Why Do We Rush to Go on as Many Coffee Dates as Possible, When Coffee Dates Almost Always Suck?


Why do we rush to go on as many coffee dates as possible, when coffee dates almost always suck?

Please respond in the comments below.


Talk to you soon!


Join our conversation (58 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 41

    It’s so true. Coffee dates always suck. Low cost, low committment, low interest. Also, lame!

  2. 42

    I wanted to kill myself for NOT meeting last nights date at Starbucks first He looked unlike his picture was overweight got lost and was really late. I wanted to make an escape after 5 minutes………

  3. 43

    So its just coffee so what? Isn’t this just about finding a low key, low stress way to meet someone for the first time?
    I have never had a terrible first date, be it coffee or whatever – sure some have not been WONDERFUL but I have never been on one and not been asked for a second. That tells me no more than that the coffee is beside the point. The guy is there to meet you not the beverage.

  4. 44

    I will be the first to say that I’ve never been on a coffee date. However, I have been on many, many first and blind dates. Ideally, it’s a way to meet someone and test the waters without a time or financial commitment. I guess my question is: why are you dating people you may or may not be able to stand for more than 15 minutes?!? Even if it’s a blind date based on an online connection, I always get to know someone enough to know if I’d like to share a meal or go for a walk with them. Come on, people…raise the bar. Coffee dates are so 1955.


  5. 45

    I avoid coffee dates after reading Evan’s book. While coffee dates did not really suck, nothing good came out of them either. I like first date to be in the late evening because then I can dress up and look more beautiful. I also feel more relaxed and romantic.

    If the date did not turn out well, I can bear with it for a couple of hours. Whats the big deal.

  6. 46

    My dates have all been coffee dates or sitting on a park bench or walking through the woods despite my entreaties to do something more ambitious, generally about a trance music concert or a good restaurant.   The dates have been a way of getting out of the house.   (She’s my landlady when I travel on business).   She refuses more ambitious dates because Russians see a accepting a dinner date as an obligation to sleep with a man and she avoids obligations.   However, Russian owner run coffee houses are much more elegant than Starbucks as settings for a date and have pastries that rival France or Greece.   I have tried Museums and Art Galleries but illness, usually her son’s, has intervened.   If I was on the prowl then a coffee house would be great.   I am a moderate consumer of alcohol.   Offering coffee house or bar as a choice would be a good screening mechanism.   Ditto “Do you want a cigarette?”   Why spend  £100 on dinner with someone who turns out to be a smoker?

    @Kat.   Until you’ve met someone you don’t know if you can stand them for 15 minutes.

  7. 47

    Ugh. Coffee dates. Ugh. I mean, I like coffee, I like meeting my girlfriends for coffee where we order several cups and chat away, but for a date? There is nothing less inspiring. I know it’s when you’re just “trying each other on for size”, but the stakes are too low. There’s nothing risky or romantic about it, and nothing to get excited about. It says, I don’t want to spend too much time or money here, and you feel pressurised to be finished within the hour. Almost like you’re setting the date up to be *bad*.

    One of the loveliest first dates I’ve ever had was where I met a guy at an ambient restaurant with a relaxed atmosphere, and he taught me to play backgammon as we ate dinner. It lasted for 4 hours. This guy approached the date with confidence that we were going to have a good time, and we did. I realise it could have been with someone I didn’t click with and then that would have felt like a lot to sit through, but Evan has said it before, confidence is key and very attractive.

  8. 48

    The worst dates I’ve been on are coffee dates. I don’t accept a date just for the hell of it.   And I could pretty easily date several nights a week if I wanted to.   I take the time to email, phone, text, blahblahblah.   If at any time during that process, I get the feeling it’s a no go, I back off and slow down.   If that process isn’t going well, why waste my time meeting them?   After more than a year of internet dating, most of the guys I choose to finally meet are good guys who can at least carry a conversation for an hour or two, or I wouldn’t be there.   I’d say 50-75% of my first dates want to stay in contact and date again.   I might want to stay in contact and consider dating 10-20% of them, if not less.   Also, I generally have stopped bothering to meet men who only want to cheap out for coffee.   Sad but true.   I am who and what I say I am and my time and patience are  just too valuable for BS and men who want to date a million different women.   Go quality or go home.   Just not with him! 🙂  

