Maria’s Coaching Journey with Evan Marc Katz – Final Takeaways

After last week’s call I felt a little sad that my time with Evan was coming to an end. I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful it’s been to have Evan by my side during my search for love. I’m a certified coach but before my coaching with Evan, I’d never worked with another coach. My experience with Evan has made me even more passionate about coaching and moving my career forward.

Before I share my coaching journey takeaways, I want to let you know that tomorrow I’m going on a third date with J. The second date went really well and started in an unconventional way. He picked me up at home, along with his dog, and our date began with a visit to the vet. My dog was suffering with a skin problem. Afterwards we had a “family” picnic with our dogs (since we don’t have children) in a local State Park. Then later we cooked dinner together at my place. We talked a lot and at the end of the night we kissed “slightly” on the lips before he left…which was very unusual for me. I realized that in the past I assumed that “no sex=no interest.” Clearly I was wrong. J made me feel both respected and cherished.

If you follow the steps and do the work, the question is not if you’ll find love, but when you’ll find love.

I’m still logging in to Match every day and will continue to do so until I am in a committed relationship.

As for what I’ve learned from Evan, it’s hard to filter 12-weeks of coaching into a few bullet points, but I’d like to highlight some of my most meaningful takeaways:

      * In online dating, like in real life, you want to surround yourself with people that make you feel good and appreciate your efforts.
      * Do not reward lazy behavior. If he sends you a one-liner or just winks at you after you’ve taken the time to send a smart, witty message, don’t waste your time with him.
      * You’re the CEO of your love life. It’s you who determines whether he’s worthy of you. If you don’t feel good about him, FIRE him.
      * Nobody means anything until he means something. All men are replaceable. This is something I heard from Evan many times. You don’t have to stay with anyone that is weird or makes you feel bad.
      * Always remember that actions speak louder than words. It’s what he does, not what he says, that shows you what he really wants.
      * Confidence comes from the inside out. Confidence does not come from whether the guy called or emailed you back – confidence comes from within.
      * If you want to be in the female/receptive energy, you have to let the man lead.
      * The perfect is the enemy of the good. If you wait for the perfect circumstances to find love, it may never happen.
      * You have to tailor your life to fit your love life. Get out of your comfort zone! Let me tell you, there were many times when I would’ve preferred to wake up in the morning and do my old routine rather than put 30 minutes into Match.
      * Ask yourself these three questions to figure out if you should go on a second date. Did I feel attracted? Did I have fun? Did I feel comfortable? If the answer is yes to all three, see him again.

There is so much more I would like to share with you but for now these are the key points. I’m keeping a journal of my experiences and hope at some point to write a book on my journey to find true love. I’ll let you know how that goes.

In Evan’s book, Believe in Love, he says that if you follow the steps and do the work, the question is not if you’ll find love, but when you’ll find love. I’m confident that I will find love and when I do I’ll be back to share my joy with you.

I want to express my sincere gratitude to all of you for following my journey. Your questions, comments, and support have meant the world to me.

Keep your heart open to give and to receive love.

Maria

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Henriette

    Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, Maria.   Every Friday, I’d look forward to reading about your journey.
     
    I hope you will continue to be an active commenter and that you’ll let us know when you find an exclusive relationship and, eventually, true love (you might want to pick a unique sobriquet ~ MiamiMaria; HolaMaria; MariaAmor ~  since I think there might already be several people posting comments under the name “Maria”)  I’ll still be cheering for you, even though your weekly column has ended.

  2. 2
    Josie

    Maria-
    Thank you for distilling Evan’s advice so succinctly and with your own unique flair!  I’m hopeful and heartened after reading of your promising new relationship! Having lived in the Miami area, i know very well that it is a challenging place to date so I you have to appreciate when you do find a thoughtful and down to earth man who shares common interests.  Please keep us up to date!

  3. 3
    Maria

    Thank you, Henriette and Josie. I learned a lot in 12 weeks with Evan and now I’m just enjoying the ride…When I started my journey I’ve not dated anyone for almost two years!
     I’ve gone on three dates with J, we are meeting again next week… Even though he has a demanding career he communicates regularly and it’s really showing a lot of potential…. I’m having a date at the beach tomorrow with a guy  I met last night at a club, great dancer but lives in Canada,,,,, I was also asked for a date from a guy I’ve been communicating with in Match (we’re having a phone date first)
    This is the most fun I’ve had in years! 😉 
    I will definetly keep you posted. <3
     

  4. 4
    SaraN

    Thanks so much Maria- will miss your updates and insights! Good luck, I am sure you will find love. 

  5. 5
    fitblondebrit

    Good luck Maria.
    I’m glad you’re having fun and have met at least one man, with potential.

    I haven’t been on a date in a very long time. I’m on match, but not interested in any of the men who contact me. And when I did go on dates, not one lead to a second date!

    It’s pretty dismal. But my lifestyle is very restrictive. No drinking, 20 mile outside bike ride most days. 1 1/2 hours flat out in the gym, most days. Diet is dairy, meat (except fish and chicken), grain (except oats and quinoa) and sugar free.. And I have 3, small, special needs…rescued dogs!! 

    Anyway .. please keep us updated. I’d love to hear a success story… 

  6. 6
    twinkle

    Good luck Maria! U seem to have learnt a lot in a short time and it’s gonna pay off.

    It’s true that we shouldn’t wait for perfect circumstances, or stay too stubbornly in our comfort zone–those are mistakes I’m prone to, and I think many other women are too. Time waits for no man or woman, sadly, so we gotta get serious about any goals we have.

    Something I recently read from the ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ was that we can classify everything into a 2 by 2 matrix, of Urgent vs Not Urgent, Important vs Not Important. So many of us are always only doing the Urgent stuff, which never ends.

    Quadrant 1 stuff (important and urgent) are the deadlines and crises; this is where we all have to spend time at, like it or not, but it’s like putting out fires, hamster-on-the-wheel, going in circles. 

    We tend to spend too much time on Quadrant 3 (Urgent, not impt) and Quadrant 4 (non-urgent, non-impt).

    Stuff in Quadrant 2 (Non-urgent, but important), including relationship-building, as well as planning, finding new opportunities, crises prevention, purposeful recreation, tends to be neglected but is where the author advises we spend at least 10% of each day on, ideally more like 30%. This is where u have to be at to achieve your life goals.

    I know it sounds very vague, but he suggests we start each week with 30 mins thinking about these 4 quadrants and what we want to spend our time on. I’m one of the many pple who didn’t do this enough, then wondered “Why do I never have time for a relationship?” while wasting time in quadrants 3 and 4…

  7. 7
    Kathy

    Hi Maria!
    So happy to have followed your journey. So happy you learned so much and had a nice third date. I hope you’ll join us on the forum. The FOCUS coaching experience is really great! And there’s a lot of great support there.
    In any case, keep us posted!
    Love,
    Kathy 

  8. 8
    Jane

    Just re-listened to your final video, Maria. Thank you again for sharing so much of your journey with the rest of us. It was very helpful to hear Evan’s words coming from you who have actually been experiencing the 12 week program.

    I am mindful of the fact that time continues to march on so I am more aware than ever that I need to make a real plan to find love and to stick with that as you have been doing.

    Look forward to hearing what happens in your next phase of life. All the very best to you, Maria!

    Jane

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