Why Do Men Pull Away From Relationships?

I’m still sifting through the hundreds of responses that you gave me on yesterday’s survey:

In case you didn’t know, all I asked was this: What is the most important question you have about relationships that you’d like me to address in my new eBook? Next thing I knew, I was flooded with questions like this:

Why can dating be so difficult for educated, career oriented women in their 40’s?

What makes a man want to commit and stay committed to a relationship?

Why do men act like they like you and then when you express how you feel about them, they disappear?

What makes men run away from a relationship when you start asking where things are going??

Why do YOU think men pull away from women and committed relationships?

I don’t understand the guys that come on super strong over the course of a couple weeks, and then, all of a sudden, say that they are “not ready for a relationship.” If my behavior hasn’t changed (e.g. they are the one pursuing me), what has changed in their heads?

Why is it that men have follow-through issues? The first date goes well and then there is nothing.

Why do they pull away when things get serious?

I would like to know what to do to get a man really interested and how to continue to hold his interest so he doesn’t pull a disappearing act.

Why don’t men seem as interested in long term relationships as women are?

I’m not kidding when I tell you that I’ve got SCORES of these questions – slight variations on the same exact theme. So, my brilliant readers, since you have strong opinions on all things pertaining to dating and relationships, I’d love to hear from you:

Why do YOU think men pull away from women and committed relationships?

I know it’s a broad question, but I really want to hear what you have to say! Both women AND men, please…

Join our conversation (318 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 61

    Because alot of men don't know what they really want, but they are driven by physical attraction, then get confused by how their private parts make them feel; when they wake up to reality, they realize, that the woman or women they are seeing doesn't fit into their ideal…usually, the man has alot of personal issues to work through or even perhaps addictins which would make them incompatible with anyone.  You have to be a happy whole person on your own before you can bring anyone or anything new to the table and then, you may not want or need it yourself.
    You can also be physically attracted, but not emotionally or intellectually fulfilled by an individual and get them rather from friends, work or pets…only the sexual part has to come from a partner.

  2. 62

    Why men disappear:
    1)  Men think that as long as they haven't formally ended the relationship, they can always recross the bridge.  Women don't think this way. 
    2)  They are unsure.  They are unsure of you, themselves, and whether or not they are really ready for a relationship.  Sometimes these things seem great in theory, but as reality gets a little closer, it gets scary.
    3)  They have enough information to decide that they no longer wish to see you (especially if you have dated only for a month or so).  Men don't enjoy rejection–a man does not want a woman to call him for the sole purpose of rejecting  him.  He would rather she quietly disappear and figure it out on his own, and he gives a woman what he would want in that situation.  Unfortunately, this isn't what women want.
    4) Corollary to #4:  They are cowardly (especially if you have been dating for longer than 6 months).  This is a statement on the quaity of the man's character.
    5)  A man sometimes needs space, and by pulling away he is actually testing your ability to respect his boundaries.  A man needs to feel he can remain emotionally safe and autonomous in order to go deeper.  When a man pulls away, and a woman calls him and pressures him, harangues him, or tells him he has a fear of commitment, his doubts are confirmed. 
    6)  Pendulum theory.  There is an old sales theory that teaches salespeople to remain slightly more negative than the prospect.  Many times in the sales prospect, a prospect will be initially very positive, the salesperson will get excited and anticipate closing the deal, and then the prospect suddenly turns negative and refuse to buy.  Dating is very similiar.  The next time a man comes on strong and confesses love and affection, especially early in a relationship, push back and get a little negative.   You may be surprised at what happens next.
    My two cents.