  9. 49

    Funny! While I certainly like being asked for dinner first dates and used to accept them, lately I’ve downgraded such request to nice independant coffee/tea house afternoon dates. I love tea dates!
    First reason: since I know the guy will want to pay (although I always offer to split the check) and see me again, I’m uncomfortable to accept dinner when the probability is so high that I will not want to continue. I’d rather have him spend $5.00 on me than $20.00.
    Second reason: since slowing down the physical progression will be a priority to me, I find afternoon dates more suitable to put a brake on chemistry and romance and focus the date on getting to know one another in bright light and with sober minds.
    Third reason: afternoon dates are easier to end early if needed, and they allow to keep my evening plans a bit of a mystery…
    But I always accept an evening date for the second round : )

  10. 50

    Peter, I don’t need 15 minutes in person.   I generally can tell during the first phone conversation if I’m going to be annoyed by him.   In these cases, I usually don’t accept a date.   However, not to long ago, I did. Mostly because we had some activities in common anod I figured maybe he would make a decent activity partner.   I tend to enjoy men who like to talk but who can’t be heard on the other side of the room.   This man was exactly in person as he was on the phone: opinionated, correcting, a little brash, and faaaaar too loud and outgoing for me – the attention seeking behavior was never-ending.   I like outgoing and charismatic, but I don’t like know-it-alls, which he was.   I knew I wasn’t going to like him before spending 15 minutes with him.   I just didn’t know he would make me so turned off I’d want to drink more, lol.

  11. 51

    I’m pretty new to the online dating scene, and I suspect this question is referring to them in that context. I just wanted to say that I love getting coffee with people (guys and women–I’m bi) and still believe in that nice cafe atmosphere. Coffee is a stimulant, keeps the conversation going, doesn’t leave you over full and sluggish. Usually coffee dates are a bit more casual and spontaneous. Maybe shouldn’t be all you do together if its someone you really like, people who like cafes and coffee will sometimes loiter, you can always order more food or drink at your leisure.  
    In the online world, I suspect coffee date is safe for a first meeting because its faster than a meal (in case your date sucks and you need a quick out). But that might be more of an issue with online dating evolution than the nostalgia for cafe socializing. We’re filtering out people as fast as we can say “to go”, and perhaps the “coffee date” has become just another quick filter for people we’re not that sure about.

  12. 52
    Johnny Boy

    Maybe those dates suck because going for coffee is BORING?
    Maybe people need to come up with something better?

    Coffee/drinks is so 1990 people. Get with the times and do something exciting!

  13. 53

    Having just had the most awesome coffee date..maybe a first..I have something to offer..I do not have tons of coffee dates..but I have dated for years..it gets complicated in your mid-sixties.. Well a man wrote me a great note..so great in fact I am still wondering if it was too great..and then I met him..he chose a good place..my favorite coffee place..and he was charming..we agreed on many things..and wanted to continue with dinner..I said..that I needed to go home and eat my diet food..I had mentioned I was dieting..he was flattering but he got that it was a goal and made a date for the following week..Once in every hundred dates someone really compatible may show up. Whether it is coffee, drinks or lunch or dinner it could work out any way..I prefer coffee but will do lunch as well. I am loathe to accept dinner because dinner is longer and so if it isn’t fun the pain is longer..but accepting a date is how you find out who you are talking to. Until you have the person in front of you you can’t really get to know them much.

  14. 54

    I’m very selective with who I choose to go on dates with. After the initial messaging on the site we exchange telephone numbers, then talk for about a week and then go on an actual dinner date. It’s a process. Most guys don’t make it to that point with me, and I don’t go out on a ton of dates. But after messaging on the site and a week of talking on the phone, we should both know if we want to get together for an actual date. I’m not into quantity or guys that mass date many women. I’m looking to date the man looking for the one, who is selective with his time and resources just as I am. If he’s mass dating many women then I’m not interested. If he’s not taking the time to talk to me over the phone and get to know me before the date I’m not interested. And it may sound harsh but if he’s too cheap to afford dinner at Olive Garden I’m not interested. I mean come on. You’re supposedly looking for a wife or girlfriend (I always ask their intentions) yet you can’t invest $50 bucks to meet her? That’s not impressing me. I find that guys willing to take you to dinner are just more serious, bottom line. Additionally, it takes time for me to get all pretty, drive to the date, etc. I’m simply not doing all of that for a coffee date. Now I realize this cancels out some guys and I’m totally fine with that. I’m not looking for many guys I’m only looking for one good man who is right for me.

  15. 55

    I’ve only been on one coffee “date” and it was horrible. We basically met at Starbucks and it was just that, a meeting. We sat and talked and he didn’t offer to buy coffee or anything else. He did suggest we leave Starbucks and go back to his place though. His Tinder profile said he was looking for a partner for life. I guess sex partner for life was what he meant.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *