I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of stress.
I’m generally an intense, organized, hardworking guy who expects the best from himself and others — and when things don’t go my way, I get thrown for a loop.
I’m not proud of this, but it’s an undeniable part of me. I had anxiety issues when I was graduating college. I had anxiety issues as a screenwriter in my 20’s. I had anxiety issues when I was deciding to propose to my wife. I had anxiety issues when I was launching Love U last year.
And when I’m in anxiety mode — not sleeping well, not eating well, not enjoying myself as much as I should – I always try to take stock of what IS working in my life.
Despite my high-strung nature, I am blessed to have this unusual and meaningful career, to be my own boss, to have a healthy wife and kids, to surround myself with other positive people who believe in lasting love.
As I often say, “It’s a bad day, not a bad life.”
But how often do I actually take the time to express my gratitude for all of this?
Not that often. Which is ironic, given that, scientifically, showing appreciation actually makes you a happier person. But of course it does:
When I tell my wife I love her and appreciate her, it makes her happy, and she usually returns the favor. Sounds like a win/win situation to me — and yet it’s so easy to forget to express gratitude.
It’s even harder to remember to appreciate the ones you love the most, specifically because you’re around them all the time and it’s easy to take them for granted.
Yet that’s exactly why it’s so important. Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself — and others – feel better on a regular basis.
Since I learned about the power of appreciation, I’ve become even more effusive in praising others. Yesterday, I interrupted my own conversation with a woman to say, “You know what? I like you. I think you’re great.”
It made me feel good and I hope it made her morning.
Long story short: I wanted to take this moment to express my appreciation for you.
As an extrovert who spends all his time alone, you are my sole connection to the outside world.
Which is one of many reasons that I spend so much time responding to comments on my blog, Facebook and Twitter.
It’s also one of the reasons that I relish any feedback you give to me.
Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel better on a regular basis.
Your emails are the lifeblood of my business and they are the single biggest reason I never tire of the solitude of being a writer.
I have saved every email I’ve ever received in a folder on my computer.
On days when I feel adrift or need to be reminded of my mission in life, I look at that folder and receive heartwarming tangible reminders about why I do this.
It feels incredible to know that I can touch women from all over the world with a newsletter or a quote that inspires. But the only way I know how you feel is if you tell me. Jules sent me this email, and if it wasn’t so long, I’d have framed it:
Evan, I want to thank you SO much for everything that you do. I really believe that it was a driving force behind me having the relationship that I’ve always wanted. I was divorced, never dated much before, and read your “Why He Disappeared” eBook in one sitting. It really changed things for me. I finally understood why that guy I went out with on 3 amazing dates never called me again, I finally understood why that guy I had been texting for over 1 month never asked me out. But here is my favorite part, I STOPPED GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT. Okay, I was a little hurt, but not like I was before, and I didn’t let it stop me or hold me back because I KNEW there was going to be another guy out there.
Also, I stopped trying to lead the relationship. I finally learned to let go, stop being SO invested in every single date and started to have fun with dating. I’m being honest when I say I had TONS of fun dating. I learned to focus on being playful, just having a great conversation with a man, and stopped appearing so desperate.
That’s when he found me. The love of my life. All it took was a few email exchanges on an online dating website, and before I met him I made a conscious choice to try to be myself; this meant I did not get super dolled up for our brunch date but went looking “cute” and friendly and open. He was not my type at all. He was the same culture and religion as me, which I told myself I would never do, and he was not my type physically at all. But this time was different. I decided to focus on how he made me feel and give it a chance. And let me tell you, he makes me feel like no other man has ever made me feel. Safe, wanted, loved, cared for, special, funny, desired. What I also realized is that when I am being completely and utterly myself (like the way I am with a best friend; nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be fake about), he is even more crazy about me.
He always told me when we were first dating that he thought I was a “cool girl” and let me tell you, it took a while for me to get there!! I was a nervous girl, a not so confident-don’t know-what I’m doing-girl, but you gave me confidence, Evan. I knew that I should focus on the way he makes me feel and I should focus on making him feel good too (quizzing him on our 3rd date on whether he wants to ever get married would NOT make him feel good, so I didn’t do that, asking him why he didn’t call me one or two days out of the week when he called every other day was NOT going to make him feel good, so I didn’t do that either).
I also learned that it is OKAY for a woman to say what she wants or is important to her in a matter of fact way, and the guy can either take it or leave it. If the man cannot or does not want to provide that, it is up to the woman to decide if she still wants to be with him. After 2 years of dating. I dropped a “hint” and sent him a picture of a ring and told him should he ever consider it in the future, that was my style. A few months later he proposed with that exact same style of ring I sent him. We are getting married on a beach in about 2 weeks now, and I wanted to thank you again for all the work you do. It truly, really, makes a difference. It helped me become the woman I wanted to be (and always knew I could be) in a relationship; confident, open, giving and receiving.
THANK YOU EVAN!!!
I don’t care who you are, but being appreciated never gets old — whether it’s by your boss, your employees, your children, your parents, or, in this case, your readers.
Being appreciated never gets old — whether it’s by your boss, your employees, your children, your parents, or, in this case, your readers.
No, I’m not soliciting praise from you.
If anything, I’m encouraging you to call (or text) someone you love for no reason other than to express your gratitude.
I promise: you will have a positive impact — that will likely ripple into another positive expression of love in return.
As you know, a little appreciation goes a long way.
Now that you’ve reminded me that I am appreciated, I’ll make even a greater effort to give you more free dating and relationship advice.
So please, click here to take my quiz “Do You Attract the Wrong Men?”
It’s juicy stuff that will let you know right away how confident you are — and illustrate just how many ways you may have sacrificed for the wrong men.
I’ve already received over 1000 responses and they’ve been incredibly illuminating. I can’t wait to share all the results with you.
Warmest wishes and much love,