  3. 63

    Hello All,
    I was just in a situation today, where a friend of mines for three years told me a yr ago before he went to iraq to serve that he wantd to always be with me..(we had a lot of sexual energy we never acted on) he was single then and i wasn’t so I agreed to go on a date. .He stood me up… (I should have known then) But he came back and looked me up and again gave me the same spiel..(Keep in mind I am in a relationship w/ my bf of 4 yrs and he has cheated on me three diff times so I am unhappy with being loyal for so long..No excuses, just the truth) he wanted to be with me, he wanted to see me happy, he just wants to experience me, I know he wanted to have sex but I honestly thought since we were friends that it would be okay and mayb It cld go somewhere..Boy was I wrong, after being intimate with twice, he wld just tlk constantly about his sons mother and then wanted to take it slow and everything had to be on his time… The signs are all there that he wantd the bootie and once got it just wanted it to be whatever and nothing serious. But I wanted to I wantd to have a talk with him bout what we were doing, since both us (forgot to mention) were in committed unhappy relationships. When I mentioned the talk he got very distant, syop calling and told me this moring we should just keep it at friends and not let it go any futher. Of course I am mad because, I ve just cheated on my bf w/ someone I thought was my friend and would look out for me, but he didn’t and know I am left feeling like a I pushed him too hard with wanting to talk and lay out boundaries and mayb I shldve ignored it and let it be. I love my bf but he has been unfaithful to me a lot throughout our years (for reasons he cant explain since to him I am perfect and did nothing wrong, his words) and this was my way of secretly getting back at him while trying to be happy w/ someone else I had feelings for a long time. It didn’t work and most people told me it wouldn’t. But in reading these post I ve realized that men don’t want the serious talk fast, they don’t want to be chased and men are habitual liars, they say what they want to get what they want and once they have it, on to the next..Unless they care about your feelings. .Which in my case no matter how much this friend said he would look out for me and be honest bout this to help me through this, since it was the 1st time in my life I chose to be unfaithful, he really just cared about his life more.. Men our selfish. Women be more selfish and maybe we’d have a lot more fun.

  4. 64

    @Grasshopper #62,
    I think alot of what you say is spot on, kind of like Psych 101.  I think where I struggle is all of the pretense that is dating.  It has been my experience that attraction brings with it trouble.  I'm sure I will be told that it's my fault for placing expectations on anything, blah blah blah, and that's fine.  I keep coming to the same conclusion, however, right or wrong and it is simply this: men, go ahead and be who you are.  I have no desire to change you or make it be different.  But I also have no desire to deal with the fickleness and nuroses just to date or find a relationship.  Could finding a great guy make life better? Probably.  Can I be just as happy without the drama?  Most certainly. 
    LOL!  Yes Evan, I hear you.  If I don't change, nothing will change.  But I'm ok with being a casual observer of the dating scene and reserving my mental and emotional energy for the people in my life who can reciprocate. 

    1. 64.1

      THAT is the very conclusion I’ve come to, too! I’m just gonna be single for life, and that is PERFECTLY fine with me! Dating is dumb. I don’t want to have kids anyway, so what’s the point?

  5. 65

    I might be over-explaining this, but I want to be very clear that I'm not criticizing those who are ok with certain things and desire a relationship enough to navigate those things.  God bless you and more power to you! It's my wish for you to have the love you want.  As far as why I keep coming back to Evan's blog?  I have learned a lot from his observations, toughlove, etc.  I don't for one second believe Evan says anything that isn't true.  When my friends come to me with relationship issues, I find myself passing on Evan's advice or even just sharing his blog.  It's really just a question of what a person wants and what they are willing to do or tolerate to have it.

  6. 66

    I have come to the conclusion that men pull the disappearing act for three reasons
    1) Because they are not real mature men and they do not have the balls to be honest and up front about there decision, regardless of what the reason maybe for the decision.
    2) They do not feel you are important enough to be told why they might not be interested.  And they are not interested in coming up w/ a reason either. Because whatever the reason, you are sure to be hurt,  and they know that they will have to own up to hurting you,  and we all know how men hate to own up to things they feel they don’t have to.
    I imagine that men think it’s better to avoid and disappear then to have to hear someone accuse you of hurting them. (I am not talking about real men)  Believe me if they were interested enough they wouldn’t disappear.
    3) They just wanted the sex and they disappeared to not have to tell you it was just about the sex and they want to keep the lines open for future endeavors.
    In my Opinion (just my Opinion) anyone who is in a relationship no matter how long and have been sexually intimate and one wants to pull away, that person should be grown up enough to express to the other why they no longer feel that the relationship is worth pursuing. I say this because no matter how much the hurt might be with whatever
    might be the reason for pulling away, a woman wants to know why… Why you ask do women want to know? …Simple, so we don’t make the same mistake in the future, and we could watch for the signs. Every relationship that has ended should be considered a stepping stone to what you might want to deal with or what you might not want to deal with in your future relationships. In other words, don’t feel rejected or blame. Just move on and realize that this one didn’t work maybe and just maybe, in the next one you wouldn’t settle for someone who is really not that interested in you. Don’t make yourself believe what isn’t there. I know women do this all the time. Me as a prime example.
    We want REAL MEN who own up to there actions no matter what the reason for there actions might be.
    Oh and remember always…. that action speaks louder than words. See the signs. Don’t ignore them and think you are making them up, or here is another one, say  men are men they are all the same, we just have to deal with it. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT.  You deserve an honest and loving man who cares to be honest no matter what the hurt may be. Nobody said honest wasn’t being hurt.

