Where You Can Meet Tall, Dark, Handsome, Smart, Sexy, Relationship-Oriented Men

First of all, I just want to thank you for being a regular blog reader.

I know that these posts are sometimes provocative (in both good and bad ways), but I greatly appreciate your readership and am always trying to figure out how to do a better job.

Since starting this blog in 2007, I’ve answered hundreds of your questions, clarified my thinking about dating and relationships, and – somehow, some way – became a husband and a father. Hard to believe that this was the same blog that was once called “Advice From a Single Dating Expert,” but, well, there you have it.

We live. We learn.

And in case you didn’t know, most of what I do as a dating coach does NOT take place on this blog. It takes place on my weekly newsletter, which comes out on Tuesdays. Last week, I sent out a survey to my subscribers, just to hear what their most pressing questions were about men and relationships.

The response was overwhelming.

Over 1300 women took the time to fill out my survey last week. What became abundantly clear after, oh, the first 954 responses, was that you’re craving more information, more clarity, more POWER over your own love life.

The #1 thing you want from me – by far – is how to understand men.

That wasn’t a big surprise.

After all, if men were easier to figure out, you’d already be in a healthy relationship, and I’d probably be out of a job.

I’m kidding, of course, but I’m very sympathetic to your frustrations and have made it my top priority to focus my energies on helping you “get” what makes men tick and how you can make better choices with your partners.

Surprising (to me, anyway) was that the second most-important thing to you was “meeting men in real life”. Here’s a sampling of some of your questions:

  • Where do you go to meet real men?
  • Where are the real men after age 50?
  • Where and how do I meet real available men that are close to my age (59)?
  • Where can I meet men in the suburbs?
  • Where do you meet men besides on-line and bars?
  • How can I meet quality men in real life, when my life is so busy?
  • Where do attractive, successful 46 year old divorced women meet men who are 41-50 aside from on-line, a bar and a gym? Where do guys who are divorced, or successful go? Seems like sophisticated guys go to their club or their boat or places we cannot find them? How can we locate our equals? Just want to find them! I can do the rest if I meet anyone similar to me professionally. Want to meet CEO or C level as that is my level…

Personally, I don’t know the difference between the “real man” of which these women speak and a “fake man”, but I am hearing an outcry for the one place that you can go to meet the man of your dreams.

And I was about to supply a few brilliant options, until I read this response:

  • I would love for someone (you?) to stop giving pat answers to “where can I meet a great guy?” like, “join a club!” or “try meetup.com!” or “volunteer!” There has to be other ways, and I feel like every dating expert gives these exact answers every time. I guess I would want you to get a little granular and give more LA-centric answers, because really, LA is different from anywhere else when it comes to dating!

I see.

Out of all the free stuff I offer to you, my next endeavor should be to build a tool so that any woman in any city can plug in her ZIP code and the search engine would spit out the local spot where all the tall, dark, handsome, sophisticated, quality, “real” men are hanging out and giving each other secret handshakes?

There’s no bar or store or city or dating site that has managed to weed out all the losers, liars, chumps and dweebs, thereby preserving only the cream of the crop for your choosing.

Let’s flip this around for a second.

What if a smart, kind, funny, honest, successful man told you that he had a very important question for you that he needs to understand about women.

“So, where do all the young, thin, sexy, witty, optimistic, confident, understanding, self-aware women hang out? There has to be a place because I can’t seem to find a “real” woman who is my equal ANYWHERE!”

What would you say to this poor guy?

“In your dreams.”

“Have you tried Home Depot?”

“I hear some porn stars in the Valley are really sweet.”

“You can hang out in a yoga retreat but most women find it creepy if you hit on them there.”

You know what I’d say to him?

“You’re asking the wrong question.”

There is no one place where all the “quality” women or men hang out.

There’s no bar or store or city or dating site that has managed to weed out all the losers, liars, chumps and dweebs, thereby preserving only the cream of the crop for your choosing.

Quality men are EVERYWHERE. They’re just mixed in with all the rest of the guys out there.

Quality men drive to work.

Quality men play golf and watch football on weekends.

Quality men work 50 hours a week.

But unless you’re going to hitchhike for guys, crash his golf foursome, break into his house or stalk him in his office, you’re simply not meeting him in real life.

You’ve been waiting forever to meet him in real life. Hasn’t happened.

Which is why asking for the location of quality men is the wrong question.

When I said I want to provide advice to you on “meeting men in real life”, it’s not about WHERE you meet them…

It’s about this: “Who am I being that will attract the right kind of man?”

“Who am I being that will attract the right kind of man?”

Put another way, quality men don’t run around asking, “where are all the quality women?”

