Passion 1, Comfort 0 – The Bachelor Has Spoken

So last night, The Bachelor, Jake Pavelka, chose Vienna, the sexy, opinionated former Hooters waitress, over cute, bland, devoted Tenley.

At one point in last night’s proceedings, I said out loud to my wife that I’d probably choose Vienna… and then changed my mind by the end of the show, where I started “rooting” for Tenley.

But it was not meant to be. Jake, driven by the clarity of passion (which you just read about today if you’re on my mailing list), chose a woman who with her big personality, big boobs, and bleach blonde hair, didn’t seem to have many supporters out there. It’s easy to see why he made his decision – he felt SOMETHING with Vienna that he didn’t feel with Tenley – and he went with his FEELINGS.

And while I won’t suggest you should always ignore your feelings, I have to wonder aloud how often your feelings have been wrong. Do you think Jake and Vienna will be together in 5 years? Or do you think this is another case of choosing short-term passion over long-term compatibility?

Personally, I’m hoping The Bachelor proves me wrong; I’m just not banking on it.

Join our conversation (19 Comments).
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  1. 1

    Well, if he felt nothing for the other “cute bland devoted” girl, how could he have chosen otherwise?
    It wouldn’t have been fair for her either.. It wouldn’t have lasted either.

    No matter how “good” a choice the other is, if there is no attraction, there is no choice what so ever.
    – no matter what you say here.

  2. 2

    Evan, not to pass your own advice back to you, but… 🙂

    One of your past emails exhorted people not to judge the woman by herself (is she a 7 or 10?), but to judge the quality of the relationship, which includes both people. You couched this in the example of deciding whether to marry your current wife.

    With that in mind, I don’t think we have enough information to know whether this couple will survive. Vienna may not be to everyone’s tastes, but we don’t know her personally, and maybe Jake felt a connection with her beyond what we’ve been allowed to see. Looks aren’t everything about a woman, so we can’t judge whether or not he was guided by passion. Many people have “big personalities” (including myself, not by choice); we attract people who are happy and compatible with that, usually people who are more laid-back and like to let the other person shine. Many types of personalities and relationships succeed.

  3. 3

    Hi Evan, I will agree with ya one hundred percent….Jake and Vienna….long term? Ha. I don’t think so….could surprise us
    like you said . I watched it from the start…surprised from the first night when he met all of these women. The choices were all pretty strange to me. I have first hand experience choosing with nothing passion being my guide. Not one of them still in my life. I guess Jake got blinded with what he thinks is loaded brand new car with
    all these cool features. Like cellphones, provide ALL of these technologies and cool fun functions but bottom line is we just want to make a call and have it go through. This is something I think alot of people including myself struggle with. You get so
    wide eyed like a kid at Disneyland. Jake is no different and will figure that one out I’m figuring with in the year…..!

  4. 4

    My DVR didn’t like this season of The Bachelor so I missed a lot of episodes, but I thought Tenley was not only a more interesting, well-rounded, and settled than Vienna, I thought she was SIGNIFICANTLY more attractive. Didn’t Vienna say at one point that a life of exotic travel she didn’t have to pay for had always been one of her dreams? Jake (who seems like a nice guy) got tricked by a gold-digger, IMO. But can he continue to support her IRL in the way to which she’s become accustomed on the show? And even if he can, will he?

  5. 5

    You will be proven right once again!

  6. 6

    Oddly enough, Jake said that he has made the mistake of chosing passion and sexual attraction over compatibility in the past and that those relationships had failed. He has just repeated the same pattern.
    His family’s opinion and the opinion of so many others made no difference to him. When no one cares for the one you are with…
    there could be no larger red flag. They will not last for long.

  7. 7

    No one can predict how long any relationship will last. Beyond that, someone who is…lets just say “quirky” enough to pick a mate through a tv show is probably not a great bet for longetivity with anyone.