  7. 67

    Maybe, just maybe, men pull away from relationships for the same reasons women pull away from relationships.

    Sometimes that means the end of the relationship (if someone pulls away because the relationship isn't right).  Sometimes, though, it just means that the man or the woman needs space at the moment.  In either case, it is wise for the partner to give space rather than to keep chasing and hounding. 

  8. 68

    Well another spin is that some people do not have secure attachment styles and they are avoidant;  I struggle with this one big time.  While I am working on it, when I sense a man is pulling away, I withdraw.  So he usually gets the space he wants and then some.  Is it right? Maybe not, I'm not sure.  Just saying its what it is.

  9. 69

    Some people are just non-confrontational and find it easier to just avoid the issue.

  10. 70

    I think men wnat to hear that a woman wants to know what is going on with them emotionally but it is hard for them to admit it.  They would rather pull away quietly with the least amount of hassle,  however a man who truly loves you will be there to give the reassurance that we need, and us women need a lot of reassurance!  I am still with my boyfriend whi gives me security and meets my needs but have been unable to forget about the guy who has pulled away (see previous thread).  So I was true to myself and messaged this week to ask him what his problem is with me when we were getting on well, I asked did he feel I was invading his privacy (that he needed space) and if so why not just say that.  Now he may be too emotionally immature to respond but if so I have at least done my bit in trying to bring to his attention the hurtfulness of his actions.  Who knows, maybe it will help another woman not to get treated badly in the future!
    P.S. Am aware a lot of us are generalising badly about men… lol

  11. 71

    Helen, #67: “Maybe, just maybe, men pull away from relationships for the same reasons women pull away from relationships.”

    But that’s the thing – I wouldn’t just disappear on someone I was in an actual relationship with. This is precisely what we were discussing earlier in this thread: it’s not about the loss of interest, it’s about the inherent disrespect of the act. A considerate, ethical individual would never do that to another. And do you really care why a bad person suddenly up and left?

    Starthrower, #68: “Well another spin is that some people do not have secure attachment styles and they are avoidant; I struggle with this one big time.”

    I don’t understand what this means. Could you please explain?

  12. 72

    @ Juju
    I guess it means that some do people lake you feel very safe and cared for by being very present in a relationship whereas others are not as capable of this, possibly due to not having this feeling from theor parents. Hope that helps.
    Of course, the thing is there are many things that I liked about the guy and I think he must have deliberately pulled away for a reason and yes, I would like to know why because the rest of him seemed to be quite a nice person. I suppose sometimes people think they are doing someone a favour by being blunt. Although it isn;t always so! Perhaps I am making excuses for him. Don;t we do that all the time for people we care about? 🙂

  13. 73

    @Michelle & JuJu –

    You’re on the right track; but as very young children, we learn an attachment style based on how our parents interacted with us. For example, my mother put me in the playpen in front of the TV most of the time; my dad was in Viet Nam for the first 13 months of my life. My mother left when I was 5 and my dad wasn’t quite emotionally involved with me the way a lot of dads are with their girls. So my attachment style is avoidant; some might think I’m aloof, but because I’m kind of used to a certain amount of distance, sometimes a dating situation might feel to close or clingy.

    Conversely, with my children, their father and I constantly held them as infants, have always been affectionate with them, and been emotionally and hands-on involved with them. So they are able to form healthy attachments to others because that was modeled for them at a very young age.

    Now, that’s not to say that all people pull away for those reasons. Some are just lousy people.

  14. 74

    Yes I undersatand, but even though my father planted that avoidance in me I have worked on myself so that I can now form close relationships. I think if you love and care for someone you try to work things out so that you can stay with that person.  However it took me about 37 years to get to this stage!  I am still confused as to why that guy blanked me, I think it must actually mean I meant something to him or he wouldn’t have reacted in such a way. It is odd as we are now back to where we were when we first started communicating (almost a year ago too!) with him acknowldging me but at a distance.  Actually that is OK nit woebetide him if he tries to get any closer again without giving me an explanation first! Boundaries are essential and in fact I read once that if you have no boundaries you have no real love and trust as otherwise you let people you claim to love get away with behaviour that is harmful to themselves and others.

