What I’m Thankful For: You

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of stress.

I’m generally an intense, organized, hardworking guy who expects the best from himself and others – and when things don’t go my way, I get thrown for a loop.

I’m not proud of this, but it’s an undeniable part of me. I had anxiety issues when I was graduating college. I had anxiety issues as a screenwriter in my 20’s. I had anxiety issues when I was deciding to propose to my wife. I had anxiety issues when I was launching Love U last year.

And when I’m in anxiety mode – not sleeping well, not eating well, not enjoying myself as much as I should – I always try to take stock of what IS working in my life.

Despite my high-strung nature, I am blessed to have this unusual and meaningful career, to be my own boss, to have a healthy wife and kids, to surround myself with other positive people who believe in lasting love.

As I often say, “It’s a bad day, not a bad life.”

But how often do I actually take the time to express my gratitude for all of this?

Not that often. Which is ironic, given that, scientifically, showing appreciation actually makes you a happier person. But of course it does:

When I tell my wife I love her and appreciate her, it makes her happy, and she usually returns the favor. Sounds like a win/win situation to me – and yet it’s so easy to forget to express gratitude.

It’s even harder to remember to appreciate the ones you love the most, specifically because you’re around them all the time and it’s easy to take them for granted.

Yet that’s exactly why it’s so important. Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself – and others – feel better on a regular basis.

Since I learned about the power of appreciation, I’ve become even more effusive in praising others. Yesterday, I interrupted my own conversation with a woman to say, “You know what? I like you. I think you’re great.”

It made me feel good and I hope it made her morning.

Long story short: I wanted to take this moment to express my appreciation for you.

As an extrovert who spends all his time alone, you are my sole connection to the outside world.

Which is one of many reasons that I spend so much time responding to comments on my blog, Facebook and Twitter.

It’s also one of the reasons that I relish any feedback you give to me.

Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel better on a regular basis.

Your emails are the lifeblood of my business and they are the single biggest reason I never tire of the solitude of being a writer.

I have saved every email I’ve ever received in a folder on my computer.

On days when I feel adrift or need to be reminded of my mission in life, I look at that folder and receive heartwarming tangible reminders about why I do this.

It feels incredible to know that I can touch women from all over the world with a newsletter or a quote that inspires. But the only way I know how you feel is if you tell me. Jules sent me this email, and if it wasn’t so long, I’d have framed it:

Evan, I want to thank you SO much for everything that you do. I really believe that it was a driving force behind me having the relationship that I’ve always wanted. I was divorced, never dated much before, and read your “Why He Disappeared” eBook in one sitting. It really changed things for me. I finally understood why that guy I went out with on 3 amazing dates never called me again, I finally understood why that guy I had been texting for over 1 month never asked me out. But here is my favorite part, I STOPPED GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT. Okay, I was a little hurt, but not like I was before, and I didn’t let it stop me or hold me back because I KNEW there was going to be another guy out there.

Also, I stopped trying to lead the relationship. I finally learned to let go, stop being SO invested in every single date and started to have fun with dating. I’m being honest when I say I had TONS of fun dating. I learned to focus on being playful, just having a great conversation with a man, and stopped appearing so desperate.

That’s when he found me. The love of my life. All it took was a few email exchanges on an online dating website, and before I met him I made a conscious choice to try to be myself; this meant I did not get super dolled up for our brunch date but went looking “cute” and friendly and open. He was not my type at all. He was the same culture and religion as me, which I told myself I would never do, and he was not my type physically at all. But this time was different. I decided to focus on how he made me feel and give it a chance. And let me tell you, he makes me feel like no other man has ever made me feel. Safe, wanted, loved, cared for, special, funny, desired. What I also realized is that when I am being completely and utterly myself (like the way I am with a best friend; nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be fake about), he is even more crazy about me.