A quality man puts himself online, he smiles at strangers, he’s friendly at parties, and eventually, he meets women.

Some are great. Some aren’t. That’s the way it goes.

Same goes for you.

So while I’m excited to offer you more coaching and guide you through the dating process, let me make things very clear: don’t waste your time worrying about “where” he is. Worry about what you can control: who are you BEING that will make a guy want to ask you out and fall in love with you wherever you go.

I may joke about some things, but I take this responsibility very seriously.

After reading through every single one of your insightful, heartfelt questions on my survey, all I can say is that I’m honored you trust me with your heart.

I may be a guy, but it’s hard to listen to you and not feel sympathy, as you continually put yourself in harms way and feel like there’s no way to protect yourself.

Although I can’t promise that I will answer all of your questions in my new offering, I assure you that I’m digesting everything you gave me.
If you haven’t yet had your say in my survey (or listened to my free bonus interview that you get at the end), please click here to share your thoughts:

And if you didn’t fill out the survey, you don’t yet know about the exclusive list you can sign up for to receive special notifications about my new offering later this month. Please take a moment to complete the survey and sign up so you don’t miss out on what I’ve got in store for you…


Thanks again for your kindness and generosity.

I very much hope I can repay you in some way very soon.

Warmest wishes and much love.

Your friend,


Join our conversation (159 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    I think that many women don’t want to waste their time anymore going to events, going online, going to parties, in search of the one. By a certain age, women would prefer to hang out with their girlfriends, go to work and the gym and pursue their own hobbies (like yoga and book clubs that don’t offer men). So I think they are asking how to behave if they feel that way.

  2. 2
    Evan Marc Katz

    You have two choices: put yourself in the position to meet men or keep doing what you’re doing (hanging out with your girlfriends, pursuing your hobbies, your book club, your international travel). Which gives you a better chance of finding love? Given that, what exactly is there to discuss?

    Seems to me that women want to keep their lives exactly as it is today – just with a man magically appearing in it. No work, no cost, no sacrifice, no shift.

    There’s no magic. It’s effort and perseverance and all those other things that people routinely do when looking for a job…but not when looking for a husband.

    1. 2.1

      Evan – I love what you are doing and you are so great at it. We have the power and you remind us.

      Just tried the survey link and it is closed. Keep up the good work and making a difference.

  3. 3

    adk #1

    I disagree. I think many women over 40 want to meet men, but as EMK says, they want to find men outside of bars (where older men don’t really hang), and online. They want to meet men in real life. I still think there is a holdover with my generation about meeting men in a real-life, romantic way. And I think my generation remembers their twenties & thirties, when you could meet men at parties, through friends, classes, etc., at least more easily then we can today. 

    I was recently at two events where I happened meet to a single guy at each. One seemed interesting and attractive, so we made a date. On the date I learned some things about him that were dealbreakers for me (and would be problematic for many women). The second guy who approached me was obnoxious, and I was not even remotely attracted to him. 
    Not that I’ll give up on meeting men “in real life”, but it did make online dating seem a bit more appealing! At least you can avoid the ones you don’t want and qualify the others before dating them.

    1. 3.1

      Tried Internet dating for 2 years and had exactly 3 dates. One lasted 10 minutes. 2nd much longer and consisted of a coffee and 1 drink (I paid for my own coffee. He sprang for the glass of wine.) this was followed by 6-7 messages from him as to when we would have sex together.
      Other date was with a very nice man with an outdated, incorrect photo of him. He was nice enough, but absolutely no chemistry whatsoever, never would happen. We had a nice meal and he was a courteous man.
      Not one other man made/kept a date. The whole experience was very time consuming and demoralizing. Sort of like dating my ex
      With none of the perks.
      I keep
      Going out and doing what I like to do. I do not need to join a women’s knotting circle. But Internet dating was like looking for a job as an astronaut online. A lot better chance of it by getting involved in real life experiences and encounters. On line dating consisted of MANY men who were unavailable (married, busy, scared, or only I retested in sex. I can find that on the corner any day of the week. Why waste my time in the Internet revealing personal I formation to thousands of strangers?
      Good for you MEK for finding your dream girl on line.
      Personally, it was an experiment I was very optimistic about. I received many relies who h was good for my shattered ego after my break up. But the men were not really forthcoming in actuality.

  4. 4

    This discussion brings to mind my favorite quote from The Wire: you want it to be one way, but it’s the other way.

    The way I try to frame it to my girlfriends: any one event or night you go out, your odds of meeting The Guy are pretty slim. However, the more nights you go out and the more events you go to, your odds improve greatly in the aggregate.