  15. 75

    Funny, this just happened to me a week ago with a men who is kind, attentive, etc. But after I asked what he would do if the ex fiance came back in the picture, 24 hrs later he ended it. I just cooly excepted his decision without argument telling him I deserved someone who is there for me as I know my worth and ended the call. He texted and I finally conceded to talking the next day. He asked if he could call me in a month or two….my response is he can try. I have no guarentees that I’ll take that call. That I’ve lost trust he’s not going to pull the rug out from under me again. Bottom line is he needs to work through whatever his demons are (the ex, too son a commitment with me, uncertainty, whatever). And bottom line he’s taking a huge risk in losing me by doing soon.

    I’ve been hurting the last week, know I’m not ready to date, but my next project has to be me.

  16. 76

    I just “ended” a relationship with a man that I have been with for over a year now.  I accepted it but he initiated.  I wrote “ended” because we are in limbo currently; we are still in contact, when he asked if he could contact me ‘from time to time,’ not almost daily, as it is now.  He signs his name on e-mails with “love.”   The reason he ended it is because he was stressed and overwhelmed and says I did nothing wrong.  Why doesn’t he want me to be with him to help him through it if that were truly the case?  Again, as is a consistent comment here, he pursued me and I wanted to take it slow.  It is painful to think about it being finally over but this limbo hurts even more.

  17. 77

    A mans point of view:
    It is pretty amazing sometimes, we speak with a huge paint brush and make generalities. So ladies, here is a man’s point of view perhaps some perspective.
    Lets get some truths out first, men are not the only ones that back off, women do it as well.
    I have met women in the beginning of dating and everything is so complimentary , spontaeous emails and then a pull back. So it does work both ways. 
    Communication , Communication we as human beings really do not communicate well, and within that there is the friendship pieces. Let’s face it most people including myself don’t like to feel suffocated, in other words you have to give each other the freedom to do what you want to do and if the other person in the relationship wants to see their buddies or girlfriends let em. 
    What gets lost in translation is the communication of something like this.” I really want to spend time with X tomorrow, can we get together later”? or… at least the messaging to the other person that you still want to be with them but you want some of your own space. It is that simple, if the other person gets upset or puts pressure on the person cause they want to spend some independence time, now you are in a bit of trouble.
    Here is the deal though , truly if I like a woman (am into her) I really do not have a desire to go out on a Saturday night bar hopping with my buddies , I am not in my 20’s anymore. So you have to watch the actions, words are words and most of it is just “stuff”. The older we get the more complex it is, why?
    More experiences, more heart break, more self history you bring into the relationship unless you have a good grip on yourself and know how to take care of yourself.
    Well, best of luck.. dating takes energy, anyone who says they have no drama in their life is not telling you the truth, we all have our own drama in our head and we have to learn how to manage it and not put it on our partner, Easier said then done, alot of it is subconscious stuff.

  18. 78

    There are many reasons why people pull away and for no apparent reason.  After my last relationship (two years ago, almost together for three years), I took the time to date and read information about dating.  The best books I’ve read are Evan’s “Why he dissapeared” and Pat Allen’s “Getting to I do”.  Know I try to put in practice what I’ve learned from them.  Is dating easy?  No, it isn’t.  I really do wish I’ve known about the mirroring technique years ago, when I was in college.  Could have spared myself a lot of heartbreaks.  Hopefully it will help this time around. 

  19. 79

    Yeah I think I scared the last guy off totally my fault.. Wasn’t even date just knew each-other for years online and became closer friends.
    But I KNOW I got carried away with thoughts of sleeping with him, and having something more.. Hey he was the first “Available” guy that I can say I really (Liked) as a person.. I have been hurt by (Rejection yes ) But I did not even LIKE the past guys really.
    I just wanted to be liked and treated NICE because I was being NICE.. But I wasn’t ME.
    Had many years of NOT dating or anything and just felt DESTROYED by rejections and “Fake” engagements, But Yeah ( I knew it was not right.)
    Now becasue of all the wrong ones I think I scared what could have been the right one. I for years cut off the best parts of myself because I think it takes the SAME to understand the SAME.. If your romantic and passionate and that part of you gets abused you start to HIDE.
    But as we always hear we cannot change HIM.. I realized today that they cannot change me either.
    So today I became (Complete) on my own and decided I’m going to be who I am and was meant to be.
    I’m sad that he disappeared, But I found myself when he left so all is not lost, And if he comes back I will be a better person and less thinking of romance and more on just the friendship.
    I would never reject him now just becasue my EGO got a little bruised.
    ( I like him enough as a person and that’s a first for me.) The ones I didn’t really like, I wouldn’t forgive because well they were all wrong for me anyhow.