He always told me when we were first dating that he thought I was a “cool girl” and let me tell you, it took a while for me to get there!! I was a nervous girl, a not so confident-don’t know-what I’m doing-girl, but you gave me confidence, Evan. I knew that I should focus on the way he makes me feel and I should focus on making him feel good too (quizzing him on our 3rd date on whether he wants to ever get married would NOT make him feel good, so I didn’t do that, asking him why he didn’t call me one or two days out of the week when he called every other day was NOT going to make him feel good, so I didn’t do that either).

I also learned that it is OKAY for a woman to say what she wants or is important to her in a matter of fact way, and the guy can either take it or leave it. If the man cannot or does not want to provide that, it is up to the woman to decide if she still wants to be with him. After 2 years of dating. I dropped a “hint” and sent him a picture of a ring and told him should he ever consider it in the future, that was my style. A few months later he proposed with that exact same style of ring I sent him. We are getting married on a beach in about 2 weeks now, and I wanted to thank you again for all the work you do. It truly, really, makes a difference. It helped me become the woman I wanted to be (and always knew I could be) in a relationship; confident, open, giving and receiving.

THANK YOU EVAN!!!
-Jules

I don’t care who you are, but being appreciated never gets old – whether it’s by your boss, your employees, your children, your parents, or, in this case, your readers.

Being appreciated never gets old – whether it’s by your boss, your employees, your children, your parents, or, in this case, your readers.

No, I’m not soliciting praise from you.

If anything, I’m encouraging you to call (or text) someone you love for no reason other than to express your gratitude.

I promise: you will have a positive impact – that will likely ripple into another positive expression of love in return.

As you know, a little appreciation goes a long way.

Now that you’ve reminded me that I am appreciated, I’ll make even a greater effort to give you more free dating and relationship advice.

So please, click here to take my quiz “Do You Attract the Wrong Men?”

It’s juicy stuff that will let you know right away how confident you are – and illustrate just how many ways you may have sacrificed for the wrong men.

I’ve already received over 1000 responses and they’ve been incredibly illuminating. I can’t wait to share all the results with you.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

Join our conversation (27 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 1
    ScottH

    Evan-  glad I’ll be the first to comment here.  I appreciate what you’re doing here with this blog and all the discussions.  I’ve learned a lot (still have a ways to go though as evidenced by my last relationship) and I’m way ahead of where I’d be without this forum even though it’s for women- actually, it’s a great place for guys to read women’s playbook.  So, thank you.

    Scott

    1. 1.1
      ScottH

      Evan-  I’ve been quiet lately but still read this blog religiously.  I’m conditioned to look for a new posting every Mon and Thurs and was a bit worried yesterday when there was none.  Truth be told, I check the blog first thing when I get to work and during lunch time.

      I’ve come to realize that most of your readership are anxious people who’ve crossed paths with avoidants, myself included.  I’ve learned a lot here and elsewhere and I do enjoy reading your thoughts and those of your readers and I even bought one of your products to recognize your contributions.  I’m still single after 3 relationships post-divorce.  It’s hard to keep a positive attitude but when my emotional brain starts complaining, I try to engage my thinking brain using some of your advice.

      1. 1.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Hey, Scott. So here’s the scoop:

        1. I appreciate you and your contribution to this blog. Given that you’re a man, I don’t expect you to ever buy anything, but the place wouldn’t be the same without male voices.

        2. That said, this blog is a public service that is the face of a private business in which I get paid to give advice to women who want to understand men and find love.

        3. Over the next few weeks, I will be offering a whole bunch of free content to my women readers. I just posted a 20 question quiz about confidence. Next week, there’ll be two videos. The following week, I’ll offer a 90 minute webinar on how to avoid the wrong men and choose the right one. And at the end of that, I’ll be offering up my Love U course for the first time since December 2015.

        4. So, like an NPR pledge drive, sometimes I have to take a break from regular programming to focus on the business itself. However, you should stay tuned for the free content and the webinar (if it interests you) and remember that podcasts will still come out here on Wednesdays and Monday/Thursday blog posts will resume like before in mid-June.

        Best,

        Evan

        1. Adrian

          I figured #4 was the reason.

           

          Something told me that you were stretching yourself too thin Evan.

           

          I guess we all just have to learn to be more patient.