    Evan, I think the reason why that idea is so discouraging to your clients is because they tend to be Type As who have a hard time putting a lot of effort into things (going out) that do not produce immediate and tangible results (meeting a guy). Harvard Business Professor Clayton Christenson illustrated this beautifully in an essay of his called How Will You Measure Your Life? His theory is that Type A people who are very successful in their careers are those drawn to doing things that offer immediate and tangible rewards. But over a lifetime, the sum of making decisions that way leads to lives that are unfulfilled and unhappy.

  5. 5

    I think what’s at that heart of these inquiries is a fear of or an embarrassment of online dating….I know a very attractive woman in her 30’s who literally BRISTLES at the thought of online dating, like that is one threshold she REFUSES to cross…but I think her FEAR of online dating is MUCH MUCH GREATER than her WANT to meet someone…has she met someone in the supermarket? (One of the ways she wants it to happen) Nope….

    But to parrot Evan’s response — where are we? We are EVERYWHERE. But we may be 5’7 or 5’8 (oh the horror!) or not have as much hair as we did when we were 25 or aren’t “inspiring” the second you meet them….

    TEDx conferences are a good place to meet guys, btw. Sit at the counter or bar by yourself (or better yet, next to a guy) for lunch or dinner (AND DON”T PLAY WITH YOUR PHONE)…don’t be afraid to say ‘hi’ next to the guy next to you and we’ll take it from there….

  6. 6

    I totally agree with you Evan.  You can’t expect a different outcome if you continue to behave the same way.  You have to put yourself out there and enjoy it….enjoy life!  🙂

  7. 7

    Evan hits the mark yet again.
    I talk to men about this all the time, like the guy who complained that the best women don’t go to singles events. I told him, no, that’s a plus, because when you see those women at the coffee shop, at the grocery store or in line for the ATM, they’re not also being circled by 10 other desperate men.
    Of course, you have to develop your social skills to meet people this way, but if you don’t have great social skills, you’re not going to get the pick of the litter in the first place.
    The handsome, smart, passionate men are out there, meeting women not at mixers or on Match but in the course of their daily lives.

    1. 7.1

      Haha I agree with you!☺

  8. 8

    This article made me chuckle. Evan, with your quick wit, once again you explained things by flipping the questions around, and seeing from the other side. You are right it’s not where, but how we are being to attract the right man.

  9. 9

    @adk #1
    I feel that way and I am a guy :).  I like yoga and bookclubs.  When I did them I never met single and interesting/interested women.  Anyway, just drop a woman off on my doorstep.  Late 30s – early 40s, in shape, likes to laugh.  Thanks

    1. 9.1
      Julie Poliscar


  10. 10

    I’ve been reading EMK’s blog for a while and he is honest & consistent on his advice. I just turned 30 and I’ve been single 2 years. I’m at the age where I explore all avenues of chance which include…. Friends hooking me up, meeting men at bars, parties, online, in the dentist office waiting room….etc. The thing that ALL women need to understand is finding “the one” takes time & energy on YOUR part. There’s no ABC’s & 123’s How To manual on meeting “the one” & there’s certainly not an Island full of single men that single women swim to where we pick out Mr. Right. Mr. Right is found by making the most of every situation where there is potential to meet someone. Keep your eyes & mind open to the fact that he could be anywhere & anywhere there is potential is where you should be. EMK is simply our voice of reason & men are men regardless of the postal/zip code girlfriends!!!! So here’s to all of us single ladies taking ownership of our dating destiny 🙂 Cheers

  11. 11

    When I was in my 20s I was sitting on a park bench and a cute, shy kind of guy was sort of checking me out. Then, out of nowhere, a petite, non-sleazy, dressed-to-the-nines chick comes up to him, hands him a card, and says, “Hi. I am So-and-So and I’m looking to expand my social circle. Here’s my card. Give me a call if you’d like to get together.” Then she strode away, confidence oozing from every pore.

    This was before online dating. “Guerilla tactics,” I thought. “She isn’t looking to expand her social circle–she’s looking to get married!” (Duh.) Desperate times, desperate measures. He looked at me, kinda shocked. But he wasn’t checking ME out anymore, I can tell you that. (She was really pretty.)

    No moral or message here. Except that maybe you can meet men in a park if you are really, really ballsy. 

    Next thought: What if she’s like that ALL the time?

  12. 12

    She’s a little crazy, but The Millionaire Matchmaker’s book has a great chapter on where to meet men (see video above). 
    Also, rock-climbing gyms are a gold mine.

  13. 13

    As one of these allegedly nonexistent guys that all of your clients are looking for who is looking for a serious relationship himself, I have to say that in my on-line dating experience (actively using for at least a couple of years) almost all of the women are not trying (and I expect that many of your clients say the same about men).  I may write my own book some day about how to write an on-line dating profile!  (I’ve paid the money and had a stellar, accurate and completely truthful profile written and had a professional photo taken.)

    The jerks are going to write to you anyway but I’m not likely to waste my time trying to write you a witty e-mail when I’m tired after a long day at work if your picture is a blurry head shot and your profile is two sentences long (giving me nothing to ask about).  I already have to deal with the fact that most on-line dating profiles are not “active” users meaning most of my e-mails will go into a black hole.  It’s also extremely rare that a woman initiates contact with me so it’s important to remember the numbers game involved here; even if I happen to click on your profile and think you’re nice I may arbitrarily decide to e-mail someone else but certainly wouldn’t mind an e-mail from you.

    I don’t mean to “complain” but I think some perspective is appropriate.  Several of my friends have married people that they met on-line.  I’m definitely open to the possibility if I can find someone else who is also.

  14. 14

    And sometimes we just have to accept that maybe we really aren’t ready to meet the “right” guy.
    In the last year, online and off, most of the guys I meet are out for just one thing. I want more.
    Recently I decided it was time to take a step back, and focus on other things for a change.
    Don’t they always say, you find what your looking for, when you aren’t looking at all.

  15. 15

    I think, to be fair, that the reason women ask “where are the tall handsome caring successful men?” is because of the manifest ABSENCE of such men in all of the situations we put ourselves in. Sure, the dentist’s waiting room, the mall, the summer barbecue, the online sites… you can meet plenty men who are short or overweight or out of work or not interested in committment or living with their mother or boring or shy or elderly or badly dressed…. but attractive, charismatic men – in your dreams! Evan’s postulate is that the attractive ones are just out there, mixed in with the unattractive ones… but the point is, they’re not! It is the stunning ABSENCE of these men in normal everyday situations that leads us to wonder if they are all holed up somewhere, in some exclusive yacht club or whisky tasting society or secret and totally exclusive gym or SOMEWHERE. It seems inconceivable that it you are putting yourself out there in varied social and work situations that you are not coming across at least SOME of these men at random – but you don’t! And I have to say that as far as cute, attactive, relationship -orientated women are concerned, they are, indeed, everywhere. Even as a woman, I can see that. I wish I was a man!

    1. 15.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      That’s right, Helene. Only one gender is filled with quality. Women. We men are so lucky that there’s 50 amazing women for every one man. You nailed it.

      1. 15.1.1

        I completly agree with helen. And yes she nailed it. Damn spot on. 
        men ourdays are no longer men. They dont understand what in & out balance is, self awarenes even less so. Some are great tho, they go on their person growth & become men. But most, are lazy n happy with how they are. Women are by far more independent, brave, good hygene & self care … They can manage alone & raise kids & run several jobs & household. Men? Cant put up with half than that!! N always need a woman ( sorry a mother!!) some growing up & grooming & some bravery wouldnt kill u guys.

        1. RustyLH

          WOW, that’s some serious man hate? Makes one wonder why you are here?

          “”””””””””But most, are lazy n happy with how they are.””””””””””” A sign of maturity is being able to be happy with who you are and what you have. Immaturity is when you are never satisfied, always comparing to what other people have and thinking you have to have the same thing, or better. Men are best served running from women like that. We aren’t your beast of burden. The purpose of our life is not to impress your friends or provide you with new shoes.
          “Women are by far more independent,” Then you can get by without alimony, right? You’ll be letting your politicians know that you think alimony laws should be abolished, right?

          “””””””””””brave,”””””””””””” So when the ship goes down, you’ll willingly go down with it so the men and children can live?

          “”””””””””good hygene & self care””””””””””” Sorry but women do not have a lock on this. Most men I know practice good hygiene. What men are you surrounded by? Mountain men who never take a bath? But then, I’ve always lived around Navy towns so many people there are not true rednecks. Many are active, former active, or retired military. If you don’t have good hygiene entering the military, they will teach you have it. What exactly are you calling good hygiene anyway? Don’t most men take daily showers, use soap, shampoo, tooth paste, deodorant, cologne, etc…? I will admit that for most men, manicures and pedicures are not part of their routine. If that is what you want, don’t know what to tell you. Most men have not, do not, and will not ever have that as part of their routine. Men just aren’t raised that way. On the flip side, I’ve run into plenty of women who smelled bad, had bad breath, and couldn’t be bothered to run a brush through their hair that day. Laziness in this area is not the sole domain of a man. How many men do you see going to the store wearing pajamas? What is with young women doing that? The house dress? That man repelling garment worn by some middle age and older women? Yeah, we men don’t have a counterpart to that.

          “”””””””They can manage alone & raise kids””””””””” Bull pucky! Yeah, sure you manage, with a healthy chunk of the man’s income you manage. Besides, most men I know want at least a full 50% of the time but most women fight tooth and nail to deny them this. So this is not a badge of honor for you. You asked for it, you got it, so stop whining about it. Besides, the rare times men do get the custody, they do just fine and are more likely to have to do so without child support from the woman.

          According to data gathered by the U.S. Census Bureau, “deadbeat mom” might actually be a more fitting term than deadbeat dad. While there are definitely more custodial mothers than custodial fathers overall, the data shows that women are more likely to fail to make child support payments than men, leaving the fathers stuck paying all the bills when it comes to the children.
          Source: http://www.scfamilylaw.com/are-women-more-likely-to-fail-to-pay-child-support-than-men/

          “””””””run several jobs & household. Men? Cant put up with half than that!! N always need a woman ( sorry a mother!!) some growing up & grooming & some bravery wouldnt kill u guys.””””””””

          I have news for you. I groom myself quite well. I take a minimum two showers a day because I take one before going to bed and one when I get up. I don’t like to sleep feeling dirty or sticky, and like to start the day fresh. If I worked, or worked out, to the point of sweating, I take a 3rd shower. I can cook, and did most of the cooking during my marriage. I can do the laundry and typically do my own clothes. In fact, I have yet to meet a woman who is my equal in the home because my mom taught me to do everything that a woman used to do in the home, but I also grew up doing construction work and have done so intermittently, and still do it part time while i go to college, so the odds of finding a woman that can do as much as me regarding the home…very very minute. Maybe if you didn’t hate men so much, you might find a good one. Likely the good ones detect that simmering hate and avoid you. Maybe that hate comes from the fact that you need a man around more than men need you around, and hat really bothers you. Start with an attitude adjustment. Learn that we don’t need you, but many might like to have you around if yo made them feel good about being a man.

  16. 16

    Bryant Park, NYC. swimming with attractive men at lunchtime- now I just have to get the nerve to make eye contact with one

  17. 18

    Its funny how “putting yourself out there” is the answer to almost everything out there. Putting yourself into a position where you are approachable, where you aren’t coated up to your eyeballs in friends/family/hobbies.

    I recently went to a highschool friend’s engagement. I did know people but had no “base” (ie someone who would talk to me no matter what I said). I’m not sure what it was I was drinking but I made more of an effort to be bubbly, listen to other people, and pick up on others cues. I walked out of there with 4 numbers, 4 over 3 hours. I have a boyfriend as well so it wasn’t intentional at all! 

    Recently a friend of mine was lamenting (a little) about going travelling with her boyfriend because even though she’s very in love she remembers when she went backpacking alone a few years back she was more approachable then when she had this hulk beside her :p . 

    I don’t think you can really expect to meet someone wonderful without making some adjustments to your current life. Putting yourself in scary situations, adapting and so forth. Even when you find someone more adjustments will have to be made. I know it took a bit of juggling and a bit of tension to be able to see my boyfriend 3-4 times a week. 

  18. 19

    I must say there is a particular, very specific LOOK of guy many women are describing online — you know, the athletic, tall handsome, fit guy with a strong jaw and a twinkle in his eye — the George Clooney, Jon Hamm types — hate to say it — I don’t see a lot of guys who look like that (“Guy 10s” if you will)..I live in LA, on the WestSide and I rarely see that type (single or with a lady)….when I do, they are in West Hollywood…if you know what I mean….

  19. 20

    Dear Ms Quality,

    I’m Mr The Kind Of Guy You Might Be Looking For. I’d to meet you as much as you would like to meet me. Yes I am online, but I am also in the supermarket, the coffee shop, and the gym. Anyway, I’m surprised you have any interest, or if you do, you have a funny way of showing it. I tried making eye contact and smiling at you, but you ignored me. We actually ended up talking and I got your number, but now you won’t call or text me back. So I find myself wondering if you ever really wanted to meet me. And yes, my ego can only take so much of a beating here…

    Yes Quality, I know I’m not perfect. I wish I knew what to say those 3 minutes when I had your attention in Whole Foods, but it does take some nerve for me to approach a woman I don’t know and I was a little nervous (I never invested in PUA training, sorry). I wish I had enough luck to cross paths with you not at the gym (you’re busy working out), the supermarket (you just want to get your shopping done), on the street (you don’t meet guys at the street) but at the…. bar? (Wait, I don’t go to bars.)

    It’s OK though. Smile at me next time we cross paths and all will be forgiven. I’ll talk to you like nothing happened. If I get your number, I will call you, but get back to me, OK?  

    Looking forward to meeting you soon!


    1. 20.1


  20. 21

    I honestly think that the women who never see a quality man ANYWHERE, either have delusions about their “standards” and what they can attract, or are simply not open to meeting someone truly decent.
    When I was dating, meeting quality men was not at all the problem- they seemed to be everywhere, online and off. (but then, I don’t think that being 5’7″ makes a guy undatable, either) Finding one who was right for me was another matter. 🙂
    No one is perfect, but it seems that everyone is looking for perfection. Tall and handsome won’t mean a thing ten years from now when what really matters is having someone with integrity and shared values in your life on a day-to-day basis.
    It’s hard to find the right person when you start out looking for the wrong things.

    1. 21.1

      Christina hit the nail on the head. It’s the sights, sounds,and feelings of the road, not the car your driving in.

      1. 21.1.1

        “It’s the sights, sounds, and feelings of the road, not the car you (sic) driving in”

        Well, maybe…but you have to admit, that road looks, sounds, and feels a little different behind the wheel of a Ferrari, than it does behind the wheel of a Yugo. 🙂

  21. 22

    I see tall, dark, handsome men often. But until I get to know someone, I don’t know if they are “quality” or not.

    Sometimes the men I see have rings on –  there goes that! Sometimes I’m just not in a position to saunter up and introduce myself. (I may have my son with me…). But when I can, I ALWAYS make eye contact, smile and say “Hi.”

    In real life, or online, we have to be open, we have to be positive, we have to get to know someone past their looks. That’s the only way to find “quality.”

  22. 23

    There absolutely is a single best place where you can meet “quality” men (“C-Level” and otherwise well positioned): WORK. I met and dated CEOs and I met them at professional industry events, schmoozed, flirted, went to dinner, the rest is easy. Another way to meet “quality” men is to go to clubs and have a crew of girl friends who are into “hunting” for mutual introductions and support, etc. This is easily done when you’re under the age of 35 i guess, but for a 46 yo getting into a hot club could be problematic and a futile effort anyway because she’d be going against 23 yo models.

    All other commonly recommended places are honestly a joke.

  23. 24

    My two cents on Stacy’s #24. You can get away with maybe dating one person at work (and you better end up marrying each other). When you get into higher numbers, you get a reputation in the office. I know at least one guy for whom it has affected his career, he’s very smart and capable but people now tend to not take him seriously, which is very sad. When I was married, I thought dating coworkers was in theory a good idea, because you know the person so well. But when I became single, I very quickly realized by watching other couples in my office that no, it’s not worth a try.
    I’m not even going to go into the subject of dating your managers, their managers, etc. – a disaster waiting to happen.
    A colleague from another company is a maybe, depending on how big your professional community is and whether, if things go bad, it’d be likely to hurt you when you change jobs. I just dodged a huge one in that regard. Bad breakup with a colleague that left me shaking in my sandals, thinking that I was now blacklisted from wherever he worked, and could never apply to work there myself. Then I found out that his place of work would be a 70 mile commute for me… eh, nevermind!
    An ex-coworker is probably your best bet. You’ve left the old job for a valid reason and so won’t be going back there again; and you’ve known the guy for years since you once worked together. Here, too, though, you can only date so many ex-coworkers before word gets out – you still need these people for references! I stopped at two 😀

  24. 25

    I’m with Helene. I play little game in the morning on my way to work on the subway. I try to match couples in the subway car based on appearance. (I figure it’s an exercise in the dating market.) I’m always stuck with 4 to 5 ladies with no comparable men. 

    The groceries store is men with their girlfriends/wives/families

    Restaurants are full men on dates

    I go to three different gym locations
    1. morning gym almost all women
    2. afternoon gym all gay (I work in Chelsea,  there is no helping this fact.)
    3. evening gym ….
    (ok there are single straight men there but it’s very jersey shore. So maybe I could screen until I found with  a soul and a brain, scrub out all the heinous hair product get him to grow back his eye brows beat him until “Bro” has been removed from his vernacular I may have something.)

    I don’t really expect to meet men at chichi art openings as Taken, Hoebag or Gay seems to be the norm.

    My best friend always is around boys but its more that tattooed, punk, low brow art scene. (Not that I mind having a couple beers with some stoners as they debate the merits of thundercats. It’s usually hilarious and makes for an interesting circle of friends.)

  25. 26

    Sayanta #17:

    I wouldn’t advise Bryant Park as a place to meet “quality men”… maybe it would work for early 20-ies gals but not for those “extremely successful looking for their equal”. Highly successful men do NOT go to parks and takeouts for lunch (they either eat at their offices or expensive restaurants with their business associates. BP is populated with office plankton). Furthermore, they do NOT go to meetup events that cost $20, they do NOT join book clubs and they do NOT take single cruises on sale for $950. They also, for the most part, do NOT attend “networking events” organized by alumni clubs (even ivy league) unless invited as keynote/speakers.
    Adopt the velvet rope mentality: if you can get into an event or activity easily and don’t have to belong to a curtain group to do it, the men you want aren’t there.

    So what DO they do and where do they go? They freaking WORK 99% of their time, which is what makes them so successful in the first place. When they don’t work, they relax at places where most “regular” women would not have access to. This is not an illusion, this is reality. Golf with their buddies. Private parties thrown by NetJets and Nobu’s of the world. High-end night clubs. Private beach clubs in their communities. VIP seats at sporting events. Business class lounges at airports. This is where you go to find them. And, I am imagining that a “smart, successful woman” should be resourceful enough to do it. 
    P.S. my absolute favorite “pick-up technique” is asking men for a blackberry charger in airport lounges. Safe way to strike a conversation, he’s “rescuing” you which men love, he’s not surrounded by a bunch of hungry bimbos, and you know that he must’ve done something right in his life to end up in that $5,000 seat.

    1. 26.1

      Interesting and excellent advice. Sadly I am
      not in this economic class, but then again many men in this economic class are not necessarily seeking an economic equal. They are seeking some type of companion or peer. Generally money is not their objective.
      I would say to all women aim high for the man you want and try to go where he might be.
      An old beau of mine (from many years ago) was a Harvard grad and a true gent in every sense of the word. He ended up marrying a secretary in the company his family owned.
      He does not need money from her. He needed and found liove and companionship. He was handsome, smart and educated. I dated him when I was 19,not really looking for a husband. He was about 25 years old at the time. It was not the moment for me or him, but I can tell you this handsome, smart kind man was very down to Earth and found the same in a woman.
      So guys, next time you think a girl is not “good enough” for you, ask yourself “what does she see in me?” I have dated cheap guys, noncommittal guys, short guys , rich guys, fat guys, bald guys etc. what will make the relationship work? Attraction, love and compatibility. Period. I have dated handsome, smart, successful men that were unkind. NEXT!!! Don’t think women are so superficial when it comes to men. If I don’t like the way you smell or don’t have some type of interest in your physical company, your personality or you do not find me attractive, it will NEVER work. Relationships are not merely an economic equation for women. And for the record, I am a 5’8″ woman who prefers a man who is physically a bit superior to me. Call me crazy, but I am not comfortable with a much smaller man. I’ve tried it, done it. It didn’t work for me. It is hard enough to get a relationship of any type going. There are so many factors. I dated one man who had so many qualities I loved, but the sex was just NOT working. Tall, smart, educated, kind with plenty of money. and shared values. I was making good money at that time as well. Perfect on paper, not working in person.
      This BS about shorter men is too stupid for words. I have met many tall men who tell me they will not date a vey petite woman because they do not feel physically comfortable. Does that make either party inherently less attractive? NO.It just means that both people do not feel the same level of physical comfort with one another.. END OF STORY l
      Do t be a cry baby about it. 5’8″ is an average height for a man. It is okay if he’s got all the other stuff going on to make me feel comfortable and attracted. If he’s 6′ and there is nothing about him that is calling out to me, iPads. Why these vey short women reject men 2-3 inches taller than them as “too short” is beyond my comprehension. However, it is not every tall woman, just as it is not every tall man, that is comfortable with a partner of a much mor diminutive stature. Get real guys and girls!
      I remember having a long talk with one man at a party. He was attractive and bright. I am a slim brunette. Towards the end of our conversation he said too bad you’re not blonde. Thank you!!! He prefers blondes.. Great I excused myself to go to the ladies room and did not return. Personal preference is personal preference. I do not think he is a jackass if he prefers blondes. That’s what he likes! I would have been wasting all my time trying to convince him otherwise. Who cares how tall you are? The girl either likes you or not. I have one female friend who will only date tall skinny men. She is short and pretty with a nice figure. But that is the type of man she feels comfortable with. So why should she be with a man she feels uncomfortable with? I try to keep an open mind about physical appearance, but if I am not comfortable – why bother? It’s not a “judgement”, it’s a preference. Some like winter, some lore fee summer. Who cares?

