The Biggest Lie Ever Perpetrated by Parents, Couples and Self-Help Gurus

Over the past few weeks, I’ve read your comments

I know how much men have disappointed you.

I know you’re wary of taking a chance and opening your heart again.

I know you’re looking for a shortcut that will immediately let you know if a guy is a player, slacker, jerk, or alcoholic.

With such men…

You will constantly cry.
You will constantly fight.
You will constantly be disappointed.
You will constantly question yourself.
You will constantly agonize about where things are going.
You will constantly obsess how you can love someone so much and be so unhappy.

But it does beg the question, doesn’t it?

If you are not consistently happy, why are you in the relationship at all?

It’s a tough question – and you may not have a ready answer for it.

Your first reaction may be to protest, but I’m going to challenge you to consider that I’m telling you a cold hard truth that is hard to accept:

You’ve hung onto the wrong men for your entire adult life.

In fact, that tenacity is a quality you took pride in – being able to push through, hold on tight and try to work things out with your partner.

Yet it was all a big lie.

After all, NO relationship you’ve ever worked hard at has EVER worked out. Has it?

Which brings me to one of the biggest epiphanies I had about relationships.

This is what has allowed me to be a happily married man, and what has helped me facilitate thousands of other happy relationships as well.

What I’m about to tell you is the #1 thing you need to know to choose a husband.

The best way to know if a guy is right for you is the absence of anxiety.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Consider the times in your life when you’ve been the happiest.

Did you cry a lot?

Did you have trouble eating?

Were you up in the middle of the night thinking?

Were you distracted and incapacitated at work?

Of course not. Yet that’s what you’ve been like when your relationships stopped making you happy, and you thought that was normal.

You thought that was love.

Uh uh.

Thus, you’ve bought into the biggest lie ever perpetrated by parents, couples counselors, clergy members, and self-help gurus:

“Relationships take work!”

Based on your life experience, I’m sure you’d feel the same way.

Every relationship you’ve ever had was not only work, but it was TOO much work.

    • Frustration that boiled over when he didn’t listen to your needs.

    • Anger at yet another conversation that turned into a screaming match.

    • Anxiety of wondering where the relationship was going.

    • Confusion of wondering how this man you loved could be so insensitive to your feelings.

    • Resignation that the man you knew during those first few months was never going to live up to his potential.

Yep, that describes most relationships. But does it have to?

If you are not consistently happy, why are you in the relationship at all?

When I look at my happy marriage and the happy marriages of my clients, those relationships all have one overriding quality:

They’re EASY.

If that sounds hard to believe, that’s because you’ve never chosen an easy relationship before.

For you, love has always meant arguments, negotiations, complaints, insults, silent treatments, guessing games, make-up sex, insecurity and self-doubt.

That doesn’t say anything about love itself.

That only says something about the men you’ve chosen.

What I’m offering you today is an end to the frustration, anxiety, and confusion.

What I’m offering you today is a simple and priceless pearl of wisdom.

A good relationship is easy. If it’s not easy, it’s not that good.

Your entire life, you’ve tried to fit a square peg in a round hole.

You’d fall for a man and spend years trying to justify why he was a good long-term fit, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

You cried and fought, and broke up and made-up, and vented to your friends and family, all because you thought that this was NORMAL.

All because “relationships take work.”

Sorry, my friend. They don’t take that much work.

Let me put it another way:

If you tried on a pair of shoes and they didn’t fit, would you keep trying them on for TWO STRAIGHT YEARS?

No way.

You might think it’s too bad the shoes didn’t fit you.

You might admire how gorgeous the shoes looked.

You might get upset that some other woman could wear those same shoes.

But I can guarantee you wouldn’t continually force your feet inside them.

This is what you’ve been doing with men forever.

This is what you’re going to do differently – starting right now.

You wasted years on the wrong men and never paid attention to the right men.

But that begs the question: WHERE ARE the right men?

That’s what you want to know.

In your mind, if I could tell you the one place to meet these theoretically great guys, you’d handle the rest.

Close your eyes and you can already picture how your courtship should go.

You meet organically with no effort.

You feel electric chemistry.

He’s exactly what you always pictured – taller, smarter, wealthier, and funnier than you with the same exact background, beliefs and common interests.

He does all the right things – he calls, he plans, he pays, he follows up.

He acts like a perfect gentleman (and also a bit of a bad boy).

He commits to you immediately.

He “just knows” you are meant to be together.

He tells you every day how much he loves you.

He has eyes for no one else.

He proposes to you and marries you.

He treats you with the same passion and excitement as he did during those first few weeks together – and does so for the rest of your life.

I don’t blame you for hoping that this is how future will go. It sounds incredible. There’s only one problem with that story.

It pretty much never happens that way.

That story is the equivalent of winning the love lottery. It may happen to 1 in a million people.

So what happens to the 999,999 others?

Are they doomed to be miserable?

Are they relegated to a life of bland, uninspiring drudgery?

Nope. Not at all.

They just fall in love a different way.

A more common way. A more effective way. A more lasting way.

A way that doesn’t rely on luck, fantasy, or wishful thinking.

A way that gives you control of your own destiny.

A way that virtually guarantees results.

This is the opportunity I am offering to you today.

Instead of standing around, hoping to win the love lottery, you can create the relationship of a lifetime just by taking a series of smart and achievable actions.

Put another way, if you were looking to become wealthy and your financial advisor recommended you buy a bunch of lottery tickets, you’d find that odd, wouldn’t you?

Sure, SOMEONE wins the lottery, but it’s not the BEST way to get rich; it’s just the fastest one. It’s also the least likely way to pan out.

So if it’s patently obvious that getting rich is a lifelong series of smart choices, wouldn’t it stand to reason that creating lasting love works the same way?

You’ve been waiting for luck, timing, and fate to intervene.

But that’s not the way love usually works.

Your success rests in YOUR hands.

That may seem exciting. That may seem scary.

But from this moment forward, you will have the ability to determine your own fate.

    • You will be able to effortlessly let go of the pain and negativity in your past.

    • You will carry yourself with unshakable confidence in all dating situations.

    • You will not be derailed by failure, rejection, and disappointment.

    • You will be able to fearlessly flirt with any man.

    • You will attract quality guys and make them invest in you before meeting.

    • You will be an incredible first date who always gets a second date.

    • You will actually enjoy dating, knowing that you’re in control of the entire process.

    • You will easily handle sexual situations, maintain healthy boundaries, and make your man want to come back for more.

    • You will no longer freak out when you haven’t heard from a man.

    • You will know whether he’s worthy of being your boyfriend and when it’s time to let him go.

    • You will never worry about breaking up with a guy out of fear that you can’t do better.

    • You will be an amazing girlfriend, the kind no man wants to live without.

    • You will understand what he’s thinking and why he does what he does.

    • You will be able to tell men how to please you and get what you want, without fighting, without drama, and without tension.

    • You will have the power and courage to leave the relationship that isn’t making you happy.

    • You will discover the difference between chemistry and compatibility and use that information to choose a healthy, long-term partner.

    • You will act with confidence and trust and inspire your man to do the same.

    And most importantly:
    • You will have the fun, passionate, lasting love you’ve always dreamed about.

Since 2003, I have helped women like you create better relationships.

I am one of the first dating coaches and one of the better known ones for one primary reason: my clients get results.

If you read my emails regularly, you know: every one ends with a testimonial from a happy client who broke her bad man habit and found a better one.

I’ve been sending out these emails every week since the inception of my business.

So it’s never been a question of whether coaching works.

The only question is what’s the best way to do it?

Well, this year, I finally figured it out.

I came up with a better coaching structure.

I created a way to walk you through everything I knew.

You’ve bought into the biggest lie ever perpetrated by parents, couples counselors, clergy members, and self-help gurus: “Relationships take work!”

I developed a foolproof process that would answer all of your questions so that you’d never again need more coaching.

This has been my dream for the past five years and the primary thing I’ve been working on since last summer.

I’ve taken my best material – collated from 1000 blog posts, 300 newsletters, 4 books, and hundreds of hours of coaching calls – and put it all into a curriculum.

It’s called Love U and I am thrilled to share it with you today.

This program is only for women like you who are done wasting time on the wrong men and are serious about finding love fast. Soon you’ll understand everything there is to know about the opposite sex, so that you can have the relationship you deserve!

This limited-time opportunity to learn everything I know is only available until May 31st, so click here to learn more.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. Erin used the material in Love U – and now she’s in love. It’s not just a coincidence!

“I was a 30 something, never married, single woman who had spent most of her 20’s focused on education and career, not even knowing what I really wanted out of a long term relationship. Once I decided I wanted to get married, I began dating with that in mind, but not very effectively. I signed up for Evan’s coaching, thinking I’d “give it a try for 3 months.” Now almost 3 years later I am still enjoying the learning that takes place with him. The major ‘aha’ Evan helped me learn to be a more effective dater were to lean back and mirror a man in the dating stage, rather than chasing a guy myself. I had to learn to be more receptive to a man’s courting gestures, which turned out to be a lot of fun. As I got more comfortable with Evan’s “more effective” ways of dating, he taught me to relax, not overthink, enjoy letting the relationship unfold in due time, and “not try to read the last page of the book before I read the entire book.” I am practicing that lesson with my current boyfriend of 7 months. He often comments how impressed he is with my ability to go with the flow and how easy it is to date me. I did share my lessons learned from Evan with my boyfriend, and he loves that I am so self-aware and communicative to prevent common relationship issues before they come up. I am enjoying seeing how our relationship grows and the time we spend together is awesome. I couldn’t have a better boyfriend, that likely I wouldn’t have without Evan’s coaching. Thanks Evan!”

Have you ever had a boyfriend comment on how easy it is to date you? Would you like to have that power? To make men want to commit?

Click here and it can be yours.

Join our conversation (8 Comments).
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Comments:

  1. 1
    Helen

    Love the shoe analogy.

  2. 2
    Jess

    At last someone has said what I have been thinking for a few years now.  I married young and my ex husband was hard work, what an effort for 25 years and a total waste of time as we eventually divorced.  Always walking on egg shells, careful of what I said, arguing a lot of the time. BUT as my parent and his parents has that sort of marriage I ( and I assume he) thought it was normal behaviour.  So I divorced him and decided to spent the rest of my life alone, but I met someone who was interested in me, treated me well and we just ‘clicked’.  12 years later we are very happily married and I have to say we make no effort because we get on so well.  We love each other and treat each other with respect natually.  Yes all couple go through difficult times when effort is required but on a normal day to day basis we aren’t walking on egg shells, not wondering where the other is, not worrying what mood the otherone will come home in.  I guess that we both put the other before ourselves a lot of the time knowing that we will be treated fairly in return.  So dont waste time on someone your have to work hard with or want to change.  Just marry someone who you ‘click’ with.

  3. 3
    Suzanne

    but dating is work. Last week I went on what will likely be my last first date for awhile. I wasn’t attracted to him in the least. It might be easy once you meet someone you click with but finding that person is a huge investment in time and patience.

    1. 3.1
      Karmic Equation

      Nothing worth having comes free. So you think finding love shouldn’t be work?
       
      For SSS women, it will always be more work than for women who work sane 9-5 jobs and have hobbies that guarantees that they’ll meet men. My hobby is shooting pool. I’m usually the only woman in the pool room…and often the only woman who can play the game well enough to gain men’s admiration. While men rarely notice or care about your work and educational achievements, you’d be surprised at how much they notice a woman who can challenge them to an activity that requires skill. Dancing would qualify, too, if “pool” is too manly for you.
       
      Find a hobby that is mostly a male-activity that you TRULY wish to excel at, and meeting men won’t be so much work. You’ll learn a skill while meeting men. Efficient.

    2. 3.2
      ScottH

      I went on a first date with someone I didn’t feel attracted to, nor did we click (IMO). I asked her on a second and third date just to make sure of my feelings and it wasn’t much better. On the 4th date, we did start clicking and we’ve been clicking a bit more on each date and we’re getting to know each other organically and now I’m hooked and we’re spending weekends together and going on trips and we’re going strong. You’re not taking Evan’s advice. Give it a try sometime. She even commented how I’m doing it all right and things are progressing just as Evan describes. She didn’t give off some of the signals that she should have to indicate interest and maybe that’s why I wasn’t sure. But now we’re good. And she’s an alpha and I’m between an alpha and a beta. I’m in heaven right now. I just hope it lasts.

  4. 4
    Suzanne

    I do take Evan’s advice, actually. But while I was out on that date, my daughter was texting me, asking when I’d be home. A few friends wanted me to visit. I think the advice is great, but it doesn’t address the busyness of the lives of singles in midlife who have careers, kids, friends and more. Many of my friends are smart, single and successful (not six-figure successful). But all of us are the providers in our families. Dating may have to wait until our kids are older because we are all simply exhausted. Meeting men and working to make them feel good just seems like a lot of work. While I agree relationships should be easy, dating is the antithesis of easy. I should also point out as singles, we often hear from our married friends about their marital issues. This is not a selling point. I know no couple that has an “easy” relationship.

    1. 4.1
      Joek

      Please don’t take this as an indictment, but read what you wrote from a different perspective (i.e., not from your own perspective):

       

      “Meeting men and working to make them feel good just seems like a lot of work.”

       

      Now, being a guy perhaps my perspective is a bit different, but making a date fun never felt like “work”…effort – yes – but not work. But effort that I find enjoyable.

       

      If it feels like work to you, maybe dating isn’t what you should be doing right now. Additionally, if making your dates feel good isn’t something you’re interested in, why would anyone want to date you? If I were a boring date, why would any woman want a second date?

  5. 5
    rawr

    for you ladies reading out there, men these days are going to take your absence of anxiety as a sign of you’re about to lose interest and attraction to him, because that’s exactly what happens based on experience, and not just my own. if you can overcome your instinct to jump ship because you don’t have that feeling of uncertainty anymore, then good job you won at life.

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