        2. Evan Marc Katz

          Not spread too thin. I just don’t want to distract from Love U launch with reader questions. Right now, it’s all Love U until June.

  2. 2
    Evan Marc Katz

    Thanks, Scott. I’m always amazed to have so many readers and yet so few of them take the time to acknowledge or appreciate the free entertainment/education I try to provide in this space. It costs so little to acknowledge someone, and yet we don’t. Most of us take people for granted, including people we love the most. So I will continue to express my appreciation in this space – even if it’s met by stony silence – because I know that without you, there is no dialogue, no change, no understanding, and no “Evan Marc Katz, dating coach.” Appreciate your readership.

    1. 2.1
      Emily, the original

      Evan,

      We very much appreciate your site, your advice and the forum you provide for us to exchange thoughts, experiences and ideas.

  3. 3
    KK

    Hi Evan,

    I hope you know how much you are appreciated. I really enjoy your open and honest, no holds barred writing style and your views on relationships and wise advice to women. I also enjoy reading the comments here and participating myself, from time to time. Unlike other blogs, you seem to attract an intelligent and articulate crowd. I also appreciate how you jump in when the occasional hateful commenter goes off on a tangent. You seem like a genuinely kind, caring, and sincere person and your authenticity shines through. Keep up the good work! Thank you!

  4. 4
    Cherry

    Evan,

    Thank you so much for this blog. I read almost all the articles 🙂 I have been separated for 2 years after 20 years of marriages and I have learned so much about myself, relationships and men from reading your posts. It is my daily routine to open my laptop in the morning, have a great cup of coffee and read your blog and comments. Thank you for doing it for all of us!

  5. 5
    Noemi

    I discovered your blog in 2011. I had my heart broken and subsequently moved 2400 miles from my hometown to attend school in a city  in which I never imagined i’d reside. I don’t think I recognize the hundreds of tiny incremental improvements I’ve made along the way until I look back to that year. I have shed the insecure, closed-off 24 year-old stranger to become the open, genuine, and carefree person that I am. I’ve learned that most men don’t suck, but are actually pretty awesome, especially when I bring out the best in them by being the best version of me–the genuine, vulnerable, carefree me.

  6. 6
    Marie

    Hi Evan, you know how much we appreciate you. My hubby says hi! It’s been more than 3 years now can you believe it?!

  7. 7
    Christine

    Thanks Evan–this actually inspired me to send a random text to my boyfriend just saying how much I appreciate him being in my life.  As I said in another comment, I know what my flaws and insecurities are (and don’t kid myself that I’m always such a picnic to deal with).  So I am truly thankful to have met someone who loves me even with those insecurities.  I think it meant more to him than the nice things I did for him on special occasions, like his birthday and Thanksgiving (where it’s more expected).  Actually, the flowers he randomly surprised me with, “just because”, meant more to me than the fancy dinner and jewelry he gave me for my birthday.  It’s amazing what appreciation can do.  Keep up the good work

  8. 8
    Ileana

    Evan, what’S the email address where we can send you feedback?

      1. 8.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        This is even more direct: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/testimonials/newsletter-blogs/

  9. 9
    SMC

    H Evan.  I know I’ve told you how grateful I am to have found you (and how sorry I am that I didn’t know about you 10 years ago), but I’ll say it again – I’m thrilled to have found you and your blog and I thoroughly enjoy your articles and the subsequent comments.  The comments, the bits of others’ experiences they share here, have helped me so much this past year.  I’m thrilled that I signed up for your latest Love U course though I haven’t really yet studied any of it because I was in a relationship that I thought would last.  Sadly, I think it’s about to end (I’ll know tomorrow evening), but I have you and Love U to get me through it.  Because of you and WHD, I have plenty of optimism that I’m about to embark on the Great Adventure known as Online Dating, and I’ll have you right along with me.  Thank you for ALL you do, Evan.

  10. 10
    Angela Gray

    Hi Evan

     

    i started reading your free blog and dating advice after a break up and sudden major life change over a year ago.  I really wanted to learn about how relationships really worked and you have given so much great free advice o can say you have helped me have the confidence to try and find lasting love.

    I set up a profile following the advice I found from you online, I persevered when getting truly awful messages on my dating site and felt like giving up – I remembered your theory that only 10 percent of guys would be a match so to give it time.  I also following your 2 2 2 rule and can say I have now met a lovely man who I have really clicked with and feel safe, heard understood and totally adored!  It’s a month in and we both feel very comfortable and happy together on all levels, domestic, socially and most surprisingly to me sexually.  I’m only mentioning this aspect as at 57 I thought I was ‘ past it’ but with the right person the fireworks are there again, we both feel like 20 year olds!

    so once again thank you Evan, I have gained so much from your free advice as it was not possible for me to purchase any of your products as I have been unemployed until recently.

    Thank you so much.

     

    Angela

     

     

  11. 11
    Suzanne Hendricks-Poole

    Hi Evan,

    Yes, thank you for your open and honest perspective.  I have utilized your tools to get out of a bad relationship (engagement), start and stop some promising relationships and remain hopeful, especially with a new job and relocation coming up that I may find the one I want.

    I especially appreciate finally taking charge, being the CEO.  I think I literally spent decades making a marriage of twenty years work for him at my own happiness costs.  So refreshing this last year to cut off two very promising relationships and say “this is not working for me.”

    One had intimacy issues and the other just too stretched on time with work and teenage daughters.  Good well meaning men but required a sacrifice on my part.  So no tears. No going on guyatus for months or years. No remorse or guilt for placing myself as a priority.

    Thank you so much.

    Suzanna

  12. 12
    Angel

    Hi Evan!

    I’m not a regular contributor here on your blog, but I do comment a lot on your facebook page.

    I have come to think of you as a friend. The male friend I have so much in common with that helps me see things differently. The male friend I have never had!

    Thank you so much for all the hard work you put in to help all of us who are open to listen.

    There are so many pieces of sage advice that have stayed with me and have turned everything around for me while dating: believe the negatives, ignore the positives; there’s always another man out there who has nothing to do with the last; the man who leaves is by definition the wrong man.

    I cannot even tell you how different things became since I internalized those concepts.

    My deepest appreciation to and for you.

    Hugs from Germany.

  13. 13
    SUZIEQ

    Hi Evan,

    I’m one of your “mature” followers…and big admirer! At 66 years old, I’ve had plenty of experiences with men and relationships. I still find your comments, perspectives and insights very valuable in my dating life! THANK YOU for your guidance, no-nonsense advice and thoughtful approach to relationships. The information I have purchased from you has helped me to remember that (even at my stage in life!) that I don’t have to chase or feel desperate about men. I’ve learned to let go, relax and just be my wonderful self. That said, I have a lot of appreciation for men who really enjoy the company of a good woman such as myself. It’s true that the confidence we exude (both men and women) makes a huge difference. Also being and staying positive goes a long way…in any kind of relationship with men or women.

    YOU’RE THE BEST, EVAN…KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!! ALL THE VERY BEST TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TOO!!

  14. 14
    Karmic Equation

    Evan,

    I love you and I love your products and your blog.

    Of all the relationship coaches out there, you’re the only one who provides free advice and engages with his followers via a blog. Everyone else is pushes info out and seem to always market their paid products along with any free info they deign to share.

    I think we’d become good friends if we ever met, even though this election year, I’m voting conservative. — And the fact that I’ve refrained from responding to any of your digs at Trump is a testament of my respect for you. My FB with all its digs at Killary and the commie would drive you insane. LMAO

    You do an invaluable service by continually telling the truth about how men think and encouraging women that understanding men is the key to a happy relationship, instead of amending your message to sell more products.

    You are a genuine human being, as well as a good man.

    I’m fortunate to know you, even if virtually 🙂

    Thank you for being you.

  15. 15
    Evan Marc Katz

    Aw, well all of that makes me feel really good and starts off my Wednesday with two warm fuzzies (the other being the daddy/daughter/donut day we just had at her preschool).

    Thank you for appreciating me, for engaging in this important dialogue, and for remaining respectful even in disagreement. Truth is: even when we disagree, for the most part, both of our perspectives are valid – we’re just seeing them from two different sides.

    Anyway, stay tuned to this space over the next few weeks if you are really intent on finding love (and not just commenting on the blog). Love U is my pride and joy and I’m thrilled to open it up for the first time this year…

  16. 16
    Caroline

    Thank you for your blog and products. I have learned much from them but as most folks am definitely a “work in progress” :)…so keep it coming! Thanks again and it’s always important to practice gratitude:)

  17. 17
    Malika

    Appreciation part One:

    Thank you Evan!

    A year and a half ago I fell deliriously in love and dated a man who is somewhat famous in my country. He went into a public television interview while I was sitting in the audience, not telling me beforehand what he was going to talk about. He then went to declare in front of a whole audience that he was intoxicatedly love with another woman, and that he had never met anyone quite like her. I left the studio hummiliated and in shock. The next day I got incredibly drunk and turned up at work with a hangover so bad, that my boss went mental and nearly sent me home. I didn’t even care on that day whether I was going to lose my job, that was how awful I felt. I spent the subsequent two months recovering, trawling through the internet, trying to find the answer as to why I had given away my heart to someone who obviously had such a blatant disregard to mine. And I found you!

    Your advice is lucid, well written and balanced, but most of all endearingly honest. You never pander to your audience, but give them the advice that benefits them the most. Why he disappeared is so good that yes, like most of your readers, I wish I had read it ten years ago. The advice to mirror his efforts, to give him the best date he has ever had, to open up to men who don’t fit the narrow mold of the self prescribed ideal man, to ignore the positives and to believe the negatives in certain situations, to investigate what is fueling our restrictive set of must-haves, and most of all to never ever give up. Your advice has revolutionized the way I choose dates and let men in. I won’t lie, it has not been plain sailing. But it is now SO much better, and that is because of you.

    And even if most of your advice is free, I hope you still earn oodles of money so you can spoil yourself and your lovely family. Thank you again!

  18. 18
    Malika

    Appreciation part two:

    The comments on this blog have helped me nearly as much as Evan’s postings. You guys are critical when needed but always fair. You shine a light on dating by explaining your own situations and sharing all of your Aha moments. I have spent countless hours on this blogs reading your witty and sometimes heart wrenching, sometimes raw stories and they have guided me through very sticky situations!

    There was a comment from someone a year ago who explained how her date was slowly managing down her expectations and turning her into a bootycall. When a couple of months later the same thing was starting to happen to me, I exited gracefully and saved myself a lot of heartache and frustration.

    There was a lady a couple of blog posts back that stated that she had learnt to open up to her boyfriend and that her boyfriend was really enthusiastic at the fact that she was sharing her feelings with him. That was such a great example of the evolution you can make within yourself, that I kept thinking back to it several times throughout this week.

    Lastly Karmic Equations comments are gold. All of them. You exude such confidence and joie de vivre, I am always happy as I scroll down and spot your red and white logo.

    Thanks to you all and keep on commenting.

    1. 18.1
      Karmic Equation

      Thank you, Malika, for the shout out 🙂

      I appreciate your kind words.

      KE

  19. 19
    GoWiththeFlow

    Evan,

    Thank you for the time and creativity you put into your blog and podcasts.  I enjoy them immensely and have shared them with many others. I had several Aha! moment when I read Why He Disappeared, and I’m eager to start Finding The One Online and get out there since I’m now back in my home city that has a more favorable singles scene than where I lived for the past year.

    Thanks also to ScottH, Adrian, Karl R, Karl S, Joe, John, Jeremy, and the other men who participate on this blog.  I’m grateful to hear the guy side of the story, even when some of the truths are not what I would prefer them to be.

    And to all of the smart, insightful women;  Christine, Caroline, KK, Nissa, Emily the Original, Stscy, Stacy2, Sparkling Emerald/Emerald Dust, thank you for letting me see that I’m not alone out here!

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