ladies that are going to say ” what’s the big deal I like younger men” or “every guy does it, so why can’t I do it?” Anyone CAN do whatever they want but it makes you look that much more delusional. Even if you don’t email back most 58 yr. olds Maria at least your profile will make you look more open minded. For the record at 51 yrs old my Match profile states I’m looking for women 44-57 and that’s who I email.

  3. 3
    Maria

    JB… You’re absolutly right! I was thinking the same thing today when I was looking at men profiles… And thought: “if they only knew how much they miss by setting their age bracket in that way and that’s what I was doing!”
    What Im really looking for is vitality… There’re 40 year OLD people and 63 year YOUNG people… Right?

  4. 4
    marymary

    I know a man over 60 who enjoys scuba diving, but even so 60 is still your age group. We get freaked out by 60 but there isn’t much diference between 57 and 60.
    At least you get to be the young ’un!

  5. 5
    TorontoJane

    I am enjoying following your story, Maria. Thank you so much for sharing details with us. I am almost 62 and currently have my desired age range as 55 to 65. I know I should probably increase the top end of that, but like you, I want to be with somebody young and energetic as I feel I am. I can’t imagine myself with a 70-year-old! Looking forward to your next episode!

      1. 5.1.1
        TorontoJane

        Hmmmmmm. Certainly could be a possibility but not what I have come across so far.

  6. 6
    SparklingEmerald

    A general comment on the age thing. The numerical age doesn’t mean much, especially as you get older, as there is a lot of diversity of fitness, vitality, health etc in 50 + crowd. My Dad was AMAZING as far as strength & vitality goes until his late 80’s. Playing golf, shooting pool, going out dancing and painting the town red constantly, dating lots of women after my mom passed. I’ve seen out of shape 40 something couch potatoes and men in their sixties playing volley ball and running marathons.

    I have always gone for older men anyway (even tho 2nd hubby was slightly younger), wasn’t until I started reading this blog until I knew that so many women thought older men were so distasteful.

    I decided to cast a wide net in my OLD profile, so I set it at 10 years in either direction of my age. (and I still had 30 year olds writing to me)

    I met my boyfriend on match, he is 8 years older than me (67) and he has MORE energy that I do. We both live a healthy life style. I can ride my bike about 10 miles at a stretch, 20 miles if I’m really pushing it, and he rides 40 – 60 miles in a stretch rather routinely. (He is retired so he has time for that) He belongs to two gyms and works out regularly. I go as his guest and he acts as my personal trainer. He told me he was very relieved when he looked at my profile and saw that he was in my stated age range preference. He said so many women my age only want to date men their own age and younger, but don’t want a man older than them, or maybe only by one or two years older. Being the gentleman that he is, he didn’t contact women if he wasn’t within their stated preferences.

    I agree with Evan’s advice to cast a wider net age wise (look at the MAN, not the number on the birth certificate) but I’m glad that many women don’t follow that advice. If they did, I might not be with my amazing,vital, sexy, boyfriend, who makes me feel absolutely cherished and adored !

    1. 6.1
      JB

      For the record I rarely pay attention to a woman puts as her “desired” range. If she’s in MY range and I like her profile I email her. I’ve got absolutely nothing to lose, and even met and dated a few that I was a bit above what they thought they might be looking for. You see in “our” age range up here. The age being “just a number” thing really does carry a lot of weight. You’re as old as YOU LOOK and ACT. The woman I’m dating now is 49 and she put her desired age range as 49-60 bless her heart…..lol We’ve been doing fine but I know she’s getting a lot of email from those 60-65 yr. old guys still so I have to keep on my toes.

  7. 7
    Maria

    Powerful and inspiring post, sparklingemerald!
    Like you said there is a lot diversity in fitness, vitality and health. I think what’s important is to remember that WE get to choose.
    I am very happy that you connected with an amazing 67 year old man!
    Thank you for sharing your story.

  8. 8
    Joe

    Don’t most women bash men for wanting to date women who are their age and younger?

    1. 8.1
      Kathleen

      No Joe I don’t think most women bash men who want women the same age and younger. Thats been the norm that we have been used to for eons .

      What is pretty stupid though is all the guys online who are older than me , who write to me , but Im too old for their low age criteria. These guys just appear ageist and not too smart.

      Good luck Maria Looking forward to hearing updates

    2. 8.2
      Karl R

      Joe asked:
      “Don’t most women bash men for wanting to date women who are their age and younger?”

      Based on what I’ve seen, it’s my impression that a vocal minority of women bash men for wanting to date women who are younger than their age … while ignoring the evidence that most men -and- women want to date someone younger.

      (Large groups are rarely homogeneous. Any time you see a large group that’s saying one thing and doing the opposite, it’s highly likely that one subsection is saying one thing … and a completely different subsection is doing the opposite.)

    3. 8.3
      SparklingEmerald

      I can’t speak for my entire gender (in fact, sometimes reading this blog I think I am some sort of freak of nature) but I don’t “bash” men for wanting to date women younger, but depending on how much younger, I would point out that perhaps a 60 year old man holding out for a 20 something hottie is being unrealistic. Perhaps growing up when I did, the older male, SLIGHTLY younger female seemed to me to be the norm. (Within 10 years, typically within 5 years) I have no issue with men who prefer younger, I think everyone is entitled to their preferences. However, I do have issue with those who come to this board (male and female) and BASH people simply for being a certain age. I think one can state their age preferences without bashing people outside of their desired age group. If a man comes to this board and states that he only dates teenagers because women are worthless over the age of 21, he’s going to be “bashed” because he is insulting a large group of people and his behavior borders on pedophilia. Likewise, I don’t like the women here who start slinging mud at men in the over 40 crowd. It’s not anyone’s preference, which they are perfectly entitled to that I object to, it’s hiding behind a keyboard and hurling bigoted, ageist, insults against an entire group of people.

  9. 9
    Trixie

    What I find frequently with men over 60 is that they are retired and want someone who has the same freedom and is financially independent. I am 58 with retirement still 7-8 years off I generally look for someone my age or a few years younger.
    That being said if two people are compatible age does not matter although I don’t see myself with someone more than 10-12 years either way.

    1. 9.1
      starthrower68

      I just got contacted on Meet Me by a 68 year old. That he wants a much younger woman, evidently, is no skin off my nose. But I’m certainly in no position to come and go as I please and live the life of a retired person, assuming he is. I’m still raising a child and I work 2 jobs 7 days a week. Not poking for anything on Meet Me but you don’t get options to say why you’re there.

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