  20. 80

    I agree with you Brenda.  When we get hurt over and over again (either by rejection or that things didn’t work out), we tend to clam up.  Sometimes I’ve felt that way, but I always try to think that each person is different from the last one.  

    After the last dissapearing act from someone, I started visiting this site and reading lots of books.  Now I try to practice what I learned.  Sometimes it’s difficult, specially the pursuing and waiting part, but it helps keep me in check.  I have faith that there’s someone out there for me, I just haven’t found him yet.

  21. 81

    Brenda, on one hand  you’ve gone through some painful experiences; on the other, it sounds like you’re learning from those experiences-THAT is key.  Good for you!  I’ve been down your path and have learned so much.  I guarantee you will have much better relationship success and will be much happier if you continue down your path of learning and growing.

    What I would point out, however, is that an on line relationship is NOT a romantic relationship.  On line dating causes so much projection, I even know that fully well and still get caught up in it.  Is sounds to me like you had an imaginary relationship with this on line contact.

    Humans are meant to court and establish romantic relationships in person, with human contact (as it’s been for millions and millions of years).  That’s where you’re going to really be able to test what you’re learning and move forward on your growth path – by meeting and interacting with men in person.  You can meet them on line, but the goal is to be in person with him as soon as possible, like after a couple of emails and maybe a phone call or two.  Otherwise, it’s red flags.

  22. 82

    People do what they want to do.  So, I think there are two reasons: A) A man pulls away because he doesn’t want to commit to YOU for one reason or another.  B) A man pulls away because he doesn’t know if he wants to commit to anyone at this time, period. 

    Unless you pressured him and scared him away, neither A or B is right for you.  Move on.

  23. 83

    “Why do YOU think men pull away from women and committed relationships?”

    First, the obvious….initially, men are attracted to a woman physically. If he doesn’t know anything about her that is a red-flag turn off, he starts dating her and is having fun, in pursuit, moving forward to find out more.

    When men pull away from women and commitment it’s because:

    A. He’s learned something about their two personalities that won’t work or he’s learned something about her personality that won’t work.

    If that hasn’t happened and he’s open to a relationship at all (with anyone) then he may pull away because:

    B. She’s moving too fast for him, i.e. She needs to verbally “define” the relationship sooner than he wants to and feels pressured. He may feel she has too many expectations, too soon, about him being her “boyfriend”, when he is still just interested in casually and freely still “getting-to-know” her.

    I believe the creation of an “exclusive” relationship has to be instigated by the man. Until the man sits a woman down and says, “I don’t want to date anyone else and I don’t want you to either,” then a woman should just keep being fun, and light, and expect that he’s dating others (don’t ask, just assume.)

    Even if they’ve slept together, even if they spend every Saturday night together, even if he “acts” crazy about her.

    So until HE makes it clear that he wants a relationship with her, she shouldn’t be calling or texting too often either, if at all, unless she’s returning his (evan’s Mirroring).

    I heard that a woman falls in love in a man presence and a man falls in love out of woman’s presence. If a man feels like the woman is trying to “lock him down” sooner than he’s ready to, or starting to overwhelm him with calls, invites, and boyfriend-like expectations (thus, turning into the pursuer) it will kill his passion, not give him time to marinate out of her presence, and he may run from a woman whom he otherwise may not have.

    Works for me, anyway……


  24. 84

    Gem, that was an excellent post – thanks 🙂

  25. 85

    There are a lot of reasons, but the big one I haven’t seen mentioned much here is problems with intimacy. A lot of the time when a guy goes cold, people will say “Oh, he must not have been that into YOU”. Maybe sometimes that’s the case. But if you have been in an exclusive relationship with a guy for a couple months or more (you’ve gotten to know each other fairly well, he’s been coming on strong and you have been reciprocating) and then he suddenly goes cold, it’s usually because he’s intimacy-phobic. It probably has nothing to do with YOU personally. He’s just afraid of getting emotionally close and opening himself up to potential rejection/hurt.

    I forget who it was, but someone above mentioned attachment. And it is true that as children we develop an attachment style based upon our relationship with our parents (how much affection they give us, how often they are around, how well they respond to our needs, etc.). And sadly, a lot of people develop insecure attachment styles that carry into adulthood making an intimate relationship with ANYONE almost impossible for them. Past bad relationships can make intimacy-phobia even worse for someone who already has this kind of problem with attachment.

