Romantic Love Is An Addiction

See? It’s not just your friendly neighborhood dating coach who says so.

As reported in the July edition of the Journal of Neurophysiology, Dr. Helen Fisher’s new work indicates that for heartbroken men and women, looking at photographs of former partners activated regions in the brain associated with rewards, addiction cravings, control of emotions, feelings of attachment and physical pain and distress.

The love that endures is the one that remains steady.

Yep. That intense, yearning, magical feeling is a drug – and, like most tales involving drugs – it rarely has a happy ending. Love, as you undoubtedly know, is marked by high-highs and low-lows. Yet the love that endures is the one that remains steady.

That’s the one I’m always talking about, the one I want you to achieve by making different decisions in dating.

The good news, Fisher points out, is that time heals all. The more time that had passed since the breakup, the less activity there was in a brain region associated with attachment.

So, are you still going to keep chasing that “feeling” that has never resulted in your own long-term happiness? And if so, why?

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  1. 31

    Star #15,
    physical attraction is an inalienable component of romantic love. Otherwise it’s just emotional attachment.

  2. 32


    I re-read what I posted and don’t see where I said that it wasn’t.  I’m pretty much saying what Evan says.

  3. 33

    No, I am just saying, it’s not two different topics, it’s all interrelated.

  4. 34

    Evan didn’t get..
    But luckily Selena in no:  19 did.
    so did Juju in no 22 who said

    Besides, I think I am being somewhat misunderstood here: Evan is trying to persuade us to “settle” for a 7 on the chemistry scale – hey, I’d be deliriously happy to find that! I never did hold out for a 10! By far with most men I am capable of finding intellectually interesting, though, the physical chemistry ranges between somewhere on the negative scale and maybe 3-4
    And Karl in no 8
    Feeling excited is a choice. It’s a decision (conscious or not) about how we perceive events.
    Based on what you say you could have a sexual relationship with man.
    Read my post again – I said. Without sex I could take a woman as  flatmate/ friend to live with me.
    I am saying it again: I never felt any sexual attraction towards most men, who wanted to date me. You tell me to try to have a relationship with them anyway –
    I have done it – based on wrong advice like you say.
    “You never know”
    Never again, I know myself. That would be leading them on, and I still would be sexually frustrated as I NEVER HAVE GOT AN ORGASM WITH A MAN LIKE THAT. Sex has been basicly boring.. and I have been faking it by thinking that “I don’t want to disappoint him”. Men hate to hear that, but that is the truth.
    I am not willing to do it again.
    And you are irresponsible when you say that “it is all mental” –
    if that is so, then for you, it is all the same who  (man or women) you have relationship with, the only thing that seems to be important is to HAVE someone – no matter who.


  5. 35
    Karl R

    NN said: (#37)
    “I am saying it again: I never felt any sexual attraction towards most men, who wanted to date me.

    NN said: (#1)
    “BUT the act of sex doesn’t feel like anything (no satisfaction) without excitement”

    Do you consider those two statements to be synonymous? I don’t, which may explain my confusion regarding your first post.

    If you don’t consider those statements to be synonymous, then I’m confused as to how you’re making that statement “again” in (#37), because I don’t see where you made it the first time in (#1).

    If you feel zero sexual attraction towards someone, then I agree with you, there’s no point in dating them. There’s no amount of mindset that will create something from nothing.

    However, you should re-read my post. I was talking about excitement, not sexual attraction, which I (and every dictionary) view as somewhat different terms. If I had been discussing sexual attraction, I wouldn’t have used an example with your parents, since I consider a sexual attraction towards one’s parents to be fairly disgusting.

    You’re not sexually attracted to “most men” who want to date you. What percentage of them are you attracted to?

  6. 36

    # 37

    NN, I am with you all the way!

  7. 37

    @ #1, NN,

    Hey, if compromising means being with a man who is slightly out of my age range, good-looking, not Ivy-League-educated, and a great human being….and I feel 7/10 chemistry….please, please, please, send him my way!!!!!   I guess some of us have varying views of “compromising.”    LOL

  8. 38
    Mike Smith

    Really Romantic Love is an addiction for the lovers. Once they get into it, they do not find a way to get out of it. their mind and heart is every time thinking about how to comfort their partner by romance.
    Learn more about love and romance on

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