    2. 26.2

      Ive been in long term relationships with these types of men.  Engaged to 2. You are 100% correct. These are the exact places they hang out. You missed sporting events in quality seats.
      Thing is MANY of these guys are narcissists.
      They dont necessarily want high power women.  They want a cheerleader, hotness, good sex, and some brains.
      Dont expect to be swooned by these guys forever.
      They love attention.
      Its hard work keeping up because many other women are always trying to nip them away from you.
      Yes there are many positive aspects but Im just giving you guys a reality check.
      Best way to meet these guys is through a set up. Ask people if they know any single men. Ask everyone, nothing to lose.
      Luck. Ive had early dinners by myself at a high end resaurant at the bar. Ive been approached by numerous men of this type just by doing that. Had my meal paid for etc.
      I am quite attractive but not a bombshell. Its also about your personality, friendliness and demeanor. Be knowledgeable.
      Take care of any weight issues!! Dont have to be skinny but these men do not like out of shape women.
      Good luck if youre up for it. Its completely different than a relationship with the average Joe.

  26. 27

    @David #5 and #20
    I live on the westside of LA and 90% of the single women I have met in this city (I’ve lived here about 7 months) are on a dating site.  Most of these women are incredibly attractive, successful and young.  I’m not sure why your friend is so weirded out by it, since there are more people in LA on dating sites than I have encountered in any other place I’ve been.
    The weird part is all the crazy messages you receive, but at least some of them are worth a laugh.  I’ve met some decent guys in LA online, but have also met some completely awkward guys.  There were no absolute jerks that I met online (although, I probably received messages and ignored them).

  27. 28

    To the women who are complaining about the lack of “quality” men.
    Is it you that I see when I’m out at the local coffee shop, sitting there behind a computer screen or book, absolutely unwilling to engage even a smile from across the room? Is it you in the grocery store, who is turning away from every last glance because you’re “only there for shopping?” Is it you who is the one who always trots out the “you could be a serial killer or rapist” line whenever you meet a stranger? Is it you that I met at a friend’s party who works 60-70 hours a week, and then hides out at home the rest of the time, to exhausted to do anything else? Is it you that I met in yoga class who has a “strict policy” of not mixing romance with your wellness practice?” Is it you that has your guard up in almost every  situation because “you never know what could happen”?
    I guess I’m just asking, because there seems to be a fair number of you out there, from my experience.

  28. 29

    Stacy #27

    A man who works 99% of the time, golfing in his 1% of free time, and hanging out in airport lounges, may be wealthy, but might not be the best match if you are looking for real companionship. Nothing wrong with a man who makes money, but does he have to be rich? Perhaps a man who makes a decent living, but is more well-rounded, with a bit more free time, is actually a better partner. Money is not synonymous with “quality”.

  29. 30

    @Evan #16…………LOL You’re right,we’re so lucky to have THAT ratio. 😉

    But in all honesty,(and I’ve said this in other threads on here) I understand at least a little where Helene is coming from. From my own experiences as a guy dating online for many years(too many…lol) I can search/peruse female profiles in my age range(40-55) and I can pick out many what I consider to be attractive “quality looking” women’s profiles.But when I do a reverse search putting myself in the shoes of one of those “attractive” 44 yr.old woman searching for an ‘equal” or “quality” man I can barely find 3 men.(taking myself OUT of the equation of course,because I’m not one of them)Leading me to always wonder:

    A.) Who can these women be emailing back and or meeting on this site if any??
         3 guys ?!! Boy they must be busy and lucky….lol
    B.) Are everyone’s(men and women’s) expectations so delusionally out of whack that it’s close to impossible FOR SOME to find happiness? Maybe.
    C.) Do women find things in many of the other mens’profiles that I’m missing? I doubt it……I think I know a good profile after 15yrs.
    D.) Is it because SOME women for the most part put a lot more effort into making a “quality” profile with many pics in stylish outfits than their “busy” tall,dark,handsome,successful male counterparts?? Probably.
    E.) Is it true that those types of men that are delusionally out of most of these women’s leagues DON”T HAVE TO DATE ONLINE ??? So unless you’re hanging out at The Yacht Club you’re SOL.

    I was having a conversation with a female friend over the weekend who’s been online dating for a few years and I told her simply for the most part online a woman just has to attractive(good pics) and she’ll have at least some success online but men have to be attractive,tall,educated,have a good job title/income etc……just to have a chance. 

    I think the media(TV shows especially) over the years has had a hand in “brainwashing” people into thinking what’s attractive and what isn’t and if you’re not with someone who is you’d rather just be alone and /or wait………and wait…..and wait………………and many …….wait forever.Sadly,I might be one of them.

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