    1. 85.1

      Great post. Yes, attachment styles are key. What we often see at play is anxious vs. avoidant styles. Avoidants will disappear because intimacy can feel suffocating. I know that in my past because I have an anxious attachment, I would pursue those to get answers. Chasing is never wise. Get good with yourself and your self-esteem. When you are, you won’t allow anyone to mistreat you. The unfortunate thing is that my last guy came on strong, made it exclusive and slowly faded. Once called out on it (nicely), he wrote a three page email, saying he was fearful but wanted to work it out because I was amazing. He disappeared nonetheless. It can all be very confusing but I will say I often think it has mostly to do with intimacy issues and too many options in the internet age.

  26. 86

    I’ve generally found that both sexes pull back because they already had another person on their mind when the relationship started.  A wise friend (who also happens to be a man who pulled a disappearing act on me) of mine said once said “Everyone has someone on their mind”. 

    If it’s not you, it’s someone else.   They are just passing time.

  27. 87

    I think that men pull away from woman and relationships because most woman worry too much about having a title. To me a commitment is something that cannot be forced. It should happen naturally and over time. If a man gives me his time I know he is into me so I have fun and enjoy the time we spend together and see where we fit into each others lives. I have learned that you can have a great time with someone when there is no pressure involved. We invest a lot of ourselves in relationships and when they end it is damaging and even life changing. Have fun and don’t worry so much about the status and I bet he will be the one asking for a commitment…

  28. 88

    Well i am at the stage when i have given up wondering why men do things we disapprove of lol.  After 3 years of an ongoing, loving relationship with no pressure from myself to change the way it was, i found out by chance that after all the ‘i love you’s’ and the treating me as a princess he had someone else he had been ‘seeing’ as she put it when confronted, for over a year which completely stumped me because i saw no signs of there being anyone else he was spending time with.  He was obviously an experienced cheater and i dont want someone in my life that acts like that.  He did the disappearing act on me after 2.5 years for 10 days but came back all contrite and lovey dovey again, so i never suspected what was wrong.  He said he got depressed in winter!!  We are no longer together and apparently the OW has gone also, so just what has he gained by having cheated and destroyed our relationship.  Incidentally i could have perhaps forgiven a one night occasion but 12  months is a p**s take in my opinion.  It is now taking me a long time to trust any man again although i have had lots of dates since.  I do miss him, does anyone think after 3 years he would miss me?  He asked to stay friends but i cannot accept that, friends after being lovers is just not on.

  29. 89

    I think that when a guy disappears you should call him every day for two or three weeks straight and ask him why he disappeared (you’ll most likely be talking to his voice mail but who cares). Then either he’ll tell you (probably not), or you’ll be so sick of yourself you’ll get over it, or he’ll finally do something so disgusting that you’ll be turned off forever, knowing for sure he wasn’t the right man for you. In the meantime keep dating – in fact keep dating while you’re seeing a guy until you are sure he’s into you because he’s taking up so much of your time that you have no time to date others. This way you don’t get too emotionally involve with someone who might disappear. Also, I agree with Evan to sit back and do nothing, or mirror him. Whatever you do protect your emotions as much as possible because you really don’t know how things will go until it’s undeniable obvious, and it will be undeniable obvious if he’s truly into you and is showing it in all ways.

    Also, if you have the opportunity to again see a man who disappeared from you, do so because he’ll never look as good and you’ll see him for who is really is. It’s truly liberating.

    By the way, don’t tell any man who you are not sure of that you’re seeing other men. “Keep your mouth shut” (my old, straight Father told me that) and it’s the best advise I’ve ever gotten.

  30. 90
    Karl R

    Claudia, (#89)
    Your post was delightfully sarcastic. If you ever post this again, I’d recommend going even further over-the-top to really drive the point home.

    The first part of ¶1 (stalking the ex), ¶2 (going out of your way to see the ex again) and ¶3 (secretly dating other men) are all perfect the way they are. The part about the advice coming from your father was a nice touch.

    The second part of ¶1 (where you said, “keep dating while you’re seeing a guy until you are sure he’s into you because he’s taking up so much of your time that you have no time to date others.”) should be followed by something like, “This will restrict your possibilities for serious relationships to men who have lots of spare time (i.e. men with no job and/or no hobbies.)”

    The part about mirroring lacks follow-up. You could say, “I agree with Evan’s advice about mirroring, because ideally you should be dating a man who exhibits these behaviors: stalking and secretly having other girlfriends.”

    The part about protecting your emotions as much as possible seemed a little muddled. You could just recommend that women protect their emotions by whatever means necessary, then point out that the simplest way is to avoid dating completely.

    But overall, it was a funny post. Thanks for sharing.

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