  8. 8

    Evan, Evan, Evan. Come ON. Dude, we know you’re not a dummy, but how can you even suggest that this inane, shameless, reality tv show in any way mirrors real life? What these two attention-craving nitwits do or don’t succeed at isn’t exactly informative for life in the real world. First of all, if either of these people was seriously seeking a life partner, they wouldn’t be doing it on network television. As for her, she’s in it for the perks. End of story. As for Tenley — if she seemed a little bland but sincere, hopefully she’s thanking her lucky stars today that she didn’t get “picked” by Mr. Wonderful and is doing some reflecting on how demeaning it is for women to value themselves so little that they’re willing to be put on display in the hopes of being “the chosen one”…instead of being the one who’s doing the choosing. End of rant.

    Will Vienna and Jake still be together in 5 years? Of course not. But more importantly, who cares?

  9. 9

    “quirky” – “attention-craving nitwits”
    You say potaato, I say potahto. Lol!

  10. 10

    I’m sorry American folks out there to say that I don’t really buy these kind of reality TV shows. I thought that it could be just a staged act.

    Anyway, I’m sure Jake has got Tenley’s number. He can always give her a call if things don’t work out with Vienna. Hopefully Tenley is forgiving.

  11. 11

    Don’t you feel bad for tenley, first her husband cheats on her an leaves her for another woman, then she get rejected on national tv. My mom dosent like Vienna, but I totally get it, its funny how some women don’t. As always with any relationship, its feelings before facts.

  12. 12

    C’mon folks,we’re all intelligent enough on this blog to know that neither of these women are even close to being ready to be
    RE-married.(<–that’s marriage #2 for both) Vienna is an immature 23 yr.old who has nothing to lose here and Tenley has been with 1 man her whole life who treated her like s**t and has no experience at dating or relationships. Jake didn’t HAVE to “pick” or propose to either one.Everyone knows this is most ridiculous unhealthy way to date let alone propose or accept a proposal to or from someone who you’ve know for 6 weeks on a TV show. It’s pure entertainment….lol and we love it!
    Now someone can explain to me how Ali had to leave the show to save her job but all of a sudden she can take enough time off of work to become the new “Bachelorette”?? Oh well…I’m sure she’ll pick someone hot & rich that’ll make sure her “working” will just be a hobby anyway.

  13. 13

    @ JB,

    I know, right? We do love a good trainwreck, don’t we? We’re repulsed yet compelled.

  14. 14

    Okay, so usually I find things like sincerity cloying and horrible, but Tenley is AWESOME. I am so disappointed…. (just watching this now…)

  15. 15

    Honey I agree, I though Tenley is awesome, very caring, kind and mature. It takes a lot for a women to open up at take a risk again at “love”. She is gracious and thankful for the lessons she learned….I think she will put the experience to work and find someone far more suitable then Jake ever would have been.

    As far as Jake and Vienna…sexual attraction clouded Jakes mind. I can’t see this working out in the long run, but if it does then I wish them good luck.

  16. 16

    I don’t think this relationship will last beyond two or three years.
    On a personal note, Tenley’s gratitude and her positive attitude toward Jake’s telling her goodbye reminded me of myself in how I chose to handle a similar situation as hers: someone you love choosing hot white passion over comfort and something worth working for. The good news is she will take away the positives from her experience, and she will find someone who loves all of her. Tenley lost the man she loved. I lost so much more.

    I think Jake still loves Tenley (as far as six weeks on reality TV will get you). I don’t think he made his decision lightly. I don’t think those were crocodile tears. It was painful to watch, but passion won.

  17. 17

    #14, Honey-

    You find sincerity horrible? Wait…are you kidding? So, you prefer two-faced bitchiness?

  18. 18

    Here’s a lesson Tenley can take from the show. If you’re on a date with a guy who YOU KNOW is dating someone else and he says “I’m tired” and yawns rather than making out with you HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU !
    Don’t get me wrong,I was very impressed with the way she handled herself and I think she is wonderful and absolutely adorable. But deluding herself thinking she was going to roll out of a bad divorce with the only man she’s ever been with and roll right in and marry The Bachelor is a stretch but hey…she almost pulled it off. She’s a class act though,that’s for sure.

  19. 19

    I’ve watched exactly one episode of Bachelor this season (was forced to with my mom), but after reviewing the pics online I think Tenley is a little bit hotter than Vienna. Either one are fine. Tenley is probably a better long term companion. I think Jake is a vacuous pretty boy who probably popped his collar a ton in college and maybe still does. Whatever.

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